matrix Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious matrix puns

The cast of the Matrix was having a barbeque

The seafood was fresh off the grill. Keanu Reeves tasted it and exclaimed "What is this! It's like charcoal!"

The cook turned and said "What if I told you...that's why they call me Laurence Fishburne"

^I'll ^see ^myself ^out

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The girls in my computer science class are like the matrix

All you see is a bunch of ones and zeroes

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I walked into a bar full of ugly women last night and swore I entered the Matrix.

Because all I was seeing were 1s and 0s

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What do you call someone who has never seen the Matrix?

A Neo not-see.

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What do you use to heal cuts in the matrix?

Neo-sporin

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Why can't you eat soup in The Matrix?

Because there is no spoon.

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The first time I heard about Neo Nazis, I was confused because of The Matrix

I was like, "There's no way Neo could be a Nazi! He lives in a place called Zion and most of his friends are black!"

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I can prove 11 = 10 = 9

XI = X = IX

for any matrix X

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A warning to prisoners of the Matrix

Snitches get glitches

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A guy walks into a shady bar on 'ladies night',

He goes over to a group of questionable women and proclaims, "DAMN, I must be in the Matrix!"

One of the more questionable women responds, "What makes you say that?"

The guy replies, "Because all I see are 1's and 0's!"

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My friend said "Women directors have never had major success with a live action film"

So I said, "Nonsense! Just look at the Matrix trilogy."

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Do you know why can't you eat soup in the Matrix?

Because there is no such thing as the Matrix, dumbass. It's just a movie.

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M Night Shyamalan directs The Matrix:

There is a spoon.

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They changed something in the matrix...

and now all the eigenvalues are wrong.

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Topical Jokes for 1/6

A report shows that North Korea has 6,000 cyber attack specialists. In fairness, North Korea's definition of cyber attack specialist is anyone who's ever watched The Matrix.

...these cyber attack specialists can access any computer on the planet, and leave the message Please. Help me get out of North Korea.

In Mexico, a vicious drug cartel forced some members to eat human hearts. Ex-members of the cartel who were forced to eat hearts have formed a class action, and are suing the cartel for 100 million kilos of cocaine.

In Florida, a man brought a five-month-old baby to an attempted burglary. The man has been offered a reduced sentence, if he agrees to testify against the baby.

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Started my Matrix Algebra class a few months ago...

I'm really confused so far. When do we learn about Neo?

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Why can't you eat cereal in the Matrix?

Because there is no spoon.

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So you guys know that one part in Matrix Reloaded when Neo revives Trinity?

That was a pretty handy life hack

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My neighbour hosted a party and the theme was The Matrix. My girlfriend got home when it was finished and said it was rubbish.

Looks like I dodged a bullet with that one.

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Why is life like the matrix?

When you're young, you take the red pill, because you're depressed. When you're older, you take the blue pill because your wife doesn't do it for you anymore.

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The first Matrix director coming out as a trans-woman felt bold, unexpected and original....

.... the second one? Ehh... not so much.

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The Matrix would have been an entirely different movie if...

...Bill Cosby got the role of Morpheus. "The red pill or the blue pill?"

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I went out to dinner with Neo from The Matrix when I saw him eating soup with a fork.

He kept insisting there was no spoon!

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Why was the matrix sad?

Because she was having an identity crisis.

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I don't get neo-Nazis . . .

So, they are like, what you call Nazis in the Matrix?

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What do Keanu Reeves and the Krebs Cycle have in common?

You can find both in the matrix!

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What kind of car does keanu reeves drive?

A Toyota Matrix.

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There's a new Matrix movie where Keanu Reeves' character is completely blind to reality...

Neo Nazi

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What do White Supremacists and Matrix Revolutions have in common?

Neo Nazi.

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Why do nazis hate the matrix movies?

Too much shlomo-tion

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How is having a new dishwasher at a kitchen job like being in the Matrix?

There is no spoon.

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Dad told us "We're all living in the Matrix."

So we packed our bags and stayed in the Toyota.

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What would happen if The Matrix was filmed in space.

I don't know, ask Neo Degrasse Tyson.

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What do you call a black pilot?

A glitch in the matrix

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Who's the main actor in Japan's version of "The Matrix"?

Keanu Leaves

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What are the most funny Matrix jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Matrix? Well, here are the best Matrix dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Matrix pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes