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Martial Arts Jokes

110 martial arts jokes and hilarious martial arts puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about martial arts that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Martial Arts Short Jokes

Short martial arts jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The martial arts humour may include short martial artist jokes also.

  1. Did you hear about the baker who created a martial art for chefs? It's pretty sweet.
    He calls it "Cook-Kido".
  2. What's the difference between Karate and Judo? Karate is a martial art and Judo is used to make bagels.
  3. Just been attacked by a ginger kid doing martial arts.... turns out he was the Carroty kid.
  4. Boxing is probably the most applicable martial art to the street... If you run away, you probably won't get hit.
  5. Working on a new type of martial arts that involves taking money from Hispanics.. called TakeJuan'sDough.
  6. Martial Arts for weak prisoners A new martial art similar to taekwondo is being developed for weak people that go to prison. It is named TyroneNo
  7. One day, I was speaking with a martial arts master. I asked, "Is it true that you once defeated one hundred men in only a few seconds using the Way of the Fist?"
    He replied, "Nay, Palm."
  8. I was once in a 1 on 5 fight. I honed my skills from years of martial arts training, and we finally managed to beat up that guy.
  9. I was in a 1v10 fight once It was a hard fought battle and I had to go all out and use all my martial art skills and in the end we managed to beat the guy up.
  10. What martial art do cows practice? Moo-thai.

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Martial Arts One Liners

Which martial arts one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with martial arts? I can suggest the ones about karate and martial.

  1. What do you call a bear with martial arts skills? Grizz Lee.
    ^I'll ^see ^myself ^out.
  2. Which is the most kosher martial art? Jew jitsu
  3. Why do they call the Israeli martial art krav maga? Because Judo was already taken.
  4. What's a rabbi's favorite martial art? Jew-jitsu.
  5. Seagull joke Q: What do you call a seagull that knows martial arts?
    A: Steven Seagull
  6. When a martial arts practitioner gets hurt... it's called a ninjury.
  7. What do you call a tree that does martial arts? Spruce Lee
  8. Seppuku is a... dying martial art.
  9. What kind of martial art does a Rabbi use? Jew-Jitsu
  10. What is the worst martial art? Tae Kwan don't
  11. What kind of martial art does a chef do? Kung food
    (Don't hurt me, I know it's bad)
  12. What's the wankers favorite martial art? Youjizztsu.
  13. What do you call the Israeli martial art? Jewjipsu
  14. What do challah and martial arts have in common? Judo
  15. What martial art Aquaman learnt in Atlantis? Crab Magá

Comical Martial Arts Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter

What funny jokes about martial arts you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean kung fu jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make martial arts pranks.

What We Learn From the Movies:
It is always possible to park directly in front of any building you are visiting.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Most laptops are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
After a person suffers a massive blow to the head, they will still be surprisingly good looking.
No one involved in a car chase, h**..., e**..., volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
Partnering police officers with their total opposites will always, eventually, lead to buddy teams who share unbreakable bonds and gruff affection.

A primate that knows martial arts?!?!?!!!

What do you call a primate that knows martial arts?
Bruce Leemur!

What type of Martial Arts does Jesus know?

Jiu Jitsu.

What do call a potato that knows martial arts?

Jacket Chan

A biker walks into a bar

and tells the bartender that he has a blonde joke. The bartender says, "I'd be careful saying a blonde joke here. On your left is a blonde lady that does mixed martial arts, and on your right is a blonde female cop. Not to mention, there are 3 blonde lady bartenders including myself. Are you sure you still want to tell it?" The biker then replies, "Well, not anymore if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Hopefully you guys get it.

A man was looking for a person to teach him martial arts, so he goes in to see a supposed ninja to ask for lessons. When he walks in he sees the ninja slicing at a fly with his sword, but not being able to kill it. The man says, "How can you teach me martial arts if you can't even hit a fly!?" The ninja then reply's, "Oh, don't worry, that fly won't be having any children."

Four cops had to take a test...

They were all asked the same question:
"What would you do if a man with a knife was coming at you?"
The Cop from the U.K answered by listing the steps in order what he was taught to do in Police Academy and in the Police Handbook
The Cop from the U.S Answered:
"BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG"
The Cop from Japan answered:
"Disarm the man and arrest him using any form of martial arts that is best suited"
The Cop from Canada answered:
"Please put the knife down."

What is the famous martial art of Israel?

Jiu-Jitsu

Martial arts

Q: What do you call hard bargaining over price?
A: Jewjistu

I was surprised to learn that the Israeli form of martial art was Krav maga...

I always thought they used JEWjitzu...

Which computer monitor knows martial arts?

Fujitsus

What do they call Dragon Ball Z Comics?

Martial Arts..

What martial art did h**... have a black belt in?

Gazillion Jew-Jitsu

Martial arts

The Israelis developed Krav Maga - the art of disabling an opponent as quickly as possible.
The Japanese developed Jujitsu - the art of defeating an armed and armored opponent.
The Brazilians developed Capoeira - the art of defeating an opponent using dance and acrobatics.
The French developed parkour - the art of running away as quickly and efficiently as possible.

Did you hear about the new Yiddish martial art...

that involves rapid spasms and filing legal action against your opponent?
Jew-fit-sue is taking off in a big way

[engineering] what kind of fight sees two fighters enter the ring and only one leave?

Muxed martial arts

I've been studying Israeli army martial arts.

I now know 16 different ways to kick a Palestinian woman in the back.

What do you call martial arts for cows?

Mooey Thai.

What is the most religious martial art?

Jewjitsu

A Chinese guy walks into a bar...

A Chinese guy walks into a bar, and sits next to Jeff, and starts drinking his beer. Jeff asks him :
• My friend, do you know any martial arts, kung fu, karate or other stuff?
• Why do you ask, is it because i'm Chinese?
• No, it's because you are drinking my beer.

What's Anne Frank's martial art style?

Jew jitsu

What Job will Mr Miyagi take on when he retires from Martial Arts?

Plastic Surgeon.
Japanese accent "Rax on, Rax off"

What do you call it when a gorilla takes martial arts lessons?

Kong-fu

What's the most popular form of martial arts in Israel?

Jew-jitsu

What type of martial arts do they practice in Israel?

Jew jitsu

what martial arts did Jesus practice?

..Jew Jitsu

What do you call a grandma that know martial arts?

A grandmartial artist.
I apologise for any lost brain cells.

What kind of martial arts do birds practice?

Wing Chun

Mexican self defense

A Mexican passed a Japanese man and a Korean man as they were discussing their favorite type of martial arts.
Japanese man: I practice karate, the defense arts.
Korean man: I practice Taekwondo, teaches defense and attack.
At this point the men notice the Mexican and ask him what he practices
Mexican: Judono
Men: We have heard of Judo but not Judono, what is it?
Mexican: Well, judono if I got a gun, judono if I got a knife...

What's a Jewish person's favourite martial arts?

Judo

Pacifism is a martial art.

Its moves are designed to bruise the opponent's knuckles with your face.

I went to my favorite bar last night.

A Chinese guy sits down next to me. I ask him "hey, do you know karate or some other martial art"? He says "why, because I'm Asian"? I said "no, because you're drinking my beer".

What is h**...'s least favourite form of martial arts?

*Jewjitsu*!

What is Israel's favorite martial art?

Jew-Jitsu

I've considered opening a mixed emotion martial arts center...

But I'm conflicted.

An old cowboy is sitting at a bar next to a young Japanese man

An old cowboy is sitting at a bar next to a young Japanese man.
The cowboy turns to the Japanese man, scowling and grunts "Hey kid, do you know King Fu or Jiu Jitsu or somewhat?
Severely offended the Japanese man says, "Just because I'm 'Oriental' doesn't mean I know Martial Arts."
The cowboy stands up and says, "No it's 'cause you're drink'in my beer."
-Credit goes to my grandpa

What's the national martial art of Pakistan?

Karachi

It's not fair to put Floyd in an Octagon with Connor.

Floyd couldn't study a book, nvm mixed martial arts.

I walked into an underemployed martial arts dojo today and offered my skills.

In no time, I was HI-YA'd!

What vegetable is good at martial arts?

Broc Lee!

I've just been watching an unusual martial arts film set in a semaphorists' hospice

It's called The House Of The Dying Flaggers.

Chinese in the bar

Last night a Chinese guy came to my favorite bar.
I asked him if he knew Kung Fu or some other martial art.
He said, Why do you ask me that? Is it just because I'm Chinese?!
No it's because you're drinking MY beer!

What martial art does a vegan kick boxer specialize in?

To-fu

What type of martial arts did the Rabbi Practice?

Jew-jit-su.

A Chinese man walks into a bar

A Chinese man walks into a bar and starts drinking a beer. The man next to him asks, "Do you know Kung Fu? Or Karate? Taekwondo? Any martial arts maybe?"
The Chinese man replies in disgust, "You think that just because I'm Chinese I know martial arts? That's racist!"
"Good, because you're drinking my beer," was all the Chinese man heard, before he got knocked out with a punch.

What is the national martial art of Israel?

Jew g**...-Sue.
^^^Someone ^^^improve ^^^this, ^^^I ^^^just ^^^thought ^^^it ^^^up.

Which martial arts is the most popular in Ireland?

Drunken boxing.

Hayato had a question

Then he headed to master Akira dojo on the top of the mountain, when he finally got there Hayato asked to the master:
-Master Akira, why people say that all the japaneses are alike?
And then he aswered:
-I'm not master Akira, he's over there.
Well that was one of the best martial arts pick up lines

Did you hear about the guy who claims to be martial arts master Bruce's son

AllegedLee

What's an Israeli's favourite martial art?

Jui jistu.

What is the most popular martial art in Israel?

Ju-Jitsu.

What form of deadly martial arts are soybeans trained in?

Tofu

Real mixed martial arts is

listening to Eminem's music while fighting.

What martial art did Ray Charles practice?

Don't Silat

What do you call a stormtrooper that knows martial arts?

A thai fighter!

What would be the best martial art to teach to a toddler?

I was thinking about a little Tyke Won Do.

Little known fact

But in martial arts the first person to raise referees hand is always declared a winner.

Where did the pizza learn martial arts?

Dough-jo

What martial art is done using only your feet?

**Tofu**
(I know original content is rare here, so as soon as I thought of this I made sure to post it here)

I've started a martial arts school for small-breasted women.

It's called Itty Bitty t**... Kumite

The UFC is a joke

Khabib beat #11 and is now champion, conor commits a felony and injures fighters which f**... up the event and doesn’t even get arrested and not suspended, we all know if that was ray Borg that did that and injured Conor they would cut his contract, and now brock comes back after a suspension and gets HW title shot, I live the ufc but it’s a big f**... joke, they do t even follow the rules they make !

What kind of martial art do snakes practice?

Krav Naga.

What form of martial arts do hebrews practice?

Jew-jitsu

What was h**...'s Least Favorite Martial Arts?

Jew Jitsu