Howlingly Hilarious March Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
Why are Paris's streets lined with trees?
German soldiers like to march in the shade.
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day....
One remarked, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday..."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
Today is a military command:
March Fourth!
Why are there so many tree-lined roads in France?
Because German soldiers prefer to march in the shade.
Can February march?
No, but April may.
Why so the French line their streets with trees?
So the Germans can march in the shade
How do we know that Darth Vader is American?
Because he marches to the Imperial March and not the Metric March
My grandfather told me this joke...
A lady and her baby walks onto a bus. The bus driver exclaims "wow that's one ugly baby!" The mother storms down the aisle and takes a seat next to a man. The man tells her "the bus driver should not have said that to you! You march right up to him and speak your mind while I hold your monkey!"
Can Feburary March?
No. But April May
I owe my life to Justin Bieber.
On March 9th, 2009, I was in a coma for 6 months after a terrible accident. One day my nurse turned the radio over to a song by Justin Bieber, so I got up and turned the radio off.
Father and son in supermarket. "Dad, what are these?"
"That's a 3pack of condoms son for secondary school lads. 1 for Friday night, 1 for Saturday night and 1 for Sunday night."
"What about the 6pack dad?"
"Those are for University lads. 2 for Friday night, 2 for Satuday night and 2 for Sunday night."
"Well dad, what about the 12pack then?"
"Married men son. 1 for January, 1 for February, 1 for March ..."
You can explore march jan reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean march march madness dad jokes. There are also march puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
The only day of the year that gives an order
March 4th
Sorry this was one of my dear departed mother's favorite annual jokes. Just had to share the love!
Dear JUSTIN BEIBER haters...
Dear JUSTIN BEIBER haters*
.
.
.
I owe my life to justin.
On march 9th, 2012 I was in a coma for 6 months after a terrible car c**....
One day my nurse turned the radio to Justin's song, So I got up and turned the radio off.
COUNTING CONDOMS
A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the c**... display.
Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one c**...?"
Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."
Boy: "So, why do they make packs of three?"
Dad: "For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."
Boy: "Then why do they make packs of 12?"
Dad: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March."
Corny jokes!
Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?
A: Because it's two-tired.
Q: What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?
A: It becomes daytrogen.
Q: Where did Noah keep his bees?
A: In the Ark Hives!
Q: Can February March?
A: No, but April May.
Q: What is it called when you kill a friend?
A: Homiecide
"Fish tanks are s**...!"
"Why?"
"Fish don't even have any militaries!"
Why were there only 1000 people at the Million Mexican March?
They only had 2 trucks.
Why are soldiers always so tired on April 1st?
Because they have just finished a 31 day March.
How many seconds are there in one year?
12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.
A Soviet and an American are talking
The American says, "I am able to March into DC, march into the oval office, and say. Mr Reagan, I don't like how you're running this country." The Russian scoffs and says, "I can do the same, I can march into Moscow, go to the Kremlin, go to the general secretary's office and say. Mr Gorbachev, I don't like how Reagan is running his country."
Jewish boy comes home from school and his mother and tells her he got in the school play. She asked him, "what part are you playing?" He said, "the husband!"
The mother grew furious and said, "you march right back there and demand they give you a speaking part."
There was supposed to be a BLM march today with up to a million people
Although it's strange that I only count 600,000.
A marching band passed by this morning, shouting "Make America Great Again!"
Must be some Donald Trumpeters.
What's the difference between sports and politics?
In sports, it is the winners that march down the street (parade).
I'm getting ready to go down to support the woman's march.
Just waiting on my wife to pack me a sandwich.
Man's March (on Washington)
Can be observed every day at 8am. Also known as going to work.
The Women's March is organising a strike day where women won't do anything
Thank god I know how to make sandwiches
I'm devastated that I won't be able to celebrate my birthday this March
I was born in November
Happy women's day everyone!
It was actually supposed to be held on March 8 but they took too long to get ready.
The wife phoned me and said, "You better come to the hospital. My mother hasn't got long to live!"
I replied, "But it's March Madness! All the basketball games are important!"
She said, "Record it and watch it later."
You should have seen her face when I turned up at the hospital with the camcorder and the tripod…
Why was the soldier tired on April 1st?
He had just come through a 31-day March.
I cheated on you
She: "I cheated on you"
He: "Me too"
She: "April, 1"
He: "March, 20"
JUNE (to Yoda): Do you think April will march in the parade?
YODA: March April may, June.
Old Cold War joke
A Russian and an American are talking about their countries. The American said, " we have the most freedom in the world, I can march into the White House bang on the president's desk and say sir I do not like how this country is being run." The Russian replied," I can do that too, I can march into the Kremlin, go up to our leaders desk and say sir I do not like how the US government is being run."
Did you know that in North Korea, the soldiers always march to the left?
That's because there are no rights.
People in the deep south must really love Halloween
since they march around in their ghost costumes all year long.
Little known fact about the first pie eating contest ...
It started March 14, 1592.
It hasn't stopped.
Edit - fixed the date
I was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan, and one requirement was a demanding 12-mile march. We got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.
An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we wondered if the end would ever come.
"Men," our sergeant yelled, "you're doing a fine job. We've already covered four miles!"
Revitalized, we picked up the pace.
"And," continued Sarge, "we should reach the starting point any minute now."
February is ending today, but that's okay.
We'll March on.
The year is 1945...
The Soviet army is pushing closer to Berlin with each day. As they march closer, they start to find the concentration camps. In one of these camps, a Polish man with a limited knowledge of the Russian language is talking to Russian military officers about the camps, with assistance from a translator. As he explains, he reaches a word he doesn't know, and turns to the translator.
"How do you say civilians?"
"Acceptable casualties."
Originally, International Women's Day was celebrated on the 8 of January.
However, because they had to get ready, it has since been postponed to 8 March.
Two cows got in a fight..
One started to march towards the other, while the other got scared.
One was cowrageous.
The other was a coward.
I told my wife "Beware the Ides of March!"
I told my wife "Beware the Ides of March! I'm in the mood to do some stabbing from behind, if you know what I mean. "
She said, "I just might die of surprise if you make it to 23 stabs!"
So yeah, only my ego got murdered today.
Saw a woman in Walmart who had March Madness teeth this morning
She was down to her final 4!!!
Today, March 26th, is Epilepsy Awareness day.
So get on out there and seize the day!
Why are so many of France's streets lined with trees?
Germans like to march in the shade.
Chuck Norris went to a feminist march
Came back with an ironed shirt and a sandwich
What did the detective in the Arctic say to the suspect?
"Where were you on the night of September to March?"
Why does England feel like it's two months ahead of us?
It's only March 28th here, but in England it feels like it's the end of May.
How many seconds in a year joke
a person died and reached the gates of heaven. An angel was guarding the gates. The Angel said "to enter the heaven, you need to answer 3 questions". The person agreed.
A : name 2 days of a week, that starts with letter T.
P : Today and tomorrow
A: ok, I can accept that. How many seconds are there in a year?
P: 12 seconds
A: (shocked) how come?
P: Jan 2nd, Feb 2nd, March 2nd ...
A: you can go in
I just read a story about songs in history and the pitches in which they were sung.
For example, a march to battle was sung around middle D. Gregorian chants were sung from low D to middle G.
It seems that most, if not all, pirate shanties were sung on the high C's.
I asked my girlfriend when her birthday was and she said March 1st.
Been marching for half an hour now, and she still hasn't told me.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on my couch at the beginning of March and I've grown significantly since.
Year 2020 passed like a kid reciting the alphabet.
January — ABCD...
February — EFG...
March — HIJK...
April to December — ELEMENOP.
When is your birthday?
Boy: When is your birthday?
Girl: March 1st.
Boy (Marches around the room): When is your birthday?
A man walks into a bakery on March 14th
He orders some pie, the baker thinks its clever and gets him some pie. The next day the man comes back and says the pie was great and orders a different flavor. He does this every day for 350 days. The baker running out of ideas for flavors sees the man come in on Feb 27th.
He says, man look I'm out of ideas.
Well how about some cake then, asks the man.
Are you sure, no pie?
No sir, today is my cakeday!
Happy National Parade Day!!!
March Fourth!!!
Told to me by my 6 y/o daughter
Really tired today...
Feels like I had a long March.
Why are soldiers so tired at the beginning of April?
They just had a 31 day March.
Can February march?
I'm not sure, but April may.
My son is a man trapped in a woman's body
He'll be born in March
A father's three daughters were heading out of the house to go on dates
The first daughter said, I'm going out with Joe, and we're gonna see a show
The father said, A fine fella! Have fun my dear
The second daughter said, I'm going out with Pete, and we're gonna grab a bite to eat
Sounds wonderful! Have fun my dear
The third daughter said, I'm going out with Chuck, and we're gonna—
Oh no no no you don't young lady!! You march right back upstairs this instant!
~fin~
I asked my new girlfriend when her birthday was..
She said March 1st, So i walked round the room and asked her again...
I asked my date when her birthday was...
She responded "March 1st" so I walked around the room and asked again
If January threw a parade
Would February March?
No, but April May
Me: "What day is it?"... Daughter: "March 1st"
Me, marching around the room: "Okay, what day is it?"
What was the drill sergeant's favorite month?
MARCH!
March 11 is World Plumbing Day. I'd make a dad joke about it...
...but I'm drained.
What is Darth Vader's favorite month?
Imperial March
Did you know the original Gregorian calendar had different months?
January = Greg
February = Ian
March = Greg
April = Ian
May = Ian
June = Greg
July = Ian
August = Greg
September = Greg
October = Ian
November = Greg
December = Ian
How many seconds in a year?
12.
January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd….
Can February March?
No, but April May.
I'll see myself out.
How many Seconds are in a year?
12!
January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.
Man: When is your birthday?
Woman: March 1st
*Man walks back and forth for a few seconds*
Man: Ok now tell me when's your birthday
What is a soldier's most active day of the year?
March forth!
What is a soldier's favorite month?
March
A man decided to march in the holy crusades...
Concluding that his wife should wear a chastity belt while he is gone, he locks up her nether regions and gives the key to his best friend. He tells him, If I do not return within four years, unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life.
So, the husband leaves on horseback and about a half hour later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits for it to come closer and sees his best friend. What's wrong?' he asks.
You gave me the wrong key!
