Following is our collection of funny Match jokes. There are some match lit jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these match soccer puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Sorry if this is a repost, but I found this one quite funny.
Tiger Woods is practicing golf one day, surrounded by fans and media. While he's practicing, an amateur
golfer confidently walks up to him and challenges him to a match. Tiger knew he'd win, so he agrees thinking that it would be a fun break from serious practice. "OK," the amateur says, "Since I'm an amateur and you're a pro, you'll have to allow me two gotchas". Tiger didn't know what a gotchas is, but he didn't ask because he thought he'd win regardless of what handicap is placed on him. The fans and media leave the two alone so they can play in peace.
A few hours later, the two come out of the golf course and it turns out that Tiger Woods lost. The fans and media surrounded him wanting to know what happened. Tiger says, "I was starting the first hole, concentrating to tee off, you know, deep in thought. Right when I was about to drive the ball, he ran up from behind, grabbed my nuts and squeezed them tight while loudly screaming 'GOTCHA!!' can you imagine me trying to play eighteen holes waiting for the next gotcha?"
Because his seat was behind a Pole.
A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?" He says, "Really! Why? Are my eyes bulging?"
I won!! No one's a match for me and my kettle.
So the dishwasher can match the refrigerator and stove
no, but a tin can ;)
I refereed a women's football match yesterday. It was brilliant.
I booked two for muttering under their breath, one for the silent treatment and I sent one off without explanation and left her wondering what she'd done wrong.
Because he will always fold.
I said 'She's lovely, a great match for you. Got cracking legs matey'
he said: 'Thanks, that's her brittle bone syndrome'
It didn't match with the Iron Curtains.
...they really *did* love that cat.
> Stolen from a recent episode of *Match Of The Day*
You can explore match appliances reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean match chess dad jokes. There are also match puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
You pour some gasoline and toss a match and WOOF!
When questioned on whether he thought his pupil could win his upcoming training match the Sensei had this to say:
"Shuriken".
Because they want the dishwasher to match with the fridge.
He was given a constellation prize.
Two men were playing golf one afternoon when just as they are about to play an important putt on the final hole for the match a large funeral procession passes by on the road at the side of the golf course. One of the men stops in mid putt, removes his cap, bows his head in prayer. The second man retorts "Woah man, that was really respectful". "Well, we had been married for over 25 years" said the other man.
To match the rest of the household appliances.
But why would I spend money to see Mayweather when I can just look outside?
A reporter from a North Korea's state-owned media asks a farmer, "Would you give your mansion to the supreme leader if you had one?"
The farmer answers, "Yes, of course I would!"
"If you had one million dollar, would you give it to the supreme leader, too?"
"Yes, absolutely!"
"How about five cows, would you give them to the supreme leader?"
The farmer hesitates, then answers, "No..."
The reporter is confused, "you would give a mansion and one million dollar to the supreme leader, why would you not give only five cows? Is it because you think cows can't match the highness of the supreme leader?"
"Well, yes... and also I really do have five cows..."
They want the dishwasher to match with their fridge
Getting the quarterback.
But they never meet!
Paddy says "It's too dark. Do you have a match?"
Murphy hands Paddy a match, which Paddy strikes against the wall..but nothing happens. He strikes the match again but, again, nothing.
Paddy says to Murphy "This match doesn't work."
"That's strange," says Murphy. "It worked earlier."
Alien vs. Predator
Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Someone recommended i try the "lighter fluid and match" trick, it definitely worked as my dog never got a tick again. But man, I sure do miss my dog.
Endless love
But it turned out to be no match for me at kickboxing.
Every corner they get, they open a shop on it
Alien vs predator
Because they rain supreme.
A husband and his wife are watching a boxing match. The husband says :
• I'm so disappointed, everything ended in just 4 minutes...
His wife starts laughing and says :
• Now you know how i feel...
Egypt 8 .. Ethiopia didn't
Apparently that was the wrong answer to: "What oven should I buy to match my cooking style?"
a match made in heaven .-.
Douse a fat person with gasoline and light a match
It ended in a tie.
They made quite a racket.
Because the workers went on strike
I just thought of this, not sure whether its an original joke
and a Japanese dude run over by a truck. Which one doesn't match up?
[The dolphin. The other three are all crustaceans/crushed Asians](#s)
The parrot never knew what hit it...
1-0'cock
He really was no match for the five of us...
To match the other appliances in the kitchen.
All three of their wives are joining them to eat. Among the conversation, the man's boss's boss asks his wife to pass him the sugar.
"Pass the sugar, sugar."
Then his boss looks at his wife to pass him the honey.
"Pass the honey, honey." He says.
The man thinks he should match his boss's and boss's boss's humor.
He looks to his wife and says, "Pass the tea, bag."
- Bahrain
- Lebanon
- Qatar
- United Arab Emirates
- Egypt
- Syria
- Jordan
- Iran
- Iraq
- Saudi Arabia
- Algeria
- Morocco
- Yemen
- Oman
- Kuwait
1. Israel
A Finnish Hymn
**14 Missed Calls**
I hooked up with him. He definitely wasn't plain round.
And then move the rest of them to match the layout of a QWERTY keyboard too.
It's about a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Hellen Keller
They can never keep a straight face
They're going to bring in professional sumo wrestlers and pit them against the fattest inmates but honestly I don't even know if the pros outweigh the cons.
Annette
After few failed attempts, the first one turned to her friend and said: maybe this match is defective
to which the first one replied: it was just working before you came
He took asteroids.
With a match.
1) What is your favorite wine?
It didn't go well, the Colombians sniffed all the white lines and Jamaicans smoked all the grass.
But it was no match for me in kick-boxing.
[A match made in heaven](/spoiler)
What kind of cigarettes does he have?
[Holy Smokes](/spoiler)
"Morning honey! I left your food on the stove. All you have to do is light the match, I started the gas when I left. Love you!"
...which would have been nice if we were not already married for almost two years.
Antman: "Ha, it's no match for my thorax!"
...first you meet, then you find out you have a match and suddenly you feel rather lonely.
Endless love.
Alien versus Redditor.
The doctor asks him what is that dreaming problem.
"Every night I go to sleep," the man says. "I dream of a soccer match between a team of elephants and a team of ants"
"Ok, take this medicine," the doctor says. "It will fix the problem."
The man refuses though and says:
"Can I take it tomorrow though? Today is the finals"
The fattest prisoners were selected to compete and to everyone's surprise they won.
It's because the cons outweigh the pros.
She said she could never get shoes to match. I tried to console her so I said at least your knickers fit like a glove
But have you ever tried to match your own expectations?
If I don't find another way to start a campfire tonight, I'll freeze to death.
"My daddy always told me, 'Beware the Greeks bearing gifs.'"
One says: "We're really cut off from the news here. For instance, I never found out the result of the Fischer-Spassky chess match."
The other one replies: "Oh, I lost."
With a match made in heaven.
Grandpa: who's playing?
Grandson: Czech and Slovakia
Grandpa: against who?
A: He yelled "Food fight!"
Because the moment they attack your king, it's a check, mate!
Must be an issue with Czechs and balances.
Some people's names match their careers surprisingly well. Imagine a psychic named Krystal Ball or a stylist named Barbera Cutter.
But Al Gore is a failure in this regard. He had the perfect opportunity to start a math rock band in the 80s or 90s and just chose to not. It should have been fate.
I personally will never let it go that I'll never hear an album from the math rock legends the Al Gore Rhythms.
"Hey, guys, look what I can do", and changes his color to match the walls of the room. Everyone goes "Wow!" Then octopus comes up to him and says "Hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer."
"I keep dreaming about a soccer match between elephants and mice" the patient said
"No worries" says the doctor and gives the patient some medicine, "take this just before bed and you'll have a dreamless sleep"
"Ok, thank you doctor" responded the man "but can I start it tomorrow? The finals are tonight"
51
A boxing match is about to start.
An ex-criminal steps on the scale and weighs in at 90kg.
Next up.. a professional athlete weighing in at 85kg.
Gotta weigh the pros and cons
Edit but not actually an edit : it's dumb, I'm aware
She asked, "how tall are you?"
I replied, "5'10, how much do you weigh?"
She got angry and said, "That's body shaming, it's hard to lose weight!"
I laughed and said, "it's harder for me to gain height!"
The reporter asked the reigning chess grandmaster "What do you do before your games ?"
"Well", said the champ, "I never have sex on the night before a big match"
"Does that help you concentrate? "
"I'm not sure" he sighed "I don't have sex any other night either".
Daughter: Why are you so mean!
Me: Well, I consider myself to be above average.
Daughter: What's that mean?
Me: I suppose I could assign each letter a value and then add them up and give you the mean.
Daughter: Are you crazy?
Me: No, that's how you calculate the mean.
Daughter: I don't know what that means.
Me: I don't know yet either, I have to calculate it.
Daughter: Ugh, why do you have to be like this. I'll be home at eleven.
Game, set, match, Dad wins.
It was no match for me at kickboxing though.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the match tinder jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working match celtic piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.