Marys Jokes
28 marys jokes and hilarious marys puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about marys that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Marys Short Jokes
Short marys jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The marys humour may include short maria jokes also.
- I ate at Mary Poppin's Restaurant last night... Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious
- When Mary had a baby boy, the wise men weren't surprised... ...but you should have seen their eyes when she had the little lamb.
- Knock Knock Knock knock
Who's there?
Mary.
Mary who?
Mary Christmas!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Anna.
Anna who?
Anna happy new year!
Merry Christmas and a happy new year, Reddit :) - Pierre Curie walks into his lab and says to his wife: "Marie, everyday you look more radiant." [could be a repost]
- So there's this girl named Mary... 1. Mary meets a guy named Joseph
2. Mary ends up pregnant
3. ???
4. Prophet - My 16 year old cousin Mary finally got her period today. So, that was a tense couple of years for me.
- My grandpa once told me he dated Marie Curie. He was attracted to her glowing spirit and radiant personality.
Sadly, their relationship became toxic. - Biblical Parenting Techniques Joseph: What should we do about Jesus acting up in school?
Mary: I don't know it's not like raising the Son of God came with Emmanuel - Why were Mary and Joseph considered such good businessmen? Because they produced such a great prophet.
- A bar owner walks up to his bartender… and asks him, hey, are you sleeping with Mary the waitress?
The bartender says no, I'm not
The owner then replies, good, you fire her
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Marys One Liners
Which marys one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with marys? I can suggest the ones about saint and mary had a little lamb.
- If Mary gave birth to Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God... Did Mary have a little lamb?
- What's the difference between Mariah Carey and Marie Curie? One glitters, the other glows
- How did Mary Poppins die? Superkalifragilus ketoacidosis
- Jesus Christ was supposed to be named Franklin.... Until Mary stubbed her toe.
- What is Marie Curie's favorite food? Fission chips.
- Why did the crossdresser love Christmas? He could eat drink and be Mary
- Why did Mary become rich after giving birth to Jesus? She made a prophet!
- There's a new movie out about Marie Curie. It received glowing reviews.
- Why did Mary and Joseph's WIFI get hacked? Because Jesus WEPt.
- Marie Curie is my favorite scientist of all time. She was absolutely radiant.
- Where did Mary go when the bombs went off? Everywhere.
- What does Spiderman like to get high on? mary jane
- How did Mary know that Jesus weighed 7 lbs 6 oz? Because there was a weigh in the manger.
- What did Jesus do when Mary Magdalene tracked dirt through the house? Jesus swept.
- Marie-Antoinette heard of the starving karma farmers of reddit Let them have cake day
Laughable Marys Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about marys you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mary poppins jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make marys pranks.
Boy goes to confession and tells the priest he has been with a girl of loose morals.
"That's a grievous sin," the priest says. "Tell me: Was it Mary O'Hara?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kate Dannaher?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kathleen McGonigle?"
"No, Father. I don't want to say who it was."
Later, as the boy leaves the church, he sees a friend, who asks him, "How'd it go?"
He answers, "Well, I got ten Hail Marys, five Our Fathers... and three great leads."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My buddy has big news...
He comes to me one day and says "Dude, you'll never believe it, I'm b**... twins."
"That's awesome" I reply "but how can you tell them apart?"
"Easy" he says "Marys got long blonde hair and Steves got a moustache."
I asked a priest why I couldn't just say a bunch of hail Marys before committing a sin
Apparently the church isn't a fan of anything Pre-Marytal
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest is taking confession when a woman confesses to giving head...
The priest doesn't know what head is but he figures it's bad if it is something she's confessing to, so he gives her a couple of Hail Marys and an Our Father.
Later that day the priest is contemplating his day in the rectory garden when he sees a nun. He can't get this "head" out of his head, so he asks the nun, "Sister, can I ask you a question? What's head."
"Same is in town, Father, $20"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman goes to confession, tells the priest she has deviant s**... thoughts...
She says she cant help these s**... thoughts and doesnt know what to do. It has gotten so bad she even stopped wearing p**.... The priest says, "ok my child. I want you to do 10 hail marys 5 our fathers and 43 cartwheels."
How did the Catholic priest make one team lose the Superbowl?
He told the quarterback to do 20 hail Marys.
A Young Man in Confessional
A young man walks into confessional.
Tommy: "Bless me father for I have sinned. I've been with a loose woman."
Priest: "Is that you, Tommy? Who was it then?"
Tommy: "I can't tell you father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
Priest: "Was it Brenda?"
Tommy: "No, Father"
Priest: "Was it Fiona?"
Tommy: "No."
Priest: "Mary, then?"
Tommy: "No no."
Priest: "Very well then. Say five 'Our Fathers' and four 'Hail Marys."
Tommy went back to his pew. His friend leaned over.
Friend: "So, what happened?"
Tommy: "I got five 'Our Fathers,' four 'Hail Mary's,' and three good leads.
An Irishman's Confession...
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Marys and put £50 in the poor box."
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying,
"I saw that you didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the £50 on the box and, according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes into confession...
Man - "Father I have sinned. I had s**... out of wedlock."
Father - "Oh that is bad. Who was it with?"
Man - "Oh no, I don't want to say who it was."
Father - "Well was it Mary?"
Man - "No no sir it wasn't Mary."
Father - "Well than it must've been Susie."
Man - "No father it wasn't Susie. I don't really want to say."
Father - "Ok just go ten hail Marys then you should be ok."
The man goes outside and sees his friends waiting for him.
Friends - "How was it?"
Man - "Not bad, I got two great leads!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A 90 year old man goes to confession...
... and in the confessional, he says.. "father, I have committed a great sin, I have cheated on my wife of 60 years with a 22 year old woman" The priest thinks for a moment, and replies with, "well then, this is indeed a great sin, you need to pray to the heavenly father for forgiveness. Say 500 hail marys and deposit $100 in the donation box." The man said, but father, I'm Jewish. The priest replies, "well, why are you here telling me this." The man replies, "I just had s**... with a 22 year old, I'm telling everyone I know!"
A man goes into a confessional. "Father", he said, "I slept with Kitty Greene last night".
"Say 5 hail Marys, my son, and all shall be forgiven." the father said.
Later that day, another man came into the confessional and said "Father, I slept with Kitty Greene 4 times last week."
"Say 20 hail Marys, and all shall be forgiven."
Later, The father is in his office having a discussion with one of his parishioners, when in walks a tall redhead wearing an emerald green dress, a big green hat, and matching green shoes. She doesn't say a word, but sits down in a chair with her legs apart. Both men can clearly see that she's not wearing any underwear. She sits there smirking until the father regains his bearings and asks the parishioner "Is... Is that Kitty Greene?"
The parishioner says "No, i think that's just the reflection from her shoes."
Tommy goes to confession and tells the priest...
Bless me, father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.
Is that you, Tommy? says the priest.
Aye, it is, Father.
Who is it you were with, Tommy?
I'd rather not say, Father.
Was it Bridget?
No, Father.
Was it Colleen?
No, Father.
Was it Megan?
No, Father.
Well, Tommy, say four Our Fathers and four Hail Marys.
When Tommy gets outside, his friend Pat asks him how it went.
Terrifc, says Tommy. I got four Our Fathers, four Hail Marys,
and three great leads!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest walks up to his church's janitor
He then says that he has a problem - his stomach is very upset, and he has been running to the restroom all day. His problem is that the widow Mrs. Idoux is about to show up for her weekly confession, as she does every Friday at exactly 3:00. He asks the janitor to stand in for him at her confession, because Mrs. Idoux always has the same confession, carnal thoughts about a specific man. The priest says that he always gives Mrs. Idoux 10 Hail Marys and sends her on her way. The Janitor agrees, it is obvious the Priest would not ask such a thing were it unnecessary.
The Janitor steps in, and a couple minutes later, the widow Mrs. Idoux steps in to the confession booth. Mrs. Idoux says "Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I have caved into my carnal thoughts and performed o**... s**... on a man who is not my husband." The Janitor, realizing he cannot give the same penance for carnal thoughts as o**... s**..., so he quietly steps out of the booth, calls an altar boy over, and asks "Hey, kid - what does the priest give for o**... s**...?", to which the boy replies "A coke and a snickers bar, why do you ask?"
