The Best 84 Marks Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Marks jokes. There are some marks marx jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these marks mark zuckerberg puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Marks Jokes and Puns
What sort of grades did Tommy Wiseau receive in school?
Oh, high marks.
What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog
Roadkill...must have been a lawyer
Two men were walking along a road when they came across roadkill.
"I wonder what that was." said one of them.
"Looks like a lawyer to me." said the other.
"How do you know that?" said the first.
"No skid marks."
What's the difference between a dead cat and a dead lawyer on the road?
The dead cat has skid marks around it.
What's black, has bite marks and isn't needed any more?
Philip Hoffman's belt.
There was a question about Greece's economy in a German maths exam. What was it worth?
Two marks.
Today marks 365 days of sobriety.
364 more to go
My professor, Mark, jacked off on my genetics exam.
I didn't pass, but I got partial Marks.
How can you tell Sofía Vergara's children on the playground?
They're the ones with stretch marks on their lips.
What did Tommy Wiseau say when he got an A on his final?
Oh, hi Marks!
Step 1) Get a job selling punctuation marks.
Step 2) ??????
Step 3) Profit.
You can explore marks proteins reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean marks objection dad jokes. There are also marks puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I really need to work on my accent marks
Or else my French grades may be in grave danger.
East and West Germany
In West Germany your job determines your Marks.
In East Germany Marx determines your job.
How do you pick Dolly Parton's Kids out of a crowd?
They're the ones with stretch marks around their lips.
What's the difference between a squirrel and a politician lying dead in a ditch?
There are brake marks before the squirrel.
Today marks my tenth year driving trains
Finally, you can call me a superconductor.
Today marks the completion of the Mexican presidents official jet...
Air Force Juan
I was an alcoholic for seven years.
Today marks my eighth.
Why did the old man get kicked off the nudist colony's golf course?
He kept leaving ball marks on the greens.
The water bear got poor marks because he was always late for class.
I guess you could say he got tardi-grades.
A burly man walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for another tally mark tattoo
The tattoo artist, a bit worried, asks what all the growing number of tally marks is keeping a record of. The burly man gruffs:
"The number of tattoos I've gotten"
Obama's announcement
Today, President Obama announced that, after January 20th, the official title of "U.S. Government" will be changed to include quotation marks around Government.
In 2017 I'm going to start eating healthy again.
This marks the end of my cheat decade.
sex positions for grammar nazis
There was once a book written in ancient India about sexual positions using punctuation marks.
It was called the comma sutra.
Why did the punctuation mark have such an easy time going out with other punctuation marks?
It was a comma dating.
KGB Agents
Two KGB Agents talk:
- What happened to him?
- He ate bad mushrooms
- Why are there beating marks on the body?
- He didn't want to eat them
Today marks a very special landmark
Whitney Houston has been clean for five years
Whats the difference between a lawyer and a raccoon?
when found dead on the side of the road, the raccoon has skid marks in from of it.
Why when theyre arrested do women only spend a month in jail?
Because a period marks the end of a sentence
I see marks of Jesus on everyone.
I have astigmatatism.
Whats a prisoners favorite punctuation mark?
Period.
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
Yo mama so fat
Her CAR has stretch marks
"Mark my words..."
"Marks dead, dude."
"Oh. Well. Then Bob my words!"
Little Johnny was learning about punctuation
The teacher was explaining all of the different punctuation marks.
She listed the comma, question mark and when she got to period; Little Johnny raised his hand.
He asked: Why are periods so important?
The teacher responded: Well, they are a fundamental part of the written language; why do you ask?
Little Johnny replied: Yesterday my sister said she missed a period and my Mom fainted, my Dad started yelling and the next door neighbor shot himself
Today marks the 80th anniversary of the Hindenburg disaster.
Next up: Led Zeppelin.
What's the difference between a snake and a politician, found dead on the road?
There are tire marks before the snake
Two punctuation marks went out on the town
They were a comma dating
Last Holloween I was visited by person wearing a costume of Gloria Gaynor with blood marks
At first I was afraid; I was petrified.
What's the difference between roadkill and a viola in the middle of the road?
There are skid marks leading up to the roadkill.
Yo mama so big
_She doesn't get periods, she gets exclamation marks._
A professor was giving a student his final marks.
The professor told the student that he got an 8. The student quite surprised asked the professor, "Out of".
"Mercy" the professor replied, "Mercy".
I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard.
I expect a long sentence.
The reviews for The Disaster Artist are coming in
They have received, oh, hi Marks
What was the difference between the dead lawyer and the dead cat on the side of the road?
The cat had tire marks before it.
The latest reviews for The Room are in...
overall it's got hi marks.
Tommy Wiseau was my favorite college professor
He always gave me hai marks
The results for The Disaster Artist are in.
Overall, it's received Hi Marks.
There is an upside to eating Tide Pods....
It takes the skid marks out of your underwear.
Miranda had scraped knees...
..."Why have you got those marks on your knees?" her friend asked.
"Oh! It's from making love. Doggy style."
"Well, why don't you change positions then?"
"I'm willing, but the dog isn't."
Doctor to Patient - Your kidney failed.
Patient - What was the pass marks?
Why were Tommy Wiseau's classmates jealous of him?
Because he had high marks
Whats the difference between a dead lawyer and a dead skunk on the highway?
Skid marks in front of the skunk.
An illiterate pirate lands at an island with a treasure map.
The map says "X marks the spot."
He is unable to find it.
On this stain remover it said: "Gets rid of all marks."
Now I wish we'd named our son that.
A man went to a tattooist and requested a tally mark on his back
Every couple of weeks, the same customer came in, always requesting the same tattoo: an additional tally mark on an ever-growing cluster of tally marks. One day, the tattooist decides to ask: "What are you counting?"
The man says: "The number of tattoos i've gotten"
A man visit the doctor with terrible burn marks on his ears
A man visits the doctor to look at the burn marks on his ears.
How did you manage to get these burns? the doctor asks.
I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang, and in my haste I put the iron up to my ear. the man replies.
But you burnt both of them! the doctor says confused.
Well I had to call an ambulance!
I studied Suicide in college but didn't pass the final...
I only got hesitation marks.
There were a few marks in the road.
So I told them to get out of the way.
Life was recently discovered on Mars.
NASA had recently sent more cameras to monitor the surface of Mars when they came across a creature that they had never seen before. Due to it's large ears and long tail they decided that this was some new form of feline species. However, upon closer inspection they found that this creature was not moving and in fact had large tire marks across it's back. Based on these findings NASA had but one unfortunate observation to make.
"Curiosity killed the cat"
For the final piece of coursework in my art diploma, I used my knife to cut a line across Mr Hamill and Mr Wahlberg just after they'd finished eating.
I scored full Marks.
Today I celebrated with Champagne...
It marks my one day anniversary of being sober.
Why do gay men have mustaches?
To hide the stretch marks.
Today marks 10 years...
...since I didn't forward that mail chain that got me bad luck. It's on now
How do you find a dictator on a map?
X marks despot.
What do you call it when a communist dog pee?
It Karl marks it's territory
What do you say to a theologian graduate with a good GPA?
"Oh, high marks! How's your sects life?"
X marks the end of the alphabet...
...very badly
Today marks 4 weeks of isolation. Been running 2.5 miles a day, drinking 2 gallons of water, cut out ALL meat, sugar, dairy and flour. I feel great! Zero alcohol, a healthy vegan diet, gluten free, caffeine free, sugar free and a 30 minute home workout each day.
I have no idea who originally posted this, but I am really proud of them so I decided to copy & paste!
Perfectly spell-checked poem
- I have a spelling checker.
- It came with my PC,
- It plainly marks four my revue,
- Mistakes I cannot sea.
- I've run this poem threw it,
- I'm sure your pleased to no,
- Its letter purfect in it's weigh,
- My checker tolled me sew.
- Cents I began to youse it,
- I'm reel, reel pleased eye I got won.
- My righting's sew much bettor now,
- Ware wood eye bee without won.
Today marks 5 weeks of isolation...
I'm walking 2 miles a day, no meat, dairy or flour. Eating fresh vegetables and home cooked meals every day. The change has been fantastic! I feel great!
Zero alcohol, a healthy diet, gluten free, caffeine free, sugar free and a 1 hour home workout each day! Lost 20 lbs and gained muscle mass. I've even cut my screen time in half and am reading a book a week.
I have no idea who wrote this, but I am really proud of them so I decided to copy and paste.
What do you call skid marks on Spider-Man underwear?
The Dark Web
Difference between a corrupt government getting hit by a car and a deer being hit by a car?
There where skid marks leading up to the deer...
There was once a man who had 100 kids.
There was once a man who had 100 kids. He was not a creative man, so he named the kids after the number of their birth. One of his kids, 90, had a few kids when he grew older. One day, they found a dog on the road. They took him in, and named him This. This was a very good and well behaved dog. Dad, I'm going to go feed This. Hey dad, I'm taking This for a walk. One day, This went missing. The kids went out to search for him, when they saw him on the side of the road, with skid marks all over his body. Years later, the kids still remembered and missed This.
Moral of the story:
Only 90s kids will remember This.
My dog came bounding into the house this morning with the neighbour's rabbit hanging lifeless from it's jaws.
Panic set in and so I scrubbed it clean and got all the blood marks off until it was pure white again. I then sneaked into their garden and popped it back in its hutch.
That evening my neighbour knocked at my door and said "I can't believe it, flopsy is lying dead in its hutch and the kids are hysterical."
"Sorry to hear that" I replied nervously.
"The strange thing is" he said "we buried it a couple of days ago."
What is a criminal's favorite punctuation mark?
The period. It marks the end of his sentence.
What does a pirate say when giving sex advice?
Yarr, G marks the spot!
Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school
One day he surprised his teacher with an announcement. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!"
What's a prisoner's favourite piece of punctuation?
Periods, exclamation marks, or question marks - whichever one ends the sentence quicker.
Jesus is walking through the desert when he comes across and old man crying to himself.
"Why do you cry for Old Man?" Jesus asked.
"I've been searching for my son forever and I'm about to give up hope."
"Well I've been wandering the desert in search of my father for many years, perhaps I've seen your son in my travels. Can you describe him?" Jesus explained.
"He's got nail marks in his hands and feet..."
With that Jesus threw open his arms and embraced the old man. "Father!" he exclaimed.
"Pinocchio!" the old man cried.
Two elderly gentlemen sipping their beer outside a pub...
One points to a dog licking its genitals and says:
"Hey Bert, I wish I could do that"
Bert marks a pause, and replies:
"Well, I'm sure he'd let you if you gave him a biscuit"
Middle Class Sexting.
So this girl I'm seeing sent me a picture of herself in a crotchless leather catsuit she'd bought from Marks and Sparks, she then proceeded to text exactly what she would do to me in it. That wasn't just any sex text. That was an M&S S&M MMS and SMS.
James Bond's father :
How many marks did you get?
James Bond: 95% ………… 34.95%
It's no longer legal to use hash marks to count in Afghanistan
This is because of the new tally ban rule.
I've got a joke about poo with teeth marks on it.
It's a bit shit.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the marks mark sanchez jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working marks mark twain piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.