mater Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious mater puns

What's the most useful material?

Scratch. You can make anything from scratch.


Materialist Lawyer

A lawyer is getting out of his car when another vehicle comes along and rips the door right off the hinges. A cop sees the whole thing and comes over to assist the lawyer who is screaming profanities at the driver of the other vehicle.

The cop asks, "Are you alright, sir?"

The lawyer responds, "Of course not you fricking idiot! Did you see what that guy just did to my Jaguar? You're going to arrest him, right?"

The cop just shakes his head, "You lawyers are so materialistic. I'll bet you haven't even realized your arm is missing."

The lawyer looks down where is missing arm should be and screams, "Oh my god, my Rolex!"


maternity ward

A woman and her husband are in the maternity ward where the woman is giving birth. As soon as the baby comes out the doctor grabs it and starts flailing it around beating it on the table and walls. 10 seconds later as couple is freaking out he stops and says "Haha, Just kidding. It was already dead."


I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are!

A lawyer parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.

As he's getting out of the car, a truck comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before zooming off.

Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming hysterically: 'My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. It'll simply never be the same again!'

After the man finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust.

'I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are,' he says. 'You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life.'

'How can you say such a thing at a time like this?' sobs the Porsche owner.

The policeman replies, 'Didn't you realise that your left arm was torn off when the truck hit you?'

The lawyer looks down in horror.

'FUCKING HELL!' he screams........'My Rolex!!!'


Angry husband

In an apartment house, husband comes home from work and he's really angry, very upset. Wife says:

-What's the mater? What's all the anger about?

He says:

-That guy we have in this building, I can't stand him!

-What is it?

-He's so conceited!

-What now? What did he do?

-He came up with me in the elevator, and he tells me "Every woman in this building gave me a blowjob except for one."

And she thinks for a second and says:

-It must be that snotty Miss Coningham on the 2nd floor...


Casket in a fishing boat.

A funeral procession pulled into a cemetery. Several car loads of family members followed a black truck towing a boat with a coffin in it.
A passer-by remarked, "that guy must have been an avid fisherman."
"Oh he still is," remarked one of the mourners. "As a mater of fact, he's headed off to the lake as soon as we bury his wife."


At the maternity ward...

Three men sit in the maternity ward of a hospital. The orderly comes in and says to the first man "Congratulations sir! you are the proud father of two healthy twins!" the man replies "Hah! what a coincidence! I work at Twin City Motors!" whereupon he hoes into the ward to be with his wife. a few minutes pass, before the orderly returns and says to the second man "Congratulations, sir! you are the proud father of three healthy triplets!" to which he replies "Hah! what a coincidence! I work for Triple A!" before going into the ward to be with his wife. A few hours pass but eventually the orderly comes back into the room, and before she can say a thing, the third man jumps up, and tears down the hall screaming. "Sir! what's wrong!" the orderly shouts, chasing after him. The man shouts over his shoulder "I work for Ten Thousand Auto Parts!"


Material girl

At a fabric store, a pretty girl spots a nice material for a dress and asks the male clerk: How much does it costs? Only one kiss per yard, replied the male clerk with a smirk. That's fine, said the girl. I'll take ten yards. With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, and then teasingly held it out. The girl took the bag and pointed to the old man standing beside her, and smiled, Grandpa will pay the bill.


What material do african blacksmiths use the most?



What material are the Pink Panther's jeans made out of?

Denim Deniiiiiiiimmmmmm


There was a material election, and glass, wood, and plastic were the candidates.

Glass was becoming the clear winner.


I'm writing a children's book about a female otter that goes to college.

It's called Alma Otter's alma mater.


A maternity ward was overflowing one national holiday

It was Labor day


In a maternity ward, a new father is worried that his wife might have been unfaithful...

"Do you think he even looks like me?" he asks the nurse.
"Yeah, but it's OK. At least he's healthy."


In a maternity hospital the wife delivered a son.

In a maternity hospital the wife delivered a son.
The husband asked his wife: "I am white, you are white, why is it that the child is black?"
The wife replied: "I am hot and you are hot. The child must have been burnt


What material should you never use to create or build with?

Tin that was mined by moles. Anything you make with it melts immediately.


What material does Mario use for his pants?

Denim denim denim


Materialists don't really think about whether the glass is half full or half empty.

They care more about whether the glass is expensive.


What material do they use to make tools in China?



At the maternity ward a new father, worried, asks the midwife

"Do you think my son looks like me ?"

"Yes, but don't worry, the important thing is that he is in good health"


From all of the characters from cars, who has the best pick up lines?

Tow Mater.


The material I have bends in a strange way but it should be suitable for the client

Weird flex but okay


What are the most funny Mater jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Mater? Well, here are the best Mater dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Mater pick up lines to share with friends.


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