The Best 67 Martial Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Martial jokes. There are some martial mma jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these martial military puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Martial Jokes and Puns

What martial art do cows practice?


Two martial artists...

...are arguing over who would win a fight between a skilled swordsman carrying a broadsword and a master wielder of an รฉpรฉe. They agree that the only way to settle the argument is actually to fight one another, each using one of the two weapons. An epic battle ensues and then, the two swordsmen feinted.

Martial Arts for weak prisoners

A new martial art similar to taekwondo is being developed for weak people that go to prison. It is named TyroneNo

Martial joke, Martial Arts for weak prisoners

Seagull joke

Q: What do you call a seagull that knows martial arts?

A: Steven Seagull

A primate that knows martial arts?!?!?!!!

What do you call a primate that knows martial arts?

Bruce Leemur!

A biker walks into a bar

and tells the bartender that he has a blonde joke. The bartender says, "I'd be careful saying a blonde joke here. On your left is a blonde lady that does mixed martial arts, and on your right is a blonde female cop. Not to mention, there are 3 blonde lady bartenders including myself. Are you sure you still want to tell it?" The biker then replies, "Well, not anymore if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Hopefully you guys get it.

A man was looking for a person to teach him martial arts, so he goes in to see a supposed ninja to ask for lessons. When he walks in he sees the ninja slicing at a fly with his sword, but not being able to kill it. The man says, "How can you teach me martial arts if you can't even hit a fly!?" The ninja then reply's, "Oh, don't worry, that fly won't be having any children."

Martial joke, Hopefully you guys get it.

What's the difference between Karate and Judo?

Karate is a martial art and Judo is used to make bagels.

Four cops had to take a test...

They were all asked the same question:
"What would you do if a man with a knife was coming at you?"

The Cop from the U.K answered by listing the steps in order what he was taught to do in Police Academy and in the Police Handbook

The Cop from the U.S Answered:

The Cop from Japan answered:
"Disarm the man and arrest him using any form of martial arts that is best suited"

The Cop from Canada answered:
"Please put the knife down."

What do challah and martial arts have in common?


What kind of weapon is used by martial artists who specialize in wordplay?


You can explore martial tenths reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean martial jujitsu dad jokes. There are also martial puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Working on a new type of martial arts that involves taking money from Hispanics..

called TakeJuan'sDough.

What do you call a black/vietnamese martial artist?

Tyquan Do

Why do they call the Israeli martial art krav maga?

Because Judo was already taken.

What do you call the Israeli martial art?


Boxing is probably the most applicable martial art to the street...

If you run away, you probably won't get hit.

Martial joke, Boxing is probably the most applicable martial art to the street...

Martial arts

The Israelis developed Krav Maga - the art of disabling an opponent as quickly as possible.

The Japanese developed Jujitsu - the art of defeating an armed and armored opponent.

The Brazilians developed Capoeira - the art of defeating an opponent using dance and acrobatics.

The French developed parkour - the art of running away as quickly and efficiently as possible.

I've been studying Israeli army martial arts.

I now know 16 different ways to kick a Palestinian woman in the back.

What do you call a bear with martial arts skills?

Grizz Lee.

^I'll ^see ^myself ^out.

what do martial artists eat?

kung food

A Chinese guy walks into a bar...

A Chinese guy walks into a bar, and sits next to Jeff, and starts drinking his beer. Jeff asks him :

โ€ข My friend, do you know any martial arts, kung fu, karate or other stuff?

โ€ข Why do you ask, is it because i'm Chinese?

โ€ข No, it's because you are drinking my beer.

What kind of martial art does a chef do?

Kung food

(Don't hurt me, I know it's bad)

What type of martial arts do they practice in Israel?

Jew jitsu

What do you call a grandma that know martial arts?

A grandmartial artist.

I apologise for any lost brain cells.

2016 has done the impossible

It claimed the life of Chuck Norris.

"Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris (born March 10, 1940) is an American martial artist, actor, film producer and screenwriter died this morning in his house in Oklahoma at the age of 76. He is feeling much better now and has fully recovered from this minor annoyance."

Mexican self defense

A Mexican passed a Japanese man and a Korean man as they were discussing their favorite type of martial arts.

Japanese man: I practice karate, the defense arts.

Korean man: I practice Taekwondo, teaches defense and attack.

At this point the men notice the Mexican and ask him what he practices

Mexican: Judono

Men: We have heard of Judo but not Judono, what is it?

Mexican: Well, judono if I got a gun, judono if I got a knife...

Breaking News: Coup Underway - Trump takes control of senate and declares martial law!

Oh wait... That was Palpatine.
False alarm.

Pacifism is a martial art.

Its moves are designed to bruise the opponent's knuckles with your face.

I went to my favorite bar last night.

A Chinese guy sits down next to me. I ask him "hey, do you know karate or some other martial art"? He says "why, because I'm Asian"? I said "no, because you're drinking my beer".

What is Israel's favorite martial art?


I've considered opening a mixed emotion martial arts center...

But I'm conflicted.

What's the difference between a ginger and a ninja?

One's a soulless killing machine. The other is a highly trained martial artist.

An old cowboy is sitting at a bar next to a young Japanese man

An old cowboy is sitting at a bar next to a young Japanese man.

The cowboy turns to the Japanese man, scowling and grunts "Hey kid, do you know King Fu or Jiu Jitsu or somewhat?

Severely offended the Japanese man says, "Just because I'm 'Oriental' doesn't mean I know Martial Arts."

The cowboy stands up and says, "No it's 'cause you're drink'in my beer."

-Credit goes to my grandpa

Chinese in the bar

Last night a Chinese guy came to my favorite bar.

I asked him if he knew Kung Fu or some other martial art.

He said, Why do you ask me that? Is it just because I'm Chinese?!

No it's because you're drinking MY beer!

What martial art does a vegan kick boxer specialize in?


When a martial arts practitioner gets hurt...

it's called a ninjury.

What's a rabbi's favorite martial art?


What do you call a biracial kid studying Kickboxing?

A mixed martial artist.

A Chinese man walks into a bar

A Chinese man walks into a bar and starts drinking a beer. The man next to him asks, "Do you know Kung Fu? Or Karate? Taekwondo? Any martial arts maybe?"

The Chinese man replies in disgust, "You think that just because I'm Chinese I know martial arts? That's racist!"

"Good, because you're drinking my beer," was all the Chinese man heard, before he got knocked out with a punch.

If someone draws pictures of Eminem for a living.

Are they a professional martial artist?

Why was the ninja so good at baking pastries?

Because he had a black belt in martial tarts.

Which martial arts is the most popular in Ireland?

Drunken boxing.

What do martial artists serve at a party?

All kinds of punch!

What do you call a Martial Artist in pain?

Bruise Lee

Did you hear about the guy who claims to be martial arts master Bruce's son


What is a martial artist's favorite flower?


What's the wankers favorite martial art?


Seppuku is a...

dying martial art.

What form of deadly martial arts are soybeans trained in?


What martial art Aquaman learnt in Atlantis?

Crab Magรก

What do you call a martial artist who doesn't understand a concept?


[OC] I saw a Japanese martial artist, I've seen him on tv before so I excitedly waved at him. He was confused and said "I don't believe we've met"

I said "I recognize Judo".

I was in a 1v10 fight once

It was a hard fought battle and I had to go all out and use all my martial art skills and in the end we managed to beat the guy up.

What form of martial arts do hebrews practice?


Why are martial artists so stylish?

Cause they always have kick-ass shoes!

I was once in a 1 on 5 fight.

I honed my skills from years of martial arts training, and we finally managed to beat up that guy.

What was Hitler's Least Favorite Martial Arts?

Jew Jitsu

What is the worst martial art?

Tae Kwan don't

What's the martial arts All jews are afraid of?

Jew Git sue.

What's a martial artist's favorite drink?


The government will send a martial artist after you if you violate copyright law

IP Man

Just been attacked by a ginger kid doing martial arts....

turns out he was the Carroty kid.

What do you call a tree that does martial arts?

Spruce Lee

I was sat at the bar in a pub in Dublin..

..when a Chinese man comes in, sits next to me and starts drinking. I asked him " do you know any of those martial arts like karate or kung fu?"
He says "NO - why the he'll you ask me that! Is it because I am Chinese!!?"
I said "No , it's because your drinking my Guiness"

A martial arts expert is arrested for murder.

When the case is taken to court, he is asked by the judge why he doesn't have a lawyer with him.

'I don't need a lawyer', the martial arts expert replies.

'Why not? It could really help your case if you have a defense lawyer' the judge says.

'No, thank you', the martial arts expert replies again, 'I can do it by myself. After all I am a self defence expert'.

A martial arts instructor sees one of his students heading in to a nunnery,he thinks I will mention it to him at our next class.

The next class he says to the man. I seen you heading in to the nunnery the other day there. The man replied. I was just practicing my nunchucks

What do you call an accident prone martial artist?

Bruise Lee

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the martial jiujitsu jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working martial embezzlement piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes