Massive Head Jokes
9 massive head jokes and hilarious massive head puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about massive head that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Share These Massive Head Jokes With Friends
Cheeky Massive Head Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What is a good massive head joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
What do you call death by a massive pumpkin falling on your head?
gourd to death
The papal elections came down to two contenders:
Cardinal Koch and Cardinal Sea. The votes were tallied and Cardinal Koch won by 1 vote. However, moments later, Koch suffered a massive heart attack.
The Dean came out of the room where they took Koch. He looked at the assembled cardinals. They asked, Will we have Pope Koch? . The Dean shook his head and said, Koch is gone, is Pope Sea ok?
Did you hear about the massive bounty on Cerberus' head?
Apparently, he turned himself in.
Variations of a nail joke. (Heard at a Ren Faire, modified)
The Goldman Nails company is trying to bolster business. They start a contest to create an advertisement for the business. The first submission is from an older lady.
It starts with a man with a beard in a white robe hammering away at wood. The shot pulls back to reveal an massive wooden ship and the figure turns and says "I'm Noah and I use Goldman Nails."
The second submission is from an elderly gentleman. It opens with a king sitting surrounded by men working on a great temple. The king says "I am king Solomon and all of my men wisely use Goldman Nails."
The last submission was by little Johnny. It opens on a desert. A man runs across the screen. He has a crown of thorns on this head and blood is coming out of his side. It is clearly Jesus. He runs off and two Roman Centurions run into focus. They look at each other; winded, one says to the other "We should have used Goldman's nails"
If Only You Had Looked
Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation.
"How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.
"I froze to death," says the second.
"That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"
"It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second man. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?"
"I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I rushed down to the basement, but no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but found no one there either. I went as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died."
The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says.
"What do you mean?" asks the first man.
"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both be still alive."
How did you die?
Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation. 'How'd you die?'
the first man asks the second.
'I froze to death,' says the second.
'That's awful,' says the first man. 'How does it feel to freeze to death?'
'It's very uncomfortable at first', says the second man. 'You get the shakes,
and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm
way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How
about you, how did you die?' 'I had a heart attack,' says the first man.
'You
see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home
unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down
to the basement, but no one was hiding there, either. I ran up to the second
floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the
attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died.'
The
second man shakes his head. 'That's so ironic,' he says. 'What do you mean?'
asks the first man. 'If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both
still be alive.'
An entrepreneurial blonde is looking for some extra cash
So she goes door to door asking people if they have any odd jobs they need done. Around the third house or so, a sharply dressed man answers the door. She inquires about the jobs, and the wheels in his head start turning. He's been meaning to paint the massive porch that takes up the entire rear of his massive house, but such a job would take at least 3 hours.
"I'll give you $20 to paint my porch out back while I'm gone. I already have the paint and everything."
She happily agrees and totes the paint out back. He chuckles to himself as he gets into one of his many cars and heads out. That dumb broad will be at it all day, and it only cost him $20.
He comes home later, and she's just finishing up. She sees him and jogs up.
He grins. "finished?" He asks.
"Yeah and I even gave it 2 coats!"
"Are you sure? I didn't think there was enough paint there for two coats of the entire porch."
"Sure there was! There was even a little left over! Though I should tell you, it's not pronounced 'porch', it's pronounced 'Porsche'."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A drunkard is walking down the street...
...when a Nun, dressed in her habit, comes towards him from the other direction.
As the Nun is about to pass the drunkard, he steps back, and takes a massive swing at her head, knocking her to the ground.
Not quite done yet, the drunkard lays a couple of kicks into the Nun while she's on the floor, leaving her sobbing in the fetal position.
The drunkard, finally finished with his assault, looks down at her and says,
"Not so tough now, are you Batman!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What We Learn From the Movies:
It is always possible to park directly in front of any building you are visiting.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Most laptops are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
After a person suffers a massive blow to the head, they will still be surprisingly good looking.
No one involved in a car chase, h**..., e**..., volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
Partnering police officers with their total opposites will always, eventually, lead to buddy teams who share unbreakable bonds and gruff affection.
Share These Massive Head Jokes With Friends