It's not you, it's a me a Mario!
because it says in the bible, a man who lies with another man shall be stoned
Neither of us know the words to any of her songs
...It's not a you, it's a me, Mario!
So long as they open joint accounts.
A Marine and his commanding officer were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The marine shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!" The commanding officer turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
With a luigi board.
Made this joke up about 10 years ago while trying to think of terrible laffy taffy jokes.
haunted by the thought of Boos.
One day snowflake goes to her mom and asks her: Mom, why am I called snowflake? Then the mother replies: Because when you were born, a snowflake fell on your head. The next day goes Sand and asks: Mom, why am I called Sand? And the mother replies: Because when you were born, a small grain of sand fell on your head. The next day goes brick and asks: gyefagcxheufrhd
So they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine.
Grass stations
A Luigi Board
It read as follows:
---
*Michael*,
*I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is too great and too long. I must confess that I have cheated on you twice, and this situation is not fair for either of us. I'm really sorry.*
*Love, Elizabeth*
*P.S. Please return the picture you have of me*
---
The Marine, his feelings hurt, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they had of mothers, sisters, girlfriends, cousins, ex-girlfriends, or aunts they had. After a while he had obtained a sizeable collection, and so he stuffed them all 62 of them into an envelope, including the picture of Elizabeth, along with this letter:
---
*Elizabeth,*
*I can't quite remember what you look like. Please take your picture from the pile and return the rest.*
*Take care, Michael*
"So I breka up with tha princess last night. But I told her, it's a not you, it's a me! Mario!"
A marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there, he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. She also wanted the pictures of herself back.
So, the marine did what any other man would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then mailed about 24 pictures of women (with clothes and some without) to his ex-girlfriend with the following note:
"I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back."
Soon after the last child is born her husband dies.
A few weeks later she remarries and over the following years has
another 22 children with her second husband.
After the last child is born her second husband also dies.
Within a month Maria is engaged to be married a third time.
Unfortunately she becomes very ill and dies.
At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in
her coffin, looks up to the heavens and says,
"At least, they're finally together."
A man standing next to the priest asks,
"Excuse me, Father, but do you mean Maria and her first husband,
or Maria and her second husband?"
The priest says, "I mean her legs."
At the back woods bum-duck county police station the phone rings...
'Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?'
'Yes. What can I do for you?'
'Ah'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Mr. Virgil Smith....ya see sir, he's hidin' marijuana inside all his firewood pieces! Don't quite know how he gets it inside dem logs, but he's a-hidin' it there.'
'Thank you very much for the call, sir.'
The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They searched the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no sign of any marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.
Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.
'Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....Did the Sheriff come?'
'Yup sure did!'
'Did they chop all-a ya'all firewood?'
'Yup!'
'Happy Birthday, buddy!'
by mid_nite_poet
Fission chips.
she had no Juan to go with
A marine was deployed to Afghanistan when he received a letter from his girlfriend. She said she fell in love with his best friend while he was gone, and that she didn't want him to come back to her. The marine did what any other man would do. He went around to all of his buddies and collected all of the unwanted pictures of women (with clothes and without clothes). After he had about 2 dozen pictures, he mailed them to his ex with a letter attached that said, "I don't remember which one you are. Take the pictures of you and please mail the rest back."
A team of marine biologists accidentally catch a porpoise in one of their nets. They about to let it go, when they notice it has feet! They study it and perform tests, and are now ready to release it. One of the biologists asks, "Why don't we cut its feet off?" To which the other replies, "That would defeat the porpoise!"
A Luigi Board.
More like joint custody.
Dave got in a fight with his wife and took off for the night. He calls up his friend Steve who offers Dave his couch. While they're watching the gave and having a beer Steve asks Dave what happened.
Dave: I've got no idea. One minute we're talking about the dishwasher, the next she's calling me an arrogant, inconsiderate, chauvinistic pig!
Steve: Well what exactly happened?
Dave: Well, she handed me $1200 to go get a new dishwasher, so I gave it back and told her she was hired.
"You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?"
Always seems like a strange way for my wife to start a conversation with me.
Peach, we've been together a long time, I've saved you countless times, but I just can't go on any longer.
But I want you to know, it's not you, itsa me, Mario.
That's it...
...that
could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his
supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way
back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly
stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting
gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
In Saudi Arabia, only gays get stoned.
There's a sign at every court with her mugshot that says "do not serve this woman".
He used a Luigi board.
What's that? , the bartender asked
The marine replied, two shots and a splash of water .
Don't worry. They'll tell you.
Would it be in the pharmacy or the baking aisle?
Mario :- Ey Luigi , whats this funny ol' image called.
Luigi:- It a Meme , Mario
Toad was a fungi.
He uses a Luigi board.
The wife in the household was not eager about this and asked:
'Now Maria, why should you get a pay increase?'
Maria: 'Well Señora, there are three reasons why I should get an increase..
The first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband said so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband did.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'
Wife (really furious now): 'Did my husband say that as well?'
Maria: 'No Señora, the gardener did.'
>MARIA GOT THE RAISE
"It's not a-you, It's a-me, Mario."
The bartender - also a former serviceman - spots the guy's *SemperFi* tattoo and shoves a tall foaming glass of beer in front of him.
"This one is on the house bro", he says.
"Thanks man," said the patron.
"Look" he says... "would you mind to hold the glass up to my mouth?"
"Sure" said the bartender, and he patiently holds it while the vet sips back the frosty nectar.
"If," says the armless man, "you'd reach in my right-hand pocket, you'll find my smokes, could you please..."
The bartender gets his pack out and lights one up for him.
"You've been very kind," said the customer. "Just one thing more."...
**"Where is the men's room?"**
The bartender's face suddenly turns flush...
"Out the door, turn left, walk two blocks - there's a gas station on the corner."
Buy high sell higher.
They defend the ship with way more enthusiasm.
She gets married and has 17 children.Soon after the last child is born,her husband dies.A few weeks later she remarried and over the following years has another 22 children with her second husband.After the last child is born her second husband also dies.Within a month Maria is engaged to be married for the third time.Unfortunately,she becomes very ill and dies.At her funeral the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in coffin.He looks up to heaven and says"At last they are finally together".A man standing next to the priest asks,"excuse me Father,but do you mean Maria and her first husband or Maria and her second husband?The priest replied"I MEANS HER LEGS" Sorry for the grammar mistakes.
Maria, got married and had 15 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 15 more children. A few weeks back her second husband died, Maria also passed away yesterday.
Today, I was at Maria's funeral... The priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together."
Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?"
The priest replied, "No dear, I mean her legs.
...He just had bad vibes.
With a luouiji board!
they could call it Mari Poppins.
witnesses claim a dragon is responsible.
Nintinder
Because they lacked porpoises.
Very satisfying
He used a Luigi Board.
Because she was very rad.
At first its like a diamond and heart. Then it turns into a club and spade.
"It's a Moray."
He seems like a real fun guy.
We have collected gags and puns about Mari to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Mari? If Yes here are a lot more one liners and funny Mari pick up lines to share with friends.