Mansion Jokes
97 mansion jokes and hilarious mansion puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mansion that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Have you ever heard of Haunted Mansion, Muppets Haunted Mansion, and Disney Haunted Mansion? Check out these hilarious Mansion jokes. Giggle with delight at the silly puns and laugh-out-loud one-liners featuring manors, residences, cottages and the Playboy Mansion.
Funniest Mansion Short Jokes
Short mansion jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mansion humour may include short palace jokes also.
- If you had to choose between a billion dollars or world peace... how many bedrooms would your mansion have?
- I bumped into an old school friend today... He said "life is great! I live in a $2 million mansion!"
I said "that's nice, I live under a $5 million bridge!" - I did 3 things thing morning 1.) Wake Up. 2.) Buy a mansion. 3.) Buy a Lambo But the order they happened was 2,3,1
- I helped my friend hang a chandelier in his mansion this morning It was the high light of my day
- How could the footwear exec afford a mansion, a yacht, and a private jet? He was on a real shoestring budget.
- Did you hear that the Alabama governor's mansion burned down? Pretty much took the whole trailer park with it.
- The Haunted mansion opened three years after Walt Disney died. It's what Walt would have haunted
- Melinda moved out of Bills mansion the other day... I hope someone remembered to update their drivers.
- Inspiration to look up to Sir Isaac Newton was only 23 when he discovered the law of gravity.
T-pain was only 22 when he rhymed mansion with wiscansin. - Did you hear the Mississippi governor's mansion burned down? It was a total loss. Clear down to the axles.
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Mansion One Liners
Which mansion one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mansion? I can suggest the ones about cottage and farmhouse.
- Did you know that Helen Keller lived in a huge mansion? Neither did she
- What happened when Chris Brown bought the mansion next to Rihanna's? \[Ri moved\]
- I went to a comedy night at a haunted mansion I got booed off the stage
- What is a minimalist's worst nightmare? A mansion.
- What's the most manly building ever? A Man-sion
- How are new pants like a sub-par mansion? There's no ball room
- I got a mansion for my father. He said "Thanks!"
I said "Don't mansion it." - Why was the haunted mansion self conscious? Because it got a lot of creepy stairs.
FML. - Where can we find Professor X's mansion? In Thailand. There are a lot of eX-men there.
- A very famous football player was found dead at his mansion. Nice try Ronaldo.
- Mansion was a Hollywood liberal who paid for his crimes...
- Why did the alarm go off at the mansion? Because the owner entered the correct code.
- I tried to break into the p**... mansion once. But the whole place was booby trapped.
- Shouldn't the p**... mansion be in Silicon Valley?
- What do you call someone who's been banned from the p**... mansion? Persona non grotto
Governor Mansion Jokes
Here is a list of funny governor mansion jokes and even better governor mansion puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the tornado that hit the trailer court in Little Rock? It destroyed the Governor's mansion.
Laughter Mansion Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about mansion you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean boarding house jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mansion pranks.
A forester and a Lawyer die...
So a Forester and a Lawyer die and go to heaven. They're greeted at the gates by their guide. He motions for them to follow and leads them down a beautiful, gold washed path. At the end of the path they reach a solid gold mansion, glittering in the sun. The Guide turns to the Lawyer and says,"This is where you will spend eternity. We hope it's to your liking." The Lawyer thanks him profusely and enters the mansion.
The guide motions to the Forester and they move on down a beautiful cobble street. They keep going. They pass by giant Victorian neighborhood and still keep going. They pass a regular suburb, then a trailer park, then shacks. Finally they end up on a barely visible dirt path where they reach a lean-to. The guide says,"This is where you will spend eternity. We hope you like it."
The Forester stops the guide and says,"Why do I get the lean-to? I was good my whole life. I never did anything bad. Why does the other guy get a solid gold mansion?"
The guide looks shocked as he replies,"Sir, we get Foresters all the time. That was the first Lawyer we have ever had."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blonde genies
A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.
Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and notices the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Next, there's a knock at the door, so he answers it.
Standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux k**... outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a sturdy limb, and hang him by the neck until he's dead.
As the k**... are walking away, they remove their hoods.
It's the two blonde genies!
One blonde genie says to the other, "I can understand the first wish--having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.
I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.
But, why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me!"
A guy was in a cave, looking for treasure.
He found an old lamp, rubbed it, and a genie came out.
The genie said "I will grant you three wishes, but your ex-wife will get double."
The man agreed, and said "I wish I had a mansion."
The genie granted it, and his ex-wife got two mansions.
The man said "I would like a million dollars."
The genie again granted it and his ex-wife got two million dollars.
Then the man said, "Scare me half to death."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An order of monks are selling flowers...
...illegally on the lawn of the p**... Mansion, Hugh Hefner's property. Instead of calling the police, however, Hugh decides to spring into action and stop them himself. After an intense argument, the monks agree to leave peacefully. If it had been anybody else they would have gotten away with it; unfortunately for them, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
A priest and a math teacher...
die and go to heaven at the same time. St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates, and then shows them to their accommodations. He brings the math teacher to a luxurious mansion, with a hedge maze, marble columns, and a fountain. The priest thinks to himself, "If the math teacher gets this, imagine what I might get!" So he follows St. Peter past a row of large houses, a row of suburban houses, a row of small houses, a row of houses for rent, a row of apartment complexes, and all the way to a row of tree-houses. St. Peter shows the priest to a small tree-house. The priest is baffled, and says, "WHAT!? The math teacher got a MANSION!"
St. Peter replies, "We grant houses based on the amount of people you get to pray, and the math teacher got more people to pray then you ever did."
Elderly Couple Go to Heaven Together
They both arrive at the pearly gates together and meet Saint Peter, who says "Let me show you around" He pointed to a mansion and said "That will be your house, located next to the country club." The old man asks, "and how much will that cost?" St Peter replies, "oh there's no charges, it's free, you're in heaven". He adds, "the country club has no fees or costs either" The old man is really happy by now and asks about food. St Peter says, "Although you don't need to eat, we do have full buffets with the very best pork, beef and poultry" The old man asks, "Aren't those bad for our health?" St Peter assures him, "You're in heaven now, there is no need to worry about your health."
The old man turns to his wife and smacks her upside the head. She says, "What was THAT for?" He answers, "If it wasn't for you and your bran muffins, we could have been here 30 years ago!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Double Genie
A man comes across a magical lamp with a genie inside who grants him 3 wishes. The only stipulation is that whatever he wishes for, his ex-wife gets double.
The man says, "I wish for a million dollars." The genie replies, "It is done. Your ex-wife gets 2 million."
The man says, "I wish for a mansion." The genie replies, "It is done. your ex-wife now has 2 mansions."
The man says, "For my last wish... I wish you would beat me half to death."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Genie in a Bottle
A brunette is walking through the desert and comes across a genie, who tells her he will grant her three wishes. However, everything she wishes for, every blonde in the world would get twice as much.
The Brunette ponders this a while then makes her first wish. "I wish for the nicest mansion in the world." The genie nods and says it is done. However, every blonde in the world gets two mansions.
"I wish for a billion dollars." The genie nods and says it is done. However, every blonde in the world gets two billion dollars.
Thinking long and hard about her last wish, the brunette finally comes to a decision. "You see that stick over there?..... Beat me HALF to death with it!"
Penguin
One day a penguin decides to go to a party. He dresses in his usual tuxedo, and then drives over to the mansion. He eats his dinner and then it was time for dessert. Ice cream, the penguin's favorite! The penguin laps up the ice cream getting it all over his beak and face feathers. On his drive home his car breaks down and he calls for a tow. After the mechanic inspects the car he proceeds to tell the penguin "You blew a seal". To which the penguin replies "No, it's ice cream"
Incognito
Two salesmen are traveling in the country when their car breaks down. The only house around for miles was a large mansion. They knock on the door and a beautiful widow answers the door. Since it is early evening and the garage will not be opened until morning, she offers to let them spend the night in the guest bedrooms.
In the morning they call the tow truck and leave.
About three months later salesman number one opens a letter and can't believe what he reads. He goes to salesman number two and says:
"When we spent the night at the widow's mansion, did you sneak away into her bedroom in the middle of the night?"
"Why, yes I did."
"And did you use my name?"
"Why, yes how did you know?"
"Well, it seems she died and left me her 5 million dollar estate!"
A lawyer and the pope die at the same time and go to heaven...
The pope is first and meets St. Peter at the gates to heaven. St. Peter says welcome to heaven and gives him a nice little plot of land with a decent sized house. The lawyer is next and St. Peter directs him to this huge mansion on the shore of a beautiful lake with anything the lawyer could want. The lawyer asks St. Peter "Why do I get this mansion with anything I could ask for and the holiest man on earth gets a small house?"
St. Peter replies by saying "We've got hundreds of popes up here, but you're the only lawyer!"
A priest and a taxi driver die and go to heaven.
St. Peter greets them. He takes the taxi driver to a large mansion. St. Peter than takes the priest to a slightly less nice house. "Wait," said the priest,"Why does the taxi driver get a nicer house than me?" St. Peter looked at his book and said,"It says here that when you preached, people slept, but when he drove, people prayed!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Corniest joke I know.
Two friars decide to open up a business selling flowers in LA. They settup a booth right outside of Hugh Hefners p**... mansion. After about a week, their business wasnt going so well and it was also driving away people from the p**... mansion seeing two friars outside.
Eventually Hugh Hefner himself came out and put a stop to all of this.
The point of the story is: Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Badum psh
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A genie grants a man three wishes ... "Whatever you wish for your ex-wife gets double"
" What is your first wish?" Asked the genie.
"I wish for $10 million." Said the man.
" Okay, your ex-wife gets $20 million. Next?"
" Okay, I wish for a mansion."
"Done, your ex now has 2 mansions. What is your final wish?"
The man pauses to think carefully.
"I wish for you to beat me half to death."
Credit - Russell Peters
Has anyone heard the joke about the mansion and the stairs that go 'bronze silver gold bronze silver gold'?
I can't find it online and I've heard it before. If anyone knows it or can pm a link I would much appreciate it. Sorry if this breaks the rules but I don't know where else to ask.
You see that bridge there?!
Two politicians - an American and an Indian - happened to get into an unlikely friendship, don't know how, perhaps through a social network for politicians; just go with it.
The American invited the Indian to his mansion. The Indian was amazed at the sheer magnificence of his home. He asked, "How did you manage to build yourself such a beautiful place?" The American replied, "You see that bridge there?", pointing to a bridge not far from where they were. He continued, "I pocketed about ten percent of the funds for its construction."
A few weeks later, the American was invited to visit his Indian friend. He never expected that the Indian would have a place much larger and much more lavish than his own. He interjected, "How on earth did you get to build this place?"
The Indian said, "Well, you see that bridge there?"
The American replied, "No."
The Indian: "Exactly!"
The Priest and the Politician
A priest and a politician arrived at Heaven's gate one day together. And St. Peter, after doing all the necessary formalities, took them to show them where their quarters would be.
First, he took them to a small, single room with a bed, a chair, and a table and said this was for the priest. And the politician was a little worried about what might be in store for him. And he couldn't believe it then when St. Peter stopped in front of a beautiful mansion with lovely grounds, many servants, and told him that these would be his quarters.
And he couldn't help but ask, he said, "But wait, how—there's something wrong—how do I get this mansion while that good and holy man only gets a single room?" And St. Peter said, "You have to understand how things are up here. We've got thousands upon thousands of priests. You're the first politician who ever made it.
President Obama has a meeting with the President of China to discuss debt...
President Obama has a meeting with Xi Jinping to discuss the debt the US owes to China. He arrives at the Chinese presidential mansion with Joe Biden, but they find there is work going on in the garden and lots of mud everywhere. So they have to roll up their trouser legs and step carefully to enter.
They sit down to wait for President Xi, but Biden notices they still have their trousers rolled up. So he whispers: "Mr. President, take down your trousers."
Obama looks horrified. "We owe him THAT MUCH!!!"
Explanation of the crisis in Italy & Greece.
A small town in Italy twinned with a similar town in Greece.
The Mayor of the Greek town visited the Italian town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Italian mayor he wondered how he could afford such a house. The Italian said; "You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to build a two-lane bridge, but by building a single lane bridge with traffic lights at either end this house could be built".
Soon after, the Italian visited the Greek town. He was simply
amazed at the Greek Mayor's house, gold taps, marble floors, it was marvellous. When he asked how this could be afforded the Greek said;
"You see that bridge over there?"
The Italian replied; "No."
A reporter from North Korea's state-owned media asks a farmer...
A reporter from a North Korea's state-owned media asks a farmer, "Would you give your mansion to the supreme leader if you had one?"
The farmer answers, "Yes, of course I would!"
"If you had one million dollar, would you give it to the supreme leader, too?"
"Yes, absolutely!"
"How about five cows, would you give them to the supreme leader?"
The farmer hesitates, then answers, "No..."
The reporter is confused, "you would give a mansion and one million dollar to the supreme leader, why would you not give only five cows? Is it because you think cows can't match the highness of the supreme leader?"
"Well, yes... and also I really do have five cows..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Five years in, marriage is still like a party at p**... mansion.
After a few drinks the cracks start to appear.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The owner of hostess just brought the p**... mansion
Guess he really liked h**...-hos and ding dongs
A man's friend helps him build a house..
Man : Thanks so much dude.
Friend : Don't mansion it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A russian joke: Some people in Mosow got stuck on a ride at an amusement park!
That entire country is got stuck on a ride! On something between a haunted mansion and a house of funny mirrors!
A taxi driver and a priest go to heaven.
Both appear at roughly the same time at the pearly gates. The priest is given some wine and cheese. The taxi driver is given a yacht, a boat, a mansion and a box of diamonds.
The priest looks at St. Peter and says: "I was a priest for many years but all I get is a little house and some food. This guy gets all this stuff and he drove a taxi."
St. Peter says "Yes, but we go by results. When you gave sermons people slept, when he drove people prayed."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between the Circus and the p**... Mansion?
The Circus features a cunning array of stunts.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is granted three wishes.
The Genie tells him that whatever he wishes for, his wife will receive 2x of.
The man's first wish is $3B, so his ex-wife gets $6B.
The man's second wish is a mansion, so his ex-wife gets two mansions.
For the man's third and final wish, he tells the Genie "Here's a baseball bat, beat me half to death."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Police responded to a call outside the p**... mansion.
Mr. Hefner called the police to remove a group of monks selling daisies out of an i**... roadside stand in front of the p**... mansion. A police spokesperson released a statement "we responded promptly to Mr. Hefner's call because as everybody knows, only Hugh can prevent florist friars."
A very rich landlord lives in a mansion...
He has lots of servants in the mansion. Usually, everyone calls him Edward. Edward Bates. But his servants call him Master Bates.
What did the really big house say when the small house thanked it for always being there?
"Don't mansion it!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man finds a genie
The genie says " I will grant you three wishes, but whatever you receive, your ex wife will get twice as much"
"That's alright" says the man. "I want 10 Million Dollars" the man says. "Ok, now your ex wife has 20 million". "I want a mansion." "Ok now your ex wife has two mansions."
"What will be your third wish? Think Carefully!" Says the genie.
The man ponders for a while and finally responds. "I want you to take this crowbar, and beat me half to death with it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A married man man finds a magic lamp...
He rubs the lamp a few times and a genie comes out and says You are my new master and I'm a genie with a twist so whatever you wish your wife gets two of!
The man says I wish for a mansion! The genie says Okay, but your wife gets two!
He wishes for a million dollars, and his wife gets two million.
For his final wish he looks at the genie and says I wish I was beaten half to death.
A Priest Dies and Goes to Heaven...
A priest dies and meets St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says to him, "Welcome to Heaven; for your devout service to God, we have your accommodations ready."
It was a one room shack. His neighbor, a cab driver, had a stately mansion.
Weeks go by, and the priest seeks out St. Peter again. "I don't mean to complain, but I don't understand why my living quarters are sparse, when compared to that of my neighbor."
"Oh, that's simple," said St. Peter. "You put your congregation to sleep with your sermons. The cabbie, on the other hand, made his passengers pray with his driving."
Beyonce held an exclusive, no pants themed, female-only party at her mansion last night!
It was the who's who of hoo-hoos.
A lawyer saw a bunch of homeless people eating grass... He goes over and asks them why are they doing that and they tell him that they are homeless and have nothing to eat. Eager to help them out he escorts them to his mansion.. They are very happy and thankful.. He takes one look at them, smiles
And tells them "this is my yard, eat as much as you want, i won't charge you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lady Penelope returns to her mansion after a long weekend at Tracy Island
Upon seeing Parker in the main bedroom she commands him;
"Parker, take of my dress"
"Yes, M'lady" replies Parker
"Now Parker, take off my Bra"
"Yes M'lady"
"Now Parker take of my p**..."
"Yes M'lady"
"Now Parker if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again you're fired!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Genie grants a man 3 wishes
The genie says the only catch is whatever you wish for your ex wife will get double.
The man says "For my first wish I want a huge mansion."
Sure enough the man is given a huge mansion and his ex wife gets two.
"My second wish, I want a billion dollars!"
The man is given a billion dollars and his ex is given two billion.
The genie says, "and for your final wish?"
The man says "I wish to be beaten half to death."
3 boys are bragging about their grandfathers
The first boy said: "My grandpa's mansion is worth a million dollars."
While the second said:"Well my grandpa's mansion is worth 5 million, he has a private basketball court and a clubhouse too. "
The last one said:" My grandpa's roof is worth 15 million alone... "
The other two replied:" Wow, where does your grandpa live?"
He replied:"under the overpass of course! "
Always remember that money cannot buy you love
It can, however, buy you a mansion, a yacht, a nice suit, and a fancy European sports car. After that, you'll be beating love off with a stick.
How do you make a plumber cry?
You buy him a multi-million dollar mansion.
(With his dead family inside.)
The best day of my life or is it ?
1. Woke up
2. Bought a mansion
3. Kissed my crush
4. Won the lottery
Sadly it went in this order 3,2,4,1
an african politician visits an american politician.
Af: That's a big house you've got there, how did you afford it?
Am: See that bridge over there? I kept 10% of the money that went into building it, same goes for most of the roads and bridges that were rebuilt here.
Ten years later, the American goes to visit his old friend.
Am: That's an enormous mansion you've got there, how did you afford it?
Af: See that bridge over there?
Am: No.
Af: That's how.
A rock musician, a classical musician and a jazz musician are sitting together, drinking...
Rock musician talks about his recent band tour,
- "and after all taxes were paid and such, I was able to afford a nice little yacht from the remaining money."
The classical musician smiles and says,
- "Well, kinda nice. My orchestra sold so many records though, I was even able to afford a new mansion this month."
They curiously look at the jazz musician, who says,
- "Oh! Well... I... recently bought a new sweatshirt..."
- "And the rest of the money?"
- "My mum gave me the rest."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man finds a Genie in a bottle
The genie says everything he gets his wife gets double
First he asks for 1 million dollars his wife gets 2 million
Then he asks for a billion dollar mansion his wife gets 2 billion dollar mansions
Lastly he asks to get beat half to death
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A genie appears infront of a man...
And tells him that he can have 3 wishes, but his ex wife will get double anything he asks for.
The man thinks and says "I wish for a trillion dollars"
"It is done. Now your ex also has 2 trillion dollars."
"I wish for the biggest mansion in the world with everything that comes with it, servants, helicopters, the works"
"It is done. Your ex now also has 2 mansions."
The man nods his head and then says "I wish I was beaten half to death"
An armed robber had just finished robbing a mansion.
As he got out, he noticed a random guy staring at him with his jaws dropped.
Robber: Did you see anything!?
Man: Y..yes..
The robber shot the man. Unfortunately, another person passing by at that exact moment witnessed this.
Robber: Did you see anything!?
Man: Yes! And I am calling the-
The robber shot him before he could say anything. Unfortunately a married couple walking by witnessed both of the murders.
Robber: Did you see-
Before he could finish asking his question, the man replied: No. Not at all. But my wife did! And she threatened to call the police!
There were three sons who wanted to get their mom a present for her birthday.
One son decided that she wanted a bigger house and bought her a mansion.
The second son decided that she didn't want to drive by herself so he got her a limo.
The third son thought that she was lonely and got her a parrot.
The mom gave the first son a thank you saying that she didn't want the house.
She gave the second son a letter that said she didn't want the limo.
She gave the third son a thank you saying the chicken was good.
Two friends are sitting in the bar drowning in their miseries......
The first one goes "I lost everything with my divorce, wealth, mansion, cars, bank balance etc. and here I am sharing a rented apartment with you. Nothing can be worse than this."
The second one assures him that his situation is much worse than him.
"How??" Demands the first one.
"Well I had a booming business and all the riches" he moaned. "Then it all came crashing down, with losses incurring, I lost my wealth, mansion, cars, bank balance etc. And here I am sharing a rented apartment with you."
"How's your situation worse than mine" growled the first one.
"You see my friend" sighed the second one, "I still have my wife!"
Tom Brady died
When he got to Heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Patriots flag in the window.
"This house is yours for eternity, Tom", said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here."
Tom felt special and walked up to his house. On his way to the porch, he noticed another house.
It was a 3-story mansion with a Black and Gold sidewalk, a 50 foot tall flagpole with an enormous Steeler flag, and in every window, a Terrible Towel hung.
Tom looked at God and said, "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but, why does Ben Roethlisberger get a better house than me?"
God chuckled, and said "Tom, that's not Ben's house, it's mine."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Four men are at a bar bragging about how successful their sons are
One says"my son is a successful brick layer and he bought his friend a Lamborghini just because"...the second man says"my friend is a successful real estate agent and he bought his friend a yacht just because"the third man says"my son is a great lawyer and he bought his friend a mansion just because"....their was a minute of silence and the second man asks the fourth man what his son does ...the fourth man replies"he's a gay stripper"..the third man says"oh you must be ashamed I'm sorry"which the fourth man says"not really his three boyfriends bought him a Lamborghini,a yacht,and a mansion just because"
A Priest And A Taxi Driver Arrive At The Pearly Gates
A Priest And A Taxi Driver Arrive At The Pearly Gates
St. Peter welcomes them and shows them to their homes.
For the taxi driver, a beautiful villa looking over a gorgeous field of clouds. "Thank you," the ecstatic taxi driver said.
Anticipating an even bigger mansion, the priest was dismayed when they arrived at a small 1-bedroom apartment.
"St. Peter, I'm a little puzzled," the priest began. "As a clergyman, I devoted decades of my life solely to serving the Lord. How come the taxi driver got a villa, and for me, only a small apartment?"
St. Peter smiled. "Up here, we go by results. While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."
A wealthy man died and went to heaven.
He was met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter who led him down the streets of gold.
They passed mansion after mansion until they came to the very end of the street.
Saint Peter stopped the rich man in front of a little shack.
This belongs to you, said Saint Peter.
Why do I get this ugly thing when there are so many mansions I could live in? the man demanded.
We did the best we could with the money you sent us! Saint Peter replied.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is in legal trouble after harassing a sea cow at the p**... Mansion.
He's been charged with crimes against Hugh's manatee.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher asks her class "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b**... with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".
The teacher, shocked and not knowing how to respond to this, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.
Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's b**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A genie grants three wishes to an old lady.
She says, "I want to be young again."
\*p**...\*
She's young again.
"I want my little house to be turned into a beautiful mansion."
\*p**...\*
She's now living in a beautiful mansion.
"I want my cat to be turned into a handsome young man!"
\*p**...\*
Her cat is now a handsome young man.
"Oh cat, all my fantasies have come true! Take me in your arms, take me upstairs and make mad, passionate love to me!"
The cat says, "Oh darlin', you should've thought about that a long time ago, before you had me fixed."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I meet these genie.
He asked: Who is the person you dislike the most? I told him that it would be my mother-in-law. He explained to me that I get three wishes but whatever I wish for my mother-in-law gets double of.
My first wish: I want one mansion. My mother-in-law gets two mansions.
My second wish: I want ten billion dollars. My mother-in-law gets twenty billion dollars.
My final wish: Beat me half to death.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend started selling his own body parts to make money
First it was just one of his fingers to pay some bills off. When he realised how much he could make he sold even more body parts. Sitting in his mansion, rich enough to afford not to work, he asked me what I thought about him selling even more body parts.
I told him, I think you should quit while you're a head.
