Mart Jokes

95 mart jokes and hilarious mart puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mart that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Mart Short Jokes

Short mart jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mart humour may include short mare jokes also.

  1. At some point I really want to manage a Wal-mart in Texas. I want to be a Texas Chain Store Manager.
  2. "It's the little things in life that make you laugh" I never understood that until I saw two midgets fighting in Wal-Mart.
  3. Why did the stutterer get shot in the ghetto? He was asking for directions for the "k-k-k-mart."
  4. Wal-Mart Why are there no Wal-Marts in the middle east?
    A: Because there are too many Targets
  5. It's so cold up North right now... ...that they are telling Wal-Mart shoppers to wear at least two pairs of pajamas.
  6. So I was walking through Wal-Mart looking to buy new ornaments for my christmas tree, when I saw an Obama ornament. Funny, I didn't know it was acceptable to hang a black man from a tree again.
  7. Give me ONE good reason why obese Americans shouldn't be allowed to drive Rascal scooters in Wal-Mart! Go on! Aisle weight.
  8. If Jesus was born on Christmas and was resurrected on Easter, what happened on Black Friday? Sales at K-Mart
  9. What's Trump's favorite place to shop? *Wall-Mart*
    ^^pls ^^no ^^kill ^^I ^^came ^^up ^^with ^^this ^^at ^^2 ^^in ^^the ^^morning
  10. So, a friend of mine claims to be really body-positive, but... ...I saw him comment on a picture of a fat woman in Wal-Mart comparing her to a pachyderm. I told him to stop being so hippo-critical.

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Mart One Liners

Which mart one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mart? I can suggest the ones about mast and mate.

  1. Why are there no Wal-Marts in ukraine? Because they're all Targets.
  2. Why did Michael Jackson go to K-Mart? He heard Boys pants were half off.
  3. Why aren't there any Wal-Mart's in Afghanistan? Because they are all Target's!
  4. Why are there no K-marts in syria Because there are targets everywhere
  5. I don't always feel like I won the genetic lottery, but when I do... I'm at Wal-mart.
  6. Do you know why there are no Wal-Marts in Iraq? They're all Targets.
  7. Why isn't there a Wal-Mart in Iraq? ....because there is a target in every corner.
  8. What kind of eyes do Wal-Mart associates have? The ones that roll-back.
  9. A Karen's favorite store Where do Karens go to shop and to meet other Karens?
    A K-Mart
  10. There are no Wal-Marts in Syria Only Targets
  11. What do Michael Jackson an Wal*Mart have in common Children's pants half off
  12. Are there any Wal-Marts in Syria or only Targets? Asking for a friend... Well?
  13. Yo Mama's like Wal-Mart. Errybody's been to her grand opening!
  14. What was Michael Jackson's favorite store ? K-MART... Boys pants were half off.
  15. Where does Simon Belmont go to buy food? Wall-mart.

Wal Mart Jokes

Here is a list of funny wal mart jokes and even better wal mart puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why are there no Wal Marts in Iraq, Iran, or Afghanistan? Because there are already too many targets.
  • A bomb was found in a tin of Alphabet Spaghetti at Wal-Mart today. A spokesman told the press"We're lucky we found it when we did. If that had gone off it could have spelt disaster."
  • I must say, I'm impressed by the great selection and friendly staff at my local Wal-Mart. It's the only way I'll see my family again.
  • What does the travel ban look like at Wal-mart? Well, it's just a small version of regular sized Ban, both the roll-on and invisible solid.
  • There was a woman in psych ward who escaped and stole all of Wal-Marts shopping carts. It's clear, she's a basket case.
  • I applied for a job at Wal-Mart I didn't get it. They told me I was over qualified. I have all my teeth and my pants fit.
  • Yo momma is so ugly that when she walked into Wal-Mart they turned off the security cameras.
  • According the United States National Tourism Office Wal Mart is the greatest place you can take your family to see the kind of people you used to have to pay admission to see in a freak show.
  • Don't ever buy comforters from wal-mart. They always ignore you when you're crying at the end of your night.
  • Went out to Buy a new Nintendo console ... Took it hoke and it didn'twork. Wal-Mart was cool. They SWITCHed it out with a working one.
Mart joke, Went out to Buy a new Nintendo console ...

Witty Mart Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about mart you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hart jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mart pranks.

Martin Levine has passed away at the age of seventy-five. Mr. Levine had owned a theater chain here in New York. The f**... will be held on Thursday

at 2:15, 4:30, 6:30, 8:40, and 10:50.
David Letterman

What martial art do cows practice?


Two martial artists...

...are arguing over who would win a fight between a skilled swordsman carrying a broadsword and a master wielder of an épée. They agree that the only way to settle the argument is actually to fight one another, each using one of the two weapons. An epic battle ensues and then, the two swordsmen feinted.

Why doesn't Marty McFly drink wine?

Too many Tannens.

Why was the little Martian sad?

Curiosity killed his cat.

I'm opening a new grocery stores named Organic Food Mart...

Our slogan: "We sell only the best carbon-based foods."

Martial Arts for weak prisoners

A new martial art similar to taekwondo is being developed for weak people that go to prison. It is named TyroneNo

A Martini is like a woman's breast...

One is not enough, and three is too many.

How many martial artists does it taek to change a lightbulb?

It only taek won do change a lightbulb.

Martin Luther King, Jr.'s speech praising non-violence in India surprised everyone

when they pelted him with several thousand flatbreads.

Martin Luther King Day White's Sale.

How did Marty McFly react when shown what 2015 would really look like?

Gee, it's hard to say, although he did seem pretty shaken up about it.

Why was Martin Luther King so bad at doing laundry?

Because he wouldn't separate the w**... from the b**....

Martial arts

The Israelis developed Krav Maga - the art of disabling an opponent as quickly as possible.
The Japanese developed Jujitsu - the art of defeating an armed and armored opponent.
The Brazilians developed Capoeira - the art of defeating an opponent using dance and acrobatics.
The French developed parkour - the art of running away as quickly and efficiently as possible.

The Martian had a genius marketing strategy

Planting water on Mars and everything. They must really want people to see this film.

Where does a Martian go for a drink?

A Mars Bar

What did Martin Shkreli get as an early Christmas present?


Martin Shkreli's life

What did the martini say when someone put a toothpick in it?

It hurts, but olive.

What do you call the Wal Mart cheer?

Spelling classes!

Why did Martin Luther King have so many pink shirts?

He was against separating the w**... from the coloreds.

what do martial artists eat?

kung food

What is Martin Luther King's least favorite Christmas song?

I'm dreamin' of a white Christmas

What do martial artist love to drink?


What was Martin Luther King JR's favorite drink?


What would martin luther king jr. have been if he was white?


what martial arts did Jesus practice?

..Jew Jitsu

Thank you Martin Luther king jr.

As custodians we owe that guy a lot, if it wasn't for him we'd have to clean two drinking fountains.

Best Buy's Martin Luther King Day sale leaked

50% off all black speakers

What did Martin Luther King say to his wife while proposing?

Will you be my Martin Luther Queen?

When Martin Cooper invented the mobile,

He already had a missed call from Chuck Norris.

Why did Martin Luther King Jr. boycott laundry detergent?

Because it told him to keep his w**... and colours separate.

Martin Shkreli's guilty verdict

Must be a tough pill for him to s**....

Where do the k**... get their robes made?

k**... Mart

If Martin Shkreli had a sister...

She would be a pharma sis

What martial art does a vegan kick boxer specialize in?


When a martial arts practitioner gets hurt...

it's called a ninjury.

What is Martin Shkreli's Halloween costume?

A Shkreliton.

Why did Martina Navratilova go to Autozone?

Because her Czech engine light came on.

Which martial arts is the most popular in Ireland?

Drunken boxing.

Marty Mcfly stole the DeLorean and went back in time to kill John Wilks Booth. Why?

Because he was trying to kill the precedent

What do martial artists serve at a party?

All kinds of punch!

What's Martin Shkreli's favorite burger joint?

Farmer Bros

What is a martial artist's favorite flower?


When the Martians made a movie about Earth, they came back for more Earthlings.

Apparently, they needed some extra terrestrials.

What did Martin Luther's pet bird eat?

A Diet of Worms

What martial art Aquaman learnt in Atlantis?

Crab Magá

Why are Martians always green when they land on Earth?


What martial art did Ray Charles practice?

Don't Silat

My was Michael Jackson in Wal Mart?

He heard boys' pants were half off.
(Just kidding. He's dead.)

What's a martial artists favorite drink?


Martin Luther was amazing at writing essays

He was known to NAIL them.

Why did Martha pull her kids out of band class?

Too much Sax and Violins.

Why are martial artists so stylish?

Cause they always have kick-a**... shoes!

Why the Martians haven't contacted us?

They missed the opportunity

Why is Martin Luther King so bad at laundry?

He won't separate the w**... from the colours…

What do martians called their rodent-like mammals?


What does MARTYR stand for?

Well he isn't standing for anyone anymore.

What would Martin Luther King Jr be if he wasn't black?


What did the Martian call the human who was ran over by a bus?

A flat earther

What's the martial arts All jews are afraid of?

Jew Git sue.

Where do Martians get their coffee from?

I'm sorry.

What's a martial artist's favorite drink?


A martial arts expert is arrested for m**....

When the case is taken to court, he is asked by the judge why he doesn't have a lawyer with him.
'I don't need a lawyer', the martial arts expert replies.
'Why not? It could really help your case if you have a defense lawyer' the judge says.
'No, thank you', the martial arts expert replies again, 'I can do it by myself. After all I am a self defence expert'.

A martial arts instructor sees one of his students heading in to a nunnery,he thinks I will mention it to him at our next class.

The next class he says to the man. I seen you heading in to the nunnery the other day there. The man replied. I was just practicing my nunchucks

9 martinis

I walked into a bar ,a guy was sitting at a table ,with 9 martinis in front of him . I say ." Jeez man what are you celebrating.?"
He replies " my first b**....".
Me::" congratulations ,bro ,let me buy you another ."
Him :: no thanks ,,if 9 don't get the taste out of my mouth ,I doubt another will help ."

If Marty McFly isn't the most famous time traveler,

then Who is.

A Martyr walks into a bar

Many suspect he did it on purpose.

What do Martin Sheen and Donald Trump have in common?

They both played a president on TV

Mart joke, What do Martin Sheen and Donald Trump have in common?

jokes about mart