Manners Jokes

Following is our collection of polite puns and policeman one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Manners jokes for adults, dirty morals jokes and clean bedside manner dad gags for kids.

The Best Manners Puns

President Trump: "I've raised THE BEST kids....."

".....They are the most polite people you have ever seen. Just today Don Jr. has already said "Pardon Me, Dad" at least 10 times. He has such great manners!"

Table manners

Teacher:"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"


Michael: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'


Teacher: 'That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'


Sherman: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'


Teacher:'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'


Johnny: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.'

The Polite Way to Pee 

a friend sent this to me on whatsapp today.

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" 

Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.' 

The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite'

What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.' 😶

'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. 

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners? 

Johnny said: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.' 

The teacher fainted...

Feminists hate words with masculine-sounding roots...

...maybe that's why none of them have any manners.

Little Johnny

Little Johnny had to use the bathroom, so he raised his hand in class to get the teacher's attention. The teacher pointed at Johnny.

He replied, "Can I use the bathroom."

The teacher replied, "where are your manners? May I use the bathroom?"

Johnny said " Alright ladies first, but make it quick".


How can you tell if an American student has been brought up with manners?

He uses a silencer in the library

An old man is fishing in a lake next to a country road

Suddenly, he sees a funeral procession driving slowly down the road.

So he stands next to the road, puts his cigarette away, takes off his hat and waits flow the procession to pass.

2 hours later, the funeral director comes up to the man , this time by himself.

"That was very respectful, what you did. I want to thank you for your manners."

"Well," says the man, "it's the least I can do for my wife."

Translated Indian joke: Don't speak while you're eating.

Husband & Wife dining in a hotel:

Hubby: I wanna tell you something.

Wife: It's not good manners to talk while eating.
.
(After Eating)
Wife: Now tell me.

Hubby: There was a cockroach in your Biryani !!!

Moral:
Listen to your Husband once in a while

What do you call a Kangaroo with bad manners?

Kangarude

Why did the loaf of bread lack manners?

It wasn't raised right!

On the train.

Instead of waiting for everyone to get off, some guy jostles for the train.
An older gentleman goes to him and says:
"You lost something out there."
The guy goes out and looks around, but he doesn't find anything.
Older Gentleman: "Keep looking, it's your manners".


Don't Do That In Public

A boy and his mother stood looking at a dentist's showcase. "If I had to have false teeth, I'd take that pair," said the small boy, pointing.

"Hush, Willie," interposed the mother quickly, shaking his arm. "Haven't I told you it's bad manners to pick your teeth in public?"

Birds have the worst manners. People could never get away with that stuff.

When I stand on my roof and try having a conversation with someone six houses down they just call the police

What did Obe Wan say to Skywalker when he was teaching him table manners?

Use the forks Luke.

A little boy answered a knock at the door...

A little boy answered a knock at the door to find a well-dressed woman.

"Is your mother home?" she asked, politely.

"Uh uh," he said.

"Okay," she said, put off by his lack of manners. "Is your father home?"

"Nope. He done gone to work and he ain't gonna be back 'til after dinner."

"Young man," she said sternly. "Where's your grammar?"

"She's in the kitchen... Bakin' cookies."

*

If a lady with manners perspires, rather than sweats

Does she aspire, rather than fart?

Sounds like Trump's finally learned some manners.

It's reported he's been heard saying "Pardon me" a lot lately.

My Indian colleague asked me if black Friday is some how related to black people, I said yes and its manners to wish them "Happy Blacks Friday".

What is the simplest thing that not everyone have?

Manners


A man sees a really attractive woman on a train reading the newspaper

...so he chats her up on today's headline.

He: "So, yesterday was the Nymphomaniacs' Congress. I don't suppose you've attended, did you?"
She: "Well, as a matter of fact, I did."
He: "And? What's new in the world of nymphomaniacs?"
She: "Nothing much, Indians have the longest, the Irish can go the longest, same old, same old."
He: "Oh, where are my manners? The name's a O'Connor. Geronimo O'Connor."

What state has the best table manners?

Con-etiquette!

Which of Santa's reindeer has the worst manners?

Rudolf of course

What vegetable has the least manners?

The rude-abega.

I came up with this today at the grocery store, and I'm not a dad, so all you dads out there, here's one for your arsenal. Godspeed.

Who teach fatty acids manners?

Daddy acids

What to do with crude oil?

Teach it some manners!

Shawty dropped to the ground like she ain't got manners

There was too much lights for an epileptic girl to handle

Why did the one-handed pirate have such good table manners?

Because his mother was a hooker, too!

Ye-har har har!

There is an abundance of civility jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 27 funniest jokes and manners puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any manner witze you can hear about manners.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes