The Best 33 Maternity Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Maternity jokes. There are some maternity contraceptives jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these maternity tip puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Maternity Jokes and Puns
maternity ward
A woman and her husband are in the maternity ward where the woman is giving birth. As soon as the baby comes out the doctor grabs it and starts flailing it around beating it on the table and walls. 10 seconds later as couple is freaking out he stops and says "Haha, Just kidding. It was already dead."
You'd think nursing a child would go by quickly…
…but it feels like a maternity.
A maternity ward was overflowing one national holiday
It was Labor day
"Sorry, that name is already taken"
A lady tells to the nurse at the maternity hospital:
- I think I will call my little newborn Anna.
Doctor:
- Sorry, that name is already taken, but you can name her Anna532 or Anna_153.
Sources say Amazon to invest in maternity wards in hopes of expanding their delivery services.
I guess some things will never change...
I hired a temp while my secretary was on maternity leave.
Trying to arrive at an agreeable wage, I asked what she expected to earn.
She said, "Well... the minimum I could work for is $400 a week.
"I told her I'd give her that much with pleasure. She shook her head and replied,
"With pleasure, it'll be $600 a week."
What is a nurse in the maternity ward's favorite kind of food?
Delivery.
The baby
Woman at a maternity hospital is in a lot of pain, moaning. The man strokes her back, I'm so sorry sweetheart that you have to endure this…
Don't worry Steve, it's not your fault.
What do you call it when a tree stops producing oxygen to care for its sapling?
Maternity leaf.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are in a maternity ward, waiting to give birth.
The brunette says, "I think I'm having a boy because when we conceived, my husband was on top".
The redhead smiles and says, "in that case, I'm having a girl. I'm always on top!"
At this, the blonde starts crying hysterically. The other two calm her down and ask her what's wrong.
"I'm having puppies!" she sobs
Woman is at a maternity hospital in a lot of pain.
Her husband strokes her back and says, "I'm sorry sweety, you have to go through this"
She says, "Don't worry. It's not your fault."
You can explore maternity pelvic reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean maternity delivery dad jokes. There are also maternity puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Women on maternity leave...
really MILK it it for all it's worth
An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Indian man were all in the maternity ward of a hospital ready to collect their babies.
When a midwife comes over to them and explains, "I'm sorry gentlemen, but there's been a mix-up with the babies and we no longer know whose is whose."
The Englishman immediately goes over to the brown baby and picks it up.
The midwife asks, "are you sure that's your baby, sir?"
"No" says the Englishman, "but there's no way I'm going home with a french one!"
In a maternity ward, a new father is worried that his wife might have been unfaithful...
"Do you think he even looks like me?" he asks the nurse.
"Yeah, but it's OK. At least he's healthy."
In a maternity hospital the wife delivered a son.
In a maternity hospital the wife delivered a son.
The husband asked his wife: "I am white, you are white, why is it that the child is black?"
The wife replied: "I am hot and you are hot. The child must have been burnt
The wife just gave me a massive bollocking for throwing a snowball at our son.
To top it off, I've been banned from the maternity ward
You know how they serve guacamole at restaurants but some places will come to the table and show you how it's made?
They should do that at maternity wards.
Went to walmart
and asked the woman's department attendant if they had maternity dresses. She said yes, what bust? I said the condom.
My wife was in labor for so long...
It felt like a maternity
A woman calls her friend from a maternity hospital.
Do you remeber that guy from the New Year's Eve party nine months ago that was dressed as a Chinese?
Yes, why?
He was definitely Chinese...
Where is the worst place to be on Opposite Day?
The maternity ward
I was spawn camping the other day...
In the maternity ward.
My sister has been pregnant for a long time...
It seems like a maternity.
How do you call a terrorist in a maternity ward?
A baby boom.
A doctor comes out to the maternity ward waiting room holding a newborn baby and suddenly drops him to the floor.
Seeing the father's shocked face, he laughs and says: "Haha, got you. Don't worry, he was born dead".
At the maternity ward a new father, worried, asks the midwife
"Do you think my son looks like me ?"
"Yes, but don't worry, the important thing is that he is in good health"
Who called it "maternity bill" and not "cash on delivery" ???
Why did the cannibals go to the maternity ward?
They felt like having something delivered for dinner.
My wife is furious at me for throwing a snowball at my son.
On top of it, I am permanently banned from the maternity ward.
4 men sit anxiously outside the maternity unit ...
... as they await news on their wives' who are having babies
The English one says, "My first son was born on St George's Day, so I named him George."
The Scotsman added, "My first son was born on St Andrew's Day, and I decided to name him Andrew."
The Welshman said, "My boy was born on St David's Day, and I just had to call him David!"
The Irishman spoke up, "Ah, sure, it was just the same with our Pancake!"
What bust?
A young man went to the drug store and asked for a package of condoms.
"We have something new, colored condoms," said the clerk. "Special introductory price!"
So the young man bought a package of colored condoms.
Ten months later he was back at the drug store, and asked for a maternity bra.
The same clerk was on duty, and he asked, "What bust?"
"The yellow one."
Preparations for parenthood.
Not sure you are prepared to be a parent, here are some tips to get you started.
Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a bathrobe and stick a giant beanbag chair down the front and leave it for 9 months. After the 9 months, empty out approximately 10-20% of the beans.
Men: to prepare for paternity, go to your local drug store, dump the contents of your wallet on the counter and give it the pharmacist. Then, go to the supermarket and arrange to have your salary direct-deposit to their headquarters. Go home, pick up the paper and read it for the very last time.
Maternity Ward
So I was at a matetinity ward with my friend. His wife & him just had their first baby, and he told me to go buy a pizza to celebrate. I brought back a frozen Digiorno brand pizza. My friend got mad mad like what the heck this is frozen? I responded, Well your wife had a C-section so I got this because it's not delivery.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the maternity parenthood jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working maternity manuel piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.