Mark Jokes
188 mark jokes and hilarious mark puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mark that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article takes a humorous look at all things related to marks. From skid marks and stretch marks to hallmarks and questions marks, it explores the many ways marks can make us laugh. The article also includes personal anecdotes from Mike's diary about his experiences with these marks and more. Get ready to mark this article as one of the funniest you'll read!
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Funniest Mark Short Jokes
Short mark jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mark humour may include short label jokes also.
- If Facebook buys Gmail, instead of 'mark as read' the feature will be called, 'Mark has read'.
- This week in DC, mark zuckerberg is currently doing the hardest thing imaginable. He's explaining Facebook to old people.
- I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary. I told him, - Mark, my words!
- Girls, if a guy remembers your birthday, saves your pictures knows what you enjoy and understands your family and friends, This guy is not your man.
This guy is Mark Zuckerberg. - Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn't want to look suspicious
- The misuse of users' Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress. He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.
- The cast of star wars VII just finished their first read through Mark Hamill pulled JJ Abrams to the side and said Can I have a word?
- Today, when my son asked, "Can I have a book mark?" I burst into tears... 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Dave...
- My wife asked why I was whispering. I told her that Mark Zuckerburg might be listening.
Then she laughed, and Siri laughed, and Alexa laughed. - Mark Zuckerberg says he wears a grey t-shirt everyday because he doesn't want to waste time on things that don't matter. He runs Facebook.
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Mark One Liners
Which mark one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mark? I can suggest the ones about john and brand.
- What sort of grades did Tommy Wiseau receive in school? Oh, high marks.
- Yo momma is so fat… …her car has stretch marks.
- The latest reviews for The Room are in... overall it's got hi marks.
- Hey Joe, Do you pray before every meal? No Mark, my wife is a good cook.
- Do special ed teachers mark late students as tardy? i have no shame.
- Highlighter pens are the future... Mark my words
- To the English teacher that stole my calendar... Your days are numbered. Mark my words.
- What do you call a punctuation mark that's got a girlfriend? ..accommodating.
- The results for The Disaster Artist are in. Overall, it's received Hi Marks.
- Mark Zuckerberg values your privacy at $157 Facebook stock price
- I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard. I expect a long sentence.
- Women are like raincoats. In a box in my attic marked "raincoats."
- Why couldn't Cleopatra accept Mark Anthony's death? She was the queen of denial
- I'm going to start collecting highlighters Mark my words
- What did Mark Zuckerberg say when the US shot down the UFO? Oh no, not my Uber!
Mark Zuckerberg Jokes
Here is a list of funny mark zuckerberg jokes and even better mark zuckerberg puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife asked me why I was speaking softly in the house…. I said I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening.
She laughed.
I laughed.
Alexa laughed.
Siri laughed. - What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and Jean Luc Picard? Picard didn't sell Data.
- What would Mark Zuckerberg add to the game, if he created MineCraft? Data.
So he can mine it. - Why did Mark Zuckerberg only need a sip of water? Zucculents are excellent at storing water and can thrive in arid climates.
- A boy walks up to Mark Zuckerberg The boy says: My daddy said you were stealing out information
Mark Zuckerberg replies: He isn't your dad - My wife asked why I talked so quietly today, I told her I was afraid mark zuckerberg was listening! She laughed, I laughed, Siri laughed and Alexa laughed!
-James Franco - Mark Zuckerberg is a great friend... He listens to everything you say.
- What did Elon Musk say to Mark Zuckerberg? Hold my beer!
- Mark Zuckerberg's office has the greatest view in the Silicon Valley A view of personal information of 2.2 billion people.
- Almost every joke subreddit will ban you for making fun of Mark Zuckerberg's company. I just checked, they have rules against Meta posts.
Question Mark Jokes
Here is a list of funny question mark jokes and even better question mark puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- As the teacher marked my quiz answers, she said, "This is wrong." "Question 2 ?" I asked.
"No, the way your hand is resting between my thighs." - What has 4 letters, sometimes has 9 letters, but never has 5 letters. Hint: has 4 letters.
Another hint: there is no question mark. - 28 consonants, 3 vowels, a question mark and 1 comma went to court They're awaiting their sentence
- It's Important To Know When To Use A Period And When To Use A Question Mark Otherwise you might tell someone "your daughter is having their first question mark."
- Exam question: According to Germany how much is Greece worth? [1 Mark]
- What starts with a W and ends in a question mark? What starts with a W and ends in a question mark?
- How Long Is An Asian Name It wasn't a question, hence the missing question mark. How Long really is an Asian name!
- What's a prisoner's favourite piece of punctuation? Periods, exclamation marks, or question marks - whichever one ends the sentence quicker.
- How Long is a Chinese Name Now read the title again, without that question mark you added.
- How can you tell if you're being persecuted by agnostics? You come home to find a question mark burned into your lawn.
Skid Mark Jokes
Here is a list of funny skid mark jokes and even better skid mark puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? There are skid marks in front of the dog
- Whats the difference between a dead dog on the side of the road, and a dead politician on the side of the road? The skid marks infront of the dog.
- There is an upside to eating Tide Pods.... It takes the skid marks out of your underwear.
- What's the difference between a dead cat and a dead lawyer on the road? The dead cat has skid marks around it.
- What is the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer? Skid marks leading to the skunk!
- Rat vs lawyer What's the difference between when a lawyer gets killed by a car and a rat that gets killed by a car?
There were no skid marks for the lawyer. - What do you call skid marks on Spider-Man underwear? The Dark Web
- What's the difference between roadkill and a viola in the middle of the road? There are skid marks leading up to the roadkill.
- Whats the difference between a dead lawyer and a dead skunk on the highway? Skid marks in front of the skunk.
- Whats the difference between a lawyer and a raccoon? when found dead on the side of the road, the raccoon has skid marks in from of it.
Mark Twain Jokes
Here is a list of funny mark twain jokes and even better mark twain puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is the purpose of war? "God created War so that Americans would learn Geography" - Mark Twain
- What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? A taxidermist takes only your skin. [Mark Twain]
- When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Kentucky. They're always 20 years behind everything.
Mark Twain - Growing up my grandma loved reading me Mark Twain. It combined her to favorite activities, Spending time with her grandson and using the N word.
- Mark Twain Quote "Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason."
- Dyslexia didn't stop Mark Twain being a great writer He didn't even suffer from it.
- What did Mark Twain name his son? Choo Choo
- Did you guys hear Mark Twain came back from the dead to write a sequel to his famous travel novel? Its called "A Trump and 2 Broads"
- Which Thomas the Tank Engine character had most literary talent ? Mark Twain
- Mark Twain used to travel with a podium from his hometown. Ah yes, his Hannibal Lectern.
Stretch Mark Jokes
Here is a list of funny stretch mark jokes and even better stretch mark puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you pick Dolly Parton's Kids out of a crowd? They're the ones with stretch marks around their lips.
- Yo mama so fat Her CAR has stretch marks
- How can you tell Sofía Vergara's children on the playground? They're the ones with stretch marks on their lips.
- My patience has stretch marks.
- Why do gay men have mustaches? To hide the stretch marks.
- There's only one... There's only one place a man would want stretch marks.
- My boyfriend complains about my stretch marks. He failed school. I say these are the only marks you'll ever get.
- Yo mama so fat, she leaves stretch marks in the tub.
- Yo mama is so fat that when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
Uplifting Mark Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about mark you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean message jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mark pranks.
What's the difference between an Engineering student and an Arts student when tying their shoes?
The arts student gets a mark for it.
Mood ring
Bought my girlfriend a mood ring the other day.
When she's in a good mood it turns green.
When she's in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on my forehead.
Number 7
Mark dreams number 7.
He wakes up, looks at his watch: it was 7:07.
He looked at the calendar: July 7, 2007.
Decided it was a sign he's taking the bus 77.
Arrive at the track, put $ 7777 on the horse 7 from the 7th race.
The horse comes seventh.
Just thought of this
So I was at a hippy music festival and after the show I met a few bands back stage. I saw a bassist sitting in the corner by himself so I sat next to him and asked.
"Hey man, my name is Mark. Whats your name, what you been up to?"
"Benjamin"
My girlfriend got me a mood ring the other day but it didn't come with instructions. So far we know that if I'm in a good mood, it's green...
and if I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on her forehead.
Russian Condoms
One day the president of the largest c**... company in Russia is called down by his sales associate. He tells the president that they have just gotten a huge order from America for double extra large 16" condoms. The associate tells the prez that it must be a prank, so the president mulls it over for a minute and then says "Make their order, but when you mark them them for shipping, stamp them with 'EXTRA SMALL.'"
My wife got me a mood ring...
When I'm in a good mood it turns blue.
When I'm angry it leaves a huge red mark on her forehead.
My mom always said I was like a punctuation mark
I am an exclamation mark when I should have just been a period.
GTA
While Mark was shopping for pet supplies, one of the salespeople came running up to him.
"Mark! Mark! I just saw someone driving off with your BMW!"
"OH NO! Did you try to stop him?"
"No, but dont worry. I got the license plate number!"
Camoflage practice
A sergeant was addressing his soldiers:
"Mark, I didn't see you at camouflage practice this morning"
To which Mark replied, "Thank you, sir!"
Air force weatherman
So, my uncle Mark was a weatherman for the air force and one day during a briefing, the Colonel said, "I think we should all thank Mark here for the wonderful weather that we've been having for our b**... runs."
So my uncle says, "I'm in prediction, not production. I think we need to thank the chaplain."
The chaplain, without missing a beat, says, "I'm in sales, not in management."
Be verbs.
The teacher asked the class to stand one by one and compose a simple sentence using appropriate be verbs.
"She is beautiful", said Kate.
"My dogs are fat", shouted Mark.
"I is...", stuttered Joe when the teacher interrupted.
"You always say 'I am'. Never say 'I is'", said she.
As fast as he could, Joe uttered,
"I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
My wife has this mood ring...
It turns green when she's happy, blue when she's calm, and when she's angry it leaves a big red mark right on my forehead.
Why is there no market for white tires?
Because black tires makes your car run faster
Mark and his friend Michelle
go to a costume party. When they show up Michelle is clinging to Mark's back. Someone greets them and asks what they're supposed to be. Mark says that he's a snail. The other guy asks "who's on your back?" Mark replies "Michelle"
Mom: Son, why dont you talk to Mark anymore? You used to be best friends.
Son: Well would you talk to someone who is s**..., uses drugs and is an alchocolic?
Mom: Of course not.
Son: Well neither would he.
What was Mark Hamill's reaction when he finished reading The Force Awakens script?
Speechless
As a mark of respect to Prince...
The local pub is putting on a wake tomorrow night. All you can eat and drink for under 20 quid.
I for one intend to party like it's £19.99.
Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles?
He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.
Mood ring
I got my wife a mood ring. When she's in a good mood it turns a beautiful shade of blue. When she's in a bad mood it leaves an ugly red mark on my forehead.
When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring...
When she was in a good mood, it turned blue.
When she was in a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead...
I make more money than Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerburg combined
And all I do is work at the U.S. Mint
A teacher was called in by the police for accusations of child m**...
"What is your name sir?"
"Mark Stephens"
"How old are you?"
"37 years old"
"And what do you do for a living?"
"I teach school chilren"
"Come again?"
"I teach school chilren"
"Do you mean children?"
"What?"
"You said chilren, you forgot the D"
"Oh no, I put the D in children later"
My friend said that China might be considering assisted s**... for teenagers
He's probably wrong, but if he's right, that would mark the beginning of euthanasia of youth in Asia.
Whats a prisoners favorite punctuation mark?
Period.
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
One Sunday morning in church...
... as Pastor Smith is about to deliver his sermon he asks the congregation how many of them managed to read Mark Chapter 17 as he'd asked them to the previous Sunday.
Almost all hands in the church went up.
"Very well," Pastor Smith continued. "By the way, Mark only has 16 chapters, and the topic of today's sermon shall be lying."
Little Johnny was learning about punctuation
The teacher was explaining all of the different punctuation marks.
She listed the comma, question mark and when she got to period; Little Johnny raised his hand.
He asked: Why are periods so important?
The teacher responded: Well, they are a fundamental part of the written language; why do you ask?
Little Johnny replied: Yesterday my sister said she missed a period and my Mom fainted, my Dad started yelling and the next door neighbor shot himself
Me: Yesterday my wife ran away with my best friend Mark.
Another friend: Since when was Mark your best friend?
Me: Since yesterday.
My sister has just had a baby and she has decided to call him Mark, with a C.
Cark.
Where'd Mark go?
POLO!
#dadjokes
If 6**... is the mark of the beast...
... and the beast is pure evil wouldn't 25.8069758011278803 technically be the root of all evil?
How do ISIS members practice safe s**...?
they mark the camels that kick
James Franco responds to claims of s**... misconduct.
I did not touch them! It's not true! It's b**...! I did not touch them! I did naaaht.
Oh hi Mark.
I did an essay on The Room.
For school, I had to write an essay based on a film, so I decided to do it on "The Room". I think I did well, because I got a hi mark.
My wife got me a mood ring for my birthday
...it turns green when I'm happy and leaves a red mark on her head when I'm mad
A little girl tells her father that she almost for 100% in her last test...
The father was really proud, and then asked what was the mark she got.
The little girl reply: There's only one Zero missing!
What grade did Tommy Wisaeu usually get in school?
A high mark.
THE SIN OF LYING
A minister told his congregation, Next week, I plan to
preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my
sermon, I want you to read Mark 17.
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon,
the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know
how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The
minister smiled and said, Mark has only sixteen chapters, I
will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.
Ha Ha Ha Haa
A man went to a tattooist and requested a tally mark on his back
Every couple of weeks, the same customer came in, always requesting the same tattoo: an additional tally mark on an ever-growing cluster of tally marks. One day, the tattooist decides to ask: "What are you counting?"
The man says: "The number of tattoos i've gotten"
In a recent interview, Mark Zuckerburg's wife stated she wasn't bothered at all about being married to a lizard person.
But rather, she only took issue when Mark would drink heavily and behave erratically, calling it a reptile dysfunction.
A blonde joins a book club.
She goes along to the first meeting and it's her turn to share what she's been reading this week.
"Well, it took me a while to finish, but this was a brilliant read and I highly recommend it". She pulls out a bookmark and shows it to the group.
One of the members says, "Um... That's not a book"
"What are you talking about? Mark at the library gave me this when I asked him for a book!"
I'm not the smartest student ever so I tried something a little risky to get a better grade...
I got a D- on my recent English test and my dad wasn't very happy with my mark. I asked my teacher if I could do a s**... favour for her to get a B+. She got very offended. My classmates didn't think that was okay either, and they stopped talking to me for a few weeks.
If you guys want, I can tell more stories about my homeschooling
Two Americans were trekking in a desert.
Dehydrated and hungry, they walked into a mosque.
The Imam asked for their names.
Mark thought: Maybe it's wiser to pretend to be a Muslim. So he replied: My name is Ahmed.
Sam said: My name is Sam.
The Imam called his servant over, who handed Sam some food and water.
He then turned to Mark and said: Happy Ramadan, brother Ahmed.
What kind of dog leaves a permanent mark?
A Shar Pei
So Mark Zuckerberg and The Pope walk into a bar...
They sit down when suddenly Mark spills his drink on The Popes' robes. They get into a fight. A film crew recorded them duking it out and made a film out of it...
Alien vs Predator
Last week I was bored, so I decided to swap around the labels on my wifes spice rack. So far, she hasn't noticed.
Mark my words though, the thyme is cumin.
A preacher tells his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. "
"To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, the preacher asks who read it, with every hand going up. The preacher smiles and says, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
Mark and his wife were driving along a country road.
They weren't speaking to each other due to an earlier argument. As they passed a particularly rural stretch, they spotted a couple of monkeys in the treetops. "Relatives of yours?", asked Mark sarcastically.
"Yes," she replied. "My in-laws."
My wife asked me why I was whispering at home
I said I was worried that Mark Zuckerberg was listening. She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed. Siri laughed. We all laughed...
Mark Zuckerberg's car hit a guy's car
Mark Zuckerberg's car hit a guy's car
Guy (angry) : Do you know who I am?
Mark : Yes, you are Scott Thomas, you have 237 friends out of which 37 are females and your wife doesn't know 12 of them. Last holiday you went to Thailand and there you . . .
Guy : Leave it bro, it was my fault.
My kid just asked "can I please have a book mark?"
11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian
Asked for a Bitcoin for Christmas
Opened up my present to find a quarter with a bite mark
A minister told his congregation:
"Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Nearly every hand went up.
The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me.
Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief.
My Grandfather saw the Titanic. He shouted loudly to all within earshot "that ship is going to sink!". He was ignored. But he kept it up "Mark my words. That ship will sink on her maiden voyage!"
Eventually the ushers threw him out of the theater.
