The Best 72 March Jokes
Following is our collection of funny March jokes. There are some march sept jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these march feb puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest March Jokes and Puns
Why are Paris's streets lined with trees?
German soldiers like to march in the shade.
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day....
One remarked, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday..."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
Today is a military command:
March Fourth!
Why are there so many tree-lined roads in France?
Because German soldiers prefer to march in the shade.
Can February march?
No, but April may.
Why so the French line their streets with trees?
So the Germans can march in the shade
How do we know that Darth Vader is American?
Because he marches to the Imperial March and not the Metric March
My grandfather told me this joke...
A lady and her baby walks onto a bus. The bus driver exclaims "wow that's one ugly baby!" The mother storms down the aisle and takes a seat next to a man. The man tells her "the bus driver should not have said that to you! You march right up to him and speak your mind while I hold your monkey!"
Can Feburary March?
No. But April May
Why didn't white people attend the Million Man March?
They had to go to work.
I owe my life to Justin Bieber.
On March 9th, 2009, I was in a coma for 6 months after a terrible accident. One day my nurse turned the radio over to a song by Justin Bieber, so I got up and turned the radio off.
You can explore march jan reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean march march madness dad jokes. There are also march puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Father and son in supermarket. "Dad, what are these?"
"That's a 3pack of condoms son for secondary school lads. 1 for Friday night, 1 for Saturday night and 1 for Sunday night."
"What about the 6pack dad?"
"Those are for University lads. 2 for Friday night, 2 for Satuday night and 2 for Sunday night."
"Well dad, what about the 12pack then?"
"Married men son. 1 for January, 1 for February, 1 for March ..."
What day do soldiers hate the most?
March Fourth
The only day of the year that gives an order
March 4th
Sorry this was one of my dear departed mother's favorite annual jokes. Just had to share the love!
Dear JUSTIN BEIBER haters...
Dear JUSTIN BEIBER haters*
.
.
.
I owe my life to justin.
On march 9th, 2012 I was in a coma for 6 months after a terrible car crash.
One day my nurse turned the radio to Justin's song, So I got up and turned the radio off.
COUNTING CONDOMS
A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display.
Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?"
Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."
Boy: "So, why do they make packs of three?"
Dad: "For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."
Boy: "Then why do they make packs of 12?"
Dad: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March."
Corny jokes!
Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?
A: Because it's two-tired.
Q: What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?
A: It becomes daytrogen.
Q: Where did Noah keep his bees?
A: In the Ark Hives!
Q: Can February March?
A: No, but April May.
Q: What is it called when you kill a friend?
A: Homiecide
"Fish tanks are stupid!"
"Why?"
"Fish don't even have any militaries!"
Why were there only 1000 people at the Million Mexican March?
They only had 2 trucks.
Why are soldiers always so tired on April 1st?
Because they have just finished a 31 day March.
How many seconds are there in one year?
12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.
A Soviet and an American are talking
The American says, "I am able to March into DC, march into the oval office, and say. Mr Reagan, I don't like how you're running this country." The Russian scoffs and says, "I can do the same, I can march into Moscow, go to the Kremlin, go to the general secretary's office and say. Mr Gorbachev, I don't like how Reagan is running his country."
Jewish boy comes home from school and his mother and tells her he got in the school play. She asked him, "what part are you playing?" He said, "the husband!"
The mother grew furious and said, "you march right back there and demand they give you a speaking part."
There was supposed to be a BLM march today with up to a million people
Although it's strange that I only count 600,000.
A marching band passed by this morning, shouting "Make America Great Again!"
Must be some Donald Trumpeters.
What's the difference between sports and politics?
In sports, it is the winners that march down the street (parade).
Will February March?
No, but April May :')
Sorry, IDK if this was posted before.
And yes, I know it's bad.
2016 has done the impossible
It claimed the life of Chuck Norris.
"Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris (born March 10, 1940) is an American martial artist, actor, film producer and screenwriter died this morning in his house in Oklahoma at the age of 76. He is feeling much better now and has fully recovered from this minor annoyance."
I'm getting ready to go down to support the woman's march.
Just waiting on my wife to pack me a sandwich.
Man's March (on Washington)
Can be observed every day at 8am. Also known as going to work.
The Women's March is organising a strike day where women won't do anything
Thank god I know how to make sandwiches
I'm devastated that I won't be able to celebrate my birthday this March
I was born in November
Happy women's day everyone!
It was actually supposed to be held on March 8 but they took too long to get ready.
The wife phoned me and said, "You better come to the hospital. My mother hasn't got long to live!"
I replied, "But it's March Madness! All the basketball games are important!"
She said, "Record it and watch it later."
You should have seen her face when I turned up at the hospital with the camcorder and the tripod…
Why was the soldier tired on April 1st?
He had just come through a 31-day March.
I cheated on you
She: "I cheated on you"
He: "Me too"
She: "April, 1"
He: "March, 20"
JUNE (to Yoda): Do you think April will march in the parade?
YODA: March April may, June.
Old Cold War joke
A Russian and an American are talking about their countries. The American said, " we have the most freedom in the world, I can march into the White House bang on the president's desk and say sir I do not like how this country is being run." The Russian replied," I can do that too, I can march into the Kremlin, go up to our leaders desk and say sir I do not like how the US government is being run."
Did you here about the agoraphobia march?
No one showed up.
Did you know that in North Korea, the soldiers always march to the left?
That's because there are no rights.
People in the deep south must really love Halloween
since they march around in their ghost costumes all year long.
Little known fact about the first pie eating contest ...
It started March 14, 1592.
It hasn't stopped.
Edit - fixed the date
I was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan, and one requirement was a demanding 12-mile march. We got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.
An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we wondered if the end would ever come.
"Men," our sergeant yelled, "you're doing a fine job. We've already covered four miles!"
Revitalized, we picked up the pace.
"And," continued Sarge, "we should reach the starting point any minute now."
Why did the French plant trees on either side of the road?
So the Germans could march in the shade.
February is ending today, but that's okay.
We'll March on.
The year is 1945...
The Soviet army is pushing closer to Berlin with each day. As they march closer, they start to find the concentration camps. In one of these camps, a Polish man with a limited knowledge of the Russian language is talking to Russian military officers about the camps, with assistance from a translator. As he explains, he reaches a word he doesn't know, and turns to the translator.
"How do you say civilians?"
"Acceptable casualties."
Originally, International Women's Day was celebrated on the 8 of January.
However, because they had to get ready, it has since been postponed to 8 March.
Two cows got in a fight..
One started to march towards the other, while the other got scared.
One was cowrageous.
The other was a coward.
I told my wife "Beware the Ides of March!"
I told my wife "Beware the Ides of March! I'm in the mood to do some stabbing from behind, if you know what I mean. "
She said, "I just might die of surprise if you make it to 23 stabs!"
So yeah, only my ego got murdered today.
Saw a woman in Walmart who had March Madness teeth this morning
She was down to her final 4!!!
Today, March 26th, is Epilepsy Awareness day.
So get on out there and seize the day!
just got a new job and was to start today
Told them I won't be able to work
They said "Is it because its Sunday? You said you would on weekends." I said no that's not why.
They said "Is it because its Easter ? You said you would work holidays"
I said That's not it either. I won't be able to work because I am so tired and exhausted.
"Oh - Is this a joke because its Aprils fools day?"
I said "Its no joke - I just finished a 31 day march!"
Why are so many of France's streets lined with trees?
Germans like to march in the shade.
What do you call a bunch of hotties walking down the street?
March of Dimes
Grindr got hacked in March of 2018.
Looks like someone found the back door.
Chuck Norris went to a feminist march
Came back with an ironed shirt and a sandwich
What did the detective in the Arctic say to the suspect?
"Where were you on the night of September to March?"
On March 27th, our math teacher burst into class and threatened to cancel Spring Break unless the one who's cheated on all their tests reveals themselves before next month
How are we supposed to catch a cheater in eight days?!
Why does England feel like it's two months ahead of us?
It's only March 28th here, but in England it feels like it's the end of May.
Girlfriend to boyfriend
GF - I'm sorry babe but i've cheated on you.
BF - I'm sorry aswell, I have also cheated on you.
GF - April fools day!
BF - Mine was on 24th March
I organized a "Fat Lives Matter" march. We all got very tired...
I can't breathe.
How many seconds in a year joke
a person died and reached the gates of heaven. An angel was guarding the gates. The Angel said "to enter the heaven, you need to answer 3 questions". The person agreed.
A : name 2 days of a week, that starts with letter T.
P : Today and tomorrow
A: ok, I can accept that. How many seconds are there in a year?
P: 12 seconds
A: (shocked) how come?
P: Jan 2nd, Feb 2nd, March 2nd ...
A: you can go in
I just read a story about songs in history and the pitches in which they were sung.
For example, a march to battle was sung around middle D. Gregorian chants were sung from low D to middle G.
It seems that most, if not all, pirate shanties were sung on the high C's.
The Court has decided Elon Musk will be Granted Sole Custody of Child X Æ A-12 After Divorce from Wife Grimes
Since he filed for and was awarded the patent back in March of 2019
I asked my girlfriend when her birthday was and she said March 1st.
Been marching for half an hour now, and she still hasn't told me.
Monkey paw
In March I found a monkey paw and used it to wish to work from home every day. I'm sorry everybody.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on my couch at the beginning of March and I've grown significantly since.
Year 2020 passed like a kid reciting the alphabet.
January — ABCD...
February — EFG...
March — HIJK...
April to December — ELEMENOP.
When is your birthday?
Boy: When is your birthday?
Girl: March 1st.
Boy (Marches around the room): When is your birthday?
A man walks into a bakery on March 14th
He orders some pie, the baker thinks its clever and gets him some pie. The next day the man comes back and says the pie was great and orders a different flavor. He does this every day for 350 days. The baker running out of ideas for flavors sees the man come in on Feb 27th.
He says, man look I'm out of ideas.
Well how about some cake then, asks the man.
Are you sure, no pie?
No sir, today is my cakeday!
Happy National Parade Day!!!
March Fourth!!!
Told to me by my 6 y/o daughter
Really tired today...
Feels like I had a long March.
Why are soldiers so tired at the beginning of April?
They just had a 31 day March.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the march alliance jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working march october piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.