I would have $7.20 by now

Me: "yes, as a matter of fact I am"

Interviewer: "Whats 14x27"

Me: "49"

Interviewer: "that's not even close"

me: "yeah, but it was fast"

I think he must be plotting something.

Thanks for nothing.

3.14 feet. Well, at least the πthon is

(I'm so sorry)

...and his wife is livid.

You SWORE that you'd be home by 11:45!

"No," slurs the mathematician...

I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12.

Triggernometry

I'd have $ 6.30 now

How mean.

But I must say, it's pretty cocky of them to do the problems with their eyes closed.

Glad to know I'm in the other 2%.

She says "I have a boyfriend", he says "I have a math test".

The girl says "What's that got to do with anything?", he replies "I thought we were just naming things we are going to cheat on."

But he knew it was <3.

He can binomial.

Thank god im homeschooled or that could have been wierd

"You're a lot like a math exam."

I replied "Why? Because I'm long and hard?"

She said, "No, I'm cheating on you with an Asian."

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one tells the bartender he wants a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender puts two beers on the bar and says You guys need to learn your limits.

I told her I hope she gets a "C".

Apparently, "I do." is not the correct answer.

17: Hey 11, want to hear a joke?

11: Sure.

17: What did one prime number say to the other prime number?

11: I give up.

17: "I can't even."

11 and 17 together: HAHAHA!!!!!

2: I don't get it.

Girl: I have a boyfriend.

Boy: and i have a math test tomorrow.

Girl: What does that have to do with anything?

Boy: I thought we were listing things we were going to cheat on.

He got back home and found a note that read, hi honey, I've left and decided to run off with the 18 year old pool boy. We are both 54 years old, and I think you'll figure out as a mathematician that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18.

A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a terrorist attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. "The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero."

...and she asked one of her students, "If you had two dollars, and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?"

The student replied, "Two dollars."

"Not quite," the teach responded. "Sounds like you don't know your addition.

"No," the student said, "you just don't know my father."

Just sum

Because he's dead.

Ahmed has 3 lunch boxes.

He gives one to Mohammed and another to Hassan. Calculate the radius of the explosion.

x always equals 10

the other half is intelligence.

Three plus seven, that son of a bitch is ten."

Hearing what he was saying, his mother asked him what he was doing. He answered that he was doing his math homework.

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" she asked her son to which he replied yes.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher what she is teaching in math class. The teacher said, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The mother asked if she was teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four.

Laughing, the teacher replied, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

...weapons of math instruction.

Because their dog doesn't eat their homework

A mathematician and an engineer are living together in a dorm when a fire starts in their room.

The mathematician wakes up and sees the fire. He quickly scans the room and sees a fire extinguisher and goes back to bed, happy knowing a solution exists.

The engineer wakes up, sees the fire and uses the extinguisher to put it out.

How mean!

I can tell, cos there's no sin of his tan

Look, buddy, I've already got a lot of problems, and I really don't need any of your drama.

*[The punchline is left as an exercise for the reader.]*

Her algae bra

He always wants to put radicals in isolation.

me: make math go away

Genie: ok, that one's on the house

me: yay, so I still get three wishes?

Genie: huh?

I would have $37

...It multiplies by dividing!

Q: Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?

A: To get to the same side!

He took the rhombus

Id have $1.74

It helps with division.

Which just goes to show you, you can't have your Pi and Edith too.

A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m and his wife is livid.

You SWORE that you'd be home by 11:45!

"No," slurs the mathematician I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12.

So the equation 2n+2n is 4n to me.

The first question asked "You see a burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" After much deliberation, the Mathematician decides he would attach the hose to the hydrant. He is then asked "You see a non-burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" to which the Mathematician immediately responds, "I'll set the house of fire to reduce this to a problem I've already solved."

A businessman is getting a 17% discount on an order worth $20,000.00, but can't figure out the total in his head. He asks his secretary, "Betty, if I were to give you twenty thousand dollars with a 17% discount, how much would you take off?" She thinks for a minute, then says, "Everything except my earrings."

So a 54 year old man cheats on his wife and leaves her a note saying that he has been sleeping with an 18 year.

The 54 year old wife reads the note, shrugs and writes one of her own.

When her husband gets home he reads the note, it says:

I know that you've been cheating on me with an 18 year old, but I have an 18 year old of my own and we all know 18 goes into 54 far more than 54 goes into 18.

"And I have a math test", I told her. "What?", she replied, "What does that have to do with anything?".

"Oh", I said, "I thought we were both naming things we would cheat on."

11 is a prime number.

I'm gonna do math tutoring, but solely for midgets. I'm calling it Making The Little Things Count.

by teaching math to midgets.....

So he asked his friend to compare his good looks in terms he could understand.

After little thought his friend says: "You're about as good looking as you are bad looking."

"Well that's just mean."

Q1. What do you get if you cross a mountain lion with a mountain goat?

A1. ||mountain lion|| ||mountain goat|| sin θ

Q2. What do you get when you cross a mountain lion with a mountain climber?

A2. You can't - the mountain climber is a scalar.

I have trouble differentiating them. They aren't an integral part of my life and most of the time they just don't add up.

We have collected gags that can be used as Math pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Math, here are one liners and funny Math pick up lines.