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Management Jokes

153 management jokes and hilarious management puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about management that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you looking to lighten up your office with some jokes about management? Look no further! Check out this hilarious collection of jokes that poke fun at the daily struggles of project management, risk management, property management, time management, change management, layoffs, telemarketing and piston. Get ready for some funny takes on the professional world and more!

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Funniest Management Short Jokes

Short management jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The management humour may include short manager jokes also.

  1. I arrived early to the restaurant. The manager said do you mind waiting a bit? I said no. Good, he said. Take these drinks to table nine.
  2. What is a Pirate's favorite letter? The one from the General Manager telling him he's been traded to the Mets.
    Thanks to everyone who awarded this post! You're so kind .
  3. I was so embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my son's train set that I threw the bedsheet over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
  4. Old McDonald had to hire a manager for the farm. The manager asked, "What's my title?" mcdonald said, "You're the C I E I O."
  5. I can't believe no one has managed to come up with a cure for anorexia yet... I thought it'd be a piece of cake...
  6. My kid says he came up with this one: A guy goes to interview for IKEA... The manager says Welcome! Come in and make a seat.
  7. I've managed 434 days, 12 hours, 47 minutes and 17 seconds of sobriety. I'm so glad alcohol doesn't dictate my life any more.
  8. Donald Trump has announced that he plan to extend his wall across the oceans... This news came after he discovered that a man named Jesus managed to walk on water.
  9. My wife recommended I do some light reading to relax at the end of the day... Not really relaxing, as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out, "60 Watts - Made in China."
  10. I asked my Mexican friend if he will be upset if Trump manages to build the wall. He said, Eh. I'll get over it.

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Management One Liners

Which management one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with management? I can suggest the ones about administration and control.

  1. I signed up for a gym membership this year. So far I've managed to lose £200.
  2. What do you call an engineer who doesn't know how to use a calculator? A project manager.
  3. Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc? Because she wanted to see the task manager.
  4. I received a flier on anger management the other day I lost it
  5. How does Darth Vader manage to eat through that mask? He's force fed.
  6. '2' managed to be prime, Against all the odds.
  7. My wife gave me a brochure on anger management the other day. I lost it.
  8. My wife gave me a leaflet about anger management last week... I lost it.
  9. Customer: I want cargo space Me: Car no do that. Car no fly
    Manager: See me in my office
  10. Someone gave me a book on anger Management I lost it
  11. My therapist gave me a pamphlet on anger management I lost it.
  12. Why did Karen push CTRL + ALT + DELETE? She wanted the Task Manager.
  13. A guy on the street stopped me to give me a flier on anger management. I lost it.
  14. Why did the Irish call their currency the "Punt" ? Because it rhymes with Bank Manager
  15. I just accepted a senior management position on the old MacDonald farm I'm the CIEIO

Time Management Jokes

Here is a list of funny time management jokes and even better time management puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a Subway manager who spends too much time helping make sandwiches up front and not enough time back in the office attending to business matters? Counter productive.
  • I managed to hit 18 holes today... And I still have time for golf.
  • My wife told me that by the time she was back from the store, the dishes sould be clean Then i told her that i would be amazed if she actually managed to make that happend.
  • I got fired from my job in waste management. The only thing I managed to waste was time.
    Like yours.
  • I gave a speech about time management It lasted seven hours
  • A man walks into a restaurant After some time, he says "This business is stupud and you only hires idiots!" , so the manager said "did you want an application?"
  • A real man can feel embarrassed only two times in his life... the first time when he can't manage the second time, and the second time when he can't manage the first time.
  • Trump blasts Greta Thunberg. So ridiculous. Greta must work on her Anger Management problem, then go to a good old fashioned movie with a friend! Chill Greta, Chill!
  • If ever you feel unlucky you are. the world is 4.6 billion years old and you somehow managed to exist at the same time as Donald Trump.
  • I have always managed to be the tallest person on my block. But it has meant moving to smaller and smaller blocks a number of times.

Business Management Jokes

Here is a list of funny business management jokes and even better business management puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If I ask a Catholic sister to work for me as a manager ... Does that make her nun of my business?
  • A prediction business recently shut down due to bankruptcy. It wasn't going well to begin with, seeing as though they didn't manage make any prophets.
  • A sister from a local convent became a Certified Public Accountant to help small shop owners manage their finances better. Her title: "Nun of Your Business."
  • So I went to the bank today.. So I went to the bank today to see the Small Business Manager but he couldn't see over his desk
  • Why did the manager of the doughnut factory quit her job? She got fed up with the hole business.
  • What did the manager say to the comedian who was messing around? Hey, no more funny business!
  • My friend needed to rack up some quick finance for our partnership business who would just sleep through and not meddle with management. So we took in a 'sleeping'-partner.
  • Rumor has it the upper management at my company wants to hire on a religious figure for some reason But that's nun of my business.
  • Business coach: remember, career ladder is like driving a bicycle. If it's hard, then u go up.
    One of the managers to himself: then whole my life i was riding without a saddle and off road.
  • A business that sells belts to executives of garbage collection agencies called "Waist Management"
Management joke, A business that sells belts

Anger Management Jokes

Here is a list of funny anger management jokes and even better anger management puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My therapist told me to listen to classical music before work to help with my anger management issues. This morning I woke up and chose violins.
  • What do you call a protein that has anger management issues? Amino acid!
  • I walked into work and my boss handed me a brochure on anger management. I just lost it.
  • So I just started anger management Apparently it's all the rage right now
  • It's best to hire people with anger issues into high positions Most of them have already had management training
  • Why did the saxophone player have to go to anger management? He had a bad ALTOtude problem.
  • An eye is going to anger management The counselor asks the eye why are you currently in anger management? To which the eye responds Eyelash out at people when I get angry and I can't stop.
  • Hopefully I will win the Biggest Improvement award at the anger management ceremony. The competition is fierce.
  • I'm starting an anger management group for mechanical engineers. I'm calling it Machine Against the Rage
  • Why did the vegan get sent to anger management? He had a bad tempeh...

Change Management Jokes

Here is a list of funny change management jokes and even better change management puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How many project managers does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question. They can't actually do it. But they can record what percentage is complete.
  • I'm about to lose my job in the Navy unless I make some drastic changes. I have to take a course in anchor management.
  • How many Project managers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they are all still discussing the best way to do it.
  • How many managers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just wait for it to burn out and ask you why it's down
  • I went in to get a brain transplant.. ..thankfully the surgeon managed to change my mind.
  • How many suburban white ladies does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but the manager would have to be called first.
  • Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.
  • An employee and her boss are having s**.... Boss: Do you want to change positions?
    Employee: Uh yeah. Can I be the Assistant Manager?
  • A guy tried to give himself a s**... change operation. It didn't look like he was going to do it, but somehow he managed to pull it off.
  • What is the difference between a failed jewel thief and a man who performed a s**... change on himself? One of them managed to pull it off.

Project Management Jokes

Here is a list of funny project management jokes and even better project management puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Who is a Project Manager? Project Manager is a person who believes that 9 women can deliver a baby in one month.
  • A good project manager makes updates. A bad project manager makes up dates.
  • Project manager Is a person that thinks nine women can make a baby in a month.
  • A wise man once said Life becomes much more peaceful when you realize you are not responsible for the projections of others. …the movie theater manager then proceeded to reconsider his career.
  • A classic project management joke. A woman can give birth in 9 months.
    A project manager thinks that 9 women can give birth in 1 month.
  • Microsoft has hired a new project manager: Hermione Granger... She's in charge of spell-check.
  • Project Manager Humor Why do Vampires make poor project managers?
    Because the refuse you to meet with stake holders.
    (why yes, I am a dad why do you ask?)
  • How to live forever? Hire a project manager to plan your death.
  • Project Manager: A person who thinks 9 women can deliver a baby in 1 month.
  • My project manager hired nine women to my project so that they can deliver it in one month
Management joke, My project manager hired nine women to my project

Cheeky Management Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle

What funny jokes about management you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean finance jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make management pranks.

I was at a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said

"I want you to try to sell this to me."
So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home.
Eventually he called me and said "Bring my laptop back here right now!"
I said "$200 and it's yours."

Bag Boy

This guy has been working as a bag boy in a supermarket for five years. One day the supermarket gets new orange juice machines, and the bag boy is really excited and asks the manager if he can work the juice machines.The manager says no. The bagger says, "But I've been working here for five years. Why can't I run the juice machines?" The manager answers, "I'm sorry, son, but baggers can't be juicers."

A 75 year old rich man marries a 20-yo beautiful woman...

And a friend of his comes to ask how did he manage to pull that off.
"I told her I was 90".

A panda walks into a restaurant

and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter.
As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn't even pay for your sandwich!"
"Hey, man, I'm a PANDA!" the panda shouts back. "Look it up!
"The manager opens his dictionary and reads: "Panda: a tree-dwelling-mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white-coloring. Eats, shoots and leaves."

I wrote this little ditty just seconds after waking up.

An auto worker storms into his union leader's office. "I have a really pesky booger in my nostril, and management won't get us anymore tissue boxes!!" he shouts.
The union manager calmly responds: "Maybe you should picket."

Man visits a dentist with broken teeth

Dentist.:- how did you manage to break these three teeth. .?
Man:- my wife bakeda bread that was too hard.
Dentist.:- you could have refused to eat it
Man:- that's exactly how this happened...

As a man in his 70s I still manage to have s**... with my wife almost every day...

Almost Monday, almost Tuesday....

Facebook should make a bigger deal over privacy, certainly as far as photos are concerned.

I managed to find a really attractive girl I'd seen before, and without adding her, I could see all her photos, including some in a bikini.
I mean, she's lucky it's only me w**... and not some pervert.

I thought of this joke this morning in the shower

A professional baseball team is at the airport flying home after a huge victory, and the team manager decides to splurge by buying first class tickets for everyone. Excited to fly in luxury, everyone boards the plane. The team quickly realizes, though, that they failed to reserve enough seats. Nobody is quite sure what to do, but eventually a rookie on the team stands up and shouts "put me in coach!"

A guy walks into a bar

A guy walks into a bar and orders finest scotch.
Bartender: (giving him the drink) that would be $2 Sir.
Guy: woah, this is cheap. You are good people. I want to thank your manager. Where is he?
Bartender: in the hotel room Sir, with my wife.
Guy: What's he doing with your wife?
Bartender: The same thing I'm doing with his business.

Police talking on the radio...

* Sergeant, we've arrived at the scene.
* So, what's the situation?
* A woman killed her husband. There were 35 stab wounds, two gunshot wounds, and after decapitating him, she finally burned his body.
* Wow, what was the reason she gave for the crime?
* He stepped where she was cleaning the floor.
* Did you manage to capture the woman?
* No, Sergeant. We are waiting for the floor to dry ...

My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"

I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."
She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"
I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream while m**...?"

The oldest man in the world is lying on his deathbed.

A reporter asks him how he managed to live to be so old.

The man replies, "I just don't argue with s**... people."
The reporter tells him, "That's ridiculous."
The old man replies with, "Yes, you're right."

A man calls up his hotel's reception

He says, "Please send someone over, I'm having an argument with my wife and she's threatening to jump out the window."
The manager replies, "I'm sorry sir, but we cannot intervene, this seems to be a personal issue."
"d**... man, this is a maintenance issue; I can't get the window open!"

Last year I felt miserable and depressed, but this year I've managed to turn it around.

Now I feel depressed and miserable.

A bull was deployed for servicing the cows on a farm

A bull was deployed for servicing the cows on a farm.
Lady asks the farm manager: "How many times can this bull perform?"
Manager replies: "5 to 6 times in a day".
Lady looks at her husband: "You see?"
Husband asks the manager: "Is it the same cow every time?"
Manager: "No sir it's a different cow every time."
Man looks back to wife: "You see!"

I'm really good at managing my credit card.

My bank keeps sending me letters saying my account is outstanding.

Jack and Jill work together in an office...

Things are getting very slow and the manager realizes he has to let one of them go but he can't decide. The manager approaches Jill and says "I have to lay you or j**...".
"j**...!" snaps Jill "I have a headache".

A hiring manager had a stack of resumes, took half, and threw them in the trash...

Coworker asks, "what are you doing!?!"
HR Manager said, "I don't like to hire unlucky people."

A black guys walks into a bank...

... says "I'm looking for a job!"
The bank manager says, "Well, you're in luck! We have a position opening tomorrow that pays $48,000 a year and has access to a free car!"
The black guy says "You're joking."
The bank manager says "Well, you started it!"

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel.

They were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories when the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
''But why?'' they asked, as they moved off.
''Because,'' he said ''I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.''

A man goes to the hospital to see if he has diabetes.

Once he arrives, a nurse asks him for a u**... sample. He complies, and moments later, the nurse comes back into the room with the results.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we've found high traces of glucose in your u**.... You're diabetic." She says.
Disappointed, the man manages to reply, "Well, I'm still very thankful for your help today, nurse."
"Sure thing, sweet pee."

A guy goes in for a job interview...

A guy goes in for a job interview.
The manager hands the guy his laptop and says, "I want you to try and sell this to me."
So the guy puts it under his arm, walks out of the building, and goes home.
Eventually, the manager calls the guy and says, "Bring it back here right now!"
The guy says, "$200 and it's yours."

Lord of the Bow

So I was telling my friend about my prowess with a bow and arrow yesterday. I said "my best round ever didn't start so well, I only scored 1 point with each of my first two arrows. Got better after that, scored 2 with the next, then 3, then 5. On my 12th and final arrow I managed to score 144."
She was quick to point out that this was impossible, so I had to confess it was a fibbin' archery sequence.

I went for a job interview today and the manager said,"We're looking for someone who is responsible"

..."Well Im your man" I replied,"In my last job, whenever anything went wrong they said I was responsible"

So I walked into a s**... shop the other day...

Me: I'm looking for a blow up doll
Manager: Great, we have plenty! What gender?
Me: I'd like a female.
Manager: Awesome, and would you like the doll to be Christian, Protestant, or Muslim?
Me: (confused) Why does the religion matter? What's the difference?
Manager: Well, there really is none between the Christian and Protestant. However, the Muslim will blow itself up.

A man called the hotel manager...

He said "Come up quickly, I fought with my wife and now she wants to throw herself out the window!". The manager replied "Sir this is a personal matter and we can't get involved. I can call sec..." The man interrupted "No! This is a maintenance issue. The window won't open!".

Jim was lazy, but boy was he clever.

A difficult customer walked into the shop that Jim didn't want to deal with, so he grabbed a mop and pretended to clean up a mess.
The manager came over and asked him what he was doing. After telling him that he was cleaning, the manager said, "It doesn't look messy here."
To which Jim replied, "Why, thank you!"

Joseph decides it's time to tell Jesus the truth....

Since Jesus is a teenager, Joseph thinks he can handle it. He tells Jesus that he's not really his father, in a technical sense.
Jesus is incredulous. He can't believe it. He asks who his father really is.
Joseph explains to Jesus that he's the son of god. Jesus can't even comprehend this. He can only manage to stammer out "No way"
Joseph looks at him and says "Yahweh..."

A Store Manager asked me to move a Kia that was blocking an exit...

I told him, "I would, but that's not my Forte."

My first day as a car salesman...

Customer: Cargo space?
Me: Car no do that. Car no fly.
Manager: Can I see you in my office?

One of the joys of parenthood is snuggling into your child's bed with them when there's a thunderstorm to make sure they aren't frightened...

Although my daughter has started hinting that she and her husband can manage perfectly well on their own.

A teenager lost a contact lens while playing in the driveway...

After a fruitless search, he went inside the house and told his mother he lost a lens and, try as he might, could not find it.
Undaunted, the mother went outside and in only a few minutes returned with the lens in her hand.
"How did you manage to find it, mom?" the teenager asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing" she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150".

An attractive waitress approaches a table of two men and asks them what they would like to order.

How about a q**...? asks the one man. She immediately throws his water in his face and storms off to call the manager.
His friend leans across the table and says, Dude, it's pronounced quiche .

A blonde walked into a gas station...

A blonde walked into a gas station and told the manager, "I locked my keys in my car and I was wondering if you had a coat hanger I could stick through the window and unlock the door."
"Why, sure," said the manager, "We have something that works especially for that."
A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing. He heard another voice. "No, no, a little to the left," said the other blonde inside the car.

When Kim Jong-Un met Donald Trump some questioned whether he could actually speak English

It has now been reported that Trump actually managed several sentences in almost fluent English.

I went to a voodoo p**... last night

Didn't manage to get laid but got a little head...

I went for an interview at IKEA.

The manager greeted me by saying, "Come in, make a seat."

I know now why Trump wants to build a wall

It's been years since he managed to e**... anything

I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son's train set that I threw a blanket over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

An Apple Store in Minneapolis reported losing $200,000 in inventory to riot-related theft.

'Thankfully the looters took nothing but two iPhones' the store's associate manager said.

Doctor: Your brain fell out after your accident, but we managed to put it back in.

Me: Thanks for reminding me.

They told me that I would never be able to injure myself whilst m**....

But I managed to pull it off

Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?

Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!

The troubles of foreigners in Canada

A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded.
"This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water."
"But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."
"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked 'C'."
"Of course," said the manager. "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."
**

To impress his date, Ron took her to a very chic Italian restaurant.

After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered for the both of them. "We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said.

"That's the manager." said the waiter.

I went to get my hair cut today but there were so many in front of me.

After an hour the manager started to hand out hot dogs and burgers as an apology for the long wait.
It was the Best Barber Queue ever!

Americans are so lucky

Americans are so lucky that wherever they fight terrorism they manage to find oil.

I managed to buy some GameStop stocks at only $8/share!

It is called "GameStop Total Landscaping," right?

Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: boat number 81, your two hour rental period is up, please return to the dock.

Boat rental intern to manager: uh, sir, we only have 60 boats.
Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: boat number 18, do you require assistance?

I was at a job interview today...

When the manager handed me a laptop and said,
I want you to sell this to me.
So I put it under my arm, left the building and went home.
Eventually he called me and said, Bring my laptop back now.
I said, £200 and it's yours.

A lawyer dies, and somehow manages to go to heaven

When he gets there, he's greeted by St. Peter himself. The lawyer says, "What happened? I wasn't in an accident and I'm too young to die. I'm only 52!"
St. Peter says, "Nope, by our records, you are 84, and that's a pretty good life."
The lawyer yells, "84! How did you figure that?"
St. Peter responds, "We added up your client billing time sheets."

A couple of years ago, I was staying at a tiny Spanish Inn

A couple of years ago, I was staying at a tiny Spanish Inn when I started to feel ill. Needing a doctor, I rang reception who said they'd get the hotel doctor to visit. I was rather surprised that such a small place would have a house doctor, and was just telling the manager this when my room door burst open and in leapt a man yelling "Nobody expects the Spanish Inn physician!"

I went for an interview for a job today and the manager said, We're looking for someone who's responsible.

Well, I'm your man!! I replied, In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.

My favorite thing about Vladimir Putin...

... is that he has managed to take Russia's military from being the second most powerful in the world *allllllll* the way to being the second most powerful in Ukraine.

I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me."

So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home.
Eventually, he called me on my phone and said, "Bring it back here right now!"
I replied, "£100 and it's yours."

Why are vampires very bad Product Managers?

Because they refuse to meet with stake holders

A Priest working in a remote parish in Greenland gets his yearly visit from his Bishop.

The Bishop asks him, "How are you managing with the loneliness?"
The Priest responds, " If it wasn't for my Rosary and my whiskey, I couldn't make it. Would you like a shot of whiskey?"
The Bishop nods his head yes.
The Priest yells out, "Hey Rosary, bring us two shots of whisky "

I saw my girlfriend with another guy at the mall. I was about to confront them but I managed to calm myself down.

That wouldn't be a good example to set in front of my wife and kids.

I just quit my job in the helium factory because of the way management spoke to me.

I will not be spoken to in that tone of voice.

I looked out of my living room window yesterday in horror

I looked out of my living room window yesterday in horror to see a crowd gathered round a crashed motorcyclist.
So I quickly put on my coat and shoes and rushed outside.
Pushed through the crowds shouting let me through, let me through! .
I finally managed to get to the front of the crowd.
A woman turned to me and said oh thank goodness, are you a doctor? .
I replied no but that's my pizza!

How many resumé writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one:
Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns, and zero safety incidents, increasing workplace safety and productivity.

I bet a guy $50 that I could jump higher than a house.

So we went outside and stood by a house. Mustering all my strength, I managed to jump about 18 inches off the ground.
"Ha! Is that as high as you can jump?"
"Hold on, let's see how high the house jumps."

Management joke, I bet a guy $50 that I could jump higher than a house.

jokes about management