The Best 34 Maria Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Maria jokes. There are some maria agnes jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these maria monica puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Maria Jokes and Puns
why didn't Maria go to prom?
she had no Juan to go with
A Foot And A Half
Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.
Don't worry, Maria, says the mother, all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!
Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.
So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!
Stay here and stir the pasta, says the mother.
This is a job for Mama.
Are you a VIRGIN?
Joe had a blind date with Maria for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her.
After some really passionate embracing, he said: "Tell me, do you object to making love?"
"That is something I have never done before," Maria replied.
"Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?" Joe was amazed!
"No, silly," she giggled, "I've never objected!"
(NSFW) Playground humor
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 from those stupid boys just by climbing a tree.
Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria laughed and said, I know that mom, that's why I took them off first.
Two Nuns On Bikes
Two nuns, Maria and Angelica, are riding their bicycles on their way to work at the Vatican. They're running late, so Maria says, "I know a shortcut. Let's go down this alley." They turn right onto the alley, which soon becomes a narrow cobblestone road, with many twists and turns. Angelica remarks, "wow, I never came this way before." Maria tells her, "it's the cobblestones."
My chemistry teacher pulled this on us today.
We were reviewing balancing chemical equations and got onto the topic of changing the names of compounds into their symbols so we could start balancing them. My teacher starts, "Changing names into symbols, is very much like translating Spanish into English. Maria estudia. Maria studies. Carlos va a la biblioteca. Carlos goes to the library. Now I would have said prison but I don't know how to say that in Spanish."
Why did Mariah Carey storm across the street?
...because the song skipped.
America Found
Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.
A Dietitian X Nun's favourite song?
Agave Maria
Maria is a devout Catholic: She gets married and has 17 children.
Soon after the last child is born her husband dies.
A few weeks later she remarries and over the following years has
another 22 children with her second husband.
After the last child is born her second husband also dies.
Within a month Maria is engaged to be married a third time.
Unfortunately she becomes very ill and dies.
At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in
her coffin, looks up to the heavens and says,
"At least, they're finally together."
A man standing next to the priest asks,
"Excuse me, Father, but do you mean Maria and her first husband,
or Maria and her second husband?"
The priest says, "I mean her legs."
(Pun) When's the best time to sing Ave Maria?
At the opera-tune moment.
You can explore maria helen reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean maria theresa dad jokes. There are also maria puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Maria Sharipova has been banned from tennis for 2 years
There's a sign at every court with her mugshot that says "do not serve this woman".
Mariage is like deck of cards
At first its like a diamond and heart. Then it turns into a club and spade.
My wife always says I am bullying on of our children
I don't know which one she means... John, Maria or the fat ugly one?
2016 ends with Maria Carey performance bomb...
Thanks ABC for ending the year with more proof that stars do fade....and still milk it.
Mariah Carey'a New Year's performance.
That's it...
I don't see why Mariah Carey is getting so much abuse.
Every year at Times Square someone drops the ball.
What Do Mariah Carey and my ex have in common?
They both fake the high notes.
Mariah Carey staffers wanted to know at what time the ball dropped
They didn't expect the answer to be "on stage".
Why did Mariah Carey sucked at new years eve performance?
Because she wanted to drop the ball
What do me and Mariah Carey have in common?
Neither of us know the words to any of her songs
Why did Maria Shriver marry Arnold Schwarzenegger?
To breed a Kennedy that could take a bullet.
Foreplay
What is Jewish foreplay?
Four hours of begging
What is Italian foreplay?
"Maria, I'm home"
adult jokes
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
Maria had 3 children, snowflake, sand, and brick.
One day snowflake goes to her mom and asks her: Mom, why am I called snowflake? Then the mother replies: Because when you were born, a snowflake fell on your head. The next day goes Sand and asks: Mom, why am I called Sand? And the mother replies: Because when you were born, a small grain of sand fell on your head. The next day goes brick and asks: gyefagcxheufrhd
Why was Maria Magdalena disappointed when she found Jesus' grave empty?
She had hoped she could nail him a second time.
Lars, from Holland, and Maria, a Filipino, got married...
...and had three little Hollapiños
Holy Spirit: "Josepf, Maria is already giving birth to your son and you still don't know the name! Hurry!"
Josepf: "Jeesus, I don't knooow."
Mexican word of the day: Cheapest
I told my Maria a funny joke, and cheapest her pants!
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about
how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
Maria the Catholic
Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children.
After her first husband died, she remarried and had 15 more children.
A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away.
At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together.
" Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?
The priest replied, "I mean her legs."
Just read that actor Maria Mercedes broke off her engagement to William Shatner.
She realized she'd be known as Maria Shatner Mercedes.
What do Mariah Carey and Bob Marley have in common?
They can both sing really high
I didn't know Mariah Carey liked trees so much.
But apparently all she wants for Christmas is yew.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the maria margaret jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working maria sister piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.