Mart Jokes

What are some Mart jokes?

Why was Martin Luther King so bad at doing laundry?

Because he wouldn't separate the whites from the blacks.

Martial arts

The Israelis developed Krav Maga - the art of disabling an opponent as quickly as possible.

The Japanese developed Jujitsu - the art of defeating an armed and armored opponent.

The Brazilians developed Capoeira - the art of defeating an opponent using dance and acrobatics.

The French developed parkour - the art of running away as quickly and efficiently as possible.

What would Martin Luther King Jr. have been if he was white?

Alive

Martians arrive on earth...

They're peaceful and happy and everyone loves them. Obviously humanity has tons of questions they'd like to ask them so the U.N. decides to arrange a conference. All the world leaders, public intellectuals and religious heads are in attendance to ask their most burning questions. Finally it is the pope's turn to ask a question...

"I was wondering...have you ever heard of our lord and savior Jesus Christ" the pope asks.

"Jesus? Yes of course! He stops by our planet every couple of years and we all have a big party" the aliens respond

The pope looks baffled and says "You must be mistaken...Jesus Christ was here about two thousand years ago but he left and we've been waiting for his return ever since...why would he visit you so often?"

"well..." they look at each other "...maybe your chocolate wasn't good" the aliens offer

"Pardon me?" the pope asks

"Well, when Jesus first showed up on our planet we gave him really great chocolate...what did you guys do?"

Two martial artists...

...are arguing over who would win a fight between a skilled swordsman carrying a broadsword and a master wielder of an รฉpรฉe. They agree that the only way to settle the argument is actually to fight one another, each using one of the two weapons. An epic battle ensues and then, the two swordsmen feinted.

Martin Shkreli's guilty verdict

Must be a tough pill for him to swallow.

what do martial artists eat?

kung food

A Martini is like a woman's breast...

One is not enough, and three is too many.

Martini

A man who speaks Latin walks into a bar. He sits down and orders his drink.

"I'll have a martinus, please."

The bartender is confused. "Do you mean a martini?"

"No thanks, I'll start with one for now."

Best Buy's Martin Luther King Day sale leaked

50% off all black speakers

Why the Martians haven't contacted us?

They missed the opportunity

Why is Martin Luther King so bad at laundry?

He won't separate the whites from the coloursโ€ฆ

A penguin is driving through the desert...

A penguin is driving through the desert when suddenly he hears a strange sound coming from underneath the hood of his car. He pulls over at the nearest service station and flags down the mechanic. The penguin explains what's wrong and the mech says he'll take a look at it.

While he's waiting the penguin walks into the adjacent mart and notices an ice cream bin! He thinks to himself "I'm a penguin out here in the desert, I could REALLY use some ice cream." He buys it and eats it but as he does, since he only has flippers, he gets it all over his face. He manages to finish the ice cream and walks outside.

Just then, the mechanic is finishing up and as he dusts off his hands he tells the penguin,
"Welp, looks you like you just blew a seal!" And the penguin responds:

"Oh no! It's just Ice Cream!"

When a martial arts practitioner gets hurt...

it's called a ninjury.

Why did Martin Luther King Jr. boycott laundry detergent?

Because it told him to keep his whites and colours separate.

Why was the little Martian sad?

Curiosity killed his cat.

Martial Arts for weak prisoners

A new martial art similar to taekwondo is being developed for weak people that go to prison. It is named TyroneNo

A precious little girl walks into a Pets Mart Shop and asks,

A precious little girl walks into a Pets Mart Shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,
"I don't think my python weally gives a thit !!"

What did Martin Luther King say to his wife while proposing?

Will you be my Martin Luther Queen?

A woman shopping at her local mart where....................

................................she selected:

a half-gallon of 2% milk
a carton of eggs
a quart of orange juice
a head of romaine lettuce
a 2 lb. can of coffee
a 1 lb. package of bacon
As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her was watching.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped of the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on Earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "'Cuz you're ugly"

What did the martini say when someone put a toothpick in it?

It hurts, but olive.

What is Martin Luther King's least favorite Christmas song?

I'm dreamin' of a white Christmas

What does MARTYR stand for?

Well he isn't standing for anyone anymore.

Why doesn't Marty McFly drink wine?

Too many Tannens.

How did Marty McFly react when shown what 2015 would really look like?

Gee, it's hard to say, although he did seem pretty shaken up about it.

What martial art Aquaman learnt in Atlantis?

Crab Magรก

Why did Martha pull her kids out of band class?

Too much Sax and Violins.

Why are Martians always green when they land on Earth?

Turbulences

What is a martial artist's favorite flower?

HIYAAcinth.

What martial art do cows practice?

Moo-thai.

Martin Luther was amazing at writing essays

He was known to NAIL them.

What martial art does a vegan kick boxer specialize in?

To-fu

What do martial artists serve at a party?

All kinds of punch!

Why did Martin Luther King have so many pink shirts?

He was against separating the whites from the coloreds.

Where do the KKK get their robes made?

KKK Mart

Why are martial artists so stylish?

Cause they always have kick-ass shoes!

I'm opening a new grocery stores named Organic Food Mart...

Our slogan: "We sell only the best carbon-based foods."

Which martial arts is the most popular in Ireland?

Drunken boxing.

What did Martin Luther's pet bird eat?

A Diet of Worms

How many martial artists does it taek to change a lightbulb?

It only taek won do change a lightbulb.

Where does a Martian go for a drink?

A Mars Bar

Martin Shkreli's life

What do martial artist love to drink?

WATAAA

The Martian had a genius marketing strategy

Planting water on Mars and everything. They must really want people to see this film.

What martial art did Ray Charles practice?

Don't Silat

Thank you Martin Luther king jr.

As custodians we owe that guy a lot, if it wasn't for him we'd have to clean two drinking fountains.

what martial arts did Jesus practice?

..Jew Jitsu

When the Martians made a movie about Earth, they came back for more Earthlings.

Apparently, they needed some extra terrestrials.

Marty Mcfly stole the DeLorean and went back in time to kill John Wilks Booth. Why?

Because he was trying to kill the precedent

What do martians called their rodent-like mammals?

Marsupials

What's Martin Shkreli's favorite burger joint?

Farmer Bros

According the United States National Tourism Office Wal Mart is the greatest place you can take your family

to see the kind of people you used to have to pay admission to see in a freak show.

What did the martian say when he was asked his personality type?

IMET

Martin Luther King Day White's Sale.

Martin Luther King, Jr.'s speech praising non-violence in India surprised everyone

when they pelted him with several thousand flatbreads.

How to make Mart jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Mart to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Mart? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Mart pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes