Marathon Jokes

156 marathon jokes and hilarious marathon puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about marathon that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you an avid marathon runner looking for some lighthearted humor? Check out this collection of hilarious Marathon Jokes - from running gags to plays on words about carbs and Olympics. These jokes will keep you laughing and help you beat muscle atrophy!

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Funniest Marathon Short Jokes

Short marathon jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The marathon humour may include short running race jokes also.

  1. I told the cop, You can't write me a ticket. I have a marathon to run tomorrow. The cop said, Sir, that's not how you play the race card.
  2. Officer, you can't give me a ticket. I have to go run the marathon tomorrow. Cop: That's not how you play the race card.
  3. Never give a donation to someone collecting for a charity marathon. They'll take the money and run.
  4. Me, to the cop: You can't arrest me. I have a marathon to run today! Cop: Stop playing the race card!
  5. Injured myself during an ironman marathon the other day Got up too fast after watching the third film
  6. I showed up to run a marathon, but realized that I had forgotten my water bottle. I decided to run anyway... ... I finished in 3^st
  7. I recently ran an ultra marathon in northern Sweden... I realised that I had gone way off course as soon as I crossed the Finnish line.
  8. I treat every day like I am running a marathon tomorrow... I rest, load up on carbs and don't run.
  9. "I'm thinking of running a marathon again." I told my friend. "You've run a marathon before?" she asked, with an air of admiration.
    I said, "No, but I've thought about it."
  10. I finally crossed running a marathon off my bucket list No chance I was ever going to do it, glad it's gone.

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Marathon One Liners

Which marathon one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with marathon? I can suggest the ones about parade and cross country.

  1. Is it wrong to hate a specific race Because I really hate marathons
  2. Is it wrong to hate an entire race? I just think marathons are *way* too much running
  3. I recently ran a ½ marathon. Sounds better than I quit ½ way.
  4. What is your least favourite race? Mine is the marathon... too many Kenyans
  5. I don't win Marathons because I'm lucky
    I win because I'm driven.
  6. Q: What has 2 arms, 3 legs, and 4 feet?
    A: The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
  7. I'm not racist I love all races Except marathons I hate running
  8. Where did the Helsinki Marathon end? At the Finnish line.
  9. If I say that marathons are superior to sprints... does that make me a racist?
  10. Some people say that we need to accept all races, but I refuse! Marathons are just awful!
  11. I kept telling a pun to the passersby during a marathon It was a running joke.
  12. Why are priests bad at marathons? Because they always come in a little behind.
  13. I'd hate to run a marathon They just look so hard to organise
  14. Good news! I finally signed up for a 401K! Bad news: I work for a marathon organization
  15. Why are germans so bad at marathons? Because they cant finish a race.

Running Marathon Jokes

Here is a list of funny running marathon jokes and even better running marathon puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I didn't run a marathon in 2018. I didn't run a marathon in 2019.
    I didn't run a marathon in 2020.
    I've never run a marathon in my life.
    This is a running joke.
  • How can you tell if somebody's run a marathon? Wait 15 seconds, they'll tell you.
  • Thanks to COVID-19, this is the first year I've not been able to run the London Marathon owing to lockdown. Every other year it's been because I'm overweight, can't run, and am too lazy to even try.
  • Did you hear Han Solo will be running next years London Marathon? He says he reckons he'll be able to finish in less than 26 miles
  • My girlfriend broke up with me after we did a marathon. I'm pretty heartbroken, but we had a good run.
  • I'm training for a marathon with my friend. Every day when we hit the trails he tells me the same thing, and it always makes me laugh. It's a running joke.
  • My coworker is asking for donations for his charity marathon But I'm afraid he's just going to take the money and run
  • Did you hear about the oompah loompah marathon? Contestants are running short.
  • I was running a marathon. I was in first place and could see the finish line. I tripped and fell and now all I see is... De feet
  • A comedian pretends to enter a marathon... It's a running joke.

Boston Marathon Jokes

Here is a list of funny boston marathon jokes and even better boston marathon puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What does the winner of the Boston Marathon lose? His breath.
  • Friend ran in the Boston Marathon, He said he had a blast but can't feel his legs.
  • Warning: Police are on the lookout for an overweight man who did not pay his entrance fee to the Boston Marathon. He is believed to be still on the run
  • I saw some horrible comedian making jokes about the Boston Marathon... Some lines must not be crossed.

    (Source: Anthony Jeselnik I think)
  • A guy told me this one in class today.... What do you call 2 White Russians and a Jager bomb?
    A Boston Marathon.
  • I was thinking about sharing a joke about the Boston Marathon Bombings But there are just some lines that should not be crossed
  • Congratulations to all the runners in the Boston Marathon. You survived
  • There is a line in comedy that you should not cross and that line starts at the Boston Marathon.
  • If you run the Boston marathon and do bad, you really shouldn't say you bombed it
  • I watch the Boston Marathon every year with my best friend. This year his girlfriend decided to join us, but she just couldn't understand why we were laughing. It was a running joke.
Marathon joke, I watch the Boston Marathon every year with my best friend. This year his girlfriend decided to join

Marathon Runner Jokes

Here is a list of funny marathon runner jokes and even better marathon runner puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What is a marathon runner doing when he starts a marathon in Russia that ends in Finland? Russian to Finnish.
  • What do runners eat before a marathon? Nothing.
    They fast.
  • What's more covered in sweat than a marathon runner at the end of a race? Josh Duggar at a family reunion.
  • Why did the marathon runner end up in jail? For resisting a rest.
  • There is a running joke among marathon runners ... ... that has even won some medals.
  • An atheist, a vegan, and a marathon runner walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes.
  • Last week I ran my first marathon Everything went smoothly and the runners had a great time
  • What do you call a marathon runner that refuses to stop? A joggernaut.
  • How are rookie marathon runners like people with erectile dysfunction? There both just honestly happy to finish
  • What kind of line gets thicker and thinner at the same time? A line of marathon runners

London Marathon Jokes

Here is a list of funny london marathon jokes and even better london marathon puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • And the ferrari speeds past the finish line... In the worst case of cheating the London marathon has ever seen!
  • I was asked to run today's London marathon. I said I'm flattered but I don't believe I could organise such a big event.
  • BREAKING - Paul McCartney disqualified from London Marathon He was banned on the run.
  • I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting'.
  • Internet, my Dad's running the London Marathon tomorrow. Oh, he already told you. Of course he did.
  • (NAME) is a terrific athlete. He recently ran the London Marathon – he was aiming for 3 hours but just missed it! he made it in 3 hrs 150 minutes
  • Chuck Norris won the London Marathon in 2005 while sunbathing in California.
Marathon joke

Silly & Ridiculous Marathon Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter

What funny jokes about marathon you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mile jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make marathon pranks.

What's the difference between h**... and the Boston marathon bomber?

The bomber actually stopped a race

Why did the lawyer with a torn acl still win the marathon? (OC)

Because he had the power of a torn knee

Which race is best?

A marathon.

Adolf h**... banned 5k races but sponsored an annual marathon...

...Because Marathons are the master race.

What's the difference between the holocaust and the Boston Marathon b**...?

The Boston Marathon b**... ended a race.

I have decided to run a marathon and have taken up vaping instead of smoking

You could say I am running on fumes.

Why's it so hard to find marathon and triathlon reviews in Germany?

Well, you know what happened last time they picked a race...

My work signed me up for a 401k

But I've never even run a marathon

Why were the Boston Marathon Bombings worse than h**...? (OFFENSIVE)

Because they actually managed to end a race.

What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a marathon full of feminists?

The tribe of pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.

Halfway into the 20km marathon, I saw my cheating g/f and told her that I was breaking up with her

I guess it was the right thing to do in the long run.

My favorite part of a marathon is...

My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of v**....

What happened to Han when Chewie wouldn't do the marathon?

He Ran Solo...

Is it ok to hate a certain race?

I am fine with 5km races but marathons just do my head in.

I've decided to run a marathon for charity.

I've decided to run a marathon for charity. I didn't want to do it at first, but apparently it's for blind and disabled kids so I think I've got a good chance of winning.

I find certain races unattractive...

Marathons are one thing, but triathlons seem like too much trouble.

p**... almost wins marathon...

He just came in a little behind.

I'm going to compete in a marathon dressed as Michael Jackson.

I'm not sure which race yet.

What's the difference between h**... and a marathon runner?

The marathon runner can successfully finish a race

What do h**... and a boston marathon runner have in common

The inability to finish a race

I'm going to run a marathon next year.

It's a huge challenge, but 26 miles in 365 days is definitely doable.

Imagine if the presidential race was an actual marathon

Then we'd really have a Kenyan in office.

What to watch on TV tonight

A few days ago, I was watching george michael videos. A couple of days ago, it was a Star Wars marathon. Tonight? The Apprentice.

I don't understand why people do all of these marathons for cancer

If I was to do one, I would expect a trophy, not a life threatening disease

What happens when a computer programmer does a marathon?

Runtime Error.

Why was h**... Disqualified from the marathon?

He cant finish a Race.

I am proud to be a racist.

100 meters, 10ks, name it, they're better than biking.

What could the Boston Marathon b**... do that h**... couldn't?

End a race.

Old Soviet joke.

Reagan and Gorbachev run a marathon.
Reagan won.
Next day US newspapers: Reagan won. Gorgachev lost .
Soviet newspapers: Gorbachev finished second. Reagan finished next to last .

Why didn't the peodiphile win the marathon?

Because he came in a little behind.

What did the boston marathon b**... accomplish that h**... could not?

They ended a race...

I wasn't sure about doing a charity marathon but...

I realised it was for disabled people so I thought I had a good chance of winning

Last year I entered a marathon.

The race started and immediately I was the last of the runners. It was embarrassing.
The guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me. He said, "Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?"
I replied, "You really want to know?"
Then I dropped out of the race.

When is the best time to run a marathon?

During Lent. That's when you fast.

Which race do you hate the most?

I hate marathons................too many Kenyans.

A r**... h**... joke

What did the Boston Marathon b**... do that h**... couldn't?
End a race.

Is it really that wrong to hate an entire race?

I just find marathons waaaaay too long to enjoy any part of them.

Where did the Swedish marathon end?

The Finnish line

I'm not racist, but...

If I could put an end to any race on the entire planet, I'd get rid of the marathon.

So there was a marathon in Sweden...

...that went all the way to the eastern border. I guess you could say the race ended at the Finnish line.

What were Pheidippides (the marathon soldier) last words?

My feet are killing me!

I'm binge-watching this show and they keep doing bits about marathons

Guess it's some sort of running joke

My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but wasn't awarded the gold medal.

The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.

Bragging Doctors

Doc 1 bragged, "I had a patient once who blew out his ACL & MCL. I reconstructed his knee, and 2 years later he completed the Boston marathon."
Doc 2 replied, "That's nothing! I had a patient who was in a head-on collision with a truck. I reconstructed virtually all of his joints and more, and later he won an Olympic gold medal in the decathlon."
Doc 3 chucked condescendingly. "Child's play. I had a patient who was in a horrible e**.... He was blown to bits. All they found was a huge, gaping a**.... I put a suit and tie on it, and now he's the owner and general manager of the Dallas Cowboys!"

A charity worker stopped me in the street and asked if I was interested in taking part in a marathon.

I was going to decline but he told me it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties. I thought "d**..., I might actually win this".

What do playing a guitar and running a marathon have in common?

I can't do either of them.

My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon 5 years ago, but still has not been awarded a gold medal.

China refuses to acknowledge Ty won.

A guy named Ryan Edit won first place in a marathon.

Race director: Here you go, these are for you.

Marathon joke, A guy named Ryan Edit won first place in a marathon.

jokes about marathon