Martha Jokes
22 martha jokes and hilarious martha puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about martha that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready to laugh with Martha Jokes! From Martha and Mary to Martha Stewart being roasted, these hilarious puns and jokes cover it all. Discover why Martha tells such wonderful jokes and what Teresa, Sarah and all the wives have to say!
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Funniest Martha Short Jokes
Short martha jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The martha humour may include short confession jokes also.
- Two women who are best friends are talking. "Martha, if I slept with your husband, would we remain friends?"
"No."
"So, we'll be enemies then?
"No."
"What would we be then?
"Even." - First Date *On a first date*
Inner me: okay don't let them know you stalked them online
Them: my aunt-
Me: Martha or Susan? - Why do apples avoid being seen with Martha Stewart? to avoid suspicion of in-cider trading
- Why were Jim and Martha figuring out how old the fossil was, on their first date? Because they were Carbon Dating.
- What did the Irishman say about Batman and Superman's fathers? They were both Martha Fockers
- Even the driver say's so ... A man while making love to his maid,
exclaimed 'Martha your are sweeter than my wife'
The maid smiled and said
'i know 'because the driver always tells me so' - I asked what happened to Martha Firestone Ford's husband? My dad said she got tired of him.
- How do you make martha stewart scream twice? Bang her in the b**... then use the curtains to clean yourself off.
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Martha One Liners
Which martha one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with martha? I can suggest the ones about darling and confess.
- What is the title of Martha Stewart's culinary anthology? "Cooking: The Books"
- Why did Martha pull her kids out of band class? Too much Sax and Violins.
- What has 3 holes and goes down an alley? Thomas and Martha Wayne.
- What do you call a crossdressing nanny in Martha's Vineyard? A Nantucket.
- When she was in prison, what did Martha Stewart learn about cooking? How to toss salad.
- What did JFK Jr miss most about Martha's Vineyard? The runway
Great Martha Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about martha you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sin jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make martha pranks.
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Martha, pack up your things!
I just won the Lottery!'
Martha shouts back, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?'
The man replies, 'I don't care, just as long as you're out of the house by noon!'
A heist goes wrong and the hostages are on the verge of being executed.
The nervous gunman makes some small talk with the hostages and asks a woman her name.
"Martha." she replies. The gunman is taken aback, and says "Martha.. that was my mother's name. I can't kill you. Go, run to the exit and don't look back."
After the woman is rescued by the police outside, he turns to a man and asks him his name.
"Martha." he replies.
Bedside Wife
A man was sleeping on his deathbed he woke up to see his wife silently praying beside him.
He says "Martha, I have something to confess to you."
She says "No dear, save your energy."
He says " I must tell you so I may pass on to heaven, I cheated on you."
She says " I know, I poisoned you."
I approached the grieving widow at the f**....
"Tell me my dear, what were his final words?"
She sniffled and feebly replied.
"You don't scare me with that gun Martha, you couldn't hit the broad side of a barn!"
Miraculously, Martha survived a fall from a window of a 45-story building.
She sprained her foot, but otherwise she was okay. It helped that the particular window she fell from was on the first floor.
An old man in his 90's
is watching tv and a s**...
commercial comes on. After the ad the old fella realizes he has a s**.... He gets up and shuffles into the kitchen to show his wife. "MARTHA!!! MARTHA!!! Look at this. What should i do with it?" His wife looks up at him and replies," You might as well clean it now that you got the wrinkles out of it".
At the State Fair....
Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the State Fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane." And every year Martha would say, "I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."
This one year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance." Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars." The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal.I'll take you both up for a ride, and if you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you. But if you say one word it's ten dollars! "
Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over and over again, but still not a word. They tierra and the pilot turns to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."
Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but like Martha always said, ten dollars is ten dollars."
