Mark Jokes
182 mark jokes and hilarious mark puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mark that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article takes a humorous look at all things related to marks. From skid marks and stretch marks to hallmarks and questions marks, it explores the many ways marks can make us laugh. The article also includes personal anecdotes from Mike's diary about his experiences with these marks and more. Get ready to mark this article as one of the funniest you'll read!
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Funniest Mark Short Jokes
Short mark jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mark humour may include short label jokes also.
- If Facebook buys Gmail, instead of 'mark as read' the feature will be called, 'Mark has read'.
- This week in DC, mark zuckerberg is currently doing the hardest thing imaginable. He's explaining Facebook to old people.
- Girls, if a guy remembers your birthday, saves your pictures knows what you enjoy and understands your family and friends, This guy is not your man.
This guy is Mark Zuckerberg. - Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn't want to look suspicious
- The misuse of users' Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress. He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.
- The cast of star wars VII just finished their first read through Mark Hamill pulled JJ Abrams to the side and said Can I have a word?
- Today, when my son asked, "Can I have a book mark?" I burst into tears... 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Dave...
- My wife asked why I was whispering. I told her that Mark Zuckerburg might be listening.
Then she laughed, and Siri laughed, and Alexa laughed. - Mark Zuckerberg says he wears a grey t-shirt everyday because he doesn't want to waste time on things that don't matter. He runs Facebook.
- Me: Yesterday my wife ran away with my best friend Mark. Another friend: Since when was Mark your best friend?
Me: Since yesterday.
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Mark One Liners
Which mark one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mark? I can suggest the ones about john and brand.
- What sort of grades did Tommy Wiseau receive in school? Oh, high marks.
- The latest reviews for The Room are in... overall it's got hi marks.
- Hey Joe, Do you pray before every meal? No Mark, my wife is a good cook.
- Do special ed teachers mark late students as tardy? i have no shame.
- Highlighter pens are the future... Mark my words
- What do you call a punctuation mark that's got a girlfriend? ..accommodating.
- The results for The Disaster Artist are in. Overall, it's received Hi Marks.
- Mark Zuckerberg values your privacy at $157 Facebook stock price
- I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard. I expect a long sentence.
- Why couldn't Cleopatra accept Mark Anthony's death? She was the queen of denial
- I'm going to start collecting highlighters Mark my words
- What did Mark Zuckerberg say when the US shot down the UFO? Oh no, not my Uber!
- There is an upside to eating Tide Pods.... It takes the skid marks out of your underwear.
- What do German Communists and German Capitalists have in common? They both love Marks
- Today marks 365 days of sobriety. 364 more to go
Mark Zuckerberg Jokes
Here is a list of funny mark zuckerberg jokes and even better mark zuckerberg puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and Jean Luc Picard? Picard didn't sell Data.
- What would Mark Zuckerberg add to the game, if he created MineCraft? Data.
So he can mine it. - Why did Mark Zuckerberg only need a sip of water? Zucculents are excellent at storing water and can thrive in arid climates.
- A boy walks up to Mark Zuckerberg The boy says: My daddy said you were stealing out information
Mark Zuckerberg replies: He isn't your dad - Mark Zuckerberg is a great friend... He listens to everything you say.
- What did Elon Musk say to Mark Zuckerberg? Hold my beer!
- Mark Zuckerberg's office has the greatest view in the Silicon Valley A view of personal information of 2.2 billion people.
- Almost every joke subreddit will ban you for making fun of Mark Zuckerberg's company. I just checked, they have rules against Meta posts.
- What do you call Mark Zuckerberg getting therapy? Tech support
- What is Mark Zuckerberg's favorite VR game? Monopoly
Question Mark Jokes
Here is a list of funny question mark jokes and even better question mark puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- As the teacher marked my quiz answers, she said, "This is wrong." "Question 2 ?" I asked.
"No, the way your hand is resting between my thighs." - 28 consonants, 3 vowels, a question mark and 1 comma went to court They're awaiting their sentence
- It's Important To Know When To Use A Period And When To Use A Question Mark Otherwise you might tell someone "your daughter is having their first question mark."
- Exam question: According to Germany how much is Greece worth? [1 Mark]
- What starts with a W and ends in a question mark? What starts with a W and ends in a question mark?
- How Long Is An Asian Name It wasn't a question, hence the missing question mark. How Long really is an Asian name!
- How Long is a Chinese Name Now read the title again, without that question mark you added.
- How can you tell if you're being persecuted by agnostics? You come home to find a question mark burned into your lawn.
- Did you hear about the confused question mark? He couldn't figure out how he got a period.
- An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars. A question mark walks into a bar?
Skid Mark Jokes
Here is a list of funny skid mark jokes and even better skid mark puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? There are skid marks in front of the dog
- Whats the difference between a dead dog on the side of the road, and a dead politician on the side of the road? The skid marks infront of the dog.
- What's the difference between a dead cat and a dead lawyer on the road? The dead cat has skid marks around it.
- What is the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer? Skid marks leading to the skunk!
- Rat vs lawyer What's the difference between when a lawyer gets killed by a car and a rat that gets killed by a car?
There were no skid marks for the lawyer. - What do you call skid marks on Spider-Man underwear? The Dark Web
- What's the difference between roadkill and a viola in the middle of the road? There are skid marks leading up to the roadkill.
- Whats the difference between a lawyer and a raccoon? when found dead on the side of the road, the raccoon has skid marks in from of it.
- Difference between a corrupt government getting hit by a car and a deer being hit by a car? There where skid marks leading up to the deer...
- What do Freddie Mercury and Ayrton Senna have in common? They both died with skid marks on their helmet.
Mark Twain Jokes
Here is a list of funny mark twain jokes and even better mark twain puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is the purpose of war? "God created War so that Americans would learn Geography" - Mark Twain
- What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? A taxidermist takes only your skin. [Mark Twain]
- When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Kentucky. They're always 20 years behind everything.
Mark Twain - Growing up my grandma loved reading me Mark Twain. It combined her to favorite activities, Spending time with her grandson and using the N word.
- Mark Twain Quote "Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason."
- Dyslexia didn't stop Mark Twain being a great writer He didn't even suffer from it.
- What did Mark Twain name his son? Choo Choo
- Did you guys hear Mark Twain came back from the dead to write a sequel to his famous travel novel? Its called "A Trump and 2 Broads"
- Which Thomas the Tank Engine character had most literary talent ? Mark Twain
- Mark Twain used to travel with a podium from his hometown. Ah yes, his Hannibal Lectern.
Stretch Mark Jokes
Here is a list of funny stretch mark jokes and even better stretch mark puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My patience has stretch marks.
- There's only one... There's only one place a man would want stretch marks.
- My boyfriend complains about my stretch marks. He failed school. I say these are the only marks you'll ever get.
Uplifting Mark Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about mark you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean message jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mark pranks.
What's the difference between an Engineering student and an Arts student when tying their shoes?
The arts student gets a mark for it.
Number 7
Mark dreams number 7.
He wakes up, looks at his watch: it was 7:07.
He looked at the calendar: July 7, 2007.
Decided it was a sign he's taking the bus 77.
Arrive at the track, put $ 7777 on the horse 7 from the 7th race.
The horse comes seventh.
Just thought of this
So I was at a hippy music festival and after the show I met a few bands back stage. I saw a bassist sitting in the corner by himself so I sat next to him and asked.
"Hey man, my name is Mark. Whats your name, what you been up to?"
"Benjamin"
My girlfriend got me a mood ring the other day but it didn't come with instructions. So far we know that if I'm in a good mood, it's green...
and if I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on her forehead.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Russian Condoms
One day the president of the largest c**... company in Russia is called down by his sales associate. He tells the president that they have just gotten a huge order from America for double extra large 16" condoms. The associate tells the prez that it must be a prank, so the president mulls it over for a minute and then says "Make their order, but when you mark them them for shipping, stamp them with 'EXTRA SMALL.'"
As a mark of respect to Lou Reed
I have had his initials inscribed on my headphones.
-Daft Limmy
My mom always said I was like a punctuation mark
I am an exclamation mark when I should have just been a period.
GTA
While Mark was shopping for pet supplies, one of the salespeople came running up to him.
"Mark! Mark! I just saw someone driving off with your BMW!"
"OH NO! Did you try to stop him?"
"No, but dont worry. I got the license plate number!"
Camoflage practice
A sergeant was addressing his soldiers:
"Mark, I didn't see you at camouflage practice this morning"
To which Mark replied, "Thank you, sir!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Air force weatherman
So, my uncle Mark was a weatherman for the air force and one day during a briefing, the Colonel said, "I think we should all thank Mark here for the wonderful weather that we've been having for our b**... runs."
So my uncle says, "I'm in prediction, not production. I think we need to thank the chaplain."
The chaplain, without missing a beat, says, "I'm in sales, not in management."
Be verbs.
The teacher asked the class to stand one by one and compose a simple sentence using appropriate be verbs.
"She is beautiful", said Kate.
"My dogs are fat", shouted Mark.
"I is...", stuttered Joe when the teacher interrupted.
"You always say 'I am'. Never say 'I is'", said she.
As fast as he could, Joe uttered,
"I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The most embarrassing moment of my life was probably walking in on my parents having s**...
after 45 minutes my dad was like, dude, get out of here!
i think mark hoppus said this one
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two p**... go fishing
These two Polish guys rent a boat and go fishing on a lake. They are amazed at the number of fish that they caught that day, so one says to the other, "We'll have to come back here tomorrow!" The other says "well, just make sure you mark the spot!" After they get back on shore, the first guy then takes a can of spray paint, paints an X on the bottom of the boat. The other p**... says, "You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat tomorrow?"
Why is there no market for white tires?
Because black tires makes your car run faster
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jimmy is out hunting with his best buddy Mark
When Mark suddenly clutches his chest and falls to the ground. Thinking quickly Jimmy calls 911.
"My friend just had a heart attack! I think he's dead." he says the operator
"Ok sir, calm down. First check to make sure he's definitely dead. I'll hold."
**\*BLAM***
"Yeah, he's definitely dead."
I'm doing market research for a telescope manufacturer,
I run the focus group.
Mark Ruffalo Went into a Job Interview
The interviewer asked "What's your strong suit?"
"Oh, you know, the Hulk costume."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tommy's parents wanted to have s**.......
So his dad asked him to stand in the balcony and tell What's happening outside. Tommy started
Tommy : Sam is having his breakfast
Lil is starting her car
Kids are playing in the park
Mark is opening his garage
Mike's parents are having s**...
Dad : What! How do you know that!
Tommy : He is also standing in the balcony!
What was Mark Hamill's reaction when he finished reading The Force Awakens script?
Speechless
As a mark of respect to Prince...
The local pub is putting on a wake tomorrow night. All you can eat and drink for under 20 quid.
I for one intend to party like it's £19.99.
Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles?
He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.
When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring...
When she was in a good mood, it turned blue.
When she was in a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead...
How can you tell Voldemort used the bathroom before you?
He leaves a dark mark
I make more money than Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerburg combined
And all I do is work at the U.S. Mint
They're marketing headphones specifically for gorillas now
Rumor has it they'll be called Harambeats.
I'm so sorry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher was called in by the police for accusations of child m**...
"What is your name sir?"
"Mark Stephens"
"How old are you?"
"37 years old"
"And what do you do for a living?"
"I teach school chilren"
"Come again?"
"I teach school chilren"
"Do you mean children?"
"What?"
"You said chilren, you forgot the D"
"Oh no, I put the D in children later"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend said that China might be considering assisted s**... for teenagers
He's probably wrong, but if he's right, that would mark the beginning of euthanasia of youth in Asia.
Whats a prisoners favorite punctuation mark?
Period.
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
George's son
George goes to the Birth Registration Office to register his newborn son.
The man behind the counter asks the name he wants to give to
the boy, and the father replies: "Euro."
The man says that such a name is not acceptable, because it's a currency.
Says George: "What? There weren't any objections when I called my first two sons Mark and Frank."
Little Johnny was learning about punctuation
The teacher was explaining all of the different punctuation marks.
She listed the comma, question mark and when she got to period; Little Johnny raised his hand.
He asked: Why are periods so important?
The teacher responded: Well, they are a fundamental part of the written language; why do you ask?
Little Johnny replied: Yesterday my sister said she missed a period and my Mom fainted, my Dad started yelling and the next door neighbor shot himself
My sister has just had a baby and she has decided to call him Mark, with a C.
Cark.
Where'd Mark go?
POLO!
#dadjokes
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do ISIS members practice safe s**...?
they mark the camels that kick
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
James Franco responds to claims of s**... misconduct.
I did not touch them! It's not true! It's b**...! I did not touch them! I did naaaht.
Oh hi Mark.
I did an essay on The Room.
For school, I had to write an essay based on a film, so I decided to do it on "The Room". I think I did well, because I got a hi mark.
A little girl tells her father that she almost for 100% in her last test...
The father was really proud, and then asked what was the mark she got.
The little girl reply: There's only one Zero missing!
What grade did Tommy Wisaeu usually get in school?
A high mark.
Mark zuckerberg and i were in a band once. We gave him a choice to play the melody, the harmony, or display our newsfeed in chronological order.
But no matter how much we didn't want him to, he kept insisting, "I'll go rhythms. "
A man went to a tattooist and requested a tally mark on his back
Every couple of weeks, the same customer came in, always requesting the same tattoo: an additional tally mark on an ever-growing cluster of tally marks. One day, the tattooist decides to ask: "What are you counting?"
The man says: "The number of tattoos i've gotten"
In a recent interview, Mark Zuckerburg's wife stated she wasn't bothered at all about being married to a lizard person.
But rather, she only took issue when Mark would drink heavily and behave erratically, calling it a reptile dysfunction.
A blonde joins a book club.
She goes along to the first meeting and it's her turn to share what she's been reading this week.
"Well, it took me a while to finish, but this was a brilliant read and I highly recommend it". She pulls out a bookmark and shows it to the group.
One of the members says, "Um... That's not a book"
"What are you talking about? Mark at the library gave me this when I asked him for a book!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I invited my two friends over for a party as I was trying to Sweden my s**... life, but my wife said "Norway!"
So Dan, Mark and I had our 3-way as usual.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm not the smartest student ever so I tried something a little risky to get a better grade...
I got a D- on my recent English test and my dad wasn't very happy with my mark. I asked my teacher if I could do a s**... favour for her to get a B+. She got very offended. My classmates didn't think that was okay either, and they stopped talking to me for a few weeks.
If you guys want, I can tell more stories about my homeschooling
Two Americans were trekking in a desert.
Dehydrated and hungry, they walked into a mosque.
The Imam asked for their names.
Mark thought: Maybe it's wiser to pretend to be a Muslim. So he replied: My name is Ahmed.
Sam said: My name is Sam.
The Imam called his servant over, who handed Sam some food and water.
He then turned to Mark and said: Happy Ramadan, brother Ahmed.
The sharp eye-witness
While Mark was shopping for pet supplies, one of the salespeople came running up to him. Mark! Mark! I just saw someone driving off with your BMW!
Dear God! Did your try to stop him?
No, said the clerk, but don't worry. I got the license plate number!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the marketer use gametes in his ads?
Because s**... cells.
What kind of dog leaves a permanent mark?
A Shar Pei
My wife always wanted a son with a foreign sounding name.
So, after she
gave birth she decided on Mark but
with a C.
I just went now to register his name!
l am so excited on my way home to see
little baby Cark!
So Mark Zuckerberg and The Pope walk into a bar...
They sit down when suddenly Mark spills his drink on The Popes' robes. They get into a fight. A film crew recorded them duking it out and made a film out of it...
Alien vs Predator
What is a criminal's favorite punctuation mark?
The period. It marks the end of his sentence.
Mark and his wife were driving along a country road.
They weren't speaking to each other due to an earlier argument. As they passed a particularly rural stretch, they spotted a couple of monkeys in the treetops. "Relatives of yours?", asked Mark sarcastically.
"Yes," she replied. "My in-laws."
Mark Zuckerberg's car hit a guy's car
Mark Zuckerberg's car hit a guy's car
Guy (angry) : Do you know who I am?
Mark : Yes, you are Scott Thomas, you have 237 friends out of which 37 are females and your wife doesn't know 12 of them. Last holiday you went to Thailand and there you . . .
Guy : Leave it bro, it was my fault.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the sharpest thing in the world?
A f**.... It cuts through your underwear and pants without making a mark.
Asked for a Bitcoin for Christmas
Opened up my present to find a quarter with a bite mark
The sermon on the mount
Jesus: "Verily, I tell you: x²+5x+10."
Mark: "Huh? What's the boss talking about?"
John: "Never mind, he's just mixing up parable and parabola again."
I've decided to name my son Mark.
That way, when I die, at least I'll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
