Martial Jokes
126 martial jokes and hilarious martial puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about martial that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out this collection of Martial Jokes from various martial arts styles. From pinoy martial arts to law enforcement bureau, these jokes will make you chuckle and will bring some lightness to your day. Be sure to keep it lawful though; tenths for any unlawful laughter!
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Funniest Martial Short Jokes
Short martial jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The martial humour may include short marital jokes also.
- A private goes AWOL from the Army to follow his calling as a pastry chef, but gets caught and arrested. He was eventually court-martialed and sentenced to five years in prison for being a desserter.
- What's the difference between a ginger and a ninja? One's a soulless killing machine. The other is a highly trained martial artist.
- Did you hear about the baker who created a martial art for chefs? It's pretty sweet.
He calls it "Cook-Kido". - Why was the ninja so good at baking pastries? Because he had a black belt in martial tarts.
- Breaking News: Coup Underway - Trump takes control of senate and declares martial law! Oh wait... That was Palpatine.
False alarm. - Just been attacked by a ginger kid doing martial arts.... turns out he was the Carroty kid.
- Boxing is probably the most applicable martial art to the street... If you run away, you probably won't get hit.
- Martial Arts for weak prisoners A new martial art similar to taekwondo is being developed for weak people that go to prison. It is named TyroneNo
- One day, I was speaking with a martial arts master. I asked, "Is it true that you once defeated one hundred men in only a few seconds using the Way of the Fist?"
He replied, "Nay, Palm." - In WW I, US soldiers could be court martialed for contracting gonorrhoea. That's why they call it a "dishonorable discharge".
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Martial One Liners
Which martial one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with martial? I can suggest the ones about martin and military.
- What do you call a bear with martial arts skills? Grizz Lee.
^I'll ^see ^myself ^out. - Which is the most kosher martial art? Jew jitsu
- what do martial artists eat? kung food
- Why do they call the Israeli martial art krav maga? Because Judo was already taken.
- Seagull joke Q: What do you call a seagull that knows martial arts?
A: Steven Seagull - What do you call an accident prone martial artist? Bruise Lee
- What's the difference between Martial and Marital? Whether the violence is domestic.
- What do you call a martial artist who doesn't understand a concept? Kungfused.
- When a martial arts practitioner gets hurt... it's called a ninjury.
- Seppuku is a... dying martial art.
- If someone draws pictures of Eminem for a living. Are they a professional martial artist?
- What is the worst martial art? Tae Kwan don't
- What kind of martial art does a chef do? Kung food
(Don't hurt me, I know it's bad) - What do you call the Israeli martial art? Jewjipsu
- What do challah and martial arts have in common? Judo
Martial Arts Jokes
Here is a list of funny martial arts jokes and even better martial arts puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was once in a 1 on 5 fight. I honed my skills from years of martial arts training, and we finally managed to beat up that guy.
- I was in a 1v10 fight once It was a hard fought battle and I had to go all out and use all my martial art skills and in the end we managed to beat the guy up.
- What martial art Aquaman learnt in Atlantis? Crab Magá
- What martial art do cows practice? Moo-thai.
- What form of deadly martial arts are soybeans trained in? Tofu
- Did you hear about the guy who claims to be martial arts master Bruce's son AllegedLee
- What martial art does a vegan kick boxer specialize in? To-fu
- A primate that knows martial arts?!?!?!!! What do you call a primate that knows martial arts?
Bruce Leemur! - What's the national martial art of Pakistan? Karachi
- Pacifism is a martial art. Its moves are designed to bruise the opponent's knuckles with your face.
Martial Artist Jokes
Here is a list of funny martial artist jokes and even better martial artist puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- [OC] I saw a Japanese martial artist, I've seen him on tv before so I excitedly waved at him. He was confused and said "I don't believe we've met" I said "I recognize Judo".
- The government will send a martial artist after you if you violate copyright law IP Man
- What do you call a biracial kid studying Kickboxing? A mixed martial artist.
- What is a martial artist's favorite flower? HIYAAcinth.
- What do you call a black/vietnamese martial artist? Tyquan Do
- What kind of weapon is used by martial artists who specialize in wordplay? Punchucks.[](/teehee)
- What do martial artists serve at a party? All kinds of punch!
- What's the dyslexic martial artist's favorite drink? Chai tea.
- What do you call a grandma that know martial arts? A grandmartial artist.
I apologise for any lost brain cells. - What do martial artist love to drink? WATAAA
Martial Law Jokes
Here is a list of funny martial law jokes and even better martial law puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the Muslims say when Martial Law was implemented ? Mashallah
Fun-Filled Martial Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about martial you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean maul jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make martial pranks.
Two martial artists...
...are arguing over who would win a fight between a skilled swordsman carrying a broadsword and a master wielder of an épée. They agree that the only way to settle the argument is actually to fight one another, each using one of the two weapons. An epic battle ensues and then, the two swordsmen feinted.
If you stab someone with a paint-brush, do you become a martial artist?
Not sure if it's original but I thought it up 3 years ago work and I randomly remembered it.
What do call a potato that knows martial arts?
Jacket Chan
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A biker walks into a bar
and tells the bartender that he has a blonde joke. The bartender says, "I'd be careful saying a blonde joke here. On your left is a blonde lady that does mixed martial arts, and on your right is a blonde female cop. Not to mention, there are 3 blonde lady bartenders including myself. Are you sure you still want to tell it?" The biker then replies, "Well, not anymore if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
Hopefully you guys get it.
A man was looking for a person to teach him martial arts, so he goes in to see a supposed ninja to ask for lessons. When he walks in he sees the ninja slicing at a fly with his sword, but not being able to kill it. The man says, "How can you teach me martial arts if you can't even hit a fly!?" The ninja then reply's, "Oh, don't worry, that fly won't be having any children."
How many martial artists does it taek to change a lightbulb?
It only taek won do change a lightbulb.
Four cops had to take a test...
They were all asked the same question:
"What would you do if a man with a knife was coming at you?"
The Cop from the U.K answered by listing the steps in order what he was taught to do in Police Academy and in the Police Handbook
The Cop from the U.S Answered:
"BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG"
The Cop from Japan answered:
"Disarm the man and arrest him using any form of martial arts that is best suited"
The Cop from Canada answered:
"Please put the knife down."
What do you call a mixed-up martial artist bodyguard?
Indefinite Lee
I was surprised to learn that the Israeli form of martial art was Krav maga...
I always thought they used JEWjitzu...
Which computer monitor knows martial arts?
Fujitsus
What do they call Dragon Ball Z Comics?
Martial Arts..
Martial arts
The Israelis developed Krav Maga - the art of disabling an opponent as quickly as possible.
The Japanese developed Jujitsu - the art of defeating an armed and armored opponent.
The Brazilians developed Capoeira - the art of defeating an opponent using dance and acrobatics.
The French developed parkour - the art of running away as quickly and efficiently as possible.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the new Yiddish martial art...
that involves rapid spasms and filing legal action against your opponent?
Jew-fit-sue is taking off in a big way
[engineering] what kind of fight sees two fighters enter the ring and only one leave?
Muxed martial arts
A Chinese guy walks into a bar...
A Chinese guy walks into a bar, and sits next to Jeff, and starts drinking his beer. Jeff asks him :
• My friend, do you know any martial arts, kung fu, karate or other stuff?
• Why do you ask, is it because i'm Chinese?
• No, it's because you are drinking my beer.
What Job will Mr Miyagi take on when he retires from Martial Arts?
Plastic Surgeon.
Japanese accent "Rax on, Rax off"
What do you call it when a gorilla takes martial arts lessons?
Kong-fu
What kind of martial arts do birds practice?
Wing Chun
2016 has done the impossible
It claimed the life of Chuck Norris.
"Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris (born March 10, 1940) is an American martial artist, actor, film producer and screenwriter died this morning in his house in Oklahoma at the age of 76. He is feeling much better now and has fully recovered from this minor annoyance."
Mexican self defense
A Mexican passed a Japanese man and a Korean man as they were discussing their favorite type of martial arts.
Japanese man: I practice karate, the defense arts.
Korean man: I practice Taekwondo, teaches defense and attack.
At this point the men notice the Mexican and ask him what he practices
Mexican: Judono
Men: We have heard of Judo but not Judono, what is it?
Mexican: Well, judono if I got a gun, judono if I got a knife...
What's a Jewish person's favourite martial arts?
Judo
How many *"True Martial Arts"* are there?
Apparently over 9000
I've considered opening a mixed emotion martial arts center...
But I'm conflicted.
An old cowboy is sitting at a bar next to a young Japanese man
An old cowboy is sitting at a bar next to a young Japanese man.
The cowboy turns to the Japanese man, scowling and grunts "Hey kid, do you know King Fu or Jiu Jitsu or somewhat?
Severely offended the Japanese man says, "Just because I'm 'Oriental' doesn't mean I know Martial Arts."
The cowboy stands up and says, "No it's 'cause you're drink'in my beer."
-Credit goes to my grandpa
It's not fair to put Floyd in an Octagon with Connor.
Floyd couldn't study a book, nvm mixed martial arts.
I walked into an underemployed martial arts dojo today and offered my skills.
In no time, I was HI-YA'd!
I've just been watching an unusual martial arts film set in a semaphorists' hospice
It's called The House Of The Dying Flaggers.
Chinese in the bar
Last night a Chinese guy came to my favorite bar.
I asked him if he knew Kung Fu or some other martial art.
He said, Why do you ask me that? Is it just because I'm Chinese?!
No it's because you're drinking MY beer!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's a rabbi's favorite martial art?
Jew-jitsu.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What type of martial arts did the Rabbi Practice?
Jew-jit-su.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the national martial art of Israel?
Jew g**...-Sue.
^^^Someone ^^^improve ^^^this, ^^^I ^^^just ^^^thought ^^^it ^^^up.
Which martial arts is the most popular in Ireland?
Drunken boxing.
What martial art did Ray Charles practice?
Don't Silat
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
David Carradine , An American actor and martial Artist died due fatal a**... asphyxiation accident .
I guess you can say that ,
*Puts on Sunglasses*
He Died Hard!
What do you call a stormtrooper that knows martial arts?
A thai fighter!
What would be the best martial art to teach to a toddler?
I was thinking about a little Tyke Won Do.
Little known fact
But in martial arts the first person to raise referees hand is always declared a winner.
How many martial artists does it take to change a lightbulb?
10
1 to change it, and 9 to say that wouldn't work on the streets
Where did the pizza learn martial arts?
Dough-jo
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What martial art is done using only your feet?
**Tofu**
(I know original content is rare here, so as soon as I thought of this I made sure to post it here)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've started a martial arts school for small-breasted women.
It's called Itty Bitty t**... Kumite
What kind of martial art do snakes practice?
Krav Naga.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are martial artists so stylish?
Cause they always have kick-a**... shoes!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A martial arts expert is arrested for m**....
When the case is taken to court, he is asked by the judge why he doesn't have a lawyer with him.
'I don't need a lawyer', the martial arts expert replies.
'Why not? It could really help your case if you have a defense lawyer' the judge says.
'No, thank you', the martial arts expert replies again, 'I can do it by myself. After all I am a self defence expert'.
