Marx Jokes

Why does Karl Marx write in lowercase?

He hates capitalism

Hey girl is your name Karl Marx?

Cuz you're starting an uprising in my lower classes

Why does Karl Marx hate earl grey?

Because all proper tea is theft.

A joke my Dad made up (says lots bout Dad): A philosopher and a nudist are at a beach resort...

The philosopher asks the nudist, "have you read marx? And the nudist replies, "why, yes! But I think it's the wicker chairs."

How five Jews changed the way we see the world:

Moses: "The Law is everything"

Jesus: "Love is everything"

Marx: "Money is everything"

Freud: "Sex is everything"

Einstein: "Everything is relative"

As a Marxist I could never play CoD,

because I refuse to create a class.

Why did everyone hate communism?

I'd give it full Marx

What grades did Fidel Castro get at school?

Full Marx

Why did karl marx always spell his name in lowercase letters?

Because he wanted to abolish all forms of capital

Why doesn't communism work in a school enviroment?

Because everyone would get the same Marx.

My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.

I got full marx.

I used to go to communism classes.

I never really got good Marx.

Two men at the Communist Nudist Colony are sitting on the porch...

One turns to the other and says, "I say old boy, have you read marx?"
The other says, "Yes, I believe it's these wicker chairs."

Karl Marx College is a total scam

there aren't even any classes!

"outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend"

"inside of a dog, its too dark to read"-Groucho Marx

Two nudists philosophers were sitting around when one of them asked the other, "Have you read Marx?"

The other one replied "Yes, I think it's the wicker furniture".

What do you give a stoned communist who did well on a test?

High Marx.

Why does Karl Marx only drink herbal tea?

Because proper tea is theft!

Why didn't Karl Marx drink Earl Gray?

All proper tea is theft.

Why does Karl Marx not take milk in his tea?

Because proper tea is theft.

Miley Cyrus's VMA preformance...

Was so classless Karl Marx came in his grave

I did really well on my essay about communism.

People think they're funny by asking "did you get high Marx?" Actually, I did well because I approached the topic from all Engels.

I can't understand what the fuss is about the Labour manifesto!

I'd give it full Marx.

How does a Marxist jack off?

By seizing the means of reproduction.

Why was Marx bad at dating?

He only talked about seizing the means of production.

Two nudist socialists are sitting on a porch.

The first one asks, "Have you read Marx?"

The second one replies, "Yes, I think it's these wicker chairs."

Yo mama is so classless...

Yo mama is so classless that Marx thinks she's an ideal society.

In high school, I presented a project on communism

I thought I would get terrible marx for stalin but the teacher was pretty leninent.

Two nudists are sitting on the porch

Two older nudist men are sitting on the porch, having a discussion about communism. One man turns and says, "Have you read Marx?"
The other man replies, "Yes, I believe it's these wicker chairs."

Why did communism fail the exam?

Because it lost Marx.

Apparently Karl Marx didn't like JOKES....

Edit-oops ..my bad..he just didn't like them capitalized.

What score did Lenin get on his exam paper?

...Full Marx

Marx as a Student

In University, Karl Marx's Political Economics professor noted that every day, the young man would get up halfway through class and walk out, which caused a good deal of disruption. The professor quickly grew tired of the daily distraction, and so one day, as Marx stood up and prepared to leave, the professor stopped lecturing and turned to him.

"I am curious, Mr. Marx, what it is about my teaching you find so intolerable that you cannot sit through more than half of any given lecture."

Karl looked surprised for a moment, but quickly understood what the problem was, and said, "Oh, no, sir, it's nothing like that. See, I have a class on "Proletariat ideology" that starts in five minutes, and I'll be dropped from the course if I'm late."

The professor was confused. "You mean to tell me that the University registered you for two courses during the same time?"

"Yes, sir," Marx responded. "So it's nothing personal. Just a class conflict."

Q:Why Do Russian Students Always Turn in Their Homework Late?

**A:Because, all they ever learn about is Stalin.**

Q: What did the student's get as a result of never turning in their homework on time?


**A: Bad Marx.**

Tommy Wiseau walks into Communist Party HQ

Oh hai Marx

Communist Nudists

These two guys were sitting outside at a nudist colony. After talking for a while, they discovered they were both believers in Communism.

The first one said to the other
"You seem very familiar with this. Have you read Marx?"

To which the second replied, "Yes, and I think it's from sitting in these wicker chairs!"

I was forced to drop out of communism class...

I wasn't Lenin anything, my grades were Stalin, and my Marx were terrible!

Groucho Marx is on TV, interviewing a woman with 14 children

— My god, that's a lot of children! How can you do this?

— I love my husband a lot…

— Lady, I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while!

Why did the political theory class think their teacher was being unfair?

He gave the whole class the same Marx

Why did the communist fail his exam?

He didn't get full Marx

Why do marxists only drink tea made with tea bags?

Because proper tea is theft

Yesterday we had a communist party...

We enjoyed it to the marx.

A communist, like Karl Marx, says to seize the means of production...

Capitalist Donald Trump however, prefers to seize the means of reproduction.

I studied communism at school

Got nice Marx

My dad always told me "It's OK to hit a communist...

...as long as it leaves no Marx"

Two older men are sitting at a communist nudist colony...

Two older men are sitting at a communist nudist colony.

One asks the other, "Hey, have you read Marx?"

The other man replies, "Yeah, I think it's from these wicker chairs."

One morning, I shot an elephant in my pajamas...

How he got into my pajamas, I don't know.

- Groucho Marx

Why do stoner communists excel in academics?

They get high marx

If Karl Marx made a contraceptive company

Would it's slogan be seize the means of reproduction?

Two old men are sitting on the deck of a cruise ship…

The first one asks, Have you read Marx?

The other one replies, Yes. I believe that comes from sitting on these wicker chairs.

Apparently, Marx was right about religion being the opiate of the masses.

I just heard someone on the radio talking about mainlining Protestant churches.

Why did Marxism never catch on in England?

Because then it'd be impossible to get proper tea.

Why did Karl Marx like going to continental Europe so much?

Because they did not have proper tea.

Have you heard about the new movie set in a post apocalyptic world where the proletariat control the means of production?

They're calling it Mad Marx

East and West Germany

In West Germany your job determines your Marks.

In East Germany Marx determines your job.

Why did Karl Marx drink mint tea?

Because proper tea is theft.

I dropped out of Communism class

Marx were bad.

Why did the student fail the exam?

Spent too much time figuring out the Engels, so he didnt get the Marx.... thats what he gets for Stalin

What's the difference between Karl Marx and Donald Trump?

Trump only advocates the seizing of a *woman's* means of production

nudist camp for intellectuals

2 people at a nudist camp for intellectuals, one says to the other "have you read Marx?"

The 2nd say "yes, because of these wicker chairs"

Do you want to know why I dropped out of Communism class?

I had bad marx.

How many marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

IMPOSSIBLE! They only know how to spin things to the left.

Math is so communist...

...There's class struggle for Marx

Why does Karl Marx like stormy days?

There are no classes.

I was thinking about going to the grave of Karl Marx

But then I heard it was just another communist plot.

I'm a Marxist

Classless and moneyless.

Who's your favourite fantasy author?

Mine is Karl Marx

We have collected gags that can be used as Marx pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Marx, here are one liners and funny Marx pick up lines.

Joko Jokes