Manner Jokes
56 manner jokes and hilarious manner puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about manner that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Manner jokes may not be a laughing matter, but they certainly provide an important lesson. These jokes highlight the importance of bedside manner and how people should behave differently when they are around their peers and loved ones. Learn more about the importance of remaining polite, even in the most uncomfortable of situations.
Funniest Manner Short Jokes
Short manner jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The manner humour may include short means jokes also.
- I went to a Indian restaurant last night. After I had ordered, a little old lady came to me and said, "Aren't you polite. You have such lovely manners." It was my complimentary nan
- How many members of an identifiable group does it take to perform a common task? A certain number! One to actually perform the task, and the rest to act in a manner stereotypical of the group.
- My doctor has the best bedside manner. During my last prostate exam, he kept me calm by putting both of his hands on my shoulders
- Feminists hate words with masculine-sounding roots... ...maybe that's why none of them have any manners.
- My wife is a compulsive plant freak. She's filled our house with all manner of potted plants that she picks up at yard sales and give aways! I think she's a hoarder-culturist.
- Doctor, help me A man rushes into a doctors office in panic and yells: Doctor, help me i'm shrinking!
To which the doctor replies: Have some manners, wait in line….. be a little patient! - How can you tell if an American student has been brought up with manners? He uses a silencer in the library
- What do you call an elephant that is pleasingly graceful and stylish in appearance and manner? An elegant.
- What do you call the person whom your wife cheated on you with, that looks like you and has the same mannerisms as you? A dopplebanger.
- I started a fried chicken joint. In order to be halal, the chickens must be killed in the traditional Islamic manner: It's pretty hard getting the little explosive-filled vests on them, though.
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Manner One Liners
Which manner one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with manner? I can suggest the ones about mode and politely.
- What do you call ill-mannered burst of strong wind in the desert? Darude Sandstorm.
- What do you call a Kangaroo with bad manners? Kangarude
- Why did the loaf of bread lack manners? It wasn't raised right!
- Why did people hate Luke Skywalker's table manners? Because of his bad foe pa.
- Which bird has the worst manners? Mocking birds.
- Why do priests love well mannered children? Because they don't spit.
- What state has the best table manners? Con-etiquette!
- What is the simplest thing that not everyone have? Manners
- Which of Santa's reindeer has the worst manners? Rudolf of course
- Who teach fatty acids manners? Daddy acids
- What to do with crude oil? Teach it some manners!
- What's the most well mannered dinosaur? A plesiosaur.
- Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most? "Rude"olph
- The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
- Definition of a man with manners – he gets out of the bath to pee.
Bedside Manner Jokes
Here is a list of funny bedside manner jokes and even better bedside manner puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- DOCTOR(using best bedside manner): "Mrs. Nice Guy?" "I'm so sorry, but I have some terrible news..."
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Manner Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about manner you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean solemnly jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make manner pranks.
How many members of an ethnicity does it take to perform a specified task?
A finite number! One member to perform the task, and the rest to behave in a manner stereotypical to the ethnicity in question.
A new doctor goes to work for a year in Cambodia, where people still get maimed from landmines left over from the Vietnam War era
In his very first day in the hospital, the doctor sees a young girl in the post-operation area. She is crying, and in a panic, she says to him, "Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
He looks down at the young girl, and in his best bedside manner, tells her, "That's because the doctors had to amputate your arms."
Fighter jock and the cargo pilot
A cargo plane is flying along, doing its cargo plane thing, when a fighter jet comes up alongside.
The fighter jock decides to poke some fun at the pilot who's forced to fly such an ungainly vessel.
"My plane's so much more advanced than yours. Watch this" says the jock, as he proceeds to do loop-de-loops, barrel rolls, corkscrews, and all manner of fast paced aerial acrobatics.
"Very impressive," responds the cargo pilot. "But that's nothing, watch this." For a half hour the large craft simply plods along straight as an arrow, not even so much as dipping the wings.
After a while, the cargo pilot comes back on the radio and says "So, what'd you think?"
Jock: "What d'you mean? You didn't do anything. You just flew straight for a while."
Cargo: "Oh no, that wasn't all. I got up, stretched my legs, got some coffee, went to the bathroom..."
Three Europeans wash ashore on an island occupied by cannibals...
They are caught quickly, and the cannibal chief tells them that they are to be eaten and their skins used to make canoes. They are horrified at the thought of being cooked or eaten alive, but at least a little of their fear is relieved when the chief tells them that they will be permitted to kill themselves in a manner of their own choosing.
The first, an Englishman, elects to shoot himself and asks for a p**.... He is presented with one, and says farewell to his friends before ending it.
The second, a Frenchman, asks for poison. He turns to the other, says "au revoir," and drinks the poison, dying shortly.
The third, a Pole, asks for a fork. The chief is confused, but hands him one anyway. The Pole proceeds to stab himself an excessive number of times all over his body, drawing copious amounts of blood and astonishing and even disturbing the onlooking cannibals somewhat. The chief grabs hold of him and asks him why he would make himself suffer so. The Pole says, "I can't stop you from eating me, but it looks like you're going to be short one canoe."
Confession
A Jewish guy goes into a confession box. "Father O'Malley," he says, "my name is Emil Cohen. I'm seventy eight years old. Believe it or not, I'm currently involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on the side, her 19 year old sister. We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire life I've never felt better." "My good man," says the priest, "I think you've come to the wrong place. Why are you telling me?" And the guy goes: "I'm telling everybody!"
A platoon of soldiers is overseas fighting the battle of a lifetime
when all of the sudden, Private Smith runs out of ammo. He yells over for his Sergeant for some more, when the Sergeant throws him a stick. "What am I supposed to do with this?!" Smith yells angrily. In a joking manner, the Sergeant replies "Point it at the enemy, and yell BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY!!!
Private Smith mutters "You've gotta be kidding" but just to prove his Sergeant is an idiot, he does it. An enemy soldier comes up, he points the stick at him and yells BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY. Enemy dies. Smith thinks "There's no way that worked, someone else must have shot him, let me try it again." BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY! Another soldier goes down. Bewildered, he does it again, and again, with great success. Private Smith kills many people in this manner, and he begins to get very c**....
His platoon is patrolling a rural road, when they get ambushed, and Private Smith knows that to do. BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY!!! BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY! BANGITY BANGITY BANGI-AAAAGGGHHHH! He starts writhing on the ground in immense pain. His Sergeant pulls him to safety and asks whats wrong. Smith replies "Somebody yelled tankity tankity tankity"
A man down on his luck is praying at church
He prays for 24 hours straight, seeing such devotion god himself goes down to meet him. The man is perplexed, he is stunned for a moment and is not able to speak. Meanwhile God is looking at him in a calming manner. The man musters up his courage asks "God, What is a Second to you?."
God replies calmly "It is an eternity my child."
The man is satisfied with his answer asks another question" God, What is a penny to you?" to which God replies "A trillion dollars".
The man starts grinning and asks him " Can I have a penny then?".
God smiles and answers " Sure, wait a second."
How many people of a certain ethnicity does it take to change a lightbulb?
10, one to change the lightbulb; the other nine to act in a manner stereo-typically associated with said ethnicity.
A guy walks into a bar
A guy walks into a bar and asks for 10 shots of tequila.
Bartender lines up 10 shots of tequila and the guy shoots all 10 shots one after another.
Bartender asks guy what the special occasion is, or why is he slamming shots in a celebratory manner.
Guy says it was his first b**....
Bartender says: "That's great! Let me give you a shot on the house!"
Guy says: "no thanks, if 10 shots of tequila can't get that taste out of my mouth, nothing can."
"For Dummies"
In an effort to reinvigorate my interest in reading, I decided to visit Barnes and Noble. I walked past the romance section, I strolled by the mystery books, until I came across the "For Dummies" series.
For those that don't know, *For Dummies* is a series that explains things in a simplistic manner, so that anyone can try to understand them.
I found *Java for Dummies.* That's great! I wouldn't mind learning how to code.
I found *Violins for Dummies.* That's fantastic! I'd love to learn violin.
Then, I came across *Athletic Scholarships for Dummies.*
I never realized they came in any other way.
A lawyer boarded an airplane
in Baltimore with a box of frozen soft shell c**... and asked a stewardess to take care of them for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator..
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.
Shortly before landing in Sarasota Florida, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the c**... in Baltimore , please raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up .... so she took them home and ate them.
Three Men are Captured by Female Savages!
They are told their d**... would be removed in a manner appropriate to their jobs.
The first was a lumberjack, so his would be chopped off.
The second was a butcher, so his would be sliced off.
The third man started laughing. The females asked what was so funny, and he replied, "I work for Dyson!".
Barbie Dolls
Ralph is driving home one evening, when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present. He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store, and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?"
In a condescending manner, she says, "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."
Ralph asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"
"That's obvious," the saleslady says. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."
Heard this joke from a friend today!
Why did the Chinese Government cross the road?
[THE PUNCHLINE OF THIS JOKE HAS BEEN CENSORED BY THE GOVERNMENT OF THE PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF CHINA, PLEASE REMAIN CALM WHILE WE WILL DEAL WITH THE OP IN A CIVIL MANNER].
A Knight's Retinue
A knight and his page stop for the evening at an inn, a squire close behind. The knight calls for the women to come and service his men, as they've been riding long and hard all day and wish to continue in the same manner. Four girls enter the room and pair up with the men in turn, but the last two are forced to double up. As morning came, the girls found a few new problems with themselves.
"That knight had chlamydia!", shouted one.
"Well the squire had c**...!", shouted another.
The last two girls checked themselves in a hurry, but found no new afflictions.
"Wow," one said, turning to the other. "I'm glad we were on the same page."
How many Edward Snowden's does it take to know what is going on in a Clinton administration?
**The server you are attempting to connect to has been unintentionally disabled, wiped, and burned. But not in a g**... negligent manner. **
Is he s**...? Yes. Is he disgusting? Absolutely. Did he act in a v**... manner towards women? Certainly.
But he's not running for President, his wife is.
How many members of a given ethnic group does it take to change a lightbulb?
A finite number! One to to change the bulb, the rest to act in a manner stereotypically derogatory to their ethnicity!
Q: How many members of a specified demographic does it take to complete a particular task?
A finite quantity. One to complete the specific task and the remainder to act in a manner stereotypical of persons from said demographic.
Wonder Woman
Batman is talking to the Flash. "Hey, Flash, did you hear about Wonder Woman? She was lying on the roof of her building n**... moving her hips in a suggestive manner. Superman was flying by and saw her. He took off his clothes, flew down and landed right on top."
Flash says, "Boy, I bet Wonder Woman was surprised."
Batman answers, "Not nearly as surprised as the invisible man!"
No Bedside Manner
I'd never had surgery, and I was nervous. This is a very simple, noninvasive procedure, the anesthesiologist reassured me. I felt better, until … Heck, he continued, you have a better chance of dying from the anesthesia than the surgery itself.
An old lady told me this
You know how rubber gloves are made? They hire all kinds of people; black guys, white guys,boys, girls, men, women; and have them all dip their hands in liquid hot rubber. You get all manner of gloves from this. Big ones, small ones, medical gloves, elbow length cleaning gloves. The more durable the glove, the longer they have to hold their hand in the molten rubber.
Betcha can't guess how condoms are made?
A man walks into a bar and then proceeds to order a pint and drink in peace, disturbing no one...
He was very courteous and paid his bill in a timely manner.
An African man asked her..... African Girlfriend.....Under the night.......Near the Shore.....In a Romantic manner.....
Are you there?
How does one walk through a Siberian forest?
Do it in a calm and relaxed manner, but bear in mind
So I thought this was a good place for dad jokes...
Even though I said them in a joking manner no one found them funny
A fat woman was standing on the weighing scale while holding her stomach in.
Um, I don't think that's going to help said the husband.
To which the wife replies in a confused manner,
Sure it does. How else I could see the numbers?
There is nothing more permanent than a temperate solution , because putting something together in a logical manner is too much work. It's easier to just cobble something together and call it a day.
Legislation, roadwork, your soul-crushing loneliness...just to name a few.
So one day a guy walks in a bar
and sits next to his friends, after a few drinks he needs to go to the bathroom and he goes for the u**... next to an african-american man, when he was finishing he sees the other man's thing and asks: "how do you guys get it that big ?" to which the man replys: " we hit it to concrete everyday " with a mocking manner, time passes and after 1 month they are in the same bar again and they came across each other in the urinals, The african-American man asks the other dude if he used the technique that he advised him. To which the other dude replys: "I was able to give it the color, but there is no change with the size."
An Englishman, an Irishman, a Welshman, and a Scotsman are all on a hot air balloon.
The conductor almost panicked says, there's too much weight! Someone needs to jump off, or we're going to c**...! The Welshman bravely steps up, For the glory of wales! And the Welshman throws himself off. The conductor still panicked says, okay, we're close but there is still too much weight! The Irishman, in a patriotic manner yells, For Ireland! And throws the Englishman off
My wife is a liar
"That wife of mine is a liar." said an angry man to his pal seated with him at the bar.
"How do you know?" the friends asks
"She didn't come home last night and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she spent the night with her sister Shirley"
"So? What the problem" the friend asks in a confused manner
"So she's a liar. She wasn't at Shirley's, I spent the night with her sister Shirley!"
I work as a comedian in China, and the authorities are always vetting my material.
>!everythIng is Always Moderated wIthiN a Justified mAnner, precIse and Legitimate. !<
A Jewish guy goes into a confession box.
A Jewish guy goes into a confession box.
Father O'Malley, he says, my name is Emil Cohen. I'm seventy-eight years old. Believe it or not, I'm currently involved with a twenty-eight-year-old girl, and also, on the side, her nineteen-year-old sister. We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire life I've never felt better.
My good man, says the priest, I think you've come to the wrong place. Why are you telling me?
And the guy goes: I'm telling everybody!
