Marathon Jokes

Funniest Marathon Short Jokes

Short marathon jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The marathon humour may include short running race jokes also.

1. I told the cop, You can't write me a ticket. I have a marathon to run tomorrow. The cop said, Sir, that's not how you play the race card.
2. Officer, you can't give me a ticket. I have to go run the marathon tomorrow. Cop: That's not how you play the race card.
3. Never give a donation to someone collecting for a charity marathon. They'll take the money and run.
4. Me, to the cop: You can't arrest me. I have a marathon to run today! Cop: Stop playing the race card!
5. Injured myself during an ironman marathon the other day Got up too fast after watching the third film
6. I showed up to run a marathon, but realized that I had forgotten my water bottle. I decided to run anyway... ... I finished in 3^st
7. I recently ran an ultra marathon in northern Sweden... I realised that I had gone way off course as soon as I crossed the Finnish line.
8. I treat every day like I am running a marathon tomorrow... I rest, load up on carbs and don't run.
9. "I'm thinking of running a marathon again." I told my friend. "You've run a marathon before?" she asked, with an air of admiration.
   I said, "No, but I've thought about it."
10. I finally crossed running a marathon off my bucket list No chance I was ever going to do it, glad it's gone.

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Marathon One Liners

Which marathon one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with marathon? I can suggest the ones about parade and cross country.

1. Is it wrong to hate a specific race Because I really hate marathons
2. Is it wrong to hate an entire race? I just think marathons are *way* too much running
3. I recently ran a ½ marathon. Sounds better than I quit ½ way.
4. What is your least favourite race? Mine is the marathon... too many Kenyans
5. I don't win Marathons because I'm lucky ​
   I win because I'm driven.
6. Q: What has 2 arms, 3 legs, and 4 feet?
   A: The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
7. I'm not racist I love all races Except marathons I hate running
8. Where did the Helsinki Marathon end? At the Finnish line.
9. If I say that marathons are superior to sprints... does that make me a racist?
10. Some people say that we need to accept all races, but I refuse! Marathons are just awful!
11. I kept telling a pun to the passersby during a marathon It was a running joke.
12. Why are priests bad at marathons? Because they always come in a little behind.
13. I'd hate to run a marathon They just look so hard to organise
14. Good news! I finally signed up for a 401K! Bad news: I work for a marathon organization
15. Why are germans so bad at marathons? Because they cant finish a race.

Running Marathon Jokes

Here is a list of funny running marathon jokes and even better running marathon puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I didn't run a marathon in 2018. I didn't run a marathon in 2019.
  I didn't run a marathon in 2020.
  I've never run a marathon in my life.
  ...
  This is a running joke.
• How can you tell if somebody's run a marathon? Wait 15 seconds, they'll tell you.
• Thanks to COVID-19, this is the first year I've not been able to run the London Marathon owing to lockdown. Every other year it's been because I'm overweight, can't run, and am too lazy to even try.
• Did you hear Han Solo will be running next years London Marathon? He says he reckons he'll be able to finish in less than 26 miles
• My girlfriend broke up with me after we did a marathon. I'm pretty heartbroken, but we had a good run.
• I'm training for a marathon with my friend. Every day when we hit the trails he tells me the same thing, and it always makes me laugh. It's a running joke.
• My coworker is asking for donations for his charity marathon But I'm afraid he's just going to take the money and run
• Did you hear about the oompah loompah marathon? Contestants are running short.
• I was running a marathon. I was in first place and could see the finish line. I tripped and fell and now all I see is... De feet
• A comedian pretends to enter a marathon... It's a running joke.

Boston Marathon Jokes

Here is a list of funny boston marathon jokes and even better boston marathon puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What does the winner of the Boston Marathon lose? His breath.
• Friend ran in the Boston Marathon, He said he had a blast but can't feel his legs.
• Warning: Police are on the lookout for an overweight man who did not pay his entrance fee to the Boston Marathon. He is believed to be still on the run
• I saw some horrible comedian making jokes about the Boston Marathon... Some lines must not be crossed.
  ​
  (Source: Anthony Jeselnik I think)
• A guy told me this one in class today.... What do you call 2 White Russians and a Jager bomb?
  A Boston Marathon.
• I was thinking about sharing a joke about the Boston Marathon Bombings But there are just some lines that should not be crossed
• Congratulations to all the runners in the Boston Marathon. You survived
• There is a line in comedy that you should not cross and that line starts at the Boston Marathon.
• If you run the Boston marathon and do bad, you really shouldn't say you bombed it
• I watch the Boston Marathon every year with my best friend. This year his girlfriend decided to join us, but she just couldn't understand why we were laughing. It was a running joke.

Marathon Runner Jokes

Here is a list of funny marathon runner jokes and even better marathon runner puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What is a marathon runner doing when he starts a marathon in Russia that ends in Finland? Russian to Finnish.
• What do runners eat before a marathon? Nothing.
  They fast.
• What's more covered in sweat than a marathon runner at the end of a race? Josh Duggar at a family reunion.
• Why did the marathon runner end up in jail? For resisting a rest.
• There is a running joke among marathon runners ... ... that has even won some medals.
• An atheist, a vegan, and a marathon runner walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes.
• Last week I ran my first marathon Everything went smoothly and the runners had a great time
• What do you call a marathon runner that refuses to stop? A joggernaut.
• How are rookie marathon runners like people with erectile dysfunction? There both just honestly happy to finish
• What kind of line gets thicker and thinner at the same time? A line of marathon runners
  

London Marathon Jokes

Here is a list of funny london marathon jokes and even better london marathon puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• And the ferrari speeds past the finish line... In the worst case of cheating the London marathon has ever seen!
• I was asked to run today's London marathon. I said I'm flattered but I don't believe I could organise such a big event.
• BREAKING - Paul McCartney disqualified from London Marathon He was banned on the run.
• I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting'.
• Internet, my Dad's running the London Marathon tomorrow. Oh, he already told you. Of course he did.
• (NAME) is a terrific athlete. He recently ran the London Marathon – he was aiming for 3 hours but just missed it! he made it in 3 hrs 150 minutes
• Chuck Norris won the London Marathon in 2005 while sunbathing in California.

Silly & Ridiculous Marathon Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter

What funny jokes about marathon you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mile jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make marathon pranks.