Following is our collection of funniest Marriages jokes. There are some marriages marriage jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these marriages ideal puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
She sets up an account with all her info and says she is looking for "a man who will not beat me, Will not walk all over me, and is great in bed." After 2 weeks no one has replied. Then, one day some one rings the doorbell. The woman gets up and opens the door to see a man with no arms and no legs sitting there. He says "Hello, I'm here about your online dating profile." the woman says to him, "well I want a man who won't beat me.." the man says "I have no arms, therefore I can not beat you." the woman says "well I want a man who won't walk all over me." the man replies "I have no legs, so I can't even walk." the woman says "well, I want a man who's great in bed.." the man replies "hey, I rang the doorbell didn't I?
At my second wedding my buddy was giving a speech. He started by telling me he had some bad news - 50% of marriages end in divorce. That's not the worst part though - the other half end in death. So I started thinking, my first one ended in divorce, so the odds are in my favor. I wondered about the math, so I started doing the equation and it turns out I'd rather be single than dead.
- I'm writing a set, notes and critiques are more than welcome
Because they cantaloupe
It produced mixed results.
1. The Australian Book of Foreplay.
2. Contraception by the Pope.
3. The American Guide to Etiquette.
4. Healthy Marriages by the British Royal Family.
5. Consumer Marketing Ethics.
6. Career Opportunities for History Majors.
7. My Life's Memories by Ronald Reagan.
8. Integrity by Bill Clinton.
9. The Wit and Wisdom of George W. Bush.
10. What I've Accomplished by Barack Obama.
Having sex with a different woman every year.
...and others that last forever.
Its ironic that marriages are now happening again in morehead Kentucky.. Normally when you get married it turns out to be less head.
Because the Torah doesn't allow "force kin".
...with one partner watching the other one die.
I've had over 9 successful marriages.
You can explore marriages wedlock reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean marriages spouse dad jokes. There are also marriages puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
It dissolves marriages, friendships and organs.
The other half end in death.
This time to a funeral director.
The local paper does a story on her and they ask her about her previous marriages.
She tells them that at 20 she married a bank manager, at 40 a ringmaster, at 60 a pastor and at 80 a funeral director.
The reporter asks her why?
1 for the money, 2 for the show, 3 to get ready and 4 to go.
... the rest are fatal.
that means that the other 50% end in *death*
If men behave after marriage the way they do before it,
half the divorces won't take place..
On the other hand,
If women behave before marriage the way they do after it,
half the marriages won't take place
It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
That marriage in India will be ( ∫xdx + ∫ydy)^x*y
The Significant Others just want babies.
My first wife left me, and my second wife won't ;)
They say half of all marriages end in divorce...well, the other half end in death. So I guess I hope you die.
"I think it's his fifth marriage." says Dad.
"Wow." says Mom. "His marriages are like his roles in film. Short Lived."
Wife asks:
"Why is it that in all marriages the bride sits on the left side and the groom sits on the right?"
Husband's reply:
"Have you ever seen a Profit & Loss Statement? It follows the same logic. All income is posted on the Right and expenses are on the Left!"...
They sit peacefully for years, until they explode in a fireball ruining everything you own
So if your dad hasn't been divorced, your step-dad probably has.
Anything you say can and will be used against you in court.
They begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, but in the end you lose your house.
I think as marriages go, we're doing absolutely awesome, I mean I get to sleep with my wife nearly every day!
Nearly on Monday
Nearly on Tuesday
Nearly on Wednesday
Nearly on Thursday
Nearly on Friday
Nearly on Saturday
Nearly on Sunday
There's a lot of sucking and blowing and suddenly you've lost your house.
Nearly on Monday,
nearly on Tuesday,
nearly on Wednesday,
nearly on Thursday,
nearly on Friday,
nearly on Saturday and
nearly on Sunday
...last forever.
I'm not sure if I should be more worried about that 40-50% of marriages end in divorce or that 50-60% of all marriages last..
Jk honey, I love you. ^^^^^help
Because they cantaloupe.
Because he found out marriages are classified as "recognized unions."
I don't think they're right. I've had four successful marriages myself.
He has had 3 of them so far
He's had three of them
Continued marriage.
He wanted to follow Obi-Wan's advice: "Use divorce, Luke"
They crush the life out of you.
A stalemate.
Luckily for me I have an amazing wife. Just last night I woke up to her firmly pressing a pillow against my face to protect me from Covid-19.
a discussion about arranged marriages took place as follows:
English gentleman: How could you marry a woman before knowing her?
Indian man: How could you marry a woman AFTER knowing her?
End of the discussion.
Yep. It symbolizes the fact that they cantelope.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the marriages divorce jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working marriages matrimony piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.