Mast Jokes

111 mast jokes and hilarious mast puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mast that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Mast Short Jokes

Short mast jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mast humour may include short mate jokes also.

  1. What happens to a sailboat in a category 5 hurricane? MAST DESTRUCTION!!!
    I'll ~~see~~ sea myself out...
  2. Did you hear about the dog who owned a leaky three-masted sailing ship? His barque was worse than his bite.
  3. Mac Miller recently passed away. All of his homies are wearing their pants at half mast in his honor
  4. A down on his luck shipwright is spending his day at the port when he sees a ship, with a damaged mast. What does he tell the captain? Anything to make a sail.
  5. One my dad literally just told me I thought I was going to grow up to be a captain, but it turns out I can only be a deckhand. Because every morning, I wake up, mast in hand and sea men everywhere.
  6. What does it mean when you see a flag flying at half-mast outside of a mostly white high school?" They're hiring.
  7. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?
    They're hiring.
  8. At Pirate boot camp BOATSWAIN: "That concludes orientation. Any questions?"
    ME: (raises rubber hook hand) "Why do they call it trimming the mainsail? Why not mast abating?"
  9. Who is currently leading in the Pirate Party Polls? Noone. Pirates don't have poles, they have masts.

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Mast One Liners

Which mast one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mast? I can suggest the ones about mare and moth.

  1. How do you sell a ship with a broken mast? Promote a half-off sail.
  2. People may think if its necessary for ships to have sails... I would say its a mast.
  3. What should you use to make a boat explode? A weapon of mast destruction.
  4. Chuck Norris only mast*rbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
  5. p**... founder Hugh Hefner has died. Flags will be flown at full mast.

Mast joke, p**... founder Hugh Hefner has died.

Happy Mast Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends

What funny jokes about mast you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mitt jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mast pranks.

Three men go on a skiing trip, but when they get to the HOTEL they find out that the hotel have mucked up their rooms and they have to share one big bed.
When they wake up the guy on the left says I had a well strange dream last night that I was getting a h**..., and then the guy on the right goes thats strange O had the same dream I was getting a h**....
Then the guy in the middle goes well thats strange because I had a dream I was skiing!

m**... in the Mafia

is called 'Offing Jack.'

They say m**... makes you blind....

I don't see any problem with it.

"m**... can help relieve depression and lead to a higher sense of self-esteem, as well as reduce the risk of prostate cancer."

And apparently that is not the correct answer to give when being questioned by the police as to why I was jacking off while riding the bus.

I was m**... to Michael Jackson when my mom walked in

She asked me what I was doing
I told her I was just beating it.

My m**... addiction is getting bad

I'm right in the grips of it.

If m**... was i**......

I'd be a hardened criminal.

m**... while hooked up to a heart monitor can really mess with a hospital staff

They never know if you're coming or going

Mastercard Chinese Resturant Commercial

General Tso's Chicken........ $11.50
Coca-Cola........ $1.99
Take out guy forgets container........ Riceless


Just got back from competing in the Blindfolded m**... World Championship
No idea where I came.

"m**..." is such a harsh word...

I prefer "Hand-to-gland combat".

I did a m**... exhibition for a group of hearing impaired people yesterday......

........when I climaxed, they all just looked at me & said "come again?"

Why is m**... in France like cooking an egg?

Because in both cases you're cracking one oeuf

I had to get a Mastectomy last year...

Whew, glad I got that off my chest.

I have mastered the science of time travel

but it works going forward in time at a rate of 60 seconds per minute.

So, my m**... classes are not going to well I'm afraid...

...yesterday, nobody came.

m**... should be considered a craft...

as it is 100% hand made.

If m**... lead to blindness

internet would be in Braille

If m**... really made you blind...

... how come I'm still able to typaanco goauma oa,

m**... isn't i**...

...but I'm sure if it was, people would take the law into their own hands.

Master Yoda, what sound do sheep make?

Yoda: "Dey go bah"

It is known that m**... eases congestion

"I swear officer, I was only trying to help traffic move along!"

I was in a m**... competition...

I came 1st twice!

I've given up m**... for a week

I'm just not feeling myself anymore.

I'm not the best masturbator,

but I hold my own.

What did the m**... firemen say to the fire victim?

"We came as fast as we could"

What do you do in a master bathroom?


I am a master of tearable puns

But only on paper

Have you got a m**... addiction?

Message me, and we can beat it together

Once you've mastered being a surgeon...

... operating just become an exercise in patients.

I was m**... when I heard some one scream "Help".

So I came as fast as I could.

You should never masticate in your bed...

You'll get crumb everywhere.


An 8-year-old choir boy catches the priest m**....
He said, "What are you doing father?"
"It's called m**...," the priest replied. "You'll be doing this soon."
"Why father?" he asked.
"Because my wrist is killing me," the priest replied.


When I was a teenager my father told me "If you keep doing that you'll go blind". I said "Can't I just do it until I need glasses?" Proof: Glasses.

m**... = Blindness

A man walks into his sons room and says, " You know, m**... will cause blindness."
The son looks at him and says, "Dad. I'm over here."

I tried m**... upside down last night ...

I don't know what come over me.

What did one Master Debater say to the other Master Debater?

Nothing, they were too busy s**... their egos.

m**... got me through some of my hardest times

If you know what i mean ;)

Masters of procastronation?


Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France?

They do not know how to say "CHARGE!"

I am a master of fast calculations.

I am a master of fast calculations.
OK, what is 758 time 642 divided by 5?
Ha ha, that's wrong!
Might be, but it was fast!

I've been m**... into cookware

It's my jackpot!

So there I was, m**......

...and this guy I was sitting next to punches me right in the face!
I'm never going to that church again.

m**... is like staring at the sun.

Do it for too long and you'll go blind.

What do PC Master Race people identify as politically?

The Alt-Tab.

m**... while looking in a mirror isn't wrong.

Unless it's a rear view mirror, and you're driving a school bus

m**... with superglue

It's hard to pull off

m**... is a lot like eating a Cinnabon

You feel guilty after both, and the cleanup is the same.

Why can't my master understand that I am just a Labrador and not Jesus?

He keeps telling me to heal.

Master Akira

A confused japanese student asks his master:
- Master Akira, why does all japanese people look alike?
And his master answered :
- I am not Master Akira.

I m**... over a photograph of a dead guy.

It was the most disturbing thing I've ever come across

Welcome to Masturbators Anonymous.

I'm disappointed that you all came today.

I have a m**... addiction.

I really need to get a grip on myself.

m**... is not i**...,

but if it were, people would probably start taking the law into their own hands.

I am a master at forgery

I have all the certificates to prove it

Who is Master P's favorite dictator?

Kim Jung Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun

When you have mastered the splits.

It doesn't feel like a stretch.

A carpenter, a tailor, a sailor, a priest and an economist were stranded on a desert island.

"I could chop down the trees and make a raft." Says the carpenter.
"I can stitch a few sheets into a mast."
Says the tailor.
"I can navigate the oceans with the help of the stars."
Says the sailor.
"I will pray for favourable winds and good luck."
Says the the priest.
All they needed now was to chop down a tree to make the raft.
"That's easy," says the economist. "Let's assume an axe."

Seeing his master on the other side of a r**... torrent, a student waved his arms and shouted out, "Master, master, how do I get to the other side?" The master smiled and said...

"You are on the other side."

Somebody, somewhere, has m**... while thinking of you

And other lies you can tell yourself

Welcome to the "m**... 101" course. This is quite sudden, but there will be a test next week.

I hope all of you will come

What is m**... called in a galaxy far far away?

Hand solo

I haven't m**... in a week...

... it's hard.


Would be a great name for a mortuary in Boston.

What is the Master Chief's favorite band?


m**... always leads to s**.......

It's a gateway tug...

Not only am I the master of suspense...

...I'm also the master of disappointing endings.

So they say m**... regularly is supposed to increase how long you live by about a year and a half.

I have done the math, and figured out that I am, in fact, immortal.

Welcome to m**... Addicts Anonymous!

I see everyone came today, which is disappointing.

Why are masterbaters so useful?

Because they always come in handy.

A master tactician

I have information I want everyone to know.
So I've decided to tell it to my wife and ask her to keep it to herself

Sometimes I mastubate with my clothes on

But it really freaks out my coworkers

I m**... over my ex-wife last night.

I know I shouldn't but I've still got a key and she's a heavy sleeper.

I have a m**... problem.

And I need to beat it.

Everybody masturbates.

It's getting out of hand.

Mast joke, Everybody masturbates.

jokes about mast