Man Jokes

• Short Man Jokes
• Man One Liners
• Man And Wife Jokes
• Man Wife Jokes
• Man And Woman Jokes
• What I Want In A Man Jokes
• Old Man Jokes
• More Man Jokes

Funniest Man Short Jokes

Short man jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The man humour may include short males jokes also.

1. A man in an interrogation room says I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present. Cop: You are the lawyer.
   Lawyer: Exactly, so where's my present?
2. I saw a girl crying, so I asked her Where are your parents? and she started crying even more. Man, I love working at the orphanage.
3. My granddad always used to say, As one door closes another one opens. Lovely man.
   Terrible cabinet maker.
4. Give a man a shirt, and he'll wear it once Tell a man he looks good in it, and he'll wear it for a lifetime
5. Give a Man a Fish and You Will Feed Him for a Day. Teach a man to fish and he will spend a fortune on gear he will only use twice a year.
6. My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, "You weren't even listening just now, were you?!" I thought, "Man, what a weird way to start a conversation."
7. A man filed a report to the police that his bag was stolen. Upon leaving the man's apartment, the officer found the man's bag at the bottom of the stairwell.
   It was a brief case.
8. The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife... Thank you for everything, Mom.
   Happy Mothers' Day!
9. Man: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen.
10. Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of dollars on equipment he will
    use twice a year

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Man One Liners

Which man one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with man? I can suggest the ones about fella and nods.

1. As a child, I always thought of my dad as a superhero The Invisible Man
2. Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well!
3. Give a man a gun and he'll rob a bank, Give a man a bank and he'll rob the world.
4. Iron Man is a very confusing character. I know he's a guy but he could've been Fe Male.
5. One man's trash is another Man's treasure Is not the way to tell your son he is adopted.
6. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.
7. To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camo jacket You can hide but you can't run
8. Why does Spider-Man's calendar only have 11 months? He lost May
9. A racist, an anti-semite and a black man walk into a bar Hey Kanye!
10. What do you call a black man that's just been hit by a bus? An ambulance you racist.
11. Shouldn't Iron man be a woman? After all he is a Fe-Male.
12. A man is washing his car with his son. The son asks: "Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"
13. An atom loses an electron... It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
14. What do you call a man with 6,022 x 10^23 dollars? A Moleionaire
15. A Japanese man once tried to fake his own death. His family didn't bereave him.

Man And Wife Jokes

Here is a list of funny man and wife jokes and even better man and wife puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• At breakfast, a man asked his wife What would you do I if won the lottery? She replied, I'd take half, and then leave you. Great, he said I won $12 yesterday. Here's $6. Stay in touch.
• The nurse hands a man his newborn and says "I'm sorry, but your wife didn't make it." He responds "well give me the one my wife made."
• The creator of Mad Libs died this week. His friends described him as a warm and pulpy man who loved his wife and pelicans. He will be deeply pooped.
• A doctor hands a man his newborn baby and says "I'm sorry, but your wife didn't make it." The man hands the baby back and responds, "Well, bring me the one my wife made."
• A man walks into his bedroom carrying a sheep. His wife looks horrified... "See? See what I have to bang when you're not in the mood?"
  The sheep says "Myyyyyyyy god. You weren't lying..."
• The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife Thanks, Mom! Happy Mothers' Day!
• My buddy said to me yesterday, "If I shagged your wife, would that make us related"? I said "No man, that would just make us even."
• The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife Happy Mother's Day!
• A man tells his wife before he goes to bed, "I'm gonna go get your aspirin" The wife says, "Aspirin? I don't have a headache."
  "Ah, HAH!!" The man exclaimed
• My wife called out another man's name during sex If I ever find out who this "Ron Hole" is, I'm going to kill him

Man Wife Jokes

Here is a list of funny man wife jokes and even better man wife puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My wife's fantasy is to be with another man. Mine is to have two girls at the same time. She must have misunderstood because now we have twin daughters from the mailman
• My wife and I are both feminists But I'm a man so I'm a bit better than her at it
• The last time my wife and I had a fight it ended up with her literally crawling to me on her hands and knees. She said "Get out from under that bed and fight like a man!"
• A married's man prayer Dear God, you gave me childhood and you took it away.
  You gave me youth and you took it away.
  You gave me a wife.......... Its been years now, just reminding you.
• I asked an old man, "Even after 95 years, you still call your wife 'Darling', 'Honey', 'Love'. What's the secret?". OLD MAN: "I forgot her name 10 years ago and I'm scared to ask her"
• Policemen: I'm sorry, sir, but it looks like your wife got hit by a truck. Man: I know, but she has a great personality.
• A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad replied, "That is true in every country, son."
• A man placed an advertisement, "Wife wanted". The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: You can have mine
• American man to wife: "pass the honey... Honey" Welsh man to wife: "pass the sugar... Sugar"
  Scottish man to wife: "pass the milk... ya cow"
• A Man walked into a bar with a gun The man - Which one of you F*cked my wife?!
  Random guy in the bar - YOU DON'T HAVE THAT MANY BULLETS!

Man And Woman Jokes

Here is a list of funny man and woman jokes and even better man and woman puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Word is Hollywood executives are mad about Elliot Page transitioning from a woman to a man... Now they'll have to pay him 20% more...
• Why did God make man before He made woman? Because he didn't want any advice on how to do it.
• It is unfair how for every $1 a man makes, a woman makes $0.78... Because then the man is left with only $0.22...
• My mother used to say the way to a mans heart is through his stomach. Lovely woman. Useless surgeon.
• What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? The first is a super hero, the other is simply a command.
  PS: It's a joke, women are awesome.
• A man meets an attractive woman in a bar and tells her, You know, I'm a lawyer. Honest? the woman asks.
  No, no. Just the regular kind, he replied.
• I used to feel like a man who was trapped in a woman's body. Then I was born.
• Can a woman make a man a millionaire? Only if he's a billionaire.
  Credits to Kevin Hart
• A man and a woman are lying in bed late night... ...and the woman asks her man: "Honey, do you prefer smart or pretty women?" and the man responds calmly: "Neither, baby, I prefer you."
• What do a pregnant woman, a burnt pizza and frozen beer have in common? A man who didn't take it out in time.

What I Want In A Man Jokes

Here is a list of funny what i want in a man jokes and even better what i want in a man puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together again. MAN, I sure am LUCKY!
  I mean, first I win the lottery and now THIS!!!
• A homeless man asked me for money I had 20 dollars in my pocket and didn't want it to just go towards crack and alcohol So I gave it to the homeless man
• A 40 year old man asked the Trainer in the Gym, 'I want to Impress Beautiful Girls, which Machine should I use?' The Trainer replied, 'Outside the Gym, there is an ATM. Try that'
• Why did the stingray have a chat with the scuba diver? He wanted to have a manta-man talk
  (I'm so sorry)
• My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.
• What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? A key!
  This is one of the oldest jokes ever recorded. It was found in a 10th century book of Anglo Saxon poetry.
• A man stumbles upon a Genie and is granted 3 wishes. Genie: What is your first wish?
  Joe: I want to be rich.
  Genie: Granted. What is your second wish?
  Rich: I want lots of money.
• After my proctology exam I was left alone in the exam room for a few minutes. Then the nurse came in and whispered three words no man ever wants to hear. "Who was that?"
• I was in the library the other day when a black man came up to me and asked me where the colored printers were? I replied, "Dude, it's 2018, you can use whatever printer you want."
• However, he can't, because the punch line is out of order. A man at a party wants to grab some punch, so he walks to the punch line.

Old Man Jokes

Here is a list of funny old man jokes and even better old man puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• So there was a stork carrying an old man.. ..and the old man turns to it and says:
  "Would you at last admit it that we are lost?"
• Q: What word begins with M and ends in arriage and is a mans favourite thing? A: Miscarriage
  This joke never gets old, just like the baby.
• A man walks into a bar... ...and loses the international limbo championship.
  (I feel like this is probably really old, but I hadn't heard it before.)
• Give me a compliment. A woman looks into the mirror and says to her husband: "I feel fat, old and ugly, give me a compliment". The man replies: "Your eyes are still working great".
• Never hit a man with eyeglasses Use your fist instead.
  >Enthusiastically told by my 6 year old brother, I thought it was worth sharing.
• A pun loving old man forgot to order his tombstone before he passed away This was a grave mistake
• Went to the hardware store today... I picked up a can of insecticide and asked the guy behind the counter if this was good for ants.
  Old man says "nope, it'll kill em"
• A 75 year old rich man marries a 20-yo beautiful woman... And a friend of his comes to ask how did he manage to pull that off.
  "I told her I was 90".
• Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, Teach a man to phish and he'll empty an old woman's savings account.
• What do you call a 70 year old man trapped in the emotional state of a 14 year old girl? Mr. President.

Comedy Man Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle

What funny jokes about man you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean spider man jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make man pranks.