Mangled Jokes
15 mangled jokes and hilarious mangled puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mangled that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Mangled Short Jokes
Short mangled jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mangled humour may include short mashed jokes also.
- Once there was a man who followed the Mongol hordes so that he could catch and sell the injured after battles. He was a mangled Mongle monger
- Metaphors People say I mangle metaphors, but you can't make an omelet without beating a few dead horses.
- I deliver jokes the same way UPS delivers packages... ...mangled and missing the most important parts.
- AutocorRectum That part of your 'smart' device which completely mangles everything you just typoed.
- What's the difference between a car c**... and Auschwitz? In a car c**... you get mangled.
In Auschwitz you get Mengele! - I was mangled by a bear I encountered in the woods. His name was r**.... Nice guy. We are going out for drinks on Friday.
- Abortion jokes are a lot like the procedure itself. If you half-a**... it then it will come out mangled.
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Mangled One Liners
Which mangled one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mangled? I can suggest the ones about mauled and messed up.
- Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 keeps mangled corpses in a box in his garage
Hilarious Mangled Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about mangled you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean amputated jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mangled pranks.
A priest and a rabbi get into a car accident...
A priest and a rabbi get into a car accident at an intersection. They get out of their cars and find that neither is hurt, which is surprising because it was a horrible accident. The cars are a mangled mess.
The priest says to the rabbi, "Thank the lord that we are both uninjured! That was *terrifying.* I still can't stop shaking. I was so frightened!"
The rabbi says, "Friend, I feel the same way. I saw my life flash before my eyes, but those airbags saved us. Look, I had this bottle of Manischevits wine on the seat next to me and it didn't even break! Here, let's have a drink to calm our nerves. " as he hands the bottle to the priest
"Yes, and also to celebrate still being alive!" the priest says as he takes a long drink from the bottle.
He hands the bottle back to the rabbi who, instead of drinking, closes the bottle and puts it in his pocket.
"Aren't you going to have a drink?" the priest asks
"Not until after the cops get here. "
A vulture walked into an airplane,
dragging some mangled roadkill in its beak. The stewardess looks down in distaste, and asks Wouldn't you prefer to put that in the checked luggage compartment?
And the vulture said No thanks. It's carrion.
A King asks two guards to protect his beautiful daughter's virginity...
Unbeknownst to the guards, the king put a trap in his daughter's nether regions.
The next day, the king summons the guards and one showed up with mangled g**.... The King had him executed for making attempts on his daughter.
The other guard, with his manhood intact was offered a promotion for upholding abstinence, to which he replied "hnnnggg"
Bubba died in a terrible accident...
Bubba died in a horrific accident and they were unable to reach his family to identify the body. So they brought in his two best friends, Leroy and Jimmy, as the three of them went everywhere together.
When they walked into the morgue they were unable to tell if the body was Bubba for certain, as his face had been badly mangled. Leroy asks the mortician to roll him over so he can check to be sure. As soon as he rolls him over both of the friends answer, "Nope, ain't him!" The mortician is a little confused so he asks how they knew.
Leroy says,"Everybody around town would always say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two a**...'. This guy's only got one."
A man was in a terrible accident...
and his 'manhood' was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for 'small, $6,500 for 'medium, and $14,000 for 'large.'
The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.
'Well, what have the two of you decided?' asked the doctor.
'She'd rather remodel the kitchen.'
A couple on honeymoon in hotel room u**.... The groom removes his socks and the bride asks: "What's wrong with your feet, your toes look all mangled?"
Groom: "I had Tolio as a child."
Bride: "You mean Polio?"
Groom: "No Tolio, the disease only affected my toes."
The groom then removes his pants and the bride asks: "What is wrong with your knees, they are lumpy and deformed?"
Groom: "As a child I had Kneasles."
Bride: "You mean Measles?"
Groom: "No Kneasles, a strange illness that only affected my knees."
The Bride then removes his boxers and the bride asks: "Why are you spotted?"
Groom: "As a child I had smallpox."
Bride: "I hope you don't mean SmallCox!"
Polititians
So this bus full of politicians is on it'd way to see the grand canyon. In the middle dof the desert a dust storm hits and the bus crashes widly. An ambulance arrives on the scene and finding the mangled corpses buries all of them on the spot.
The police arrive to investigate for foul play and upon learning that the politicians were already all buried the chief asks, "why would you do that? Were you sure all of them were even dead?"
"Well we did hear a few screams to stop and that 'we're not dead' but of course we all know, you can't trust politicians!"
A young couple on their wedding night. . .
A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began u**....
When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "What's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.
"I had tolio as a child," he answered.
"You mean polio?" she asked.
"No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes."
When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked "What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy and deformed!"
"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.
"You mean measles?" she asked.
"No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."
The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer. As the u**... continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
She finally said, "Don't tell me, let me guess . . . smallcox?"
