The Best 78 Market Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Market jokes. There are some market shortages jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these market marketing for viagra puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Market Jokes and Puns

Tide has some serious ad time during the superbowl this year

Must be able to afford it after cornering the teenage snack food market

Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, I'll give you a reason to cry!?"

I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.

Did you hear about McDonald's trying to get into the high end steakhouse market?

It was a Big Mcsteak

Market joke, Did you hear about McDonald's trying to get into the high end steakhouse market?

Jesus likes to drink wine.

As we all know, Jesus liked to drink wine. One day, however, he got tired of wine. He said unto John and Thomas, "Go, and fetch me some ingredients so that I may create another kind of drink." And so they went to the market, and John asked Thomas "So, what should we get Him?" Thomas responds, "The rice, for Christ's sake."

There's a new type of Heroin on the market that's called "Jesus Christ"

Finally a way for people to feel good after taking the lord's name in vein


Three women (redhead, blondie and an asian) have just escaped a prison, and the cops are looking for them...

The girls were running trough the city and went into one of those fruit/ vegetables' market to hide, and find 3 bag of potatoes big enough for them to hide inside.

After a while, one cop that is looking for them finds the bags, and realize that they're kind of weird... So he approaches and kicks the first potatoe's bag, with the asian girl inside...
The asian girl, quickly respond the kick with barking noises: ruff ruff
"Oh... These are just a few dogs!", says the cop.

He then approaches to the second potatoe's bag, with the redhead inside, and kicks it as well.
"Meow... Meow", the redhead answers.
"Oh... These are just a few cats!", says the cop.

Finally, he gets close to the third potatoe's bag, with the blondie inside, and kicks it too.
The voice inside the bags respond:
"Potatoes".

A blind man walks past a fish market and says

...good afternoon ladies.

Market joke, A blind man walks past a fish market and says

The stock market is like a woman....

....when she goes down, you buy more

What do you call a stock market crash in Japan?

The "My Yen" Apocalypse

Made this joke up when my son was 3. Still his favorite

Once there were three fish who lived in a market. Their names were Red Fish, Blue Fish, and Green Fish.

One day the Red Fish said to the Blue Fish: "Hey, I think that Green Fish is stinky."

The Blue Fish said: "You're right, that Green Fish is stinky."

And the Green Fish said: "Sorry guys, I farted."

************

It's dumb, I know, but it still makes both of us laugh.

So I've been trying to sell my Ubermensch Action Figures...

But it's difficult to cater to such a Nietszche Market.

You can explore market store reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean market farmers market dad jokes. There are also market puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why is it hard to sell bibles in Germany?

Because it's a Nietzsche Market.

Why are housing prices in Toronto falling?

Because the market got flooded.

A farmer goes to the market to buy a rooster

He sees one he likes, so he asks the seller:"Is he any good for mating?"

"Oh, no problem there, he screwed every single chicken I had. He even tries to screw ducks, turkeys, even pigs!"

"Then why" asks the puzzled farmer "are you even selling him?"

"You see" answers the seller "lately he's been looking at me kinda funny."

Stock Market Report

Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading.

Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged.

The market for raisins dried up. Balloon prices were inflated. And toilet paper touched a new bottom.

Have you heard about the kleptomaniac that robbed that fish market?

They say he did it, "just for the halibut."

Market joke, Have you heard about the kleptomaniac that robbed that fish market?

Two nuns sare coming back from the market late at night

- "Sister Andrea, it's already dark and we are still quite fare from the covent"

- "Yes Sister Dulce and did you notice that a man is following us??"

- "Yes! and what do you think he wants ?"

- "logical, rapes us... what should we do??"

- "logical: we split way, you on the left me on the right"

The man starts following Sister Dulce. Sister Andrea arrives to the Covent, and is worried because Sister Dulce is not arrived yet. After 1 hour here she comes.

- "What happened??"

- "Well I started running and obviously as did the man"

- "and??"

- "Logical: he reached me.."

- "Oh dear god! And what did you do??"

- "Logical: I lifted my dress up"

- "And what did he do??"

- "Logical: He dropped his pants"

- "god.... and??"

- "Logical no? A nun with her dressed up runs faster than a man with his pants down"

ps: Sorry my english is not my first language :)

There's a great market for big letters....

...too bad nobody's capitalising on it.

Why was Dr. Dre kicked out of the farmer's market?

He kept dropping the beets.


Why is there no market for white tires?

Because black tires makes your car run faster

Pretty soon the only place you will be able to buy a Confederate flag will be the black market.

Oh the irony.

Why did microsoft go straight to windows 10 ?

They were trying to keep their german market.

A traditional Iranian joke

A man has a very bad case of worms so he goes to very famous doctor. the doctor assesses his case and says go to the market buy the biggest juicy watermelon you can find, cut off one end drop your pants and sit on it. The worms will go into it and leave your body. So the guy does just that and when he sits down the king worm comes out tastes the watermelon and says " bring it in boys"!

Apple is trying to market its new iPod to the lower demographic with a newly named device ...

... however they decided "iTouch Kids" was not a good name.

Two men were lost in a desert...

Dehydrated and dying, the men see a mirage of hundreds and hundreds of tents up ahead. As they get closer, they realize it's not a mirage, but a huge market.

The men stagger into the marketplace, begging everyone around for water, but the first few tents sell only jelly.

Moving on into the market, the men beg and plead for water but the next tents only sell cake.

As the men move forward they're surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of tents selling icecream only, with no water in sight.

The men finally exit the cluster of tents still dehydrated, and dying.

The first man turns to the other and says, "Is it just me, or was that really odd?"

The other man replies, "Yeah. It WAS a trifle bazaar..."

A stock market crash is worse than a divorce.

You lose half your money and your wife is still around.

I couldn't afford to take my kids to Sea World.

So I took them to our local fish market, saying, "Shhhh... they're all asleep."

Three ladies.

Three ladies went out to the flee market. A blonde, a redhead and a brunette. They found a magic mirror that told them this "each of you has to say something about herself, if it's true I'll grant you a wish but if it's false I'll kill you ". The ladies agreed, and the redhead said "i have the cutest boyfriend" and the mirror killed her. The brunette said "i have the prettiest car " and the mirror killed her. And the blonde said "wait I'm thinking " and the mirror killed her.

Fin.

Remember when we cried as kids and our parents said, "I'll give you something to cry about"

We thought they were going to hit us but instead they destroyed the housing market.

Two blondes meet at a busy chicken market

A: If I can guess how many chickens you have in that bag, can I have one?

B: You can have both

A: Three

Recent studies have shown that Apple is trailing behind Samsung in innovation

Experts predict that it will take at least another two years for iPhones to bring explosive features to the market.

In a farmers market, Farmer A sells pumpkins, Farmer B sells strawberries, what does Farmer C sell?

Medicine

... runs off ...

What do women and the stock market have in common?

If you don't pull out in time, it will cost you a lot of money.

An American patriot with amputated arms decides to replace them.

He obtains a pair of grizzly bear arms from a black market, and attaches them on his own, with the help of a friend.

He is arrested for contribution to animal cruelty and performing medical procedures unlicensed.

When taken to court, he gives a speech defending his right to bear arms.

I felt a rush of culture shock wash over me as I walked through a middle eastern market

It was bazaar

There's a new antidepressant on the market for lesbians.

Trycoxagin

What gets dropped faster than an unruly passenger?

$900 million in market shares.

You are never worthless

Organs go for a lot on the black market.

A blind man was taking a stroll

And on his walk he passed by a fish market. As we he was walking by, he took a deep breath and said "Well hello, ladies!"

Why don't clowns invest their money in the market?

They'd be the laughing stock.

Fat people are harder to kidnap

But skinny people are worth less at the meat market

Guess how many fish I got from the market?

Tuna half.

I saw where they pulled all the Steve Irwin sunscreen off the market for false advertising.

It didn't protect against harmful rays.

House-hunting in Texas is overwhelming...

The market is flooded.

A woman on her way home from market was carrying a duck...

...when a drunk staggered up to her and said, "Hey, where'd ja get the pig?" The woman replied, "You drunken fool, that's no pig -- it's a duck!" And the drunk said, "Quiet, woman , I was talking to the duck!"

I'm moving to California to become a real estate agent...

I heard the market is on fire!!!

I couldn't afford to take the kids to SeaWorld...

So I took them to the fish market and said "Shhh, they're sleeping".

God is talking with the presidents.

God asks Bush: "What do you believe in?"

Bush answers: "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"

"Very well," says God. "Come sit to my right."

Next, God asks Obama: "What do you believe in?"

Obama answers: "I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all."

"Good, says God. "You shall sit to my left."

Finally, God asks Trump: "What do you believe in?"

Trump replies: "I believe you're sitting in my chair."

I call the sunshine cracker company every year at this time and request they sell Cheez-its shrunk to 1/4th their original size.

I request they market them as "Sweet little baby Cheez-its."

Could you imagine a market in the Middle East?

Because that would be bazaar

George W Bush, Barack Obama, and Trump all die and go to heaven.

Upon arriving, God asks them respectively what they believe in.

Bush said he believes in American exceptionalism, the right to bear arms, and the free market.

God said alright, you can take this seat to my right.

Obama said he believes in everyone having Healthcare, equal rights for all, and sustainability.

God invited him to take the seat to His left.

Trump said "I believe you're in my seat"

My wife asked me to buy organic vegetables from the market, so I went and looked around and couldn't find any. I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and asked, These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?

The produce guy looked at me and said, No. You'll have to do that yourself.

A blind man was walking downtown and he stumbled upon the fish market.....

As he enters the market with his seeing eye dog all of a sudden he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head.

The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are
you doing?!!"

The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities.

Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.

The stock market is like sex.

You just need to know when to pull out.

Apparently Steve Irwin had his own line of sunscreen but it was taken off the market when he died.

It wasn't protecting against harmful rays.

There's a new erectile dysfunction medicine on the market

Its called mycoxaflopin

TIL Steve Irwin was trying to market his own sunblock.

The FDA wouldn't approve it because it didn't protect you against all rays.

A couple was having a party at their house.

An hour before the party the woman found out that she still needed escargots. So she sent her husband out to get it. He was walking to the supermarket and he figured he had lots of time. So he stopped at the bar on the way. An hour and a half later he looked at his watch and realized that the party had already started. He quickly ran to the market, bought the snails and ran home. He tried to sneak into the kitchen without his wife seeing him. But at that moment his wife came out. He quickly threw the snails on the floor and said, "Come on guys, we're almost there."

1 in 10 philosophers buys into egoism.

It's a Nietzsche market.

Why Aren't DJs allowed in the Fish Market?

They always drop the bass.

The Covid 19 Toilet Paper craze was a lot like the Stock Market Crash of 1929

But this time, instead of everyone dumping their stocks, they're stocking for dumps

The US government has been there for us through hard times From the great depression, the numerous market crashes, through pandemics of flu and tragedies like the loss of American lives.

I'm starting to think they're bad luck

Remember crying as a kid and your parents told you 'I'll give you something to cry about!'

and you expected a beating but instead they just ruined the housing market?

HOW i got rich

One rich man is asked how he got rich. He answers: I bought one unwashed apple in the market for a dollar, washed it and sold it for 2, then bought 2 unwashed apples, washed it and sold it for 4. -And so gradually you got rich? - No, after 2 years, my grandmother died and left me a legacy of 4 billion dollars, and I stopped doing nonsense

Where can you buy soup in bulk?

The stock market.

What do you call a place you go to buy evacuation equipment?

A flee market

If we want Congress to agree we should just replace the people with horses

Sure the neighs would carry every vote. But hay, at least the housing market would be stable.

I'll show myself out

On the farm market

Customer: Is that cabbage genetially modified?

Farmer: Why are you asking?

Cabbage: Yeah, why are you asking?

I'm going to start a grocery store for fat virgins

It's a huge untapped market

Just seen a bloke down the market selling the Oxford Covid Vaccinations..

Β£2 each or 3 for a Pfizer

If Blizzard pulls Overwatch off the market...

Does that make the fans ego D.vastated?

Secretly found that I can manipulate stock market

Whatever I bought, it went red.

What's considered trashy if you're poor, but classy if you're rich?

Manipulating the stock market

To Non-USA Redditor's

You all thought trying to enjoy Reddit without enduring US politics was hard?

Welcome to 2021 where we introduce you to our stock market!

The Robinhood app has a rating of 4.7 stars in the app store.

But current market conditions prevent us from allowing investors to add new stars. You may only remove stars until conditions improve.

Grandfather: When I was your age, I used to go to the market with one dollar

...and bring home soap, rice, milk, bread, face powder etc..

Grandson: Nowadays it's difficult. There are CCTV cameras everywhere.

When I was a little kid, I thought "This little piggy went to market." meant it went shopping.

It does not.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the market wares jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working market invest piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes