The Best 17 Martinis Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Martinis jokes. There are some martinis carlsberg jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these martinis daiquiri puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Martinis Jokes and Puns

2 Germans in a bar in London

\- 2 Martinis, please.

\- Dry?


A giraffe walks into a bar, he sits and orders 6 martinis........

Shame on you for wanting a punchline.

This giraffe needs help.

German spies

During the war, two German spies were sent to London to gather valuable intel. To immerse themselves in the local culture they walk into a local pub and walk up to the bar. The first German says to the barman in an impeccable English accent
"May I have two Martinis please?"
"Dry?" asked the barman.
The German replied, holding up two fingers.
"Nein! Zwei!"

Martinis joke, German spies

Two germans visit France in the early 50s

Two germans are visiting Paris in the early 50s. They want to order drinks, but they don't want to be thought of as germans, since it's post-WW2. So they practice their english accent for their order. Once it's ready, they go at the bar.

"Hello barman, may we have two martinis ?" asked one of the german.

"Dry ?" asked the barman.


How does Michael J. Fox like his martinis?


A German is in a bar in the US

He wants to order something to drink for his wife and him.
"I'll have two martinis, please."
"Dry?" asks the bartender.


A wise man once told me, Martinis are like boobs...

One is not enough, but three are WAY too many.

Martinis joke, A wise man once told me,  Martinis are like boobs...

How does a barnacle like its martinis?

On the rocks.

Tarzan comes home after a hard day and asks Jane to mix him a martini

He's hardly sat down before he's finished it and he asks Jane to mix him another, and being a caring, nurturing mate she does so. Again Tarzan makes it disappear and asks (nicely enough, to be fair) for still another one.

At this, Jane arches a delicate eyebrow and says "Three martinis? Before dinner?"

"Jane, you don't understand," sighs Tarzan. "It's a jungle out there!"

How many Episcopalians does it take to screw in a light bulb?


- one to fix the martinis
- one to call the electrician
- one to complain about how much better the old one was.

Michael J. Fox is great at making martinis..

..but terrible at stealing tambourines.

You can explore martinis chardonnay reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean martinis cranberry dad jokes. There are also martinis puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

George Burns

In his later years, the comedian George Burns was being interviewed by a shapely female journalist.

FJ: Mr. Burns, is it true that at your age, you still smoke six cigars every day?

GB: (eyes downcast) Yes, it's true.

FJ: And is it true you drink 3 or 4 martinis every day?

GB: Yes, that's true.

FJ: And is it true that you still chase after women half your age?

GB: Yes, I do.

FJ: What does your doctor have to say about all this?

GB: He's dead.

How does Michael J Fox take his martinis?

Shaken. Not stirred

Michael J. Fox is rumoured to be the next James bond...

He'll shake his own martinis and he's got a license to spill.

I like my loins like Bond likes his martinis

Why didn't Hitler like dirty martinis?

Because he hated olive juice.

Martinis joke, Why didn't Hitler like dirty martinis?

A guy invites a girl out to a lamb dinner...

The girl says, "What's a lamb dinner?"

The guy says, "Six martinis and a piece of ewe."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the martinis draught jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working martinis sauce piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes