March Jokes
130 march jokes and hilarious march puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about march that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
It's the Ides of March and thoughts of "March Jokes" come to mind. Have some fun with the end of March by sharing these jokes that you can use throughout the month. New jokes include tales of the 5th and 31st of March, March Madness, and even why Septembers, Novembers, and Jans shouldn't joke about Marches. Get laughing with these March Jokes!
Quick Jump To
Funniest March Short Jokes
Short march jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The march humour may include short may month jokes also.
- Why does England feel like it's two months ahead of us? It's only March 28th here, but in England it feels like it's the end of May.
- Me: "What day is it?"... Daughter: "March 1st" Me, marching around the room: "Okay, what day is it?"
- Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have? I planted myself on my couch at the beginning of March and I've grown significantly since.
- The last time a group of New Englanders destroyed Atlanta this badly Sherman marched to the sea
- How to anger lord of the rings fans? When you're watching The Two Towers and the ents are marching, shout "RUN, FOREST! RUN!"
- 3/15 is The Ides of March. Do you know what time it officially starts? At two
.
.
If ya love Shakespeare then ya love a groaner. Enjoy! - Why are soldiers always so tired on April 1st? Because they have just finished a 31 day March.
- Two cows got in a fight.. One started to march towards the other, while the other got scared.
One was cowrageous.
The other was a coward. - Man: When is your birthday? Woman: March 1st
*Man walks back and forth for a few seconds*
Man: Ok now tell me when's your birthday - I asked my new girlfriend when her birthday was.. She said March 1st, So i walked round the room and asked her again...
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March One Liners
Which march one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with march? I can suggest the ones about marathon and spring time.
- Can February march? No, but April may.
- I cheated on you She: "I cheated on you"
He: "Me too"
She: "April, 1"
He: "March, 20" - What date is also a command? March 4th.
- What is a soldier's most active day of the year? March forth!
- Why was the soldier tired on April 1st? He had just come through a 31-day March.
- What is Darth Vader's favorite month? Imperial March
- March 11 is World Plumbing Day. I'd make a dad joke about it... ...but I'm drained.
- Can February March? No, but April May.
I'll see myself out. - Why is everyone so tired on April 1st? They just finished a 31 day March.
- February is ending today, but that's okay. We'll March on.
- What was the drill sergeant's favorite month? MARCH!
- Why were there only 1000 people at the Million Mexican March? They only had 2 trucks.
- Today is a military command: March Fourth!
- Why was the dog fired from the marching band? Because he kept burying the trombones.
- Why are soldiers so tired at the beginning of April? They just had a 31 day March.
March 1st Jokes
Here is a list of funny march 1st jokes and even better march 1st puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I asked my girlfriend when her birthday was and she said March 1st. Been marching for half an hour now, and she still hasn't told me.
- So today... I asked a friend when their birthday was. They told me March 1st
So I stood up, walked around the room and asked again - When is your birthday? Boy: When is your birthday?
Girl: March 1st.
Boy (Marches around the room): When is your birthday? - Husband cheated on his 10 year wife Husband: Sorry but i have cheated
Wife: I have as well
Husband: April the 1st lol lol lol
Wife: what's so funny? and 3rd of march
Ides Of March Jokes
Here is a list of funny ides of march jokes and even better ides of march puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH!!! Oh, sorry. Wrong forum.
- Celebrate the Ides of March with a donut. In fact... Eat two, Brute.
- Someone should create a programming lànguage called 'March'... ...just so we could have IDEs for it.
- Me and my friend Brutus were going to go on vacation... ...but he backstabbed me and went with someone else.
Happy Ides of March! - Beware the SATA of March Much faster than the IDEs
- What do you get when a samurai crosses swords with a Roman dictator? A Caesar salad.
Happy belated Ides of March, everybody! - People are losing the spirit of the Ides of March. It's not just about stabbing; it's about coming together as a group to stab.
End Of March Jokes
Here is a list of funny end of march jokes and even better end of march puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- You know why the fiscal year ends in March and not December? Because the next year starts with April Fools' day.
March Madness Jokes
Here is a list of funny march madness jokes and even better march madness puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Saw a woman in Walmart who had march madness teeth this morning She was down to her final 4!!!
- I ran into R. Kelly while he was filling out a March Madness bracket. He was picking primarily the 14s and 15s.
Turns out he's really into #1 too. - celebrating pi day isn't as fun as watching basketball I once watched a month full of march madness. From behind the arc I saw a three point won four.... won five games.
- Q: What did March say to the madness? A: "What's all that bracket?"
- I hate March Madness because it's too Canadian. You know, the NC double Eh.
- What do you call someone with March Madness who doesn't even like basketball? A hypochondriac
- This is blasphemy! This is madness! This.....is......March!
5 March Jokes
Here is a list of funny 5 march jokes and even better 5 march puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- 2020 is a unique leap year... It has 29 days in February.
300 days in March.
And 5 years in April.
Howlingly Hilarious March Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about march you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean spring jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make march pranks.
Why are there so many tree-lined roads in France?
Because German soldiers prefer to march in the shade.
How do we know that Darth Vader is American?
Because he marches to the Imperial March and not the Metric March
Father and son in supermarket. "Dad, what are these?"
"That's a 3pack of condoms son for secondary school lads. 1 for Friday night, 1 for Saturday night and 1 for Sunday night."
"What about the 6pack dad?"
"Those are for University lads. 2 for Friday night, 2 for Satuday night and 2 for Sunday night."
"Well dad, what about the 12pack then?"
"Married men son. 1 for January, 1 for February, 1 for March ..."
What day do soldiers hate the most?
March Fourth
The only day of the year that gives an order
March 4th
Sorry this was one of my dear departed mother's favorite annual jokes. Just had to share the love!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Corny jokes!
Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?
A: Because it's two-tired.
Q: What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?
A: It becomes daytrogen.
Q: Where did Noah keep his bees?
A: In the Ark Hives!
Q: Can February March?
A: No, but April May.
Q: What is it called when you kill a friend?
A: Homiecide
"Fish tanks are s**...!"
"Why?"
"Fish don't even have any militaries!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
With the ides of March around the corner
Remember to stab your salad 23 times
How many seconds are there in one year?
12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, august 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.
A Soviet and an American are talking
The American says, "I am able to March into DC, march into the oval office, and say. Mr Reagan, I don't like how you're running this country." The Russian scoffs and says, "I can do the same, I can march into Moscow, go to the Kremlin, go to the general secretary's office and say. Mr Gorbachev, I don't like how Reagan is running his country."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why there are so many avenues in France?
Because german soldiers like to march in the shade
Jewish boy comes home from school and his mother and tells her he got in the school play. She asked him, "what part are you playing?" He said, "the husband!"
The mother grew furious and said, "you march right back there and demand they give you a speaking part."
There was supposed to be a BLM march today with up to a million people
Although it's strange that I only count 600,000.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A marching band passed by this morning, shouting "Make America Great Again!"
Must be some Donald Trumpeters.
What's the difference between sports and politics?
In sports, it is the winners that march down the street (parade).
Will February March?
No, but April May :')
Sorry, IDK if this was posted before.
And yes, I know it's bad.
2016 has done the impossible
It claimed the life of Chuck Norris.
"Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris (born March 10, 1940) is an American martial artist, actor, film producer and screenwriter died this morning in his house in Oklahoma at the age of 76. He is feeling much better now and has fully recovered from this minor annoyance."
I'm getting ready to go down to support the woman's march.
Just waiting on my wife to pack me a sandwich.
Man's March (on Washington)
Can be observed every day at 8am. Also known as going to work.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Women's March is organising a strike day where women won't do anything
Thank god I know how to make sandwiches
I'm devastated that I won't be able to celebrate my birthday this March
I was born in November
What did Custer say to his troops 140 years ago today?
MARCH 4TH!
Happy women's day everyone!
It was actually supposed to be held on March 8 but they took too long to get ready.
The wife phoned me and said, "You better come to the hospital. My mother hasn't got long to live!"
I replied, "But it's March Madness! All the basketball games are important!"
She said, "Record it and watch it later."
You should have seen her face when I turned up at the hospital with the camcorder and the tripod…
JUNE (to Yoda): Do you think April will march in the parade?
YODA: March April may, June.
Did you here about the agoraphobia march?
No one showed up.
Did you know that in North Korea, the soldiers always march to the left?
That's because there are no rights.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
People in the deep south must really love Halloween
since they march around in their ghost costumes all year long.
Little known fact about the first pie eating contest ...
It started March 14, 1592.
It hasn't stopped.
Edit - fixed the date
I was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan, and one requirement was a demanding 12-mile march. We got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.
An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we wondered if the end would ever come.
"Men," our sergeant yelled, "you're doing a fine job. We've already covered four miles!"
Revitalized, we picked up the pace.
"And," continued Sarge, "we should reach the starting point any minute now."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the French plant trees on either side of the road?
So the Germans could march in the shade.
The year is 1945...
The Soviet army is pushing closer to Berlin with each day. As they march closer, they start to find the concentration camps. In one of these camps, a Polish man with a limited knowledge of the Russian language is talking to Russian military officers about the camps, with assistance from a translator. As he explains, he reaches a word he doesn't know, and turns to the translator.
"How do you say civilians?"
"Acceptable casualties."
Originally, International Women's Day was celebrated on the 8 of January.
However, because they had to get ready, it has since been postponed to 8 March.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told my wife "Beware the Ides of March!"
I told my wife "Beware the Ides of March! I'm in the mood to do some stabbing from behind, if you know what I mean. "
She said, "I just might die of surprise if you make it to 23 stabs!"
So yeah, only my ego got murdered today.
Today, March 26th, is Epilepsy Awareness day.
So get on out there and seize the day!
just got a new job and was to start today
Told them I won't be able to work
They said "Is it because its Sunday? You said you would on weekends." I said no that's not why.
They said "Is it because its Easter ? You said you would work holidays"
I said That's not it either. I won't be able to work because I am so tired and exhausted.
"Oh - Is this a joke because its Aprils fools day?"
I said "Its no joke - I just finished a 31 day march!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do the French plant trees on their boulevards?
So the Germans can march in the shade.
What do you call a bunch of hotties walking down the street?
March of Dimes
They are doing a new sequel to the movie March of the Penguins
They are calling it April of the Penguins!
Sunday, March 4, 2017:
World Chess Championship. The hotel hosts a gala event with food and drink in the hotel lobby. The semi finalists are mingling. The final two are bragging about their respective stratagems for the final match. The desk clerk asks them to hang around. Because we all love to hear.... Two Chess nuts, boasting in an open foyer.
Grindr got hacked in March of 2018.
Looks like someone found the back door.
What did the detective in the Arctic say to the suspect?
"Where were you on the night of September to March?"
Tommy Wiseau made a quick announcement today
He said " oh hi March"!
There's a reason they call it "March Madness".
A Duke fan, a Kentucky fan, and a Tennessee fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves their team the most.
The Tennessee fan insists that he is the most loyal and then yells This is for the Vols! and jumps off the mountain.
Not to be outdone, the UK fan next professes his love for his team. He screams This is for the Cats! and pushes the Duke fan off the mountain.
On March 27th, our math teacher burst into class and threatened to cancel Spring Break unless the one who's cheated on all their tests reveals themselves before next month
How are we supposed to catch a cheater in eight days?!
Girlfriend to boyfriend
GF - I'm sorry babe but i've cheated on you.
BF - I'm sorry aswell, I have also cheated on you.
GF - April fools day!
BF - Mine was on 24th March
I organized a "Fat Lives Matter" march. We all got very tired...
I can't breathe.
How many seconds in a year joke
a person died and reached the gates of heaven. An angel was guarding the gates. The Angel said "to enter the heaven, you need to answer 3 questions". The person agreed.
A : name 2 days of a week, that starts with letter T.
P : Today and tomorrow
A: ok, I can accept that. How many seconds are there in a year?
P: 12 seconds
A: (shocked) how come?
P: Jan 2nd, Feb 2nd, March 2nd ...
A: you can go in
I just read a story about songs in history and the pitches in which they were sung.
For example, a march to battle was sung around middle D. Gregorian chants were sung from low D to middle G.
It seems that most, if not all, pirate shanties were sung on the high C's.
The Court has decided Elon Musk will be Granted Sole Custody of Child X Æ A-12 After Divorce from Wife Grimes
Since he filed for and was awarded the patent back in March of 2019
Monkey paw
In March I found a monkey paw and used it to wish to work from home every day. I'm sorry everybody.
Year 2020 passed like a kid reciting the alphabet.
January — ABCD...
February — EFG...
March — HIJK...
April to December — ELEMENOP.
A man walks into a bakery on March 14th
He orders some pie, the baker thinks its clever and gets him some pie. The next day the man comes back and says the pie was great and orders a different flavor. He does this every day for 350 days. The baker running out of ideas for flavors sees the man come in on Feb 27th.
He says, man look I'm out of ideas.
Well how about some cake then, asks the man.
Are you sure, no pie?
No sir, today is my cakeday!
Happy National Parade Day!!!
March Fourth!!!
Told to me by my 6 y/o daughter
Really tired today...
Feels like I had a long March.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My son is a man trapped in a woman's body
He'll be born in March
A father's three daughters were heading out of the house to go on dates
The first daughter said, I'm going out with Joe, and we're gonna see a show
The father said, A fine fella! Have fun my dear
The second daughter said, I'm going out with Pete, and we're gonna grab a bite to eat
Sounds wonderful! Have fun my dear
The third daughter said, I'm going out with Chuck, and we're gonna—
Oh no no no you don't young lady!! You march right back upstairs this instant!
~fin~
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was on a date with a woman.
"When's your birthday?" I asked.
'13th of March."
"When's your mother's birthday?" I asked.
"24th of December."
"When's your father's birthday?" I asked.
"1st of October."
"Excellent," I replied. "So, when do you have s**... with someone for the first time?"
"Usually after four dates," she said.
"Ok, when's Valentine's Day?" I asked.
"Um...14th of February."
I said, "Perfect. Back to your place or mine?"
I know I sound like a conspiracy theorists but I just discovered the government has already designed the Pi variant
They will unleash it March 14 at exactly 1:59 AM.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Miskatonic University Eliminated First Round of NCAA Tournament
Officials cite g**... misunderstanding of March Madness …
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
March 2023, one year into the Ukraine war
A scowling man said to himself as he walked: No hamburgers, no coffee, not even toiletries...
At this time, police in plainclothes came over and whispered to him: I warn you, if you slander great Russia under Putin's leadership like this, I will hit you with a p**... on the head!
The man looked at him and continued to talk to himself: Look, no bullets.
Hup, two, three, four :) hup, two, three, four :)
Happy March!
Wedding Bells
If the actress Tuesday Wells married the grandson of director Frederick March, would she become Tuesday March the third?
