Manhattan Jokes
52 manhattan jokes and hilarious manhattan puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about manhattan that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Want to get a laugh out of friends and family? Check out these hilarious Manhattan jokes. These take the Manhattan drink, Manhattan Project, and other New York related topics and improve them with clever wordplay. With these jokes on the shelf, you'll be sure to grab the attention of any crowd.
Funniest Manhattan Short Jokes
Short manhattan jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The manhattan humour may include short avenue jokes also.
- New York City has a new cocktail commemorating Ida. It's just a Manhattan, but watered down. #WayTooSoon
- A peephole was found drilled into the wall of a women's locker room in a gym in Manhattan. ...........The police are looking into it.
- A man walks into a bar and orders a Manhattan. The drink comes and he sees a piece of parsley floating in the glass.
"What in the world is this?"
The bartender says, "Central Park." - TIL the word Manhattan means island of many hills in the language of the original inhabitants and the hills were leveled as the city evolved. I guess you could say it was man-flattened.
- An Asian man decides to move to Manhattan to start a business, but when he gets to New York there are no high rise buildings. Where is he? Rong Island.
- In history class we got to read on a WW2 topic of our choice. I chose the Manhattan Project. I heard it was the bomb.
- My dad works on Nukes and told me this today What dessert was served during the Manhattan Project?
Yellow Cake - The Manhattan Project was an urban development program It was designed to make city populations explode
- Have you tried that new cocktail called Hurricane Sandy? It's just a watered down Manhattan.
- I'm getting tired of riding to work from New Jersey to Manhattan with my neighbors I guess I'm getting Carpool Tunnel syndrome
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Manhattan One Liners
Which manhattan one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with manhattan? I can suggest the ones about manhattan drink and affordable.
- There's a new drink called the Sandy It's a watered down Manhattan.
- What's a baker's favorite part of Manhattan? The Lower Yeast Side.
- I really like the Manhattan Project It's the bomb.
- New data: in Manhattan, a pedestrian is hit by a car every ten minutes ... poor guy!
- Mixologists, bartenders, how to make a smoky manhattan? You fly a plane into the WTC
- A woman walks into a Bar and orders a Manhattan she just needed a free ride home
- What do maids in Manhattan use to clean their kitchens? J-lo Cloths
- What be a pirates favorite way across Manhattan? An R to the C
- I'd like to open a Greek sandwich shop in Lower Manhattan. I'll call it Ground Gyro.
- Where do people in New York go to get a tan? Manhattan
- What did two twins name a towing company started in lower Manhattan? The Twin Towers.
- What was o**... Bin Laden's favorite drink? A double Manhattan on the rocks.
- Why do differentiating mathematicians prefer Manhattans to Mojitos? Ryes over r**....
Manhattan Drink Jokes
Here is a list of funny manhattan drink jokes and even better manhattan drink puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- "A new Indian casino opened up just down the street." "Don't bother going."
"Oh? How come?"
"Their drinks are too expensive. I heard they were charging 24 dollars for a Manhattan.
The Funniest Manhattan Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about manhattan you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cab jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make manhattan pranks.
Two guys are driving down 5th Avenue in Manhattan when they come up to a red light. The guy driving slams the gas pedal and they go zooming past the red light. His friend looks at him and says, "Hey, you just went through a red light." The guy driving says, "Don't worry about it. My brother does it all the time." So they keep driving and they come to a second red light. The guy driving slams on the gas pedal and zooms past another red light. His friend is pretty mad, looks at him and says, "Hey man, you just went through another red light. What the heck are you doing?" The guy driving tells his friend, "Don't worry about it. My brother does this all the time." They come to a third red light and the guy driving slams on the gas, zooming past the red light. His friend starts screaming at him, "What the heck? You're going to get us killed! Pull over and let me out." The guy driving screams back at him, "I'm telling you: don't worry about it. My brother, he does it all the time." So they keep driving and they come to a green light. The guy driving slams on the brakes. His friend looks at him and says, "Are you out of your mind? What the heck is wrong with you? You go flying past three red lights, almost getting us killed, and then you slam on the brakes when you have a green light?" The guy driving looks at his friend and says, "I had to stop; my brother might have been coming."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
(AP) New York - A baby delivered without eyelids had surgery today at Mount Sinai Hospital in Manhattan, NY. Doctors successfully removed the child's f**... and were able to use the tissue to successfully form eyelids. Doctors said the child will be fine.
Just a little cockeyed.
The hurricane Sandy.
A guy goes to a bar and looks at the drink menu to see if he can try a new cocktail that he never had before. He noticed there is a drink on the menu named "hurricane Sandy." The guy never heard of it before so he asks the bartender what is it. The bartender replied "It's a watered down Manhattan."
Uber dressed up some of their vehicles as Star Wars Stormtroopers in Manhattan...
I wouldn't mind riding one of those. They won't hit anything.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
ALL THE g**... ON AN ISLAND
My brother hates gay people -- hates us. 'We should take all you g**... and stick you on an island.' 'Well they have, Frank. We call it Manhattan.'
An 800 pound gorilla walks into a bar...
...the bartender, weary of the gorilla, says "what'll it be?"
The gorilla says, "I'll have a Manhattan."
So the bartender serves him up and says, "That'll be $14," and goes back to wiping glasses.
A minute or two later, after thinking about it, the bartender then says to the gorilla, "You know, I gotta say, its kind of odd...I mean, this is not something you see everyday."
The gorilla takes a sip of his drink and says, "I agree, $14 is a bit much for a Manhatten."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lawyer is parking his BMW...
A lawyer is parking his BMW outside a store in Manhattan, and as he opens his door to get out a taxi sides wipes his car taking the whole door off.
The lawyer hops out and starts screaming at the cab driver, "You idiot, you hit my brand new BMW, you ripped the whole door off! Do you have any idea how much this is going to cost? I'm a lawyer! I'll sue you so bad your grandchildren will feel it!"
The cab driver sighs and says, "You lawyers are all the same, only care about material things. Your door got ripped off, yet you didn't realize you also lost your arm."
The lawyer looks down to see his left arm missing, looks back and the cabbie and yells, "My Rolex!"
A man has just been arrested for stealing several Teslas in the Manhattan area
Mr T Edison has yet to be sentenced
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bank robbery suspect
A bank in Manhattan was robbed by a n**... woman yesterday.
"It is likely she'll never be caught" said Police "No one could remember her face."
Smart Blond Joke
A very wealthy blond woman enters a bank in Manhattan and requests to take out a small loan, which she intends to pay off in two weeks.
She foregoes some of the paperwork for financials, instead offering her brand new Bentley as collateral.
The bank manager approves the loan, takes possession of the car and in two weeks, the blond returns, pays the very small loan off which incurred almost no interest.
He's perplexed and also had learned that she had accounts with the bank with a small fortune so he asked why she took out the loan.
She replied well I went on vacation and needed a safe, free place to park the Bentley for two weeks. Where else in NYC can you do that?
A man was trying to subdivide a large piece of property he owned in Manhattan.
But no matter how many ways he tried, he was unable to split it up into any number of equal sized parcels. He asked a realtor if she could help, but the realtor said there was simply no way to do it.
The problem, she said, is that's a piece of prime real estate.
Detroit Lions are playing right now
They're playing their greatest rivals, the Manhattan Refs
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A s**... offender, creep and a billionaire walk into a Manhattan bar
The bartender says
Wow Mr Epstein what'll it be.
If they made the first version of the car for Knight Rider in Manhattan while listening to Frank Sinatra's New York, New York, they might have had confidence in their ability to build another, elsewhere. After all...
If you can make Kit there, you can make Kit anywhere.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Donald Trump was walking through Manhattan and saw a long queue. Wondering what is was for, he joined it.
People would look over their shoulder, see that is was Donald Trump behind them, and leave the queue, so he would proceed closer and closer to the front.
As he was getting closer to the head of the queue, he asked o**..., who also looked and was about to walk away, "Wait a second, what is this queue for and why are you now leaving it?"
The man said "This is the queue for Canadian Immigration Visas, but if you are getting one, I don't need one now."
Time Traveler
A time traveler shows up in Manhattan and asks the nearest person what year it is. The person responds, 2023 of course.
The time traveler looks up at the sky and mumbles, Ah yes, the first year of the Balloon Wars.
