The Best 70 Massage Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Massage jokes. There are some massage therapist jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these massage spa puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Massage Jokes and Puns

A girl gets fired from her job with a Vegas outcall massage service

Seems she rubbed too many guys the wrong way.

I got fired from my job as a massage therapist

My boss said I rubbed people the wrong way.

Why was Disney's massage parlor so successful?

All of their customers got happy endings.

Massage joke, Why was Disney's massage parlor so successful?

I hear my local school wants to introduce massage classes to help combat stress but there's been a lot of opposition from parents' groups.

Apparently, it's a very touchy subject.

I asked my masseuse if it was unusual to get an erection during a massage...

the masseuse replied, "not at all it happens all the time."
So i said, "well do you mind keeping it out of my face."

I got a massage last week...

and it was the first time I had a guy masseuse. So we're like 10 minutes in I just had to ask, is getting an erection normal? He said yes they are very common. And I was like, well can you get it out of my face...?

I have the best proctologist.

He's able to massage my shoulders and check my prostate at the same time.

Massage joke, I have the best proctologist.

Sting has launched his own range of aromatherapy oils.

They're a massage in a bottle

What did Sting get in Amsterdam?

A massage in a brothel

Smell that patchouli candle? Now you're naked, i'm going to massage this lavender oil into your shoulders, then stroke your curves with these lemon grass strands...

It should be quite homeo-erotic

I'm not a fan of my massage therapist.

Something about him just rubs me the wrong way.

You can explore massage masseur reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean massage prostrate dad jokes. There are also massage puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

I got kicked out of a massage parlor the other day.

Apparently the prostate isn't considered "deep tissue."

I had to quit the massage business.

I kept rubbing people the wrong way.

Why did the feminist masseuse stop at the thigh?

She didn't like to massage a knee.

How do you agitate an achy feminist runner?

massage a knee

What did the tumblr user do when she got arthritis?

Massage a knee.

Massage joke, What did the tumblr user do when she got arthritis?

I can't stand those 'happy ending' massage parlors

Those places just rub me the wrong way

My hot dislexic co-worker said she had an important massage to give me in her office...

When I got there, she told me it can wait until I put on some clothes.

How did the massage therapist lose all of his customers?

He rubbed them all the wrong way

I lost my job as a massage therapist.

Apparently, I rub people the wrong way.

I was getting a massage and I asked the masseuse if it was normal for a man to get an erection

He replied that it was. So I asked if he could get it out of my face.

What do you call a happy ending at a Jewish massage parlor?


I went to a massage parlor today...

When it was time for the happy ending, I finished in 20 seconds. The massause said I need to come more often.

I Am Using Your Wife.

A man received message from his neighbour.

Sorry sir I am using your wife.
I am using day and night.
I am using when u r not present at home.
In fact I am using more than U R using.
I confess this because now I feel very much guilt.
Hope U will accept my sincere apologies.

Man went home and had a big fight with his wife.

Few minutes later he received another massage.

Sorry Sir spelling / auto correct mistake ...
it's not wife but WIFI.

I got great life advice from the old asian lady at the massage parlor

"If you want Happy Ending, don't pick young pretty girl."

What did the bread say after its massage?

Ahh, I kneaded that.

When I was a kid I kept asking my friend why he always got a massage chair and he never answered me.

I recently found out he died having a seizure. Now I'll never know.

My ex was massage therapist before we broke up and I don't know why everytime I see her.

But she just rubs me the wrong way.

What you you call it when you massage a genie?

(Edit the title is supposed to say what DO you call it when you massage a genie.)

I was going to ask my friend if he wanted a massage,

But I didn't want to rub him the wrong way.

What did the Jamaican war hero amputee say to the massage therapist when asked where he wanted to be massaged?


I want to invest in massage parlors

I've heard that their turnover rate is pretty high.

If they opened up a massage parlor in Disneyland...

Would it be called a "Happily ever after"?

I just fired my massage therapist

she rubbed me the wrong way

I don't think I'm going to go back to my massage therapist.

He just kinda rubbed me the wrong way.

I was telling my French friend about the massage I got from a little person last week...

She said, Ah, oui monsieur?

I said, Well, yes, I guess he was.

A police officer arrested a massage parlor owner

Because he rubbed him the wrong way

Thai Massage

A guy during his vacation to Thailand, ordered a massage session in his room, one for his wife and one for him.

After massaging the man for a long time, the Thai girl said, "Massage Pinis... Sir!"

He kept quiet ...

The Thai masseuse again said, "Massage Pinis... Sir!"

There was again silence.

Finally his wife spoke, "Don't have high hopes...She's saying 'Massage Finish' ..."

What's a BBQ pit master's least favorite massage?

A dry rub.

What does a male massage therapist call sex?

A three armed massage.

I'm going to make an all male massage parlor.

I'll call it The Massagynist

What does a massage therapist have for dinner...?


Somebody told me they were going to give me a foot massage...

...but they were just pulling my leg.

What's a massage with a happy ending in Hawaii called?

A lei.

I hate when my massage therapist smears the lotion counter-clockwise.

She really rubs me the wrong way.

Man goes into a massage parlour and asks for the executive service.

So they gave him a desk job.

I went to an Asian massage place...

And when my masseuse came in, I realized it was avril lavigne. So much for my happy ending.

When it comes to massage parlors

Some customers are a handful.

A man takes a wallet to the patent office..

...and tells the patent officer he would like to apply for a patent for this special wallet he had designed. The patent agent tells him that he is about a hundred years too late to get a patent for a wallet. The man says, I don't think you understand. This is a special wallet made from foreskins. When you massage it turns into a suitcase.

Massage Humor

A Jewish man walked into a massage clinic looking for deep tissue. They bring him back and afterwards, he comes out looking disappointed. They ask him why and he replies, "She was too gentile."

Robert Kraft doesn't always have a use for massage parlors.

But sometimes they come in handy.

What do you call it when a male physical therapist doesn't support women?

Massage a knee.

My wife told me that she couldn't turn her neck because it hurts so much, so I told her to look forward to a massage tonight...

...Since she can't look sideways anyways...

I found a massage parlor offering swedish massages,

but I was looking for a happy Finnish.

i did't like the massage therapist i met yesterday

she rubbed me the wrong way

Crude Oil massage

Barber : shoul I massage ur head ?

Me : ok, which oil will u use ?

Barber : Almond Oil is for 250₹

Me : herbal oil ?

Barber: 150₹

Me: Coconut Oil

Barber : 100₹

Me : anything cheaper than this ?

Barber *to his helper* : chhotu, get that barrel of crude oil

Did you hear Georgia will be reopening massage parlors?

It will not result in a happy ending

What do you call unintentional penetration while giving a back massage?

Accident Prone

My massage therapist got fired...

I guess she rubbed too many people the wrong way.

My father died of a fatal heart attack at a massage parlor last night

I'm told he came and went at the same time

Super sex NSFW

A man walks into a Thai massage parlour to get a full body massage, a lady comes and massages him all over the man gets the best massage of his life as the massage comes to an end the lady says to him would you like the super sex he says he exhausted and hasn't eaten all day and that he'll take the soup

Why are massages in Thailand better than in the United States?

In Thailand, an average sized woman walks on your back. In the United States, an average sized woman walks on your back.

I don't get why everyone says I'm a misogynist

I don't massage people - that's a woman's job

My mother owned a massage company, and I took her place once she retired.

I guess it rubbed off on me.

My wife is studying to become a massage therapist

All she wants to do is study and practice. I've got to cook, I've got to clean, it's tough.

But I have to say, at the end of the day, it does feel nice to be kneaded

My wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday...

I said, "Aw, I don't need presents, I just want a nice, relaxing massage and some of that great sex we used to have."
Anyway guys, it worked, she is buying me so much stuff.

Why did 1/5th get a massage?

Because he was 2/10's

I'm not a fan of my friend's massage therapist

He just rubs me the wrong way

The medium is the massage...

Last year, I wrote a book on penguins. In retrospect, paper would have been much easier.

Wife was massaging her husband's head.

Wife : you always ask for a head massage. Wonder who gave it to you before marriage.

Husband : well no one did , I didn't need one since there was no headache!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the massage massagynist jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working massage chiropractic piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes