Map Jokes
119 map jokes and hilarious map puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about map that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you lost for laughs? Look no further than this collection of map jokes. With bad puns about Google Maps, topographic maps, heat maps, and more, it's sure to generate more than a few chuckles. Find out where North Korea is – in the humor world – and explore the laughs of South Sudan, Asia, and beyond.
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Funniest Map Short Jokes
Short map jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The map humour may include short north jokes also.
- So I put a giant map of the world up on the wall and gave my wife a dart. I told her wherever it lands is where we go on holiday. I guess we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
- My ex girlfriend was an absolute treasure I say this because just like treasure, you'll probably need a map and a shovel to find her
- Just got an email from Google detailing how they have devised a way to read maps backwards... Turns out to be spam
- According to National Geographic, 80% of US adults could not find ukraine on an unmarked map. They're really ahead of their time.
- A mugger held me up at knife point, demanding I give all my money... So I drew him a map to my ex-wife's house.
- 50 shades of grey would be a perfect title for a movie about a dog reading a map of the US.
- I got an email the other day teaching me how to read maps backwards Turns out it was just spam
- I bought a world map for my room, I'm gonna put a pin on everywhere that i've travelled… … but first I gotta travel to the top 2 corners of the map so it won't fall down.
(Mitch Hedberg 2003) - (Got to say this out loud) Knock knock... - Who's there?
- I eat map
- I eat map who?
- Ewwww (etc, etc)
This is posted on behalf of our seven year old. It's his favourite joke. - Why did the snowman bring a map to the winter solstice party? He didn't want to get lost in the chill of the night!
Share These Map Jokes With Friends
Map One Liners
Which map one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with map? I can suggest the ones about plat and chart.
- A man using Apple maps walks into a bar Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store.
- Russia is on the right side of the conflict. Don't believe me, check a map.
- What do you call a piece of sandpaper in Syria? A map.
- My family is like treasure You need a map, and a shovel to find them.
- How do you make apple jelly? google maps.
- What do you call an alligator with a map? A Navigator.
- I'm canoeing in Sudan, not Egypt - my map must be wrong I guess I'm just in denial
- How did Christopher Columbus find India? He used Apple Maps.
- Next Battlefield map set in Nepal. It's made using groundbreaking technology.
- Finally found my book of maps Atlast.
- What did they call the man who knew how to read maps? A legend
- Why did the cartographer get kicked out of map making club He had a bad latitude
- What do you call sandpaper in Iraq? A map.
- Why does Santa need to have all of his maps custom made? He uses polar coordinates!
- What did the neckbeard wizard use to find his way around Hogwarts? M'rauders Map
Eye Map Ness Jokes
Here is a list of funny eye map ness jokes and even better eye map ness puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Say: Eye Spell: map
Say: ness - (1) Say "Eye" (2) Spell the word "Map" (3) Say "Ness". Yes you are.
- You are? Follow instructions.
Say - Eye
Spell-map
Say-ness
Google Map Jokes
Here is a list of funny google map jokes and even better google map puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Just got fired from my job at Google Maps. Apparently I was terrible at drawing the boundaries between countries. They said I was borderline incompetent.
- I got an advertising email saying 'Google knows maps backwards.' I thought, that's just spam.
- I took the road less travelled by But so did everyone else because they saw it on Google Maps and now we're all stuck in traffic. -Robert frost
- Just got an email from Google explaining how to read maps backward... Turned out to be spam
- she told me her body is curvy when she goes swiming she looks like an island on google maps
- What engine does the Google maps car have? A search engine!
- Why can't Google maps hold down a solid relationship Because it's always looking for the quickest possible route
- If there was no Google Maps ... ... I wouldn't be here today!
- I can't wait until a google maps controversy. We can call it Navi-Gate
- I always use Google Maps when visiting China Town... It takes me a while to get Oriented.
Topographic Map Jokes
Here is a list of funny topographic map jokes and even better topographic map puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a spelling mistake on a map? A topographical error.
Howlingly Hilarious Map Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about map you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean graph jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make map pranks.
A Russian man lives all alone in a cabin
One day, someone from the government shows up and tells him that due to a map surveyor's error in the 1940s, the cabin he lives in was mistakenly marked as part of Russia, but in fact, it's actually a part of Belarus.
"Oh thank God!" the man exclaims. "I don't think I would have been able to stand another Russian winter here."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In 1941, a German boy named Hans was listening to the radio.
Over the radio, h**... announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.
"Father, where's the United States?" asked Hans. His father pointed on a map to the continental nation in North America.
"And I'm told we're already at war with Russia," the curious lad continued. "Where is Russia?" His father pointed to where Soviet Russia lay in all its time zone-hogging glory.
"And we're also at war with the British Empire," added Hans. "Where is that?" His father pointed out all the territories of the empire upon which the sun never set.
"And where is Germany?" asked Hans. His father pointed to their country in central Europe.
Hans thought for a moment and then said, "Father, has h**... seen this map?"
David calls up his brother Mike to schedule their annual family trip.
He tells him they're leaving Saturday to go to Detroit. Mike asks, "wait a minute, why Detroit?"
David answers, "Well, you know that thing old ladies do, where they set up a map on a dart board, and wherever it lands is where they go?"
Mike couldn't resist a chuckle, and says back to him "Yeah, i know that one."
"Well, I missed and hit the trash can."
You're lost in the middle of the woods at night, alone. The sky is cloudy, there are no trails, no map, no cell phone and no GPS. No sign of a city in any direction. How do you get back to civilization?
You tell an old joke out loud, wait a couple of minutes and follow any of the angry redditors shouting "repost!" back to civilization.
They say there's no opinions in science
But I've seen people get real heated over thermochemistry
And they really melt down when you bring up nuclear engineering
Have you seen how twisted people get when it comes to DNA?
Cartography is the worst, people are just all over the map
You should see how hormonal people get about endocrinology
You can really feel the pressure in the room when someone brings up hydraulics.
What do you get when you cross a map and an alligator?
A navigator
(Thought of this one myself I'm proud of it even if it ain't good)
I was really disappointed when I came last in the astronomy competition, but they still gave me a map of the stars just for participating.
It was a constellation prize
I wanted to use a paper map when sightseeing but my girlfriend insisted on using her phone
It was my way or the Huawei.
"Our battle plans look wonderful on the map" said the General...
"It's a pity the enemy doesn't follow them."
Day 20: Still lost at sea.
Crew thinks I know how to plot a course with a compass protractor. I just like making it walk on the map. Pointy leg man
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you do?
So, you are walking around in a forest and see a girl lying on the floor, half n**... and clothes tattered. She is weeping heavily, and you can tell she has just been r**....
What do you do?
You check your map, because you have been walking in a circle.
The founding fathers of Canada are sitting in front of a map filling in names for cities...
Pierre: "I suppose the capital there should have a name, too, me."
Gaton "ought to, uh?"
My girlfriend has a global map tattooed on her body
She may have been a difficult person to deal with. But you always knew where you were with her.
iPhones map app has major problems
iPhone map app has a major problem. The voice directed me to "turn left then bear right" .... but it was really just a cat sitting there.
For my holidays last year, I threw a dart at a map of the world and decided to go to wherever it landed.
I had a fantastic two weeks sat next to the skirting board.
What do you call someone who wears a diaper fashioned from a map?
Incontinent
Two tourists get lost in a pyramid
As they are wandering about, a man in a suit approaches them.
"Are you lost, gentlemen?" he says. "Would you like to buy a map? Perhaps you can buy more of them so you can sell it to other people."
"Don't trust him," says one tourist to the other, "it's a pyramid scheme."
So I was visiting South Korea but I forgot my phone and I had no map.
It was a true Seoul searching journey.
I noticed the ship's navigator was scribbling on the table and not the map which made think....
...this guy is off the chart!!!
A cartographer is asked to make a giant topographic map
He is very meticulous, agonizing over every little detail on the map. After months of work, he nervously presents it to his client, who says it's perfect and commissions another big project. As he leaves the meeting, the cartographer takes a deep breath, turns to his assistant, and says, "I was really worried he wouldn't like it, but that was a huge relief."
What did the treasure hunter say when he finally found the map of the Golden City?
Atlas!
America Found
Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Childish immature jokes are the best
* Step 1: say "eye"
* Step 2: spell the word "map"
* Step 3: say "nus"
* Now say that all together...
A Game Dev wakes up, brushes their teeth, gets dressed, grabs their keys and walks out of the door
Map Failed to Load
A blonde wanted to hang a map up in her room and put pins in everywhere she had been
After buying the map, she went to Japan. Then she went to Alaska. Then Antarctica. Then Australia. She finally went home and picked up her map.
"Now I can finally hang it up," she said.
I told my son that I went to a Sarcasm Convention.
He said, "How did you find it?"
I said, "With a map."
My buddy just landed a job as a map explainer...
That dude's a legend
Here's one my kid made up when she was 8... Why couldn't the guy find his map?
Because he lost his map.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the pirate have a map to his ex wife's house
For b**... calls
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Here in missouri.
We call it the midwest, but looking at a map you'll notice that it's more east than west. It made me wonder why we call it the Midwest, but then I realized that we are mostly a red state, and I can't imagine those folks wanting to call it the m**....
TEACHER: George go to the map and find North America.
George: Here is it!
TEACHER: Correct! now, class, who discovered North America?
Class: George!
Why is Atlanta hard to find on a map?
Because it's area code is 404
What do you do when you want to find a mythical location on a map?
Well legend has it...
Where can you find an ocean with no water?
On a map.
My wife's an absolute treasure....
By that I mean, you'll need a map and a shovel to find her.
Legend tells of an incredible hero...
Legend tells of an incredible hero: Carto-Man. Half of his body is a regular human, but the other half is made up of a key from a map.
The man, the myth, the legend
I've got a map of Italy tattooed on my chest
I've got really sore Naples though
My favorite Will Smith movie is the one where he is part of a map
I Am Legend
I heard President Trump is a really good COD player.
Apparently he can tomahawk from across the map on command.
I was buying a map of an expensive brand.
When I was looking at the Middle East, I noticed that the countries were improperly named. I thought, maybe its a cheap copy of the brand and not actually from that brand?
So I went up to the shopkeeper, pointed at the improperly named countries in the middle east, and said "Is this fake?"
The shopkeeper replied by saying "No, no, Israel."
A girl and a csgo map
Baby, if you were a CS:GO map you would be de_stroyed.
I went to a Pantheist forest yesterday.
I tried to read the map, but all it said was, "You are HERE"
Someone's just beaten me with a map of Belgium...
and now I'm all covered in brugeses
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yo mamas glasses so thick
when she looks at a map, she can see people wave
The World Map has been revised; The North and South poles are where you'd expect, but...
...all the other Poles are in Britain.
What's the difference between pirate treasure and Madeline McCann?
There's a map showing where the treasure was buried.
So last week i went into a country i thought was Afghanistan
But the moment i checked the map I ran.
What did Biggie say when he first saw a map of the United States?
WHERE BROOKLYN AT
Why was the electoral map feeling down?
It wasn't, it was feeling blue.
Who invented the North America?
TEACHER: Sarah, go to the map and find North America.
SARAH: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class,
who discovered America?CLASS: Sarah!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Competitions.
How did the Bread contest end? Stalemate.
What about the w**... smoking contest? There were *joint* winners!
What about the competition to see who could locate Bangkok the quickest on a map? Was a Thai.
And that sketching contest? A draw.
If you're ever extremely lost, stay where you are and build a house instead of trying to find your way out...
Within a couple of days there should be a phonebook you didn't ask for at your doorstep, which will probably have a map in it.
If not, it makes good kindling.
How do you make your girlfriend stop believing in the Earth being flat?
You make her wear a dress that shows a map of the Earth.
Disappointment
Parents: We are disappointed in you.
Son: Why?
Parents: Even the map from dora is better than you
Son: How?
Parents: Because he knows where he is going in life.
What has rivers but no water, forest but no trees and cities but no people?
A map.
What do you call a journey south east planned out on a map?
Some good downright navigation
Do you know what an education major gets when they graduate from college in Oklahoma?
A map to Texas.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This guy in Japan was trying to get me to help him score some w**......
... he kept pointing at a map and going: "t**..., yo? t**..., yo?".
A group of Hungarian aristocrats lost their way hiking in the Alps...
> A group of Hungarian aristocrats lost their way hiking in the Alps.
>One of them, it is said, took out a map, and after studying it for a long time exclaimed: "Now I know where we are!"
>"Where?" asked the others.
>"See that big mountain right over there? *We are right on top of it.*"
George Gamow
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the p**...-off cartographer tasked with redrawing the map of Canada's largest territory?
He was halving Nunavut.
Three men - one blind, one deaf, one dumb - participate in a game show...
The blind man is shown a map with a marker and asked to name the exact place it is pointing to. Being blind though, he is well versed in Braille, so he begins feeling the map with his hands and after a few seconds says "Grenoble, France".
"Correct! 50 points for Mr. Blind", says the host.
The deaf man is played a particular song and asked to identify its singer. Being deaf though, he is a keen observer and lip-reader. He notices one of the people in the audience singing along with the song, reads their lip, and says, "Stand Tall, by Burton Cummings."
"Correct! 50 points for Mr. Deaf", says the host.
Finally, the dumb man is asked to spell "Mississippi". After thinking for a few seconds, he says, "M-R-S. S-I-P-P-Y".
How do you find a dictator on a map?
X marks despot.
Have you ever noticed that nearly every map of Europe...
...forgets the "L" in Australia?
On the map, Canada is above the US.
But isn't it crazy that when I look up I don't see Canada?!
Two cartographers, Mercator and Mollweide are sitting in a room
Mercator: Your map has too much distortion!
Mollweide: Looks like you have a problem with projection...
