Maria Jokes
46 maria jokes and hilarious maria puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about maria that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Experience humor at its best with a collection of hilarious jokes about Maria and her mother. Read on to enjoy classic jokes from Joanna and Helen that will have you in stitches. Laugh away with this amazing collection of funny Maria jokes!
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Funniest Maria Short Jokes
Short maria jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The maria humour may include short marie name jokes also.
- Maria Sharipova has been banned from tennis for 2 years There's a sign at every court with her mugshot that says "do not serve this woman".
- Just read that actor Maria Mercedes broke off her engagement to William Shatner. She realized she'd be known as Maria Shatner Mercedes.
- America Found Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did. - 23% of the crew aboard Christopher Columbus' ship Santa Maria were named Juan That's almost a three to Juan ratio.
- I'm singing at a wedding where a Jewish man is marrying a Catholic woman I'll be performing the Oy Vey Maria
- Lars, from Holland, and Maria, a Filipino, got married... ...and had three little Hollapiños
- 2016 ends with Maria Carey performance bomb... Thanks ABC for ending the year with more proof that stars do fade....and still milk it.
- Foreplay What is Jewish foreplay?
Four hours of begging
What is Italian foreplay?
"Maria, I'm home" - holy spirit: "Josepf, Maria is already giving birth to your son and you still don't know the name! Hurry!" Josepf: "Jeesus, I don't knooow."
- Why was Maria Magdalena disappointed when she found Jesus' grave empty? She had hoped she could nail him a second time.
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Maria One Liners
Which maria one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with maria? I can suggest the ones about sister mary and jesus and mary.
- why didn't Maria go to prom? she had no Juan to go with
- What's a pirate's favorite hymn to sing in church? Arrrr-ve Maria
- Mexican word of the day: Cheapest I told my Maria a funny joke, and cheapest her pants!
- (Pun) When's the best time to sing Ave Maria? At the opera-tune moment.
- A Dietitian X Nun's favourite song? Agave Maria
- I've got a callus on my thumb I call it Maria
- Why will Jesus be in Puerto Rico in nine months? Because Maria and Jose were hitting it.
- Maria Sharapova. True woman of substance.
- Look the cover of Maria Sharapova
- "Man I'm so s**..." - Maria Magdalena
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Maria Jokes
What funny jokes about maria you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean virgin mary jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make maria pranks.
Luigi's Fruit Shop
Maria went to Luigi's fruit and vegetable shop every week. She walked in on this particular day and said, 'Hello, Luigi. I woulda lika two kilos of tomatoes pleasa.'
'Ah, Maria, so sorry I have no tomatoes today.'
'Luigi, don'ta joka with me. You know that I always buy my tomatoes from you. Just give me my tomatoes, Luigi.'
'Maria, I told you, I have no tomatoes today.'
'Luigi, I'm in a hurry, please give me two kilos of tomatoes.'
'Maria, it's like this. How do you say "carrots", without the "c"?'
'Arrots.'
'How do you say "potatoes without the "p"?
'Otatoes.'
'How do you say "tomatoes" without the "f"?
'There's no "f" in tomatoes."
'That's whata I been trying to tell you, Maria. There's no effing tomatoes!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Foot And A Half
Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a v**.... So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.
Don't worry, Maria, says the mother, all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!
Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.
So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!
Stay here and stir the pasta, says the mother.
This is a job for Mama.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Are you a v**...?
Joe had a blind date with Maria for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her.
After some really passionate embracing, he said: "Tell me, do you object to making love?"
"That is something I have never done before," Maria replied.
"Never made love? You mean you are a v**...?" Joe was amazed!
"No, silly," she giggled, "I've never objected!"
My chemistry teacher pulled this on us today.
We were reviewing balancing chemical equations and got onto the topic of changing the names of compounds into their symbols so we could start balancing them. My teacher starts, "Changing names into symbols, is very much like translating Spanish into English. Maria estudia. Maria studies. Carlos va a la biblioteca. Carlos goes to the library. Now I would have said prison but I don't know how to say that in Spanish."
Why did Mariah Carey storm across the street?
...because the song skipped.
Maria is a devout Catholic: She gets married and has 17 children.
Soon after the last child is born her husband dies.
A few weeks later she remarries and over the following years has
another 22 children with her second husband.
After the last child is born her second husband also dies.
Within a month Maria is engaged to be married a third time.
Unfortunately she becomes very ill and dies.
At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in
her coffin, looks up to the heavens and says,
"At least, they're finally together."
A man standing next to the priest asks,
"Excuse me, Father, but do you mean Maria and her first husband,
or Maria and her second husband?"
The priest says, "I mean her legs."
Mariah Carey'a New Year's performance.
That's it...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't see why Mariah Carey is getting so much a**....
Every year at Times Square someone drops the ball.
What Do Mariah Carey and my ex have in common?
They both fake the high notes.
Mariah Carey staffers wanted to know at what time the ball dropped
They didn't expect the answer to be "on stage".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did Mariah Carey s**... at new years eve performance?
Because she wanted to drop the ball
What do me and Mariah Carey have in common?
Neither of us know the words to any of her songs
Why did Maria Shriver marry Arnold Schwarzenegger?
To breed a Kennedy that could take a bullet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
adult jokes
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your p**...!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
Maria had 3 children, snowflake, sand, and brick.
One day snowflake goes to her mom and asks her: Mom, why am I called snowflake? Then the mother replies: Because when you were born, a snowflake fell on your head. The next day goes Sand and asks: Mom, why am I called Sand? And the mother replies: Because when you were born, a small grain of sand fell on your head. The next day goes brick and asks: gyefagcxheufrhd
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Maria the Catholic
Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children.
After her first husband died, she remarried and had 15 more children.
A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away.
At Maria's f**..., the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together.
" Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?
The priest replied, "I mean her legs."
What do Mariah Carey and bob marley have in common?
They can both sing really high
I didn't know Mariah Carey liked trees so much.
But apparently all she wants for Christmas is yew.
A mariachi band was in a car accident..
Unfortunately some of the instruments were damaged and the band members injured. Don't worry, they made a maracaless recovery.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Walking up the stairs behind Maria, John exclaims
Wow, your a**... is the size of a washing machine!
Maria does not react to his comment. At night, John gets in the mood to make love and tells Maria, to which she replies:
For such a small cloth I will not turn the machine on. You better hand-wash it!
