Mart Jokes
95 mart jokes and hilarious mart puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mart that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Mart Short Jokes
Short mart jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mart humour may include short mare jokes also.
- At some point I really want to manage a Wal-mart in Texas. I want to be a Texas Chain Store Manager.
- "It's the little things in life that make you laugh" I never understood that until I saw two midgets fighting in Wal-Mart.
- Why did the stutterer get shot in the ghetto? He was asking for directions for the "k-k-k-mart."
- Wal-Mart Why are there no Wal-Marts in the middle east?
A: Because there are too many Targets - It's so cold up North right now... ...that they are telling Wal-Mart shoppers to wear at least two pairs of pajamas.
- If Jesus was born on Christmas and was resurrected on Easter, what happened on Black Friday? Sales at K-Mart
- What's Trump's favorite place to shop? *Wall-Mart*
^^pls ^^no ^^kill ^^I ^^came ^^up ^^with ^^this ^^at ^^2 ^^in ^^the ^^morning - So, a friend of mine claims to be really body-positive, but... ...I saw him comment on a picture of a fat woman in Wal-Mart comparing her to a pachyderm. I told him to stop being so hippo-critical.
- Why are there no Wal Marts in Iraq, Iran, or Afghanistan? Because there are already too many targets.
(cr - A bomb was found in a tin of Alphabet Spaghetti at Wal-Mart today. A spokesman told the press"We're lucky we found it when we did. If that had gone off it could have spelt disaster."
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Mart One Liners
Which mart one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mart? I can suggest the ones about mast and mate.
- Why aren't there any Wal-Mart's in Afghanistan? Because they are all Target's!
- Why are there no K-marts in syria Because there are targets everywhere
- I don't always feel like I won the genetic lottery, but when I do... I'm at Wal-mart.
- What kind of eyes do Wal-Mart associates have? The ones that roll-back.
- A Karen's favorite store Where do Karens go to shop and to meet other Karens?
A K-Mart - Are there any Wal-Marts in Syria or only Targets? Asking for a friend... Well?
- What was Michael Jackson's favorite store ? K-MART... Boys pants were half off.
- Where does Simon Belmont go to buy food? Wall-mart.
- Where do Wildlings get their clothes? North of the Wal-Mart
- What do you call the Wal Mart cheer? Spelling classes!
- Why did the soldier not hit target? Because sale on Wall Mart.
- If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, why isn't anything in the store is free yet?
- What do you call a ouija board purchased at Wal-Mart A Waluigi Board
- Why don't stoners shop at Wal-Mart? Their prices aren't high.
- Where does wool come from? Wool-mart
Wal Mart Jokes
Here is a list of funny wal mart jokes and even better wal mart puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I must say, I'm impressed by the great selection and friendly staff at my local Wal-Mart. It's the only way I'll see my family again.
- What does the travel ban look like at Wal-mart? Well, it's just a small version of regular sized Ban, both the roll-on and invisible solid.
- There was a woman in psych ward who escaped and stole all of Wal-Marts shopping carts. It's clear, she's a basket case.
- I applied for a job at Wal-Mart I didn't get it. They told me I was over qualified. I have all my teeth and my pants fit.
- Don't ever buy comforters from wal-mart. They always ignore you when you're crying at the end of your night.
- Went out to Buy a new Nintendo console ... Took it hoke and it didn'twork. Wal-Mart was cool. They SWITCHed it out with a working one.
- Wal-Mart was about to acquire Jet for $3 billion... But then they realized they could get it cheaper on Amazon.
- Why was the wall in a store? Because it's wal-mart.
- Jesus went to Wal-Mart He couldn't believe all the savings.
- I Wish I was a Wal Mart Truck Driver... Because I missed Tracy Morgan on Saturday.
Witty Mart Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about mart you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hart jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mart pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Martin Levine has passed away at the age of seventy-five. Mr. Levine had owned a theater chain here in New York. The f**... will be held on Thursday
at 2:15, 4:30, 6:30, 8:40, and 10:50.
David Letterman
What martial art do cows practice?
Moo-thai.
Two martial artists...
...are arguing over who would win a fight between a skilled swordsman carrying a broadsword and a master wielder of an épée. They agree that the only way to settle the argument is actually to fight one another, each using one of the two weapons. An epic battle ensues and then, the two swordsmen feinted.
Why does Martin Luther King like jam?
Because God bless America
Why doesn't Marty McFly drink wine?
Too many Tannens.
Why was the little Martian sad?
Curiosity killed his cat.
I'm opening a new grocery stores named Organic Food Mart...
Our slogan: "We sell only the best carbon-based foods."
A woman shopping at her local mart where....................
................................she selected:
a half-gallon of 2% milk
a carton of eggs
a quart of orange juice
a head of romaine lettuce
a 2 lb. can of coffee
a 1 lb. package of bacon
As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her was watching.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped of the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on Earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'Cuz you're ugly"
Martial Arts for weak prisoners
A new martial art similar to taekwondo is being developed for weak people that go to prison. It is named TyroneNo
A penguin is driving through the desert...
A penguin is driving through the desert when suddenly he hears a strange sound coming from underneath the hood of his car. He pulls over at the nearest service station and flags down the mechanic. The penguin explains what's wrong and the mech says he'll take a look at it.
While he's waiting the penguin walks into the adjacent mart and notices an ice cream bin! He thinks to himself "I'm a penguin out here in the desert, I could REALLY use some ice cream." He buys it and eats it but as he does, since he only has flippers, he gets it all over his face. He manages to finish the ice cream and walks outside.
Just then, the mechanic is finishing up and as he dusts off his hands he tells the penguin,
"Welp, looks you like you just blew a seal!" And the penguin responds:
"Oh no! It's just Ice Cream!"
A Martini is like a woman's breast...
One is not enough, and three is too many.
How many martial artists does it taek to change a lightbulb?
It only taek won do change a lightbulb.
Martin Luther King, Jr.'s speech praising non-violence in India surprised everyone
when they pelted him with several thousand flatbreads.
What did the martian say when he was asked his personality type?
IMET
Martin Luther King Day White's Sale.
How did Marty McFly react when shown what 2015 would really look like?
Gee, it's hard to say, although he did seem pretty shaken up about it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why was Martin Luther King so bad at doing laundry?
Because he wouldn't separate the w**... from the b**....
Martial arts
The Israelis developed Krav Maga - the art of disabling an opponent as quickly as possible.
The Japanese developed Jujitsu - the art of defeating an armed and armored opponent.
The Brazilians developed Capoeira - the art of defeating an opponent using dance and acrobatics.
The French developed parkour - the art of running away as quickly and efficiently as possible.
What do you call a grocery store for people with dementia?
Question Mart.
The Martian had a genius marketing strategy
Planting water on Mars and everything. They must really want people to see this film.
Where does a Martian go for a drink?
A Mars Bar
What did Martin Shkreli get as an early Christmas present?
Arrested.
Martin Shkreli's life
What did the martini say when someone put a toothpick in it?
It hurts, but olive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did Martin Luther King have so many pink shirts?
He was against separating the w**... from the coloreds.
what do martial artists eat?
kung food
What is Martin Luther King's least favorite Christmas song?
I'm dreamin' of a white Christmas
What do martial artist love to drink?
WATAAA
What was Martin Luther King JR's favorite drink?
Equali-tea
What would martin luther king jr. have been if he was white?
Alive
Thank you Martin Luther king jr.
As custodians we owe that guy a lot, if it wasn't for him we'd have to clean two drinking fountains.
What did Martin Luther King say to his wife while proposing?
Will you be my Martin Luther Queen?
When Martin Cooper invented the mobile,
He already had a missed call from Chuck Norris.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Martin Shkreli's guilty verdict
Must be a tough pill for him to s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where do the k**... get their robes made?
k**... Mart
If Martin Shkreli had a sister...
She would be a pharma sis
What martial art does a vegan kick boxer specialize in?
To-fu
When a martial arts practitioner gets hurt...
it's called a ninjury.
What is Martin Shkreli's Halloween costume?
A Shkreliton.
How does a martian tie his shoes?
Astro knots
Why did Martina Navratilova go to Autozone?
Because her Czech engine light came on.
Which martial arts is the most popular in Ireland?
Drunken boxing.
What do martial artists serve at a party?
All kinds of punch!
What's Martin Shkreli's favorite burger joint?
Farmer Bros
What is a martial artist's favorite flower?
HIYAAcinth.
When the Martians made a movie about Earth, they came back for more Earthlings.
Apparently, they needed some extra terrestrials.
What did Martin Luther's pet bird eat?
A Diet of Worms
What martial art Aquaman learnt in Atlantis?
Crab Magá
Why are Martians always green when they land on Earth?
Turbulences
What martial art did Ray Charles practice?
Don't Silat
What would be the best martial art to teach to a toddler?
I was thinking about a little Tyke Won Do.
How many martial artists does it take to change a lightbulb?
10
1 to change it, and 9 to say that wouldn't work on the streets
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What martial art is done using only your feet?
**Tofu**
(I know original content is rare here, so as soon as I thought of this I made sure to post it here)
What is Martin Luther King's last name?
Boulevard.
Martin Luther was amazing at writing essays
He was known to NAIL them.
Why did Martha pull her kids out of band class?
Too much Sax and Violins.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are martial artists so stylish?
Cause they always have kick-a**... shoes!
Why the Martians haven't contacted us?
They missed the opportunity
What do martians called their rodent-like mammals?
Marsupials
What does MARTYR stand for?
Well he isn't standing for anyone anymore.
What did the Martian call the human who was ran over by a bus?
A flat earther
Where do Martians get their coffee from?
Starbucks.
I'm sorry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A martial arts expert is arrested for m**....
When the case is taken to court, he is asked by the judge why he doesn't have a lawyer with him.
'I don't need a lawyer', the martial arts expert replies.
'Why not? It could really help your case if you have a defense lawyer' the judge says.
'No, thank you', the martial arts expert replies again, 'I can do it by myself. After all I am a self defence expert'.
A martial arts instructor sees one of his students heading in to a nunnery,he thinks I will mention it to him at our next class.
The next class he says to the man. I seen you heading in to the nunnery the other day there. The man replied. I was just practicing my nunchucks
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
9 martinis
I walked into a bar ,a guy was sitting at a table ,with 9 martinis in front of him . I say ." Jeez man what are you celebrating.?"
He replies " my first b**....".
Me::" congratulations ,bro ,let me buy you another ."
Him :: no thanks ,,if 9 don't get the taste out of my mouth ,I doubt another will help ."
If Marty McFly isn't the most famous time traveler,
then Who is.
A Martyr walks into a bar
Many suspect he did it on purpose.
What do Martin Sheen and Donald Trump have in common?
They both played a president on TV
