Following is our collection of **funny Mathematician jokes**. There are some mathematician physicist jokes no one knows (*to tell your friends*) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these **mathematician mathematician physicist engineer puns** funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.

Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:

"I define myself to be on the outside."

and 3 come out. A logistician says "There must have already been a person in the building". A biologist says "They must have reproduced", and a mathematician says "There are now negative one people in the building"

...is sitting at a café watching the building across the road. They see one person entering the main door, and soon after, two persons leaving the building.

"Ah! They must have reproduced in there!" says the biologist.

"Nah, there must have been some error in our first measurement" says the physicist.

"If one person enters now", says the mathematician, "the building will be empty!".

A chemist, a biologist, and a mathematician are all sitting at an outdoor cafe. Across the street is an old, abandoned house. As they sit, they watch two people go into the house. A short while later, three come out.

The chemist says: "the measurements were wrong."

The biologist says: "they reproduced."

The mathematician says "if one more person goes in, the house will be empty again!"

To their favorite bar and grill. Well they're having some drinks and laughing when a fire starts behind the bar.

Seeing the staff panicking, the engineer quickly calculates exactly how much water he'll need to put it out and runs in the back for a bucket.

The chef, from his own experience can tell its a grease fire so he runs in back to find salt.

The Mathematician looks at his friends, then to the fire. Upon realizing there is a solution, he promptly continues drinking.

Were sitting on a bench in front of a hotel, and see two people enter, then three people exit. The Chemist claims that they must have been an error in the initial measurements, the biologist says they must have procreated, thus creating another person, the mathematician states that if one more person enters the building, the building would then be empty.

A mathematician and an engineer are living together in a dorm when a fire starts in their room.

The mathematician wakes up and sees the fire. He quickly scans the room and sees a fire extinguisher and goes back to bed, happy knowing a solution exists.

The engineer wakes up, sees the fire and uses the extinguisher to put it out.

A mathematician and his partner go to a restaurant one Sunday lunchtime. The waiter comes over and takes the mathematician's order: -

'I'd like one chicken breast, 10 roast potatoes, 100 baby carrots and 1,000 peas, please' he requests.

'Why sir!' Exclaimed the waiter. 'That's an order of magnitude!'

They're always plotting something.

A mathematician and an engineer are at a bar when the most beautiful woman either of them has ever seen approaches them.

She takes them to a football field and tells them, "I'm going to stand on the far goal line, and you'll stand on this one. Whichever of you reaches me first can do whatever you want to me."

"There are two rules, however. Your first move can only be to the fifty yard line, and each move following can only be half the distance of the previous."

The woman walks to the far side to the far goal line, and the race begins.

The mathematician, upon seeing her reach the goal line, breaks down in tears, because he knows that he can never make it to the far goal.

The engineer takes off immediately. He knows he can never reach her, but he can certainly get close enough for all practical purposes.

You can explore mathematician mathematically reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean mathematician cosecant dad jokes. There are also mathematician puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

As they watch, two people enter.

Later, three people leave.

The engineer says, "There was someone in there before."

The biologist says, "They must have reproduced."

The mathematician says, "If one more person enters there will be nobody left in the bar."

He took the rhombus.

A mathematician tried to go to the beach to get a tan, but he couldn't find it cos there were no sines.

A chemist and a physicist are lost in an unknown area. They see someone and decide to ask for help. "Excuse me, but can you tell us where we are?", asks the chemist. "Sure, you are here", replied the man and leaves. "That man is a mathematician", the chemist tells the physicist, "how do you know?", "What he told us is true and makes sense, but it is useless."

Because they're always trying to find the x.

They don't know y, either.

The first mathematician orders a pint. The second orders half a pint. The third orders a quarter, the fourth orders an eighth, and the fifth orders a sixteenth. The sixth mathematician is about to speak up when the bartender interrupts him and puts two pints on the bar, saying "You guys don't know your limits."

As they are out hunting, they see a bird. The numerical analyst fires, but misses to the left. The applied mathematician fires and misses to the right. The statistician shouts out, "We hit it!"

He approaches a group of gentleman and asks:

How much is 9 minus 3?

First guy answers: "Potato."

Nope. I'm afraid that is incorrect. Anybody else?

"Tuesday." Replies a second.

Wrong again.

"Six!" Answers a third.

Ah! Very good. Tell me how did you figure that out?

"Simple! I just multiplied Tuesday and Potato and subtracted 83.

The Physicist runs to a chalkboard, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds that amount, puts out the fire, and survives.

The engineer pulls out a calculater, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds 10 times that amount, puts out the fire, and survives.

The mathematician runs to a chalkbaord, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, declares, "There IS a solution!", and then burns to death.

The first mathematician orders a beer. The second mathematician orders half a beer. The third mathematician orders a quarter of a beer. The fourth mathematician orders an eighth of a beer. Before the next one can speak, the rather annoyed bartender slams two beers down on the bar and says, "You guys really need to learn your limits!"

You just gotta apply yourself.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a pint, the second a half a pint, the third 1/4 pint, the fourth 1/8... the bartender gets impatient, gives the whole group 2 pints and says "you guys dont know your limits..."

He can binomial.

A physicist, a mathematician and a computer scientist discuss what is better: a wife or a girlfriend. The physicist: "A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment." The mathematician: "A wife. You have security." The computer scientist: "Both. When I'm not with my wife, she thinks I'm with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it's vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me..."

If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times …

*[The punchline is left as an exercise for the reader.]*

The first question asked "You see a burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" After much deliberation, the Mathematician decides he would attach the hose to the hydrant. He is then asked "You see a non-burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" to which the Mathematician immediately responds, "I'll set the house of fire to reduce this to a problem I've already solved."

A mathematician walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer.

The bartender says, "Sorry but we've run out of beer. We have only root beer for today."

"No problem", replies the mathematician. "Just serve me in a square glass."

...and his wife is livid.

You SWORE that you'd be home by 11:45!

"No," slurs the mathematician...

I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12.

They prefer radians.

They watch two people walk in. A couple hours later, they watch three people walk out.

The statistician considers the problem for a moment, then thinks to himself: "Oh, we must have miscounted."

The biologist, naturally, goes through a similar moment of introspection before deciding, "Ah, they must have reproduced!"

Meanwhile, the mathematician arrived at the solution almost immediately: "If one person goes back into the house, it will be completely empty!"

A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a terrorist attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. "The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero."

The first mathematician asks for a beer.

The second asks for a half a beer.

The third asks for a quarter of a beer and so on with the consecutive mathematicians having half the amount of beer as the mathematician before him.

The bartender says: "I'll just pour you 2 beers, you gotta know your limits!"

The physicist builds a big fence and slowly reduces the size until he can't reduce the fence any longer.

The engineer measures each sheep, stacks them in a specific way, and then builds a fence around them.

The mathematician builds a small fence around himself, then defines himself to be outside the fence.

They work it out with a pencil

An algae bra!

But he knew it was <3.

They saw one person walk in, but several months later they saw two walk out.

The biologist said: "They must've reproduced!"

The physicist said: "It must be a calculation error"

The mathematician said: "If one more walks in, the house will be empty"

..and proceeds to get an earful from his wife.

You're late! she yells. You said you'd be home by 11:45!

Actually, the mathematician replies calmly, I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12.

Hermitwo and Hermithree.

Thanks for nothing.

Khal Culator

Apparently it was all imaginary

A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m and his wife is livid.

You SWORE that you'd be home by 11:45!

"No," slurs the mathematician I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12.

When they spot a deer. The mathemician shoots five feet to the left and misses. The physicist shoots five feet to the right and misses. The statistician yells, "We got em!"

What's the difference between a physicist and mathematician?

There's a pot of water on the table and both the physicist and mathematician are asked to boil it. The physicist picks it up, puts it on the range, and lights the burner. The mathematicians picked it up, puts it on the range, and lights the burner.

Next the pot is placed on the floor with the same instructions. The physicist once again picks it up, places it on the range, and lights the burner. The mathematician picks it up and puts it on the table, thus reducing it to a problem that's already been solved.

So he asked his friend to compare his good looks in terms he could understand.

After little thought his friend says: "You're about as good looking as you are bad looking."

"Well that's just mean."

The punchline is trivial and is left as an exercise to the reader

The engineer answers: "we fill a pool to the brim with water, fully immerse the pig, collect the spilled water and measure its weight. The pig will have a volume of 1dm^3 per collected Kg."

The mathematician answers: "we freeze the pig, slice it and integrate the slices' areas to obtain a volume."

The physicist answers: "let P be a spherical, friction-less pig...

"The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero.

Once there was a mathematician. She wasn't very good at her job, but she really enjoyed it. She knew she couldn't make enough money to feed her family, so she decided to make money at night as a prostitute. She was surprised at how popular she became, quickly finding herself several regular customers. After one particularly good night, the man held her hand and asked, "That was amazing, you are an exquisite woman. I'm sorry for asking only now, but what is your name?"

The woman replied, "It's okay - it's The Thot That Counts."

He got back home and found a note that read, hi honey, I've left and decided to run off with the 18 year old pool boy. We are both 54 years old, and I think you'll figure out as a mathematician that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18.

A mathematician comes home at 3:00 AM and gets a good shouting at from his wife

"You said you'd be home at 11:45, this is so unlike you!

The mathematician calmly responds,"No dear I said I'd be back home at a quarter *of* twelve."

A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are relaxing on a hill overlooking an abandoned house. They watch two people enter the house through a broken window. Time passes. Later they observe three people leave the house.

The physicist says, "Our measurements weren't accurate."

The biologist says, "They must have reproduced."

The mathematician says, "If one more person goes inside, the house will be empty."

His colleague asks "Where did you get the bike?"

"That's really curious. Imagine, I was walking down the road, suddenly that young woman comes along on this bike, jumps off, takes her dress off 'til she's naked and says "Take what you want". So I took the bike."

"Makes sense", his colleague says, "I don't think you'd look good in a dress".

Let me test math awareness of this sub. This was told by a professor in a class.

Answer: because it left residue at every pole!

Suddenly, two people enter the house and after a couple of minutes, three people leave through the front door.

The biologist says - They must've reproduced!

The physicist says - This must be a measurement error!

The mathematician says - If one more person enters, the house will be empty!

They were both put in a room and at the other end was a naked woman on a bed. The experimenter said that every 30 seconds they could travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician stormed off, calling it pointless. The engineer was still in. The mathematician said Don't you see? You'll never get close enough to actually reach her. The engineer replied, So? I'll be close enough for all practical purposes.

The physicist says, "You know, engineering is just applied physics," and they all laugh. The mathematician says, "You know, physics is just applied math," and they all laugh again. Then the philosopher says, "Well, you know, math is just applied philosophy," and the engineer says, "Shut up and make our coffee."

The mathematician takes the ball, measures its diameter, then calculates the volume.

The physicist submerges the ball in water and measures the amount of water displaced.

The engineer twists and turns the ball, looking for the model number.

Drinking and deriving

His wife has been waiting for him and says angrily, "You're late. You said you'd be home at 11:45!"

"Actually," the mathematician replies, "I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."

Because even half a slice is pie over ate

are asked to find the volume of a red rubber ball.

The mathematician knows that the volume of a sphere has been mathematically determined so they measures the radius and puts it into the proper formula.

The physicist knows that Archimedes discovered how to determine the volume of an object so they submerge it in water and record the change in water level.

The Engineer finds the number on the ball then pulls out their book of red rubber balls and finds its specifications.

The mathematician answered "Four".

The sociologist answered "Assuming that we want the answer that is in accordance with the Western social norms, four."

The accountant asked "And how much do you want it to be?"

She was incredibly calculating.

If things get hard they can always work it out with a pencil

A man walked into a bar and asked the bartender to give him ten times as much as everyone else there.

So the bartender replies: "Now that is an order of magnitude."

(I didn't come up with this myself; I saw it somewhere and decided to put it here.)

Engineer: My good sirs, without engineers people would still be living in huts

Physicist: But alas my good sir, engineering is simply applied physics

Mathematician: But alas my good sir, physics is simply applied mathematics

"hearty laughter"

Philosopher: But alas my good sirs, mathematics is only applied philosophy

Mathematician: shut up and get us our damned drinks

Wife: "What is the probability of me saying yes as per your calculation ?" That's when Aryabhatta discovered zero!!!

The bartender says "Sorry, I can't serve you. You're clearly irrational."

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We suggest to use only working mathematician engineer and mathematician piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.