Market Jokes
175 market jokes and hilarious market puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about market that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for something to lighten up the mood in the market place? Read our article on "Market Jokes"! See how market research and stock market humor can bring some joy to investors, store owners, and even farmers market regulars. Laugh through volatility, crashes, and market revolutions with jokes about share prices, market stalls, and more!
Quick Jump To
- Short Market Jokes
- Market One Liners
- Stock Market Jokes
- Housing Market Jokes
- Market Crash Jokes
- Market Research Jokes
- Market Stall Jokes
- More Market Jokes
Funniest Market Short Jokes
Short market jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The market humour may include short commercial jokes also.
- Tide has some serious ad time during the superbowl this year Must be able to afford it after cornering the teenage snack food market
- Remember crying as a kid and your parents told you 'I'll give you something to cry about!' and you expected a beating but instead they just ruined the housing market?
- Did you hear about McDonald's trying to get into the high end steakhouse market? It was a Big Mcsteak
- My buddy just got a job in marketing with Kellogg's cereals... I guess you could say his job is raisin Bran awareness.
- When I was a little kid, I thought "This little piggy went to market." meant it went shopping. It does not.
- Pretty soon the only place you will be able to buy a Confederate flag will be the black market. Oh the irony.
- The Robinhood app has a rating of 4.7 stars in the app store. But current market conditions prevent us from allowing investors to add new star. You may only remove stars until conditions improve.
- Two blondes meet at a busy chicken market A: If I can guess how many chickens you have in that bag, can I have one?
B: You can have both
A: Three - I felt a rush of culture shock wash over me as I walked through a middle eastern market It was bazaar
- I have an issue getting fair market value when I try to sell gravity. My wife thinks it's because it was mass-produced.
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Market One Liners
Which market one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with market? I can suggest the ones about trade and shops.
- Where does Senator Josh Hawley do his shopping? At the flee market.
- You are never worthless Organs go for a lot on the black market.
- Why is a pirate a marketing-employee? Because he works'n'sail
- Fat people are harder to kidnap But skinny people are worth less at the meat market
- Get in on Syrian real estate now! The markets are exploding!
- Could you imagine a market in the Middle East? Because that would be bazaar
- Why was Dr. Dre kicked out of the farmer's market? He kept dropping the beets.
- There's a new erectile dysfunction medicine on the market Its called mycoxaflopin
- Q. Why was the fly so nervous at the fruit market? A. Because he was on a date.
- Why don't clowns invest their money in the market? They'd be the laughing stock.
- 1 in 10 philosophers buys into egoism. It's a Nietzsche market.
- The stock market is like a woman.... ....when she goes down, you buy more
- House-hunting in Texas is overwhelming... The market is flooded.
- There's a great market for big letters.... ...too bad nobody's capitalising on it.
- I went to a market that only sold jelly and custard… It was a trifle bazaar.
Stock Market Jokes
Here is a list of funny stock market jokes and even better stock market puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Everyone is panicking about the stock markets.... But the 31 foot mexican ladder company I invested in is surging.
- I'm sorry, I won't be buying ingredients for soup anytime soon The stock market is terrible
- What do women and the stock market have in common? If you don't pull out in time, it will cost you a lot of money.
- To Non-USA Redditor's You all thought trying to enjoy Reddit without enduring US politics was hard?
Welcome to 2021 where we introduce you to our stock market! - I've recently started investing in stocks I hope this leads to me finally becoming a bouillonaire someday.
- I lost 50 pounds in the past month Investing money in the London stock market wasn't a good idea.
- What do you call a giant psychic who manipulates the stock market. A tall medium who shorts.
- Where can you buy soup in bulk? The stock market.
- Do you know why the European stock markets are sliding down? Greece.
- This simple change in lifestyle will help you lose 2 pounds every week! Just invest in the British stock market
Housing Market Jokes
Here is a list of funny housing market jokes and even better housing market puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If we want Congress to agree we should just replace the people with horses Sure the neighs would carry every vote. But hay, at least the housing market would be stable.
I'll show myself out - Remember when we cried as kids and our parents said, "I'll give you something to cry about" We thought they were going to hit us but instead they destroyed the housing market.
- Why are housing prices in Toronto falling? Because the market got flooded.
- I hear it's a good time to buy real estate in Texas! The housing market is flooded.
- Been thinking of buying property in Syria... heard the housing markets been booming.
- I'm moving to North Carolina and I think I'm going to buy a house instead of renting I hear the market is flooded right now
- The housing market depression made my house so sad... It cuts it's own value.
- The housing market crashed because Chuck thought he was paying too much property tax.
- I've been thinking about moving to California I heard the housing market's on fire right now
- If I had a dollar for every time a Baby Boomer complained about my generation I'd have enough money to buy a house in this market that they ruined.
Market Crash Jokes
Here is a list of funny market crash jokes and even better market crash puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Ups and Downs of Investing I was browsing the stock market earlier, turns out most of the airlines are crashing.
- Guess history repeats itself! We have Electro Swing, another Pandemic, and a Crashing Stock Market! Looks like the Twenties are back again!
- I put a bull and a bear in a cage to fight. The stock market crashed shortly after...
- Where did the crooked buisinessman end up when the stock market crashed? In a CELL! SELL! SELL!
- Why did some chemists go broke? The bond market crashed.
- A stock market c**... is worse than a divorce. You lose half your money and your wife is still around.
- Why is a stock market c**... worse than a divorce? Because you lose half of your money but your wife is still there
- What do you call a stock market c**... in Japan? The "My Yen" Apocalypse
- The Covid 19 Toilet Paper craze was a lot like the Stock Market c**... of 1929 But this time, instead of everyone dumping their stocks, they're stocking for dumps
- Kids have the lowest standards Everything is about b**... their friends moms even though their mamas are so fat that when she skips a meal, the stock market crashes
Market Research Jokes
Here is a list of funny market research jokes and even better market research puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm doing market research for a telescope manufacturer, I run the focus group.
- Ritalin and Adderall Market Research says they both tested well among focus groups.
- "A market researcher said 'can I ask you 10 questions', I said 'go on', she said 'question number 1, have you ever had a b**...?' I said 'no', she went...and finally, question number 10."
Market Stall Jokes
Here is a list of funny market stall jokes and even better market stall puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Bargaining A visitor to my market stall was insistent on bargaining. I said "sir, this is America, we don't negotiate with tourists."
Cheeky Market Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about market you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean industry jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make market pranks.
Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, I'll give you a reason to cry!?"
I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
Jesus likes to drink wine.
As we all know, Jesus liked to drink wine. One day, however, he got tired of wine. He said unto John and Thomas, "Go, and fetch me some ingredients so that I may create another kind of drink." And so they went to the market, and John asked Thomas "So, what should we get Him?" Thomas responds, "The rice, for Christ's sake."
There's a new type of h**... on the market that's called "Jesus Christ"
Finally a way for people to feel good after taking the lord's name in vein
Three women (redhead, blondie and an asian) have just escaped a prison, and the cops are looking for them...
The girls were running trough the city and went into one of those fruit/ vegetables' market to hide, and find 3 bag of potatoes big enough for them to hide inside.
After a while, one cop that is looking for them finds the bags, and realize that they're kind of weird... So he approaches and kicks the first potatoe's bag, with the asian girl inside...
The asian girl, quickly respond the kick with barking noises: ruff ruff
"Oh... These are just a few dogs!", says the cop.
He then approaches to the second potatoe's bag, with the redhead inside, and kicks it as well.
"Meow... Meow", the redhead answers.
"Oh... These are just a few cats!", says the cop.
Finally, he gets close to the third potatoe's bag, with the blondie inside, and kicks it too.
The voice inside the bags respond:
"Potatoes".
A blind man walks past a fish market and says
...good afternoon ladies.
Once there were three fish who lived in a market.
Their names were Red Fish, Blue Fish, and Green Fish.
One day the Red Fish said to the Blue Fish: "Hey, I think that Green Fish is stinky."
The Blue Fish said: "You're right, that Green Fish is stinky."
And the Green Fish said: "Sorry guys, I f**...."
So I've been trying to sell my Ubermensch Action Figures...
But it's difficult to cater to such a Nietszche Market.
Why is it hard to sell bibles in Germany?
Because it's a Nietzsche Market.
Potatoes from Chernobyl
An old woman is shouting at a Ukrainian farmers' market: "Potatoes from Chernobyl! Potatoes from Chernobyl!" A passer-by asks her, "Why are you telling everybody that your potatoes are from Chernobyl? No one will buy them from you." "They do, my dear, they do. For mothers-in-law, for neighbors..."
A farmer goes to the market to buy a rooster
He sees one he likes, so he asks the seller:"Is he any good for mating?"
"Oh, no problem there, he s**... every single chicken I had. He even tries to screw ducks, turkeys, even pigs!"
"Then why" asks the puzzled farmer "are you even selling him?"
"You see" answers the seller "lately he's been looking at me kinda funny."
Stock Market Report
Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged.
The market for raisins dried up. Balloon prices were inflated. And toilet paper touched a new bottom.
The stock market plunge of 2008 was worse than a divorce...
I lost half of everything, but I still have my wife!
Have you heard about the kleptomaniac that robbed that fish market?
They say he did it, "just for the halibut."
Two nuns sare coming back from the market late at night
- "Sister Andrea, it's already dark and we are still quite fare from the covent"
- "Yes Sister Dulce and did you notice that a man is following us??"
- "Yes! and what do you think he wants ?"
- "logical, rapes us... what should we do??"
- "logical: we split way, you on the left me on the right"
The man starts following Sister Dulce. Sister Andrea arrives to the Covent, and is worried because Sister Dulce is not arrived yet. After 1 hour here she comes.
- "What happened??"
- "Well I started running and obviously as did the man"
- "and??"
- "Logical: he reached me.."
- "Oh dear god! And what did you do??"
- "Logical: I lifted my dress up"
- "And what did he do??"
- "Logical: He dropped his pants"
- "god.... and??"
- "Logical no? A nun with her dressed up runs faster than a man with his pants down"
ps: Sorry my english is not my first language :)
Once John went to the market and bought a hen..
He kept it in the shed.
But the hen was stubborn and escaped from the back door.
John caught it and kept it in the shed again.
But the hen was stubborn and escaped from the back door.
John once again caught it and kept it in the shed.
But the hen was stubborn and escaped from the back door.
John now caught it, killed it, cooked it and ate it.
But the hen was stubborn ....
Why is there no market for white tires?
Because black tires makes your car run faster
Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest?
Because it would be economically unviable to market a pharmaceutical in such a vastly unpopulated area.
Why did microsoft go straight to windows 10 ?
They were trying to keep their german market.
A traditional Iranian joke
A man has a very bad case of worms so he goes to very famous doctor. the doctor assesses his case and says go to the market buy the biggest juicy watermelon you can find, cut off one end drop your pants and sit on it. The worms will go into it and leave your body. So the guy does just that and when he sits down the king worm comes out tastes the watermelon and says " bring it in boys"!
Apple is trying to market its new iPod to the lower demographic with a newly named device ...
... however they decided "iTouch Kids" was not a good name.
Two men were lost in a desert...
Dehydrated and dying, the men see a mirage of hundreds and hundreds of tents up ahead. As they get closer, they realize it's not a mirage, but a huge market.
The men stagger into the marketplace, begging everyone around for water, but the first few tents sell only jelly.
Moving on into the market, the men beg and plead for water but the next tents only sell cake.
As the men move forward they're surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of tents selling icecream only, with no water in sight.
The men finally exit the cluster of tents still dehydrated, and dying.
The first man turns to the other and says, "Is it just me, or was that really odd?"
The other man replies, "Yeah. It WAS a trifle bazaar..."
Why was the man arrested at the farmers' market?
He was caught taking a leek.
I couldn't afford to take my kids to Sea World.
So I took them to our local fish market, saying, "Shhhh... they're all asleep."
Three ladies.
Three ladies went out to the flee market. A blonde, a redhead and a brunette. They found a magic mirror that told them this "each of you has to say something about herself, if it's true I'll grant you a wish but if it's false I'll kill you ". The ladies agreed, and the redhead said "i have the cutest boyfriend" and the mirror killed her. The brunette said "i have the prettiest car " and the mirror killed her. And the blonde said "wait I'm thinking " and the mirror killed her.
Fin.
The way to end up $1 Million using the stock market LEGIT
invest 10 million into it
They're marketing headphones specifically for gorillas now
Rumor has it they'll be called Harambeats.
I'm so sorry.
How is m**... stock sold on the stock market?
Buy high sell higher.
Recent studies have shown that Apple is trailing behind Samsung in innovation
Experts predict that it will take at least another two years for iPhones to bring explosive features to the market.
In a farmers market, Farmer A sells pumpkins, Farmer B sells strawberries, what does Farmer C sell?
Medicine
... runs off ...
An American patriot with amputated arms decides to replace them.
He obtains a pair of grizzly bear arms from a black market, and attaches them on his own, with the help of a friend.
He is arrested for contribution to animal cruelty and performing medical procedures unlicensed.
When taken to court, he gives a speech defending his right to bear arms.
There's a new antidepressant on the market for l**....
Trycoxagin
What gets dropped faster than an unruly passenger?
$900 million in market shares.
A blind man was taking a stroll
And on his walk he passed by a fish market. As we he was walking by, he took a deep breath and said "Well hello, ladies!"
Guess how many fish I got from the market?
Tuna half.
I saw where they pulled all the Steve Irwin sunscreen off the market for false advertising.
It didn't protect against harmful rays.
Never let anyone tell you that you're worthless
Piece by piece, I could make 50,000 dollars off of you on the black market.
A woman on her way home from market was carrying a duck...
...when a drunk staggered up to her and said, "Hey, where'd ja get the pig?" The woman replied, "You drunken fool, that's no pig -- it's a duck!" And the drunk said, "Quiet, woman , I was talking to the duck!"
I'm moving to California to become a real estate agent...
I heard the market is on fire!!!
I couldn't afford to take the kids to SeaWorld...
So I took them to the fish market and said "Shhh, they're sleeping".
Dave and John walk in a market
Dave stole three Snickers bars and put them in his pocket. He said "I have such quick hands, no one ever caught me. I bet you can't do same". At the cashier desk, John says to the cashier " you wanna see some magic" he says "yeah" . John says bring me 3 Snickers bars. He brought them, John ate them. The cashier says "where is the magic in this?" John says "put your hand in this dude's pocket and take them out"
God is talking with the presidents.
God asks Bush: "What do you believe in?"
Bush answers: "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"
"Very well," says God. "Come sit to my right."
Next, God asks Obama: "What do you believe in?"
Obama answers: "I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all."
"Good, says God. "You shall sit to my left."
Finally, God asks Trump: "What do you believe in?"
Trump replies: "I believe you're sitting in my chair."
I call the sunshine c**... company every year at this time and request they sell Cheez-its shrunk to 1/4th their original size.
I request they market them as "Sweet little baby Cheez-its."
I want to get into the water selling business
but the market seems a bit over saturated.
George W Bush, Barack Obama, and Trump all die and go to heaven.
Upon arriving, God asks them respectively what they believe in.
Bush said he believes in American exceptionalism, the right to bear arms, and the free market.
God said alright, you can take this seat to my right.
Obama said he believes in everyone having Healthcare, equal rights for all, and sustainability.
God invited him to take the seat to His left.
Trump said "I believe you're in my seat"
My wife asked me to buy organic vegetables from the market, so I went and looked around and couldn't find any. I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and asked, These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?
The produce guy looked at me and said, No. You'll have to do that yourself.
Jesus is preparing for the Last Supper...
Jesus: Judas, I need you to go to each and every one of my disciples and tell them to meet me here for supper. Also, stop by the market and get some fish, vegetables, and a dessert. When you've come back and are done cooking, set up the table and our best plates.
Later that evening, while everyone is enjoying their food, Jesus begains in a somber tone, "One of you will betray me -
Judas: "Why do I have to do everything around here?!"
A blind man was walking downtown and he stumbled upon the fish market.....
As he enters the market with his seeing eye dog all of a sudden he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head.
The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are
you doing?!!"
The blind man replies, "Just looking around."
Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities.
Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.
I saw a sign advertising a plowsharing market the other day.
I don't know if that's a more or less politically correct way of talking about a s**... party...
I asked the seller on the black market how much a kidney costs
He said it would be worth an arm and a leg
The stock market is like s**....
You just need to know when to pull out.
Apparently Steve Irwin had his own line of sunscreen but it was taken off the market when he died.
It wasn't protecting against harmful rays.
TIL Steve Irwin was trying to market his own sunblock.
The FDA wouldn't approve it because it didn't protect you against all rays.
A couple was having a party at their house.
An hour before the party the woman found out that she still needed escargots. So she sent her husband out to get it. He was walking to the supermarket and he figured he had lots of time. So he stopped at the bar on the way. An hour and a half later he looked at his watch and realized that the party had already started. He quickly ran to the market, bought the snails and ran home. He tried to sneak into the kitchen without his wife seeing him. But at that moment his wife came out. He quickly threw the snails on the floor and said, "Come on guys, we're almost there."
best jokes about Albania, from Romania:
Why the Albanian submarines resurface every 2 minutes? So the rowers can breath.
How do you destroy an Albanian tank? You shot the guy that pushes it.
Why did the Albanians lost the war? The archer was sick.
The Albanians managed to releases on market their fist computer, it's keyboard has 2 b**...: if you pres the first one nothing happens and the second one cancels the command
Why Aren't DJs allowed in the Fish Market?
They always drop the bass.
PETA is a successful investor
in the laughing stock market.
The US government has been there for us through hard times From the great depression, the numerous market crashes, through pandemics of flu and tragedies like the loss of American lives.
I'm starting to think they're bad luck
HOW i got rich
One rich man is asked how he got rich. He answers: I bought one unwashed apple in the market for a dollar, washed it and sold it for 2, then bought 2 unwashed apples, washed it and sold it for 4. -And so gradually you got rich? - No, after 2 years, my grandmother died and left me a legacy of 4 billion dollars, and I stopped doing nonsense
Ana will be barred from the fruit market
Ban Ana
