Martial Jokes

129 martial jokes and hilarious martial puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about martial that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Check out this collection of Martial Jokes from various martial arts styles. From pinoy martial arts to law enforcement bureau, these jokes will make you chuckle and will bring some lightness to your day. Be sure to keep it lawful though; tenths for any unlawful laughter!

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Funniest Martial Short Jokes

Short martial jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The martial humour may include short marital jokes also.

  1. A private goes AWOL from the Army to follow his calling as a pastry chef, but gets caught and arrested. He was eventually court-martialed and sentenced to five years in prison for being a desserter.
  2. What's the difference between a ginger and a ninja? One's a soulless killing machine. The other is a highly trained martial artist.
  3. Did you hear about the baker who created a martial art for chefs? It's pretty sweet.
    He calls it "Cook-Kido".
  4. Why was the ninja so good at baking pastries? Because he had a black belt in martial tarts.
  5. Breaking News: Coup Underway - Trump takes control of senate and declares martial law! Oh wait... That was Palpatine.
    False alarm.
  6. What's the difference between Karate and Judo? Karate is a martial art and Judo is used to make bagels.
  7. Just been attacked by a ginger kid doing martial arts.... turns out he was the Carroty kid.
  8. Boxing is probably the most applicable martial art to the street... If you run away, you probably won't get hit.
  9. Working on a new type of martial arts that involves taking money from Hispanics.. called TakeJuan'sDough.
  10. Martial Arts for weak prisoners A new martial art similar to taekwondo is being developed for weak people that go to prison. It is named TyroneNo

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Martial One Liners

Which martial one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with martial? I can suggest the ones about martin and sporting.

  1. What do you call a bear with martial arts skills? Grizz Lee.
    ^I'll ^see ^myself ^out.
  2. Which is the most kosher martial art? Jew jitsu
  3. what do martial artists eat? kung food
  4. Why do they call the Israeli martial art krav maga? Because Judo was already taken.
  5. What's a rabbi's favorite martial art? Jew-jitsu.
  6. Seagull joke Q: What do you call a seagull that knows martial arts?
    A: Steven Seagull
  7. What do you call an accident prone martial artist? Bruise Lee
  8. What's the difference between Martial and Marital? Whether the violence is domestic.
  9. What do you call a martial artist who doesn't understand a concept? Kungfused.
  10. When a martial arts practitioner gets hurt... it's called a ninjury.
  11. What do you call a tree that does martial arts? Spruce Lee
  12. Seppuku is a... dying martial art.
  13. If someone draws pictures of Eminem for a living. Are they a professional martial artist?
  14. What kind of martial art does a Rabbi use? Jew-Jitsu
  15. What is the worst martial art? Tae Kwan don't

Martial Arts Jokes

Here is a list of funny martial arts jokes and even better martial arts puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • One day, I was speaking with a martial arts master. I asked, "Is it true that you once defeated one hundred men in only a few seconds using the Way of the Fist?"
    He replied, "Nay, Palm."
  • I was once in a 1 on 5 fight. I honed my skills from years of martial arts training, and we finally managed to beat up that guy.
  • What kind of martial art does a chef do? Kung food
    (Don't hurt me, I know it's bad)
  • What's the wankers favorite martial art? Youjizztsu.
  • What do you call the Israeli martial art? Jewjipsu
  • What do challah and martial arts have in common? Judo
  • I was in a 1v10 fight once It was a hard fought battle and I had to go all out and use all my martial art skills and in the end we managed to beat the guy up.
  • What martial art Aquaman learnt in Atlantis? Crab Magá
  • What martial art do cows practice? Moo-thai.
  • What form of martial arts do hebrews practice? Jew-jitsu

Martial Artist Jokes

Here is a list of funny martial artist jokes and even better martial artist puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • [OC] I saw a Japanese martial artist, I've seen him on tv before so I excitedly waved at him. He was confused and said "I don't believe we've met" I said "I recognize Judo".
  • What's a martial artist's favorite drink? Wahtahhh!!
  • The government will send a martial artist after you if you violate copyright law IP Man
  • What do you call a biracial kid studying Kickboxing? A mixed martial artist.
  • What is a martial artist's favorite flower? HIYAAcinth.
  • What do you call a Martial Artist in pain? Bruise Lee
  • What do you call a black/vietnamese martial artist? Tyquan Do
  • What kind of weapon is used by martial artists who specialize in wordplay? Punchucks.[](/teehee)
  • What do martial artists serve at a party? All kinds of punch!
  • What's the dyslexic martial artist's favorite drink? Chai tea.
Martial joke, What's the dyslexic martial artist's favorite drink?

Court Martial Jokes

Here is a list of funny court martial jokes and even better court martial puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • In WW I, US soldiers could be court martialed for contracting gonorrhoea. That's why they call it a "dishonorable discharge".
  • What's the difference between a war criminal and a married sheriff? One has been court martialed, the others a courted marshal.
  • I got court-martialed for boarding the wrong vessel... Whoops, wrong sub.

Martial Law Jokes

Here is a list of funny martial law jokes and even better martial law puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did the Muslims say when Martial Law was implemented ? Mashallah
Martial joke, What did the Muslims say when Martial Law was implemented ?

Fun-Filled Martial Jokes to Boost Your Mood

What funny jokes about martial you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean military jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make martial pranks.

Two martial artists...

...are arguing over who would win a fight between a skilled swordsman carrying a broadsword and a master wielder of an épée. They agree that the only way to settle the argument is actually to fight one another, each using one of the two weapons. An epic battle ensues and then, the two swordsmen feinted.

A primate that knows martial arts?!?!?!!!

What do you call a primate that knows martial arts?
Bruce Leemur!

A biker walks into a bar

and tells the bartender that he has a blonde joke. The bartender says, "I'd be careful saying a blonde joke here. On your left is a blonde lady that does mixed martial arts, and on your right is a blonde female cop. Not to mention, there are 3 blonde lady bartenders including myself. Are you sure you still want to tell it?" The biker then replies, "Well, not anymore if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Hopefully you guys get it.

A man was looking for a person to teach him martial arts, so he goes in to see a supposed ninja to ask for lessons. When he walks in he sees the ninja slicing at a fly with his sword, but not being able to kill it. The man says, "How can you teach me martial arts if you can't even hit a fly!?" The ninja then reply's, "Oh, don't worry, that fly won't be having any children."

How many martial artists does it taek to change a lightbulb?

It only taek won do change a lightbulb.

Four cops had to take a test...

They were all asked the same question:
"What would you do if a man with a knife was coming at you?"
The Cop from the U.K answered by listing the steps in order what he was taught to do in Police Academy and in the Police Handbook
The Cop from the U.S Answered:
The Cop from Japan answered:
"Disarm the man and arrest him using any form of martial arts that is best suited"
The Cop from Canada answered:
"Please put the knife down."

What do you call a mixed-up martial artist bodyguard?

Indefinite Lee

I was surprised to learn that the Israeli form of martial art was Krav maga...

I always thought they used JEWjitzu...

Martial arts

The Israelis developed Krav Maga - the art of disabling an opponent as quickly as possible.
The Japanese developed Jujitsu - the art of defeating an armed and armored opponent.
The Brazilians developed Capoeira - the art of defeating an opponent using dance and acrobatics.
The French developed parkour - the art of running away as quickly and efficiently as possible.

I've been studying Israeli army martial arts.

I now know 16 different ways to kick a Palestinian woman in the back.

A Chinese guy walks into a bar...

A Chinese guy walks into a bar, and sits next to Jeff, and starts drinking his beer. Jeff asks him :
• My friend, do you know any martial arts, kung fu, karate or other stuff?
• Why do you ask, is it because i'm Chinese?
• No, it's because you are drinking my beer.

What do martial artist love to drink?


What do you call it when a gorilla takes martial arts lessons?


What's the most popular form of martial arts in Israel?


What type of martial arts do they practice in Israel?

Jew jitsu

what martial arts did Jesus practice?

..Jew Jitsu

What do you call a grandma that know martial arts?

A grandmartial artist.
I apologise for any lost brain cells.

What kind of martial arts do birds practice?

Wing Chun

2016 has done the impossible

It claimed the life of Chuck Norris.
"Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris (born March 10, 1940) is an American martial artist, actor, film producer and screenwriter died this morning in his house in Oklahoma at the age of 76. He is feeling much better now and has fully recovered from this minor annoyance."

Mexican self defense

A Mexican passed a Japanese man and a Korean man as they were discussing their favorite type of martial arts.
Japanese man: I practice karate, the defense arts.
Korean man: I practice Taekwondo, teaches defense and attack.
At this point the men notice the Mexican and ask him what he practices
Mexican: Judono
Men: We have heard of Judo but not Judono, what is it?
Mexican: Well, judono if I got a gun, judono if I got a knife...

Pacifism is a martial art.

Its moves are designed to bruise the opponent's knuckles with your face.

I went to my favorite bar last night.

A Chinese guy sits down next to me. I ask him "hey, do you know karate or some other martial art"? He says "why, because I'm Asian"? I said "no, because you're drinking my beer".

What is h**...'s least favourite form of martial arts?


What is Israel's favorite martial art?


I've considered opening a mixed emotion martial arts center...

But I'm conflicted.

An old cowboy is sitting at a bar next to a young Japanese man

An old cowboy is sitting at a bar next to a young Japanese man.
The cowboy turns to the Japanese man, scowling and grunts "Hey kid, do you know King Fu or Jiu Jitsu or somewhat?
Severely offended the Japanese man says, "Just because I'm 'Oriental' doesn't mean I know Martial Arts."
The cowboy stands up and says, "No it's 'cause you're drink'in my beer."
-Credit goes to my grandpa

What's the national martial art of Pakistan?


It's not fair to put Floyd in an Octagon with Connor.

Floyd couldn't study a book, nvm mixed martial arts.

I walked into an underemployed martial arts dojo today and offered my skills.

In no time, I was HI-YA'd!

Chinese in the bar

Last night a Chinese guy came to my favorite bar.
I asked him if he knew Kung Fu or some other martial art.
He said, Why do you ask me that? Is it just because I'm Chinese?!
No it's because you're drinking MY beer!

What martial art does a vegan kick boxer specialize in?


What type of martial arts did the Rabbi Practice?


A Chinese man walks into a bar

A Chinese man walks into a bar and starts drinking a beer. The man next to him asks, "Do you know Kung Fu? Or Karate? Taekwondo? Any martial arts maybe?"
The Chinese man replies in disgust, "You think that just because I'm Chinese I know martial arts? That's racist!"
"Good, because you're drinking my beer," was all the Chinese man heard, before he got knocked out with a punch.

Which martial arts is the most popular in Ireland?

Drunken boxing.

Did you hear about the guy who claims to be martial arts master Bruce's son


What form of deadly martial arts are soybeans trained in?


What martial art did Ray Charles practice?

Don't Silat

What do you call a stormtrooper that knows martial arts?

A thai fighter!

What kind of martial art do snakes practice?

Krav Naga.

Why are martial artists so stylish?

Cause they always have kick-a**... shoes!

What was h**...'s Least Favorite Martial Arts?

Jew Jitsu

What's the martial arts All jews are afraid of?

Jew Git sue.

I was sat at the bar in a pub in Dublin..

..when a Chinese man comes in, sits next to me and starts drinking. I asked him " do you know any of those martial arts like karate or kung fu?"
He says "NO - why the he'll you ask me that! Is it because I am Chinese!!?"
I said "No , it's because your drinking my Guiness"

A martial arts expert is arrested for m**....

When the case is taken to court, he is asked by the judge why he doesn't have a lawyer with him.
'I don't need a lawyer', the martial arts expert replies.
'Why not? It could really help your case if you have a defense lawyer' the judge says.
'No, thank you', the martial arts expert replies again, 'I can do it by myself. After all I am a self defence expert'.

Martial joke, A martial arts expert is arrested for m**....

jokes about martial