The Best 56 Martin Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Martin jokes. There are some martin peters jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these martin author puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Martin Jokes and Puns

A woman is accused of beating her husband half to death with his guitar collection.

The judge looks down at her and asks, "First offender?"

The woman replies, "nope, first a Martin, then a Gibson, then a Fender."

I saw a sign that said, watch for children. I thought to myself...

Thats a fair trade. - Demetri Martin.

Why did the bird refuse Martin Luther's food?

It was on a strict diet of worms.

Martin joke, Why did the bird refuse Martin Luther's food?

Why doesn't George R.R. Martin have Twitter?

Because he would just kill off all 140 characters.

What's the difference between George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin?

Zimmerman can dodge a bullet.


A Martini is like a woman's breast...

One is not enough, and three is too many.

A guy waved at me and ran over the other day...

He said "oh sorry I thought you were someone else!"

I said, "I am"

-Demetri Martin

Martin joke, A guy waved at me and ran over the other day...

What's the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

Everyone wants to be Irish on Saint Patrick's Day.

Why is George R.R. Martin really bad at using Twitter?

There's a limit to how many characters you are allowed to waste.

Why was Martin Luther King so bad at doing laundry?

Because he wouldn't separate the whites from the blacks.

St. Patrick's day vs Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

What's the difference between St. Patrick's day and Martin Luther King day?

St. Patrick's day everybody wants to be Irish.

You can explore martin harris reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean martin sebastian dad jokes. There are also martin puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


This season of Game of Thrones set new records for Piracy

Probably because it's written by George Arrrrr Arrrrr Martin

A maths teachers husband buys an Aston Martin.

He pulls up into the drive of their house, eagerly awaiting his wife's response.

Instead, she looks angry and horrified. She storm up to his window and says "You ALWAYS leech off of MY money!"

"W-What?"

"LOOK AT YOU! I don't know HOW you earned this car!"

"Why?"

"YOU DIDN'T DO THE WORKING FOR IT!"

George Takei, George Clooney, George Lucas, and George R.R. Martin decided to have a barbecue.

They named their little get-together the "George" Four-Man Grill.

Why would people always stand still to hide from Martin Luther King Jr.?

His vision was based on movements.

TIL that Martin Luther King Jr got a C in public speaking

Look where it got him.

Murdered.

Martin joke, TIL that Martin Luther King Jr got a C in public speaking

What did the martini say when someone put a toothpick in it?

It hurts, but olive.

In America Martin Luther King only gets one day....

And sharks get a whole week.

It's probably because they are great whites.

What is Martin Luther King's least favorite Christmas song?

I'm dreamin' of a white Christmas


Why doesn't George R. R. Martin use Twitter?

He killed all 140 characters.

Steven Moffat and George RR Martin walk into a bar

Everyone dies.

What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew the light bulb.

(Spoken by the brilliant Steve Martin in "My Blue Heaven")

George R R Martin, dead after reaching peak popularity

Just like one of his characters.

(If this trash of a post hit the front page, the title could really mess with some GoT fans, I'm just saying)

What would Martin Luther King Jr. have been if he was white?

Alive

Today I witnessed an amputee being hanged.

I tried to save him, but yelled out all the wrong letters.

(H/T Demetri Martin)

I had a dream that my friend Martin became the ruler of all bath sponges.

We called him Martin Loofah King.

What do you call a civil rights activists who's also a shower sponge?

Martin Loofah King

Best Buy's Martin Luther King Day sale leaked

50% off all black speakers

What did Martin Luther King say to his wife while proposing?

Will you be my Martin Luther Queen?

My friend asked me to put him into one of my jokes

i said "Sure how about this one?"

[credit to Demetri Martin]

Why did Martin Luther King Jr. boycott laundry detergent?

Because it told him to keep his whites and colours separate.

What did the sign for the strip club say during the day?

Sorry, we're clothed

Taken from Demetri Martin

After 100 year, Tolkien's Beren and Luthien is coming out.

Still faster than George RR Martin.

George R.R. Martin, Steven Moffat, and Joss Whedon walk into a bar.

Everyone you've ever loved dies.

Kanye West, Donald Trump, Justin Bieber and Martin Skreli are put in a coliseum, given gladiator weapons and made to fight to the death. Who wins?

Society.

I'm so jealous of Martin Luther King Jr.

Nobody ever wants to hear stories about my weird dreams

Martin Shkreli's guilty verdict

Must be a tough pill for him to swallow.

'Wherever I go, I'm greeted with much warmth'

Martin, 37, Fireman.

"The other day I came across an old worn out Bible, printed by Guten-something"

"Not Gutenberg?!"

"Yeah, that was it"

"You idiot, one of those sold at auction recently for over a Million dollars!!"

"Oh, I don't think it would be worth anything that much. Some clown by the name of Martin Luther scribbled all over it"

George R. R. Martin found dead after reaching peak popularity.

Just like his characters.

My black friend told me I can't celebrate Martin Luther King Day because I am white

If that's true, then he can't celebrate Father's Day.

It's a real shame that, in this day and age, Barrack Obama had to give his speech about Martin Luther King Jr., while standing behind bullet proof glass...

Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot somebody...

What's the opposite of Martin Shkreli?

Martin Freeman.

I heard Martin Shkreli is sentenced to 7 years in prison, although originally he was going to serve 51 days

they raised it 5000%

I changed the name of my printer to George R. R. Martin

It's old, works slow, has issues finishing jobs, and constantly disappoints me.

So The Beatles and their producer, George Martin, were in the studio......

Paul: Any ideas on how to end Hey Jude?

John: Nah

George: Nah

Ringo: Nah

George Martin: Nah

Paul: Perfect!

What do bras have in common with Martin Luther King??

Both focus on uplifting the downtrodden masses!!

Why is Martin Luther King so bad at laundry?

He won't separate the whites from the colours…

What would Martin Luther King Jr be if he wasn't black?

Alive.

Why did Freddy Kruger kill Martin Luther King?

Cause he had a Dream.

Apparently "I'm sorry" and "My bad" are same thing

unless you're at a funeral

[Demetri martin]

JFK, Ab. lincoln, & Martin luther king Jr walks into a bar

They get a few shots

I gave my cat a bath today...

The fur got stuck to my tongue but other than that it was okay.

Steve Martin

George R. R. Martin, Patrick Rothfuss, and Scott Lynch walk into a bar

I'll finish writing the rest of this joke soon.

The Wolf of Wall Street

Martin Scorsese's film "The Wolf of Wall Street" broke a record by using the word "F**k" or "F**king" 506 times. That actually beats a record set by me in 2010, trying to put an Ikea chair together.

George R. R. Martin, Patrick Rothfuss and Scott Lynch walk into a bar

I'll finish writing this joke later

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the martin aston martin jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working martin steve martin piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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