Laughter Math Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
If I got 50¢ for every math test I've failed
I would have $7.20 by now
A little help with your math
A businessman is getting a 17% discount on an order worth $20,000.00, but can't figure out the total in his head. He asks his secretary, "Betty, if I were to give you twenty thousand dollars with a 17% discount, how much would you take off?" She thinks for a minute, then says, "Everything except my earrings."
Why is bacteria so bad at math?
...It multiplies by dividing!
This is my dad's (a math major) favourite joke. What's the difference between an Engineer and a Mathematician?
A mathematician and an engineer are living together in a dorm when a fire starts in their room.
The mathematician wakes up and sees the fire. He quickly scans the room and sees a fire extinguisher and goes back to bed, happy knowing a solution exists.
The engineer wakes up, sees the fire and uses the extinguisher to put it out.
My Favorite Math Joke
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one tells the bartender he wants a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender puts two beers on the bar and says You guys need to learn your limits.
In honor of 3/14... TIL the man who discovered Pi had his wife, Edith, leave him over his obsession with math.
Which just goes to show you, you can't have your Pi and Edith too.
What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book?
Look, buddy, I've already got a lot of problems, and I really don't need any of your drama.
If Al Gore started a math rock band it should be called Algorhythm
A boy goes up to a girl and says "hey baby what's up"...
She says "I have a boyfriend", he says "I have a math test".
The girl says "What's that got to do with anything?", he replies "I thought we were just naming things we are going to cheat on."
What did the mermaid forget to bring to math class?
Her algae bra
Why do a lot of math nerds wear glasses?
It helps with division.
You can explore math sine reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean math triggernometry dad jokes. There are also math puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
When your Dad is a math teacher you grow up with jokes like this...
Q: Why did the chicken cross the Mobius s**...?
A: To get to the same side!
Pakistani math problem.
Ahmed has 3 lunch boxes.
He gives one to Mohammed and another to Hassan. Calculate the radius of the e**....
Lying in bed, my girlfriend turned to me and said
"You're a lot like a math exam."
I replied "Why? Because I'm long and hard?"
She said, "No, I'm cheating on you with an Asian."
Not all math puns are bad
Just sum
A teacher was giving a math lesson...
...and she asked one of her students, "If you had two dollars, and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?"
The student replied, "Two dollars."
"Not quite," the teach responded. "Sounds like you don't know your addition.
"No," the student said, "you just don't know my father."
If i got 50 cents for every failed math exam,
I'd have $ 6.30 now
I know a mathematician who can't afford lunch.
He can binomial.
A new study shows that the majority of humans alive today are better at math than Albert Einstein.
Because he's dead.
A mathematician, a college professor, and a textbook author walk into a bar.
*[The punchline is left as an exercise for the reader.]*
My math teacher used to call me average.
How mean!
If I had 50 cents for every time I got a math problem wrong...
Id have $1.74
Why was the math teacher late for school?
He took the rhombus
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m.
...and his wife is livid.
You SWORE that you'd be home by 11:45!
"No," slurs the mathematician...
I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12.
What math classes do gender studies majors take?
Triggernometry
Why was math so easy in ancient Rome?
x always equals 10
Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math"
Me: "yes, as a matter of fact I am"
Interviewer: "Whats 14x27"
Me: "49"
Interviewer: "that's not even close"
me: "yeah, but it was fast"
A mathematician is afraid of flying
A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a t**... attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. "The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero."
So I was in math class when the teacher asked me what comes after 69.
Apparently, "I do." is not the correct answer.
How long are math snakes?
3.14 feet. Well, at least the πthon is
(I'm so sorry)
I'm bad at math
So the equation 2n+2n is 4n to me.
I think my math teacher works for the CIA...
He always wants to put radicals in isolation.
My math teacher said I was average...
How mean.
A mathematician couldn't remember if he had been with his girlfriend for 1 year or 2.
But he knew it was <3.
My maths teacher never goes outside
I can tell, cos there's no sin of his tan
Yeah, it's a math joke
17: Hey 11, want to hear a joke?
11: Sure.
17: What did one prime number say to the other prime number?
11: I give up.
17: "I can't even."
11 and 17 together: HAHAHA!!!!!
2: I don't get it.
To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Mathematics is 90% common sense,
the other half is intelligence.
I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper.
I think he must be plotting something.
I found out what that math teacher with graph paper from yesterday's joke was plotting....
...weapons of math instruction.
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m and his wife is livid.
You SWORE that you'd be home by 11:45!
"No," slurs the mathematician I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12.
Why are Chinese kids so good at math?
Because their dog doesn't eat their homework
I don't mind the Chinese students in my Math class being really good at the subject
But I must say, it's pretty c**... of them to do the problems with their eyes closed.
I heard 8/10 Americans are bad at math...
Glad to know I'm in the other 2%.
My daughter has a math test on Roman numerals.
I told her I hope she gets a "C".
If I had $5 for every time I failed a math test
I would have $37
Boy: Hey wanna see a movie with me tonight?
Girl: I have a boyfriend.
Boy: and i have a math test tomorrow.
Girl: What does that have to do with anything?
Boy: I thought we were listing things we were going to cheat on.
A mathematician came home and told his wife, sorry honey, but I'm leaving you for my 18 year old assistant. I'll be home in a few hours and I'd like for you to be gone.
He got back home and found a note that read, hi honey, I've left and decided to run off with the 18 year old pool boy. We are both 54 years old, and I think you'll figure out as a mathematician that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18.
Genie: you have three wishes
me: make math go away
Genie: ok, that one's on the house
me: yay, so I still get three wishes?
Genie: huh?
When I was in high school, my dad f*cked my teacher repeatedly for better grades in my math class.
Thank god im homeschooled or that could have been wierd
A little boy was doing his math homework and practicing out loud, Two plus six, that son of a b**... is eight...
Three plus seven, that son of a b**... is ten."
Hearing what he was saying, his mother asked him what he was doing. He answered that he was doing his math homework.
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" she asked her son to which he replied yes.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher what she is teaching in math class. The teacher said, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked if she was teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a b**... is four.
Laughing, the teacher replied, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
English puns make me numb.
But Math puns make me number.
A mathematician, a physicist and a biologist all stand in front of an empty house.
Suddenly, two people enter the house and after a couple of minutes, three people leave through the front door.
The biologist says - They must've reproduced!
The physicist says - This must be a measurement error!
The mathematician says - If one more person enters, the house will be empty!
A dad joke my science teacher told me a long time ago:
Why are bacteria so bad at math?
Because they multiply by dividing.
RIP Miss Henn. Miss her lots.
A mathematician And an engineer decided to take part in an experiment.
They were both put in a room and at the other end was a n**... woman on a bed. The experimenter said that every 30 seconds they could travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician stormed off, calling it pointless. The engineer was still in. The mathematician said Don't you see? You'll never get close enough to actually reach her. The engineer replied, So? I'll be close enough for all practical purposes.
An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a philosopher are at a coffee house.
The physicist says, "You know, engineering is just applied physics," and they all laugh. The mathematician says, "You know, physics is just applied math," and they all laugh again. Then the philosopher says, "Well, you know, math is just applied philosophy," and the engineer says, "Shut up and make our coffee."
A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are tasked with finding the volume of a rubber ball
The mathematician takes the ball, measures its diameter, then calculates the volume.
The physicist submerges the ball in water and measures the amount of water displaced.
The engineer twists and turns the ball, looking for the model number.
A mathematician comes home at three in the morning.
His wife has been waiting for him and says angrily, "You're late. You said you'd be home at 11:45!"
"Actually," the mathematician replies, "I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."
85%of people in America don't know basic math.
Thanks God I'm from the other 25%
Did you hear about the math student that was afraid of negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
A Frenchman, an Englishman, a Russian, and a Ukrainian are on a a plan when the plane's engines fail and it starts to go down.
The pilot grabs one of the parachutes and jumps from the plane. The remaining passengers see that there is only one c**... left, and quickly do the math.
The Englishman stands up, straightens his tie, says "God save the Queen!" and jumps from the plane.
The Frenchman, not wanting to be seen as less noble than the Englishman, says "Vive la France!" and jumps to his death.
The Ukrainian stands up, straightens his vyshyvanka, says "Slava Ukraini!" and throws the Russian out.
How do you tell the difference between an English major, a Math major, and a programmer?
Ask them what "!" is
Teacher's pest
Math teacher: If I have three bottles in one hand and two in the other hand, what do I have?
Student: A drinking problem.
If I had a nickel for every time I failed a math test...
I'd have 27¢
I'm fine with substitute teaching math, science.. even music.
But art class is where I draw the line.
why don't mathematicians get mugged?
Because there's safety in numbers.
Why doesn't the mathematician get a new girlfriend?
He keeps thinking about his X and Y's
How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
The punchline is trivial and has been left as an exercise for the reader.
How do mathematicians say goodbye?
Calc u later!
There are 3 types of people in the world; those who are good at math...
And those who aren't.
