The Best 69 Marijuana Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Marijuana jokes. There are some marijuana legalization jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these marijuana medical marijuana puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Marijuana Jokes and Puns

Who decided to call it marijuana possession"

and not joint custody?

FBI Investigation.

The phone rings at the FBI headquarters.
"Hello? I'm calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!"
"Thank you very much for the call, Sir."
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes the they bust open every piece of wood, but finds no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave. The phone rings at the neighbors house.
"Hey Clifford, did the FBI come?"
"Yep"
"Did they chop the wood?"
"Yep"
"Great, now it's your turn to call. i need my garden plowed."

The real reason Washington state passed Gay-marriage and recreational marijuana use.

Because the bible says when two men lie together, they should be stoned.

Marijuana joke, The real reason Washington state passed Gay-marriage and recreational marijuana use.

A rasta man goes to the bank with a 25 kg bag of marijuana...

And hands it over to the bank teller.

Confused, the bank teller asks, "What's this for?"

The rasta replies, "Me here to open a joint account."

Another Jack and Jill joke

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high, pulled down his fly and asked Jill "Do ya wanna?"
Jill said "Yes" Took off her dress and they had a little fun,
But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son


So I've got some buddies...

They just so happen to be a high-ranking officials in Denver,Colorado. They're currently trying to get Republicans and Democrats to both agree to legalize medical marijuana to ease arthritis symptoms. I guess you could say I have friends in high places in high places in high places for joint support for joint support for joint support.

Who said rednecks aren't real smart?

"Hello, is this here the Sheriff's Office?"
"Yes. What can I do for you?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor, Virgil Smith. He's drillin' holes in his farwood and hiding marijuana inside!"
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the Sheriff & his deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they split every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.

The phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here is Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they split yer farwood?"
"Yep!"
"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

Marijuana joke, Who said rednecks aren't real smart?

"Whoever smelt it, dealt it..."

"...so technically officer, this is YOUR marijuana"

There is now a bipartisan push to legalize medical marijuana to relieve arthiritis.

In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.

Marijuana should've been legalized at the same time as same sex-marriage

because it says in the bible, a man who lies with another man shall be stoned

I only eat beef raised on marijuana...

I like it when the steaks are high.

You can explore marijuana stoner reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean marijuana strain dad jokes. There are also marijuana puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do you call a marijuana induced tragedy?

Blunt Trauma

I'm going to major in Marijuana when I go to college...

I hear it's a growing field.

I work at a pharmaceutical research lab, and we managed to kill a rat with marijuana today.

To be fair, it took around 20 lbs of it and we had to drop it on him a few times.

The farmer was very concerned when his cows got into his marijuana crop.

The steaks were high.

Why did the cows come back to the marijuana field?

The pot was calling the cattle back

Marijuana joke, Why did the cows come back to the marijuana field?

There was a knock at my door.

I said, "Who is it?" and they told me that it was the police. I asked them what they wanted and they said that they wanted to investigate my property for marijuana.

I said, "I haven't got any. Now be on your way."

"Well then," they said, "what harm is there in us checking?"

I said, "Because you might find the cocaine."

2 farmers sitting on a porch just passin the time, shootin the sh!t

when a marijuana plant yells out of no where:

"You big dumb dark cow!"

One of the farmer turns to his friend and says

"look at the pot calling the cattle black"

A farmer spent over $12 million to see the effects of marijuana on cows...

The steaks had never been higher.


I have just watched a documentary on marijuana.

I think all documentaries should be watched this way.

Studies have shown horses exposed to marijuana are less stable and unsafe to ride.

So get off your high horse.

The FBI made a big marijuana bust recently.

The took the approximately 2 tons of weed to a landfill and had it incinerated. However, the EPA stepped in and showed concern for the multitude of seagulls flying overhead. You know what their study discovered? That there was no tern left unstoned.

California legalized marijuana

I guess they had a high voter turnout.

There's a bipartisan group petitioning for medical marijuana as an option for arthritis patients.

In other words, there's joint support for joint support for joint support.

Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritic pain.

In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.

So I replaced all of the incense in the Friar's chamber with Marijuana

He's a High priest now

Israel officially decriminalizes marijuana use

So that's one country in the middle east where I wouldn't mind being stoned.

A Rastaman with a bag full of marijuana walks into a bank...

and hands it to a cashier. The angry cashier asks 'Sir, what is this...?' The rasta replies "Wa yah ask foolish question, mi come to open a joint account!!"

Why shouldn't you feed marijuana to cattle?

Because of the high steaks.

The surgeon general warns, "do not run while smoking marijuana".

It's hard on your joints.

A man is pulled over at 2am by a state trooper

State trooper: Hey, where you headed at 2 am sir?

Elderly man: I'm just on my way to hear a lecture about the dangers of drinking and staying out late and smoking marijuana with friends who are a bad influence.

State Trooper: Really? Who's giving that kind of lecture at 2 in the morning?

Elderly man: That would be my wife, officer.

My cows broke out of their pasture, and started grazing in my marijuana field.

The steaks have never been higher.

Marijuana businesses in Washington and Colorado are now allowed to use banks..

So long as they open joint accounts.

Why did Obi Wan Kenobi fertilize his lawn with marijuana?

He wanted the high ground.

I went cow tipping in a marijuana field

The steaks were high

I think medical marijuana is really good...

... for joints.

I'll see myself out.

You can now major in Marijuana at some universities

Guess grades are going to be a little higher this semester!

If there was a bipartisan push in Congress to legalize medical marijuana for arthritis treatment...

there would be joint support for joint support for joint support.

Divorced couples in Colorado are having trouble deciding who gets the Marijuana...

The judges have started issuing joint custody

What do you call it when the FBI and DEA do a marijuana bust together?

A joint operation.

I did an exam on marijuana and ballistic weaponry.

Scored high on the first part, but bombed the second.

Teacher at parents meeting :

- Your boy was caught smoking marijuana !!!

The mother :

- Oh my God. I wonder where he found it from ??

- He said he got it from his best friend.

The father, wiping a happy tear :

- My boy really said that ... ?

Sir, your son was smoking marijuana at school during the class!

Says the teacher to a student's parent at a school gathering.

-- Did he say where he got it?

-- Yes! His best friend gave it to him.

The father, cleaning his tears:

-- Did he really say that?

I accidentally let my cows graze in a patch of marijuana, and if anyone finds out I could lose everything.

The steaks have never been higher.

Instead of marijuana dispensaries why don't they just call it..

Grass stations

I watched a documentary on marijuana last night

It was amazing. I'm going to start watching everything that way!

I like my women like I like my marijuana...

Chopped into tiny pieces and burned to ashes without the police ever finding out.

The US Military today confirmed that two marijuana users were killed when an aircraft crashed into a house shortly after takeoff.

Experts are saying it's the first recorded instance of killing two stoners with one bird.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said You know you wanna . Jill said yes, pulled up her dress and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.

Use contraceptives kids.

Mom, how did I come to this world?

A kid asked his mother:

\- Mom, how did I come to this world?

\- Me and your father planted a seed together - began telling the story the mother.

\- From that seed - she continued - we grew marijuana plant, then smoked some weed and had sex on the washing machine...

Going to open up a donut shop next to a medical marijuana store

I'll call it glazed and confused

If smoking Marijuana causes short term memory loss,

what does smoking Marijuana do?

I'm okay with smoking, alcohol, and marijuana.

But cocaine is where I draw the line.

I'm fine with alchohol, cigarettes and marijuana

But coccaine is where I draw the line

My neighbor just got arrested for growing marijuana.

I guess my property line isn't where I thought it was.

My wife tried to take away my baby marijuana plants from me when we divorced

Thank god the court granted me joint custody

Police are looking for a man selling marijuana to birds.

Eyewitnesses report he left no tern unstoned.

My cows just wandered into a field of Marijuana

The steaks have never been so high.

What does a French person call marijuana?

Oui'd

My buddy and I are opening a marijuana dispensary together.

It's a joint venture.

What's the number one reason for requesting a medical marijuana card?

"I need it for my joints!"

What do french people call Marijuana?

Oui'd

Sometimes when I'm bored I put makeup and little wigs on marijuana cigarettes.

That might sound dumb to you, but I think it's pretty dope.

I used to smoke marijuana everyday but recently I had to quit and take a break because my friends we're telling me that I was getting WAY too paranoid.

Well, I mean, they weren't telling me, but I Know they were thinking it.

I told my gay friend about the rising costs of recreational marijuana.

He told me that he doesn't need to pay for weed when he can just go to Afghanistan and get stoned for free.

What was the number 1 reason for requesting medical marijuana?

'I need it for my joints!'

Why wouldn't the cattle rancher take the bet that he could raise his cows on marijuana instead of actual grass?

The steaks were too high.

Where do fish go to get high?

The marijuana trench

What do you call it when someone coerces you into smoking marijuana rolled into a cigar and it mentally scars you?

Blunt force trauma

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the marijuana doobie jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working marijuana pothead piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes