Martial Arts Jokes

What are some Martial Arts jokes?

A Chinese guy walks into a bar...

A Chinese guy walks into a bar, and sits next to Jeff, and starts drinking his beer. Jeff asks him :


• My friend, do you know any martial arts, kung fu, karate or other stuff?


• Why do you ask, is it because i'm Chinese?


• No, it's because you are drinking my beer.

Martial arts

The Israelis developed Krav Maga - the art of disabling an opponent as quickly as possible.

The Japanese developed Jujitsu - the art of defeating an armed and armored opponent.

The Brazilians developed Capoeira - the art of defeating an opponent using dance and acrobatics.

The French developed parkour - the art of running away as quickly and efficiently as possible.

Mexican self defense

A Mexican passed a Japanese man and a Korean man as they were discussing their favorite type of martial arts.

Japanese man: I practice karate, the defense arts.

Korean man: I practice Taekwondo, teaches defense and attack.

At this point the men notice the Mexican and ask him what he practices

Mexican: Judono

Men: We have heard of Judo but not Judono, what is it?

Mexican: Well, judono if I got a gun, judono if I got a knife...

A biker walks into a bar

and tells the bartender that he has a blonde joke. The bartender says, "I'd be careful saying a blonde joke here. On your left is a blonde lady that does mixed martial arts, and on your right is a blonde female cop. Not to mention, there are 3 blonde lady bartenders including myself. Are you sure you still want to tell it?" The biker then replies, "Well, not anymore if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

What do you call a bear with martial arts skills?

Grizz Lee.

^I'll ^see ^myself ^out.

I went to my favorite bar last night.

A Chinese guy sits down next to me. I ask him "hey, do you know karate or some other martial art"? He says "why, because I'm Asian"? I said "no, because you're drinking my beer".

Chinese in the bar

Last night a Chinese guy came to my favorite bar.

I asked him if he knew Kung Fu or some other martial art.

He said, Why do you ask me that? Is it just because I'm Chinese?!

No it's because you're drinking MY beer!

Why do they call the Israeli martial art krav maga?

Because Judo was already taken.

A Chinese man walks into a bar

A Chinese man walks into a bar and starts drinking a beer. The man next to him asks, "Do you know Kung Fu? Or Karate? Taekwondo? Any martial arts maybe?"

The Chinese man replies in disgust, "You think that just because I'm Chinese I know martial arts? That's racist!"

"Good, because you're drinking my beer," was all the Chinese man heard, before he got knocked out with a punch.

What's a rabbi's favorite martial art?

Jew-jitsu.

What's the difference between Karate and Judo?

Karate is a martial art and Judo is used to make bagels.

Seagull joke

Q: What do you call a seagull that knows martial arts?

A: Steven Seagull

Boxing is probably the most applicable martial art to the street...

If you run away, you probably won't get hit.

When a martial arts practitioner gets hurt...

it's called a ninjury.

Working on a new type of martial arts that involves taking money from Hispanics..

called TakeJuan'sDough.

Hopefully you guys get it.

A man was looking for a person to teach him martial arts, so he goes in to see a supposed ninja to ask for lessons. When he walks in he sees the ninja slicing at a fly with his sword, but not being able to kill it. The man says, "How can you teach me martial arts if you can't even hit a fly!?" The ninja then reply's, "Oh, don't worry, that fly won't be having any children."

Martial Arts for weak prisoners

A new martial art similar to taekwondo is being developed for weak people that go to prison. It is named TyroneNo

Hayato had a question

Then he headed to master Akira dojo on the top of the mountain, when he finally got there Hayato asked to the master:

-Master Akira, why people say that all the japaneses are alike?

And then he aswered:

-I'm not master Akira, he's over there.

Well that was one of the best martial arts pick up lines

I was once in a 1 on 5 fight.

I honed my skills from years of martial arts training, and we finally managed to beat up that guy.

Seppuku is a...

dying martial art.

What do you call the Israeli martial art?

Jewjipsu

What kind of martial art does a chef do?

Kung food

(Don't hurt me, I know it's bad)

French Jokes

What's the standard issue weapon in the French army? A white flag.

What's the only French martial art? Parkour, the art running away.

Like the entrance to Hogwarts, if you look at the French flag from exactly the right angle (like that of an invading army), it turns white.

An American, Russian, and French soldier see a German machine gunner. The Russian calls on his comrades to repeatedly suicide charge the German until he runs out of bullets. The American calls for a synchronized bombing strike using the full might the American military to obliterate the German (and all the nearby land). The Frenchman gets blown up by the American strike, because he already surrendered and was taken prisoner by the German.

For sale: A French rifle. Never fired, dropped once.

What's the difference between a French soldier and a brain-dead jugghead? The jugghead runs towards the battle.

Inspired by the American president. The French prime-minister ordered his secret service to carry around a locked briefcase that can only be unlocked by the prime-minister in case of an emergency war. Inside is said to be the controls to the national white-flag system.

What's the French military motto? Don't shoot, we surrender.

What do challah and martial arts have in common?

Judo

An old cowboy is sitting at a bar next to a young Japanese man

An old cowboy is sitting at a bar next to a young Japanese man.

The cowboy turns to the Japanese man, scowling and grunts "Hey kid, do you know King Fu or Jiu Jitsu or somewhat?

Severely offended the Japanese man says, "Just because I'm 'Oriental' doesn't mean I know Martial Arts."

The cowboy stands up and says, "No it's 'cause you're drink'in my beer."

-Credit goes to my grandpa

I was in a 1v10 fight once

It was a hard fought battle and I had to go all out and use all my martial art skills and in the end we managed to beat the guy up.

What martial art Aquaman learnt in Atlantis?

Crab Magá

What's the wankers favorite martial art?

Youjizztsu.

What form of martial arts do hebrews practice?

Jew-jitsu

What martial art do cows practice?

Moo-thai.

Did you hear about the guy who claims to be martial arts master Bruce's son

AllegedLee

Four cops had to take a test...

They were all asked the same question:
"What would you do if a man with a knife was coming at you?"

The Cop from the U.K answered by listing the steps in order what he was taught to do in Police Academy and in the Police Handbook

The Cop from the U.S Answered:
"BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG"

The Cop from Japan answered:
"Disarm the man and arrest him using any form of martial arts that is best suited"

The Cop from Canada answered:
"Please put the knife down."

A primate that knows martial arts?!?!?!!!

What do you call a primate that knows martial arts?

Bruce Leemur!

What is Israel's favorite martial art?

Jew-Jitsu

What martial art does a vegan kick boxer specialize in?

To-fu

How to make Martial Arts jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Martial Arts to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Martial Arts? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Martial Arts pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes