Marble Jokes

43 marble jokes and hilarious marble puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about marble that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you looking for some funny jokes about marble? Check out this article to learn some jokes related to marble including those involving a marble arch mound, tile, brick, and a sculptor. Get ready to laugh!

Funniest Marble Short Jokes

Short marble jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The marble humour may include short granite jokes also.

  1. the recipe for marble cake is not what you might first think it is. Totally unrelated topic - anybody know a good dentist?
  2. A colon can really change the meaning of a sentence "The marbles fell out of my pocket."
    "The marbles fell out of my colon."
  3. My girlfriend was raving about our neighbors Marble Countertops. I was unimpressed, but maybe I just took them for Granite
  4. My body looks as if it were chiseled from marble I'm not muscular whatsoever I'm just really white.
  5. The New Men's Birth Control Pill It's about the size of a marble.
    You put it into your shoe.
    It makes you limp.
  6. What happens if you drop a blue marble in the Red Sea? It sinks.
    (Courtesy of my 9 year old daughter)
  7. When I become famous... I want to get a huge marble bust made in my image.
    But I'm getting ahead of myself.
  8. I really miss the marble countertops at my old apartment... I guess I just took them for granite.
  9. What did the marble head of the centurion say to the criminally intoxicated young women carved on the wall? Frieze, this is a bust.
  10. The shame about ancient Grecian art... The shame about ancient Grecian art is that there are amazing marble sculptures and structures which too often get taken for granite.

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Marble One Liners

Which marble one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with marble? I can suggest the ones about quartz and stone.

  1. What do marble countertops hate the most? Being taken for granite.
  2. I love you marble But I won't take you for granite.
  3. I got fired from my job at the marble mine today I kept taking it for granite
  4. What do marbles taste like?
  5. I got kicked out of the zoo Apparently "real" hippos don't eat marbles
  6. Did you hear about the marble statue with low self esteem? She was taken for granite
  7. What happened to the butterfly that ate too much marble? He shaterpillar.
  8. "Why was the slab of marble upset?" "He was tired of everyone mistaking him for granite."
  9. I just put in new countertops in my kitchen... Granite, they're not marble, but still...
  10. Why did the marble countertop leave the kitchen? It was tired of being taken for granite.
  11. Why do hungry hippos eat marbles? Because they are a well-rounded diet.
  12. I Call my wife the, Venus De Milo She's cold as marble and not all there
  13. A cheddar sculptor decides to challenge himself by trying a new medium... Marble
  14. I never take things for granted Because I'm a fan of marble...
    I'll leave now.
  15. What do you call meat with a high degree of marbling? Marbelous

Marble Statue Jokes

Here is a list of funny marble statue jokes and even better marble statue puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Michelangelo's Statue of David is one of the most important artworks ever created with marble But I've always taken it for granite.
Marble joke, Michelangelo's Statue of David is one of the most important artworks ever created with marble

Fun-Filled Marble Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle

What funny jokes about marble you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean clay jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make marble pranks.

An Englishman, Frenchman and a Soviet go to an art exhibition.

They come to a marble bust of Adam and Eve. The Englishman says "Look at their calm repose, their stiff upper lip. They must have been English."
The Frenchman says "Look at their nakedness, their natural artistic beauty. They must have been French."
The Soviet goes "No no. They have no food, no water, no clothes and no shelter, and they're told they live in a Paradise. They're obviously Russian!"
Joke best told with very bad accents

A self-absorbed man wants to get his bust sculpted.

He believes that one day he'll be very important, so he asks a sculptor to carve his bust out of marble to put into a museum in the future.
The sculptor says, "Sir, I think you're getting a head of yourself."

Guy dies and goes to h**....

Satan meets him and tells him he's got to pick between 2 rooms. They go into the first room, and it's full of people standing on their heads on a marble floor. He takes him to the second room, and it's full of people sitting in an 18-inch deep layer of s**..., drinking coffee. Guy figures that he likes coffee, and he'll get used to the smell, so he chooses the second room. He gets a cup of coffee, sits down and takes a sip. At that moment, Satan sticks his head back in the room and calls out Ok, everybody. Coffee break's over. Back on your heads!

A man is locked in a room with no doors or windows...

The only thing in there with him is a red marble and a blue marble.
He says, well, I have a red marble and I have a blue marble, and two haves make whole. And so he uses that whole to climb out.
You say, That's s**.... It's two *halves* that make a whole, not two 'haves.' And anyway a 'whole' isn't spelled the way he's using it.
Now that you pointed out the hole in his reasoning, he climbs out through that.

Three doctors are talking about death

The first, a dentist, says, When I die, I think I'd like my tombstone to be shaped like a tooth made of white marble.
Hey, adds the cardiologist, that's not a bad idea, I'd love my tombstone to be shaped as a heart…

The gynecologist is silent for a bit, then says, I think scattering of the ashes is my option.

What's the difference between a capitalist society and a communist society?

In a capitalist society, the rich man lives in a marble palace, the poor gathered around him. He shouts to them "Haha, suckers!"
In a communist society it's the exact same thing, except the rich man is shouting "We're suffering together!"

What's another way of saying attempted m**...?

Marble Staircase.

One day, Julius Caesar was in the marketplace with a friend, looking for a celebratory item after coming back from a successful campaign. He was looking towards a bust of his face, carved in marble.

But that was when his friend said: "Hey! Don't get a head of yourself!"

And another....

Two men were bartering over a marble slab.
A lot of counter-offers were made.

Once my friends bakery burned down…His business is toast.

I am up in the air about becoming a pilot.

Marble joke, Why did the marble countertop leave the kitchen?