Marriage Counselor Jokes
18 marriage counselor jokes and hilarious marriage counselor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about marriage counselor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Marriage Counselor Short Jokes
Short marriage counselor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The marriage counselor humour may include short marriage counseling jokes also.
- My marriage counselor asked if it was true that I generally wake up grumpy in the morning I said, "Nah, most of the time I just let her sleep"
- The marriage counselor suggested we try different positions. I said, "We can't be too long, my wife is on the way."
- Why is Obi-wan Kenobi a terrible marriage counselor? The only advice he gives is Use di-
vorce - My wife was not happy after our marriage counselor asked me what I hoped to be in a year. I replied, A widower.
- My wife and I started visiting a marriage counselor He mentioned that I should start to treat her like our first date
So I took her to dinner, a movie, then dropped her off at her parents house. - A wife dragged her husband to their marriage counselor appointment with his fishing net. "Do you see what I have to put up with," the wife says.
"Yes," said the counselor. "He's obviously in seine." - Every marriage counselor should be replaced by robots... because they take arguments and return values.
- My marriage counselor told me to try anything my wife wants to do for at least 10 minutes. So she asked me to hold my breath.
- What did the marriage counselor say when asked if his methods work? It has worked for a couple.
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Unearthly Funniest Marriage Counselor Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about marriage counselor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean divorce lawyer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make marriage counselor pranks.
A married couple come to the marriage counselor...
A married couple come to the marriage counselor. The wife complains:
- We were having a perfect marriage until his girlfriend started dating my boyfriend..
Marriage counselor: What's the problem? Me: My wife needs help. Every night, she's roaming from one bar to another. She has to stop it. Marriage counselor: Is she an alcoholic?
Me: No, she's looking for me
A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry.
Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes.
"Oh" said the counselor, "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."
A married couple goes to a marriage counselor...
"What seems to be the problem?", asks the counselor
The wife says, "My husband wont talk to me anymore."
The counselor turns to the husband and asks, "Is this true?"
The husband replies "Well i dont like to interrupt."
Immaturity defined
Husband says to marriage counselor:
"My wife is so immature."
"Can you give me an example?" the counselor asked.
"Well, like every time I'm taking a bath she comes in and sinks all my ships."
Three women talk about their husband's performance as lovers.
The first woman says, "My husband is a marriage counselor, so he always buys me flowers and candy before we make love."
The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and use leather sometimes."
The third woman shakes her head and says, "My husband works for an Internet company. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."
A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor.
“We were married twenty-five years before he died,” she said, dabbing away a tear. “Never had an argument in all those years.”
“Amazing,” said the councilor. “How did you do it?”
“I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward.”
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A sad wife goes to marriage counseling
"I'm serious, she says, it's like I don't exist! He comes from work, takes off his shoes, and without even looking at me he just asks what's for dinner... What can I do to bring the flame back?"
"I have an idea, replies the counselor. Go and buy spme s**... l**... and a mask of some kind and when he comes back from work you'll see a change.'
The wife went and bought the l**... and a black mask for her eyes. When her husband arrived she was leaning against the kitchen door looking like a seductress.
The husband took off his shoes, looked up at his wife and without showing any sign of excitement he asked:
"Hey Zorro, what's for dinner?"
Bass Solo
A couple goes to see a marriage counselor. They say their marriage is on the rocks because they never speak to each other.
The counselor tries to get them to talk, but they just sit there with their arms folded and their mouths closed. He tries playing games. He tries tricking them. Nothing he can do can get them to talk to each other.
Finally, he pulls out an electric bass and starts playing a solo.
Instantly, the couple turns to each other and starts conversing for the first time in months.
How on earth did you know that would work? they ask.
Simple, he says, Everyone always talks during the bass solo.
Three women were talking about their husbands' performances as a lover...
Three women were talking about their husbands' performances as a lover.
The first woman said, My husband is a marriage counselor. He always buys me flowers and candies before we make love. I like that.
The second woman said, My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me around sometimes. I kind of like that.
The third woman just shook her head and said, My husband is a policeman. He just handcuffs me the bed, tells me anything I say can be used against me, and leaves the house.
