martial arts Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious martial arts puns

I was sitting at a bar last night

And this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.

I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu. He says no, WTF man!? Are you asking because I'm Chinese?

I said no, it's because you're drinking my beer.

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a joke that isn't racist

a guy is sitting in a bar and turns to the Asian guy next to him and asks:

"hey do you know, tai quon do, ju jutsu, kung fu or any of that shit?"

offended the Asian man replies:
"what you think that just because i'm asian i know martial arts?"

the man replies: "nah its because you're drinking my fucking burbon"

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A Chinese guy walks into a bar...

A Chinese guy walks into a bar, and sits next to Jeff, and starts drinking his beer. Jeff asks him :


• My friend, do you know any martial arts, kung fu, karate or other stuff?


• Why do you ask, is it because i'm Chinese?


• No, it's because you are drinking my beer.

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Martial arts

The Israelis developed Krav Maga - the art of disabling an opponent as quickly as possible.

The Japanese developed Jujitsu - the art of defeating an armed and armored opponent.

The Brazilians developed Capoeira - the art of defeating an opponent using dance and acrobatics.

The French developed parkour - the art of running away as quickly and efficiently as possible.

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Standing at the bar at an International Airport

when this small Chinese guy walks in, stands next to me, and starts drinking a beer. I asked him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?"

He says "No, why the f*** you ask me that? Is it because I am Chinese?"

"No", I said, "It's because you're drinking my beer, you little prick."

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Mexican self defense

A Mexican passed a Japanese man and a Korean man as they were discussing their favorite type of martial arts.

Japanese man: I practice karate, the defense arts.

Korean man: I practice Taekwondo, teaches defense and attack.

At this point the men notice the Mexican and ask him what he practices

Mexican: Judono

Men: We have heard of Judo but not Judono, what is it?

Mexican: Well, judono if I got a gun, judono if I got a knife...

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A biker walks into a bar

and tells the bartender that he has a blonde joke. The bartender says, "I'd be careful saying a blonde joke here. On your left is a blonde lady that does mixed martial arts, and on your right is a blonde female cop. Not to mention, there are 3 blonde lady bartenders including myself. Are you sure you still want to tell it?" The biker then replies, "Well, not anymore if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

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What do you call a bear with martial arts skills?

Grizz Lee.

^I'll ^see ^myself ^out.

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Profiling

I was standing at the bar of Terminal 2 at the International Airport when this small Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me and starts drinking a beer.
I asked him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?"
He says, "No, why the heck you ask me that? Is it because I am Chinese?"
"No," I said, "It's cause you're drinking my beer, you little twerp."

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East meets West

A guy pulls up to a bar and walks in to get a drink. Almost immediately, he is accosted by another guy who has obviously had one-to-many.
The drunk demonstrates a clumsy karate chop and says, "That was karate from China." The new arrival just nods noncommittally and attempts to sit at the bar. Unfortunately, the inebriated fellow seemed to take the nod as a sign to continue his skill. He attempts a roundhouse kick, that nearly causes him to fall over but he catches himself on a table.
After he regains his balance he slurs, "That was Tai Kwan Do from Japan." The now frustrated gentleman nods again and attempts to claim his own beverage; but the drunk, apparently not done demonstrating, stops him with a hand on his shoulder.
Tired of the irritating patron, the man pulls away angrily.
The drunk taking offense says, "Hey now, you don't want to mess with a fella like me."
The man, now angry says, "Let's take this outside."

*3 minutes later*

The man returns without the drunk, sits down, and orders a beer. The barkeeper, having witnessed the affair, asks, "What happened?"

The man took a long drink before replying, "Tell that asshole when he wakes up, that was a crowbar from Sears."


(I am well aware of the inaccuracy of the origins of the Martial Arts. He's drunk, and an idiot.)

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I went to my favorite bar last night.

A Chinese guy sits down next to me. I ask him "hey, do you know karate or some other martial art"? He says "why, because I'm Asian"? I said "no, because you're drinking my beer".

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Do you know any martial arts?

I was standing in a bar and this little Chinese guy comes in and stands next to me.


I said to him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?"


He says "No. Why the fuck you ask me dat, is it coz I Chinees"?


"No", I said, "It's because you're drinking my fucking beer you slanty eyed little prick".

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Chinese in the bar

Last night a Chinese guy came to my favorite bar.

I asked him if he knew Kung Fu or some other martial art.

He said, Why do you ask me that? Is it just because I'm Chinese?!

No it's because you're drinking MY beer!

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Last night a Chinese guy came to my favorite bar.

I asked him if he knew Kung Fu or some other martial art.

He said, Why do you ask me that? Is it just because I'm Chinese?!

No it's because you're drinking MY beer!

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Why do they call the Israeli martial art krav maga?

Because Judo was already taken.

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A Chinese man walks into a bar

A Chinese man walks into a bar and starts drinking a beer. The man next to him asks, "Do you know Kung Fu? Or Karate? Taekwondo? Any martial arts maybe?"

The Chinese man replies in disgust, "You think that just because I'm Chinese I know martial arts? That's racist!"

"Good, because you're drinking my beer," was all the Chinese man heard, before he got knocked out with a punch.

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What's a rabbi's favorite martial art?

Jew-jitsu.

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An Asian walks into a bar...

An Asian guy walks into a bar, and sits next to Jeff, and starts drinking his beer. Jeff asks him :

• My friend, do you know any martial arts, kung fu, karate or other stuff?

• Why do you ask, is it because i'm Chinese?

• No, it's because you are drinking my beer.

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What's the difference between Karate and Judo?

Karate is a martial art and Judo is used to make bagels.

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Seagull joke

Q: What do you call a seagull that knows martial arts?

A: Steven Seagull

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A Chinese guy comes into the pub

A Chinese guy comes into the pub, stands next to me and starts drinking.

I said to him, "Do you know any of those martial arts like Kung Fu, Ju Jitsu, or Karate?".

He say, "Why da fuk you ask me dat, is it coz I Chinese?".

"No", I said, "It's because you're drinking my fucking beer!"

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Boxing is probably the most applicable martial art to the street...

If you run away, you probably won't get hit.

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When a martial arts practitioner gets hurt...

it's called a ninjury.

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Bonzo The Martial Arts Dog

I once had a dog named "Bonzo" and he was really talented. One day, Bonzo and I went to find him a job, so we went to a martial arts studio. The owner looked at us and told us to get out. Bonzo looked unhappy, so I convinced the owner to allow us to give a demonstration. So the owner points at a table and says to Bonzo "karate that table!" and Bonzo breaks the table into a million pieces. The owner thinks it's a fluke, so he says "karate that tree!" and Bonzo splits the tree in two. Proudly, I say to him "are you convinced yet? When can Bonzo start?"

Disgusted with the idea, the owner grumbles "karate, my ass."

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Hopefully you guys get it.

A man was looking for a person to teach him martial arts, so he goes in to see a supposed ninja to ask for lessons. When he walks in he sees the ninja slicing at a fly with his sword, but not being able to kill it. The man says, "How can you teach me martial arts if you can't even hit a fly!?" The ninja then reply's, "Oh, don't worry, that fly won't be having any children."

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Working on a new type of martial arts that involves taking money from Hispanics..

called TakeJuan'sDough.

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Martial Arts for weak prisoners

A new martial art similar to taekwondo is being developed for weak people that go to prison. It is named TyroneNo

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I was at a bar in Dublin yesterday

And this Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me and starts drinking a beer. I ask him, "Hey, do you know any of those fancy martial arts like Kung Fu, etc?" "No" he says, "Are you asking that because I am Chinese? WTF?" "Naw" I replied, "It's cause you are drinking my beer ya wee lil prick"

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Seppuku is a...

dying martial art.

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What kind of martial art does a chef do?

Kung food

(Don't hurt me, I know it's bad)

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What do you call the Israeli martial art?

Jewjipsu

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French Jokes

What's the standard issue weapon in the French army? A white flag.

What's the only French martial art? Parkour, the art running away.

Like the entrance to Hogwarts, if you look at the French flag from exactly the right angle (like that of an invading army), it turns white.

An American, Russian, and French soldier see a German machine gunner. The Russian calls on his comrades to repeatedly suicide charge the German until he runs out of bullets. The American calls for a synchronized bombing strike using the full might the American military to obliterate the German (and all the nearby land). The Frenchman gets blown up by the American strike, because he already surrendered and was taken prisoner by the German.

For sale: A French rifle. Never fired, dropped once.

What's the difference between a French soldier and a brain-dead jugghead? The jugghead runs towards the battle.

Inspired by the American president. The French prime-minister ordered his secret service to carry around a locked briefcase that can only be unlocked by the prime-minister in case of an emergency war. Inside is said to be the controls to the national white-flag system.

What's the French military motto? Don't shoot, we surrender.

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What do challah and martial arts have in common?

Judo

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An old cowboy is sitting at a bar next to a young Japanese man

An old cowboy is sitting at a bar next to a young Japanese man.

The cowboy turns to the Japanese man, scowling and grunts "Hey kid, do you know King Fu or Jiu Jitsu or somewhat?

Severely offended the Japanese man says, "Just because I'm 'Oriental' doesn't mean I know Martial Arts."

The cowboy stands up and says, "No it's 'cause you're drink'in my beer."

-Credit goes to my grandpa

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Chinese guy...

Last night a Chinese guy came to a bar.

I asked him if he knew Kung Fu or some other martial art.

He said, Why do you ask me that? Is it just because I'm Chinese?!

No it's because you're drinking MY beer!

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What are the most funny Martial Arts jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Martial Arts? Well, here are the best Martial Arts dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Martial Arts pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes