The Best 78 Matches Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Matches jokes. There are some matches match jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these matches rematch puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Matches Jokes and Puns

eBay is so useless

I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 18,061 matches

Ebay is way to hard to use

I searched for lighters, and all I got was 71,274 matches.

I used to be the 2nd best boxer in North America...

I boxed in over 100 matches and always came 2nd

Matches joke, I used to be the 2nd best boxer in North America...

Three guys are on a boat and they have four cigarettes, but no lighters or matches or anything to light it with. What do they do?

They throw one cigarette over board and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

There are three men on a boat with a pack of cigarettes and no matches. How did they manage to smoke?

They threw a cigarette overboard, and made the boat a cigarette lighter


Three guys are on a boat with four cigarettes, but they don't have any matches or lighters. What do they do?

They throw one cigarette overboard and the entire boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

*Stolen from BuzzFeed, but I thought it was hilarious.*

Q: Why did the coach give his football team lighters?

A: They kept losing their matches.

Matches joke, Q: Why did the coach give his football team lighters?

There are three people with four cigarettes on a boat.

None of them have a lighter or matches.
What do they do?
Throw a cigarette over-board so the entire boat becomes a cigarette lighter!

Why couldn't Bing start a fire?

No matches founds

Why did the politically correct soccer team never win any matches?

Because no offense.

Three men in a boat with four cigarettes and no matches. How do they get to smoke their cigarettes?

They throw one cigarette overboard, which make the boat a cigarette lighter.

You can explore matches kindle reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean matches cigarettes dad jokes. There are also matches puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Two Men are stranded on a Boat with three cigarettes but no matches. One man cleverly throws a cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

There are three men in a boat in the middle of the ocean with four cigarettes, no lighter or any matches. What do they do?

They throw one of the cigarettes overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Three guys are talking about things they can't stand...

The first guy is a police officer and says "One thing i can't stand is people who speed."

The second guy is a fireman and says "One thing i can't stand is when people play with matches."

The third guy is in a wheelchair and says "One thing i can't stand is up."

Why does a bride wear white?

So the dishwasher matches the rest of the appliances.

Why are redneck murders so hard to solve?

There's no dental records and all the DNA matches

Matches joke, Why are redneck murders so hard to solve?

There are three guys on a boat

There are three guys on a boat and four cigarettes, and there are no lighters or matches or anything to light them with, so what do they do?
They throw one cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

I was looking for a lighter on amazon...

But they only had 112.422 matches.

Three men brought four cigarettes onto a boat, but then realized they had no lighters or matches. What do they do?

Throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.


My girlfriend told me she loses Mortal Kombat matches on purpose.

She said it's the only time I finish her.

A standard elevator can hold 1700 lbs

or 5 Tinder matches...

Googled 'how to start a fire'

got 10000 matches

I finally got Tinder ...

and after a few matches, I was able to start a campfire

I tried to look up lighters in Amazon.

All they had was 13,749 matches.

One day, Billy was playing at home with some matches.

Even though his mother had told him not to. He accidentally set the house on fire, and he and his mother fled outside. As the house was burning down, his enraged mother said,

"Boy, your dad is going to spank you when he gets home".

But Billy just laughed; he knew his dad had come home early for a nap.

eBay is useless...

...I wanted lighters but all they had were 31,415 matches.

Ebay needs to step their game up.

I searched for a cigarette lighter and 15,000 matches came up.

Why was the pyro so upset when he searched for his favorite book in the library database?

Results showed "no matches found"

Why are wedding dresses white?

So the dishwasher matches the fridge.

Google is useless...

I tried looking up lighters and all they had was 48,200,000 matches.

I searched eBay for lighters

But it only showed me 16,277 matches.

I googled cigarette lighters

And got 1,500,000 matches.

I was looking for a Dating Simulator on Steam.

It said "Sorry, no matches found."

The level of realism is incredible.

Why aren't the police making any neo-nazi arrests in murder cases?

There's no dental records and all the DNA matches

I searched google for "how to start a large fire"

52,000 matches

If you thought eBay was bad, don't even try Tinder...

Everytime I log in it says 'No Matches Available'

I googled "How to fight a wildfire"

But all I got were 48,500 matches

I googled how to start a wildfire .

I got 45,500 matches.

Three guys are on a boat with four cigarettes, but they don't have any matches or lighters,

So they threw a cigarette down to make the boat a cigarette lighter

Asked Google how to start a campfire without any tools

It gave me 20 million matches.

Why do women wear white on their wedding day?

So the dishwasher matches the stove.

I googled how to start a wildfire

I got 31.000 matches

This April fools, I decided to swipe right on only the ugly people on Tinder and then burn them.

Still no matches.

Blonde walks into a library and searches around for an hour.

Eventually she approaches the librarian with a book in her hands.

"Ah, learning all about fire I see", says the librarian, "very interesting".

"Well, no actually... " replies the blonde, "my boyfriend sent me out to get something, but this is the closest I could find".

"I'm sure I can help", says the librarian, "what did he ask you to find?"

"A book of matches"

Why couldn't the incel start a fire?

Just like always, had tinder but no matches

How do you make a cat go woof?

A gallon a of gas and some matches.

I tried searching Google for cigarette lighters

And all I got was 15,000 matches.

3 men are on a boat. They have 4 cigarettes, but no lighter or matches. How do they managed to light their cigarettes?

They throw the 4th cigarette over board so that the boat is now a cigarette lighter.

A bunch of sailors on a boat want to have a smoke, but don't have any matches.

So one sailor throws one of his cigarettes overboard, and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

The digital internet consists of 1s and 0s.

That explains alot about my Tinder matches.

How does a pirate win boxing matches even when he has no hands?

Using only his left and right hooks

Every good camper knows that to start a fire you need tinder.

So I installed the Tinder app. Still no fire, though. I can't seem to get any matches.

I went on ebay and searched for lighters

But all they had was 238,184 matches

Why are wedding dresses white

So that the dishwasher matches the rest of the appliances.

eBay is great for finding rare items, but there is a lot of bad search results that come with it

For example, I did a search for "Vintage Zippo Lighters" and I got 10,000 matches.

This girl on Tinder asked me why I have an unlit cigarette in my picture.

I told her that I am looking for matches.

Have you ever seen a wrestling match?

Of course you haven't, matches can't wrestle if they come in boxes

Today I Google cigarette lighters

I was shocked when I got over 15 million matches.

eBay is so useless.

I tried to look up lighters, but all they had was 13,239 matches.

Did you hear about that Feminist boxer who lost all her matches?...

... She blames it on her rights...

eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters

All I found is 13.749 matches.

I've joined an online dating agency for arsonists.

They send me new matches every week.

Why are crimes in the 'Deep South' so hard to solve?

There's no dental records & all the DNA matches...

Googled 'how to light a cigar'...

and got 70 million matches.

Three men were on a boat. All together, they had four cigarettes; However, no one brought any matches.

They threw one cigarette overboard, which caused the whole boat to become a cigarette lighter.

I hate Amazon. I went to go buy a lighter.

But all I found was 12,943 matches.

Watching Queen's Gambit really put me in the holiday spirit. Especially the scene where the player are in the hotel lobby bragging about the matches they won

I love chess nuts boasting in an open foyer

Why are redneck cases the hardest to solve ?

Because all of the DNA matches and there are no dental matches.

Why does everyone hang out with matches?

Because they're lit.

You might be a redneck if...

You keep swiping right on your Ancestry DNA matches

Went to buy a lighter on Amazon,

when I searched, it said, "4.2 million matches found!" Guess I'll have to go to the store.

What is something you can get for free in New York?

Matches and middle fingers

Why do Pirates always win boxing matches?

They have a killer hook.

You shouldn't have an arsonist play sports.

I hear they're always throwing matches.

eBay is useless.

I tried to look up lighters and all they had were 13,749 matches.

African Grey Parrots are famously intelligent, but studies have shown that they consistently lose chess matches against ravens, jackdaws, and other corvids.

Said one researcher, "They just have trouble weighing the crows and pawns."

Why do soldiers carry Zippos instead of matches?

Because they are lighter.

I brought my girlfriend to watch one of my soccer matches. When an opponent was about to score a goal, she stormed the field and prevented it with her bare hands.

She's a keeper.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the matches swipe jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working matches marlboro piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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