The Best 71 Master Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Master jokes. There are some master masterbaiter jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these master slave puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Master Jokes and Puns
Jesus Crust
A priest and a Zen master are making toast.
The priest says "look, there's an image of Jesus in my margarine!"
The Zen master replies "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"
The Sheepdog and the Farmer
A farmer is wondering how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his sheepdog to count them.
The dog runs into the field, counts them, and then runs back to his master.
"So," says the farmer. "How many sheep were there?"
"40," replies the dog.
"What? How can there be 40?!" exclaims the farmer. "I only bought 38!"
"I know," says the dog. "But I rounded them up."
Why did Pee Wee Herman win the annual bass fishing contest?
Experts say it's because he was a master baiter.
Two martial artists...
...are arguing over who would win a fight between a skilled swordsman carrying a broadsword and a master wielder of an ÊpÊe. They agree that the only way to settle the argument is actually to fight one another, each using one of the two weapons. An epic battle ensues and then, the two swordsmen feinted.
A man looking for work
A man was looking for work. In fact, he was desperate. He heard the circus was in town and so he went and asked the ring master if there was a job for him. The ring master said, "We're lucky you showed up! Our tiger just died and he was a big part of the show. What we need you to do is put on this tiger costume and pretend to be a real tiger. Nobody will know the difference." So the man put on the tiger costume, and he had to admit, it was a very realistic costume. Soon the show started, and the time came for the tiger act. The man, eager to do a good job, lept out into the ring, snarling just like a real tiger. The crowd cheered. He did all the things the tiger was supposed to do: let the trainer stick his head in his mouth, balanced on a ball, and finally walked across a tightrope. The crowd loved it. But then a lion and a bear entered the ring. The ring master announced, "Now you will see these three ferocious beasts enter one cage together!" The man had no choice as he was herded into the cage with the lion and the bear. The two animals roared and snarled, and the man became afraid for his life. He began running around the cage, shouting, "Let me out! I'm not a real tiger! Help!" Then the lion grabbed him and said, "Shut up! Do you want us all to lose our jobs?"
Did you hear about the albino clairvoyant master hypnotist from San Francisco?
He was a super pallid Cali mystic, expert at hypnosis.
(Today I had wanted to tell someone the Gandhi joke I read on here the other day, but I couldn't remember it so I made this up and thought I may as well share it even though it's purely derivative.)
What did one Buddhist Master give to the child for his birthday?
Nothing wrapped in Emptiness.
How did the birthday child respond?
You are thoughtless for giving me this meaningless gift.
To which the Buddhist Master replied, "Thank you."
Zen Master and the Hot Dog
The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."
The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it.
"Where's my change?" asks the Zen Master.
The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."
Why did the Jedi kill his master?
To get to the other side.
An Interview with a Master Ninja
When questioned on whether he thought his pupil could win his upcoming training match the Sensei had this to say:
"Shuriken".
A Zen student asked his master, "Is it OK to use email?"
"Yes," replied the master, "But no attachments."
You can explore master swordsman reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean master apprentice dad jokes. There are also master puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Heard this conversation passing by in college today.
Guy: Do you know why I'm such a good fisherman?
Girl: No why?
Guy: Because I've got a nice rod and I hook all the ladies with it.
Girl: I figured it was because you were a master baiter
"I'm not sure I can do a Hadoken anymore," said Ryu.
"SUREYOUCAN!" replied his master.
My fisherman friend got his Master's degree.
Now he's a Master Baiter.
Alfred : Master Bruce, Quess Who I Saw Today?
Bruce Wayne : Who?
Alfred : Not Your Parents.
Bruce Wayne : Why You're Doing This Alfred?
Alfred : They Told Me To
Bruce Wayne : Who?
Alfred : Not Your Parents.
Day 19, I have successfully conditioned my master to smile and write in his book every time I drool.- Pavlov's Dog
I was at a party...
I was walking around when I realized I had left my watch on the bed in the master bedroom. I worked my way through the crowd of people and opened the bedroom door. There on the bed was a guy who was sexually assaulting a drunk girl. I walked right up to him and punched him square in the face. Nobody is going to sexually assault a girl...not on my watch.
I married a European chess master.
He's my Czech mate.
The Sperm is made up of Glucose........
MBBS Professor:
The Sperm is made up of Glucose, the same material Sugar is made of.
A Girl raised her hand:
"Then why doesn't it
taste like Sugar?"
Suddenly silence in hall.
Girl:Oops.
Then Professor's reply was also a Medical master piece:
My dear, Thats because, the taste buds are located on the tip of your Tongue and not at the end of your Throat
Killer .
They say that Indian Cooks are a jack of all trades...
But a master of naan.
My girlfriend said this to me when we were getting indian food tonight.
A farmer is wondering how many sheep he has in his field so he asks his sheep dog to count them.
The dog runs into the field, counts them, and then runs backto his master.
"So," says the farmer. "How many sheep were there?"
"40," replies the dog.
"What? How can there be 40?!" exclaims the farmer. "I only bought 38!"
"I know," says the dog. "I rounded them up."
A disciple asked, Master, is it okay for a monk to use emails?
Yes, son, the guru quipped, as long as there are no attachments.
My wife has been keeping secrets from me.
I just built a fence and put down some paving. Turns out not only is she a master carpenter she's also an expert brick layer. If only I had known earlier I could have sought her advice before I did the work. It would have saved me from making all the obvious mistakes she pointed out after the work was done.
I've decided I'm going to major in computer science and Japanese.
I'm gonna master weeb design.
Why are Sherlock Holmes' taxes so low?
He's a master of deduction.
A Zen Master...
Walks up to a hotdog stand and says,
"Make me one with everything."
-That's the best I've got
What do PC Master Race people identify as politically?
The Alt-Tab.
Which race is the master race?
PC, obviously.
Since Trump nicknamed Kim Jun-Un Rocket Man, when Christmas comes along..
he can call him missile toe.
Joke originally told by my coworker today, who is a master of puns.
Master Akira
A confused japanese student asks his master:
- Master Akira, why does all japanese people look alike?
And his master answered :
- I am not Master Akira.
If I own a bakery in France...
am I the master of pain?
A Demogorgon, a Dungeon Master and a Sherriff walk in to a bar.
My friend shouts "Wow! I've never seen anything like this. Isn't this amazing?!"
I replied "Nah, I've seen Stranger Things."
Why was the origami master terrible at poker?
He always folded.
I am a master at forgery
I have all the certificates to prove it
Did you hear of the guy who could literally master any craft, provided he masturbated before learning it?
He was jack off all trades.
A New Yorker visits a Texan
The Texan shows the New Yorker around his place. "Howd'ya like it?", he asks.
"It's not bad", answers the New Yorker, "but I'll be honest, I expected you Texans to have larger places. The living room's too small, the master bedroom is small too, there is only one bathroom, and there isn't even a balcony."
"Hold your horses!" says the Texan. "We haven't even gotten outta the elevator yet!"
Herding sheep.
A sheep herder is watching his dog herd all their sheep into a pen. The dog finishes and says "Master, I've got all 30 sheep in the pen". The man looks at the sheep, then back to the dog and says "but I only count 26". The dog says "I know, I rounded them up".
I was browsing Craigslist the other day, when I came across someone who wanted to learn how to make macaroni.
Being a master macaroni maker myself, I responded to his offer, and we set up a time and place to meet so I could teach him. When we met up, he took one look at me, and he told me that I didn't look like someone who could even make halfway decent macaroni. "Sir", I assured him, "I promise I'm a master of my Kraft."
So j made a joke up
A master chef dies goes to heaven. Immediatly he finds himself in the kitchen doing what he loves. He begins cooking all the foood just like he did when he was alive. Finally he gets a strange order, a steak well done sprinkled with holy water. So he asks whats up with this order.
For Christs steak Micheal.
A confused chinese student asks his master: "Master Shi, why do all chinese look the same?"
Then the Master replyed: "I am not master Shi."
A married man man finds a magic lamp...
He rubs the lamp a few times and a genie comes out and says You are my new master and I'm a genie with a twist so whatever you wish your wife gets two of!
The man says I wish for a mansion! The genie says Okay, but your wife gets two!
He wishes for a million dollars, and his wife gets two million.
For his final wish he looks at the genie and says I wish I was beaten half to death.
Not only am I the master of suspense...
...I'm also the master of disappointing endings.
Karate student to his master: "Master Akira, why do asians all look the same?
"I am not Master Akira"
It only takes 3.5 to pleasure a woman.
It can be Visa, Master Card, or Amex.
You ever get laid in a sleeping bag?
It's awful. You can't even move, you're drenched in sweat and the scout master is covering your mouth.
Up the mountain, a japanese asked the wise man: "Master Akira, why every western man thinks that we, japanese, all look alike?"
"I am not Master Akira."
So I bought Master of Puppets today
I noticed there was a song missing. When I asked the store clerk later about it, he said "Battery not included".
For his 70th birthday, one of his students gave the zen master a big box with a ribbon around it.
When the master opened the box, he found that there was nothing inside.
"Aha," he exclaimed, "just what I wanted!"
Did you hear about the dog that ran 2 miles to return the stick its master threw?
I don't believe it. I think it's a bit far-fetched.
Mistaken Identity
A Japanese man in a monastery atop a sacred mountain asks the wise man: - "Master Ayumu, why do all Westerners think that Japanese people look alike?" - "I am not Master Ayumu."
Why is a Jewish Jedi Master always an only child?
Because he has no Force-kin.
How to master Australian accent in seconds
Say "Rise Up Lights" out loud. *You just said razor blades in Australian accent.*
Don't stop there.
Say "Beer Can" with an English accent. *You just said Bacon in Jamaican accent.*
Mastered.
Two thieves break into a house. Once inside, they sneak into the master bedroom and tie up the naked woman they find in there.
A startled, naked, man comes out of the bathroom, sees what's happening and says, "Please, please, take whatever you want, I will even give you the combination to my safe. Just, please, untie her and let her go."
The thieves were surprised by how heartfelt the pleas from the man were. One of them says, "Wow, you must really love your wife in order to beg like that."
The man replies, "I do, and she will be home any minute!"
They call me Love Master
Because I suck at tennis.
Why is he called Lord Vader?
Because when they called him Master Vader the stormtroopers giggled.
I was watching Australian Master Chef last night...
Some guy made a meringue and everybody cheered...
I thought... That's odd, normaly in Australia they boo meringue
A witch was going through her recent order of newts...
... when her apprentice walked in. Noticing the witches frowning face, she asks What's wrong, Master?
The witch replied, Well, I've got some good newts and some bad newts...
My dad told me this one so i thought i might share
In a zen monastery far inside China, a conflicted discipule has his mind shrouded by a doubt that he's sure his master, Zhi, knows the answer.
He finds him, and asks:
â "Master Zhi, why does everybody say that we, chinese people, all look alike?"
He pauses for a second, looks at the pupil's eyes and answers:
â "I'm not Master Zhi"
The wise Master Akira
Up the mountain a japanese asked a wise man, "Master Akira, why every western man thinks that we Japanese, all look alike?"
"I am not Master Akira"
What did master yoda say when he saw himself on a 4k tv?
HDMI
Day 19 of the experiment...
"Day 19 of the experiment, I have successfully conditioned my master to give me food,smile,and write in his book every time I drool." - Pavlov's Dog
There are no accidents...
Master Oogway uttered, before he took one look at me and said
* There are...some accidents *
I was seriously depressed after a recent loss. My GF bought me an Xbox
But that didn't help. So she tried a Playstation - no luck there either. She ended up going through everything from a Sega Master System to a Nintendo Switch, but nothing helped - turns out I was just inconsolable
How can you tell the difference between a nerd and someone with a BDSM fettish?
Ask them what a dungeon master is
Did you hear about the cop who drew his tickets instead of writing them?
They say he was a master of the fine arts.
You may be a master debater...
But I'm a cunning linguist.
Dumbledore being gay shouldn't have taken anyone by surprise.
He was called *head* master from the first book!
A Japanese man in a monastery atop a sacred mountain asks the wise man: "Master Ayumu, why do all Westerners think that Japanese people look alike?"
"I am not Master Ayumu."
So this guy had found a magic lamp, which had a genie in it. After a while...
**Genie:** So master, you have one wish left, think wisely.
**Guy:** Hmmm, I wish there was a railroad that connect New York City to Moscow.
**Genie:** That... is quite a big wish you got there. Do you have anything more reasonable?
**Guy:** In that case, I wish I was able to understand women.
**Genie:** Did you want your railroad to be single or double track?
Did you hear about the serf who tried to appeal to his master to let him go?
It was feudal! (my dad just made up this joke while we were cooking dinner I thought it was cute so I wanted to share)
Why didn't Anakin get a discount ?
Because he didn't have his master card
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the master dumbledore jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working master lord piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.