Master Jokes
175 master jokes and hilarious master puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about master that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with these hilarious one-liners and jokes guaranteed to make your next master of ceremonies event or graduation a hit! From jokes about master degrees and Master Oogway to wordplay about Mister and Master Data, learn how to be the master swordsman of comedy!
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Funniest Master Short Jokes
Short master jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The master humour may include short manager jokes also.
- Up the mountain, a japanese asked the wise man: "Master Akira, why every western man thinks that we, japanese, all look alike?" "I am not Master Akira."
- A Zen student asked his master, "Is it OK to use email?" "Yes," replied the master, "But no attachments."
- Batman: "It's been a long day. Alfred, please fill up the bathtub." Alfred: "Master Bruce, what's a htub?"
- My friend told me, You have a Bachelor's, a Master's, and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot. That was a third degree burn.
- Day 19, I have successfully conditioned my master to smile and write in his book every time I drool.- Pavlov's Dog
- I was watching Australian Master chef last night... Some guy made a meringue and everybody cheered...
I thought... That's odd, normaly in Australia they boo meringue - Batjoke Batman: "It's been a long day. Alfred, please fill up the bathtub."
Alfred: "Master Bruce, what's a htub?" - A Japanese man in a monastery atop a sacred mountain asks the wise man: "Master Ayumu, why do all Westerners think that Japanese people look alike?" "I am not Master Ayumu."
- A Demogorgon, a Dungeon Master and a Sherriff walk in to a bar. My friend shouts "Wow! I've never seen anything like this. Isn't this amazing?!"
I replied "Nah, I've seen Stranger Things." - Golfers always bring two pairs of pants to the Masters. Just in case they get a hole in one.
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Master One Liners
Which master one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with master? I can suggest the ones about boss and chairman.
- What did master yoda say when he saw himself on a 4k tv? HDMI
- Why are Sherlock Holmes' taxes so low? He's a master of deduction.
- Why did the Jedi kill his master? To get to the other side.
- I like my girls like I like my Dumbledore Head Masters
- Why are black people unable to get a phd? Because they can't get past their masters
- If dogs have masters, what do cats have? Staff.
- I married a european chess master. He's my Czech mate.
- It only takes 3.5 to pleasure a woman. It can be Visa, Master Card, or Amex.
- Not only am I the master of suspense... ...I'm also the master of disappointing endings.
- I am a master at forgery I have all the certificates to prove it
- Why didn't Anakin Skywalker become an engineer? He couldn't get a Master's degree.
- Why was the origami master terrible at poker? He always folded.
- I had dinner with a chess master IT TOOK HIM FOUR HOURS TO PASS THE FRICKING SALT
- My fisherman friend got his Master's degree. Now he's a Master Baiter.
- Which race is the master race? PC, obviously.
Master Degree Jokes
Here is a list of funny master degree jokes and even better master degree puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My friend said: You have a BA, a Masters and a PhD, but you still act like an idiot… It was a third degree burn.
- What kind of degrees do slaves get in college? Their Master's.
- I have a masters degree in Procrastination I just haven't picked it up yet.
- My local HBCU started a new Graduate Degree Program If you do 4 years in the field for your Master's, they let you work in the kitchen.
- My friend said, You have a B.A., Master's, and a Ph.D., but you still act like an complete idiot. It was a third degree burn.
- How come there are only PHD and bachelor's degrees in Czechia? Because they have No Gods, No Masters.
- You know why the 89 degree angle went to school? He was missing his master's degree.
- Why would you want to get married and get a masters degree at the same time? The bachelor life is so much better.
- Stan Bates went to college to get his 8 year degree. He's now Master Bates.
- When does an increase in degrees not lead to warmer temperatures? When you get your Masters in Art History, but you still can't pay the heating bill
Jedi Master Jokes
Here is a list of funny jedi master jokes and even better jedi master puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why is a Jewish Jedi Master always an only child? Because he has no Force-kin.
- An old Jedi master named Ben stole Luke Skywalker's last pastry. Angrily, Luke shouted after him as he ran away, Hey, you Owe Me One Canoli!
- When did Anakin's Jedi Master know he was turning to the dark side? In the Sith grade.
- What kind of car does Master Yoda drive? A volkswagen Jedi.
- What do you call a half Mexican half Japanese jedi master? Obi Juan Shinobi
- A growing number of parents are trying to force feed their children. Experts can offer no explanation. Citing, "Even Master Jedi use spoons."
- What would you call bb-8 if he was a master jedi? Masterbb8
- What do you call a WWE referee who is also a Jedi Master? Mikey Yoda.
- why was the jedi master afraid of the number 10? because 8 9 10 did
- Why can't Darth Vader go back to the Jedi Academy? Cause then he'd be The Master-Vader
Master Debater Jokes
Here is a list of funny master debater jokes and even better master debater puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- You may be a master debater... But I'm a cunning linguist.
- What do you call an expert hostage negotiator? A master debater.
- What is the leader of the debate team called? The Master Debater
- Why did the debater hate their job title? Because he was a master debater
- What do you call a really good lawyer who has no self control? A master debater
- I'll masterly debate the FCC today
- What title do you earn after you win several debates? Master Debater
- I guess you can call 2chainz... A master debater... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
- A large discussion is held about a car manufacturer coaxing young Mr. Bating while he pleasures himself. Mass debating Mazda bating m**... Master Bating
- What did one Master Debater say to the other Master Debater? Nothing, they were too busy s**... their egos.
Happy Master Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about master you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean administrator jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make master pranks.
Wise Master Akira
A Japanese man asked his master:
"Master Akira, why does everybody think that we all look the same?"
And he answered:
"I am not Master Akira."
Jesus Crust
A priest and a Zen master are making toast.
The priest says "look, there's an image of Jesus in my margarine!"
The Zen master replies "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"
The Sheepdog and the Farmer
A farmer is wondering how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his sheepdog to count them.
The dog runs into the field, counts them, and then runs back to his master.
"So," says the farmer. "How many sheep were there?"
"40," replies the dog.
"What? How can there be 40?!" exclaims the farmer. "I only bought 38!"
"I know," says the dog. "But I rounded them up."
Why did Pee Wee Herman win the annual bass fishing contest?
Experts say it's because he was a master baiter.
Two martial artists...
...are arguing over who would win a fight between a skilled swordsman carrying a broadsword and a master wielder of an épée. They agree that the only way to settle the argument is actually to fight one another, each using one of the two weapons. An epic battle ensues and then, the two swordsmen feinted.
A man looking for work
A man was looking for work. In fact, he was desperate. He heard the circus was in town and so he went and asked the ring master if there was a job for him. The ring master said, "We're lucky you showed up! Our tiger just died and he was a big part of the show. What we need you to do is put on this tiger costume and pretend to be a real tiger. Nobody will know the difference." So the man put on the tiger costume, and he had to admit, it was a very realistic costume. Soon the show started, and the time came for the tiger act. The man, eager to do a good job, lept out into the ring, snarling just like a real tiger. The crowd cheered. He did all the things the tiger was supposed to do: let the trainer stick his head in his mouth, balanced on a ball, and finally walked across a tightrope. The crowd loved it. But then a lion and a bear entered the ring. The ring master announced, "Now you will see these three ferocious beasts enter one cage together!" The man had no choice as he was herded into the cage with the lion and the bear. The two animals roared and snarled, and the man became afraid for his life. He began running around the cage, shouting, "Let me out! I'm not a real tiger! Help!" Then the lion grabbed him and said, "Shut up! Do you want us all to lose our jobs?"
Did you hear about the albino clairvoyant master hypnotist from San Francisco?
He was a super pallid Cali mystic, expert at hypnosis.
(Today I had wanted to tell someone the Gandhi joke I read on here the other day, but I couldn't remember it so I made this up and thought I may as well share it even though it's purely derivative.)
What did one Buddhist Master give to the child for his birthday?
Nothing wrapped in Emptiness.
How did the birthday child respond?
You are thoughtless for giving me this meaningless gift.
To which the Buddhist Master replied, "Thank you."
Zen Master and the Hot Dog
The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."
The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it.
"Where's my change?" asks the Zen Master.
The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."
Why didn't Tim have any friends while he was studying fishing?
Because he would just go home and master bait.
Adolf h**... banned 5k races but sponsored an annual marathon...
...Because Marathons are the master race.
An Interview with a Master Ninja
When questioned on whether he thought his pupil could win his upcoming training match the Sensei had this to say:
"Shuriken".
Heard this conversation passing by in college today.
Guy: Do you know why I'm such a good fisherman?
Girl: No why?
Guy: Because I've got a nice rod and I hook all the ladies with it.
Girl: I figured it was because you were a master baiter
Did you hear about the origami master who lost his job?
His office went paperless.
"I'm not sure I can do a Hadoken anymore," said Ryu.
"SUREYOUCAN!" replied his master.
Alfred : Master Bruce, Quess Who I Saw Today?
Bruce Wayne : Who?
Alfred : Not Your Parents.
Bruce Wayne : Why You're Doing This Alfred?
Alfred : They Told Me To
Bruce Wayne : Who?
Alfred : Not Your Parents.
My old Scout Master told me this one
"Don't take the blindfold off until I'm done"
Luke Skywalker and Yoda are on a ride when...
**Luke**: *Are we on the right course, Master Yoda?*.
**Yoda**: *Off course we are*.
Teacher: How Old is your father?
Pappu: As old as I am.
Master: How is it possible?
Pappu: He became father only after I was born.
I was at a party...
I was walking around when I realized I had left my watch on the bed in the master bedroom. I worked my way through the crowd of people and opened the bedroom door. There on the bed was a guy who was s**... assaulting a drunk girl. I walked right up to him and punched him square in the face. Nobody is going to s**... assault a girl...not on my watch.
What do you call a Zen master from eastern Europe who's been bugging you all day?
A Buddha Pest.
The s**... is made up of Glucose........
MBBS Professor:
The s**... is made up of Glucose, the same material Sugar is made of.
A Girl raised her hand:
"Then why doesn't it
taste like Sugar?"
Suddenly silence in hall.
Girl:Oops.
Then Professor's reply was also a Medical master piece:
My dear, Thats because, the taste buds are located on the tip of your Tongue and not at the end of your t**...
Killer .
They say that Indian Cooks are a jack of all trades...
But a master of naan.
My girlfriend said this to me when we were getting indian food tonight.
Once you've mastered being a surgeon...
... operating just become an exercise in patients.
A farmer is wondering how many sheep he has in his field so he asks his sheep dog to count them.
The dog runs into the field, counts them, and then runs backto his master.
"So," says the farmer. "How many sheep were there?"
"40," replies the dog.
"What? How can there be 40?!" exclaims the farmer. "I only bought 38!"
"I know," says the dog. "I rounded them up."
A disciple asked, Master, is it okay for a monk to use emails?
Yes, son, the guru quipped, as long as there are no attachments.
The President-Elect has recently begun learning how to play bridge with the help of master bridge players. it turns out, the President-Elect's plays are far superior to those of his peers. In other words...
Trump's trumps trump Trump's trumps' trumps.
I'm a Jack of all trades
But a master of pun.
Why are Teen aged boys so good at fishing?
Because they're Master Baiters.
I'm going to buy my Dungeon Master a goldfish
So I can carp a DM
My wife has been keeping secrets from me.
I just built a fence and put down some paving. Turns out not only is she a master carpenter she's also an expert brick layer. If only I had known earlier I could have sought her advice before I did the work. It would have saved me from making all the obvious mistakes she pointed out after the work was done.
I've decided I'm going to major in computer science and Japanese.
I'm gonna master weeb design.
A Zen Master...
Walks up to a hotdog stand and says,
"Make me one with everything."
-That's the best I've got
I am a master of fast calculations.
I am a master of fast calculations.
-
OK, what is 758 time 642 divided by 5?
-
22!
-
Ha ha, that's wrong!
-
Might be, but it was fast!
Which Marvel villain is the master of subtlety?
Loki
What do PC Master Race people identify as politically?
The Alt-Tab.
Since Trump nicknamed Kim Jun-Un Rocket Man, when Christmas comes along..
he can call him missile toe.
Joke originally told by my coworker today, who is a master of puns.
Master Akira
A confused japanese student asks his master:
- Master Akira, why does all japanese people look alike?
And his master answered :
- I am not Master Akira.
If I own a bakery in France...
am I the master of pain?
A Fairy Tale
After his daughter is cursed by the dark fairy, Maleficent, King Stefan summons his royal carpenters and commands them to make the finest, most comfortable bed in all the land.
"It will be done, Your Majesty," replies the master builder. "Does His Majesty prefer a queen or a king?"
"A king, since you asked," whispers Stefan, "…but don't tell that to the queen!"
Did you hear of the guy who could literally master any craft, provided he m**... before learning it?
He was j**... all trades.
A New Yorker visits a Texan
The Texan shows the New Yorker around his place. "Howd'ya like it?", he asks.
"It's not bad", answers the New Yorker, "but I'll be honest, I expected you Texans to have larger places. The living room's too small, the master bedroom is small too, there is only one bathroom, and there isn't even a balcony."
"Hold your horses!" says the Texan. "We haven't even gotten outta the elevator yet!"
Herding sheep.
A sheep herder is watching his dog herd all their sheep into a pen. The dog finishes and says "Master, I've got all 30 sheep in the pen". The man looks at the sheep, then back to the dog and says "but I only count 26". The dog says "I know, I rounded them up".
What's the difference between a professional fisherman and a teenage boy?
One's a master baiter, the other's a masturbator!
I was browsing Craigslist the other day, when I came across someone who wanted to learn how to make macaroni.
Being a master macaroni maker myself, I responded to his offer, and we set up a time and place to meet so I could teach him. When we met up, he took one look at me, and he told me that I didn't look like someone who could even make halfway decent macaroni. "Sir", I assured him, "I promise I'm a master of my Kraft."
Hayato had a question
Then he headed to master Akira dojo on the top of the mountain, when he finally got there Hayato asked to the master:
-Master Akira, why people say that all the japaneses are alike?
And then he aswered:
-I'm not master Akira, he's over there.
Well that was one of the best martial arts pick up lines
With faint voice, crucified Jesus calls Petrus...
"Petrus, come closer, I have to tell you something important."
Petrus steps to the cross, looking up to Jesus: "Yes master, what is it?"
"Please come closer.", Jesus whispers.
Petrus takes a ladder and climbs up to Jesus. "Yes master, I'm here, what is it?"
Jesus: "From up here I can see our house."
So j made a joke up
A master chef dies goes to heaven. Immediatly he finds himself in the kitchen doing what he loves. He begins cooking all the foood just like he did when he was alive. Finally he gets a strange order, a steak well done sprinkled with holy water. So he asks whats up with this order.
For Christs steak Micheal.
A confused chinese student asks his master: "Master s**..., why do all chinese look the same?"
Then the Master replyed: "I am not master s**...."
A married man man finds a magic lamp...
He rubs the lamp a few times and a genie comes out and says You are my new master and I'm a genie with a twist so whatever you wish your wife gets two of!
The man says I wish for a mansion! The genie says Okay, but your wife gets two!
He wishes for a million dollars, and his wife gets two million.
For his final wish he looks at the genie and says I wish I was beaten half to death.
What's the difference between an open box of stinky cheese and a Kung Fu master?
One is loose brie and the other is Bruce Lee
Karate student to his master: "Master Akira, why do asians all look the same?
"I am not Master Akira"
You ever get laid in a sleeping bag?
It's awful. You can't even move, you're drenched in sweat and the scout master is covering your mouth.
What's the best gift for a zen master?
A house, because they like to live in the present.
So I bought Master of Puppets today
I noticed there was a song missing. When I asked the store clerk later about it, he said "Battery not included".
For his 70th birthday, one of his students gave the zen master a big box with a ribbon around it.
When the master opened the box, he found that there was nothing inside.
"Aha," he exclaimed, "just what I wanted!"
Did you hear about the dog that ran 2 miles to return the stick its master threw?
I don't believe it. I think it's a bit far-fetched.
Mistaken Identity
A Japanese man in a monastery atop a sacred mountain asks the wise man: - "Master Ayumu, why do all Westerners think that Japanese people look alike?" - "I am not Master Ayumu."
Peter and the Messiah were out for walk...
when Peter asks, Master, why do you and your disciples not have nice things? You are the son of God. A king. Why don't you buy something like a new boat, or a palace? The Master stops, puts his hand on Peter's shoulder and says, Jesus saves.
A Japanese ascended a tall mountain to seek wisdom from a sage. He asks: Master Akira, why do people all think Japanese look alike?
I'm not master Akira!
How to master Australian accent in seconds
Say "Rise Up Lights" out loud. *You just said razor blades in Australian accent.*
Don't stop there.
Say "Beer Can" with an English accent. *You just said Bacon in Jamaican accent.*
Mastered.
Two thieves break into a house. Once inside, they sneak into the master bedroom and tie up the n**... woman they find in there.
A startled, n**..., man comes out of the bathroom, sees what's happening and says, "Please, please, take whatever you want, I will even give you the combination to my safe. Just, please, untie her and let her go."
The thieves were surprised by how heartfelt the pleas from the man were. One of them says, "Wow, you must really love your wife in order to beg like that."
The man replies, "I do, and she will be home any minute!"
They call me Love Master
Because I s**... at tennis.
Why is he called Lord Vader?
Because when they called him Master Vader the stormtroopers giggled.
A witch was going through her recent order of newts...
... when her apprentice walked in. Noticing the witches frowning face, she asks What's wrong, Master?
The witch replied, Well, I've got some good newts and some bad newts...
