The Best 27 Marble Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Marble jokes. There are some marble limestone jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these marble succubus puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Marble Jokes and Puns

A self-absorbed man wants to get his bust sculpted.

He believes that one day he'll be very important, so he asks a sculptor to carve his bust out of marble to put into a museum in the future.

The sculptor says, "Sir, I think you're getting a head of yourself."

Guy dies and goes to hell.

Satan meets him and tells him he's got to pick between 2 rooms. They go into the first room, and it's full of people standing on their heads on a marble floor. He takes him to the second room, and it's full of people sitting in an 18-inch deep layer of shit, drinking coffee. Guy figures that he likes coffee, and he'll get used to the smell, so he chooses the second room. He gets a cup of coffee, sits down and takes a sip. At that moment, Satan sticks his head back in the room and calls out Ok, everybody. Coffee break's over. Back on your heads!

My girlfriend was raving about our neighbors Marble Countertops.

I was unimpressed, but maybe I just took them for Granite

Marble joke, My girlfriend was raving about our neighbors Marble Countertops.

A man is locked in a room with no doors or windows...

The only thing in there with him is a red marble and a blue marble.

He says, well, I have a red marble and I have a blue marble, and two haves make whole. And so he uses that whole to climb out.

You say, That's stupid. It's two *halves* that make a whole, not two 'haves.' And anyway a 'whole' isn't spelled the way he's using it.

Now that you pointed out the hole in his reasoning, he climbs out through that.

Three doctors are talking about death

The first, a dentist, says, When I die, I think I'd like my tombstone to be shaped like a tooth made of white marble.

Hey, adds the cardiologist, that's not a bad idea, I'd love my tombstone to be shaped as a heart…

The gynecologist is silent for a bit, then says, I think scattering of the ashes is my option.


My body looks as if it were chiseled from marble

I'm not muscular whatsoever I'm just really white.

I love you marble

But I won't take you for granite.

Marble joke, I love you marble

The New Men's Birth Control Pill

It's about the size of a marble.

You put it into your shoe.

It makes you limp.

What happens if you drop a blue marble in the Red Sea?

It sinks.

(Courtesy of my 9 year old daughter)

I got fired from my job at the marble mine today

I kept taking it for granite

What's the difference between a capitalist society and a communist society?

In a capitalist society, the rich man lives in a marble palace, the poor gathered around him. He shouts to them "Haha, suckers!"

In a communist society it's the exact same thing, except the rich man is shouting "We're suffering together!"

You can explore marble sculptor reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean marble bilbo dad jokes. There are also marble puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What happened to the butterfly that ate too much marble?

He shaterpillar.

"Why was the slab of marble upset?"

"He was tired of everyone mistaking him for granite."

One day, Julius Caesar was in the marketplace with a friend, looking for a celebratory item after coming back from a successful campaign. He was looking towards a bust of his face, carved in marble.

But that was when his friend said: "Hey! Don't get a head of yourself!"

I really miss the marble countertops at my old apartment...

I guess I just took them for granite.

What do marbles taste like?

Marble joke, What do marbles taste like?

What did the marble head of the centurion say to the criminally intoxicated young women carved on the wall?

Frieze, this is a bust.

The shame about ancient Grecian art...

The shame about ancient Grecian art is that there are amazing marble sculptures and structures which too often get taken for granite.

When I become famous...

I want to get a huge marble bust made in my image.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.


I just put in new countertops in my kitchen...

Granite, they're not marble, but still...

And another....

Two men were bartering over a marble slab.

A lot of counter-offers were made.



Once my friends bakery burned down…His business is toast.



I am up in the air about becoming a pilot.

Why did the marble countertop leave the kitchen?

It was tired of being taken for granite.

There are many marbleous statues in Greece

...but sadly many people take them for granite.

I Call my wife the, Venus De Milo

She's cold as marble and not all there

Michelangelo's Statue of David is one of the most important artworks ever created with marble

But I've always taken it for granite.

My wife and I are debating whether or not to get marble countertops in our kitchen

I feel like we'll just take them for granite

A cheddar sculptor decides to challenge himself by trying a new medium...

Marble

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the marble statues jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working marble masterpiece piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes