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Managed Jokes

110 managed jokes and hilarious managed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about managed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article explores how managed care impacted survivors of a car crash that miraculously drove off a cliff. Learn how this new care has changed the way survivors approach their healthcare and how it has helped them to move forward.

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Funniest Managed Short Jokes

Short managed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The managed humour may include short management jokes also.

  1. I arrived early to the restaurant. The manager said do you mind waiting a bit? I said no. Good, he said. Take these drinks to table nine.
  2. What is a Pirate's favorite letter? The one from the General Manager telling him he's been traded to the Mets.
    Thanks to everyone who awarded this post! You're so kind .
  3. I was so embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my son's train set that I threw the bedsheet over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
  4. Old McDonald had to hire a manager for the farm. The manager asked, "What's my title?" mcdonald said, "You're the C I E I O."
  5. I can't believe no one has managed to come up with a cure for anorexia yet... I thought it'd be a piece of cake...
  6. My kid says he came up with this one: A guy goes to interview for IKEA... The manager says Welcome! Come in and make a seat.
  7. I've managed 434 days, 12 hours, 47 minutes and 17 seconds of sobriety. I'm so glad alcohol doesn't dictate my life any more.
  8. Donald Trump has announced that he plan to extend his wall across the oceans... This news came after he discovered that a man named Jesus managed to walk on water.
  9. My wife recommended I do some light reading to relax at the end of the day... Not really relaxing, as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out, "60 Watts - Made in China."
  10. I asked my Mexican friend if he will be upset if Trump manages to build the wall. He said, Eh. I'll get over it.

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Managed One Liners

Which managed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with managed? I can suggest the ones about manager and control.

  1. I signed up for a gym membership this year. So far I've managed to lose £200.
  2. What do you call an engineer who doesn't know how to use a calculator? A project manager.
  3. Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc? Because she wanted to see the task manager.
  4. I received a flier on anger management the other day I lost it
  5. How does Darth Vader manage to eat through that mask? He's force fed.
  6. '2' managed to be prime, Against all the odds.
  7. My wife gave me a brochure on anger management the other day. I lost it.
  8. My wife gave me a leaflet about anger management last week... I lost it.
  9. Customer: I want cargo space Me: Car no do that. Car no fly
    Manager: See me in my office
  10. Someone gave me a book on anger Management I lost it
  11. My therapist gave me a pamphlet on anger management I lost it.
  12. Why did Karen push CTRL + ALT + DELETE? She wanted the Task Manager.
  13. A guy on the street stopped me to give me a flier on anger management. I lost it.
  14. Why did the Irish call their currency the "Punt" ? Because it rhymes with Bank Manager
  15. I just accepted a senior management position on the old MacDonald farm I'm the CIEIO

Managed Care Jokes

Here is a list of funny managed care jokes and even better managed care puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call it when a hedge fund manager loses his job to a Watson inspired AI built by IBM? It doesn't matter. We'll all be laughing too hard to care.

Managed Sink Jokes

Here is a list of funny managed sink jokes and even better managed sink puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My grandfather knew the Titanic would sink. So he warned everyone who would listen until the manager decided to kick him out of the movie theater.
Managed joke, My grandfather knew the Titanic would sink. So he warned everyone who would listen until the manager

Managed joke, My grandfather knew the Titanic would sink. So he warned everyone who would listen until the manager

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about managed can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of managed puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Howlingly Hilarious Managed Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening

What funny jokes about managed you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean organized jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make managed prank.

My dad was born with a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them.

I have an uncle, once removed.

Two r**... flew to Canada on a hunting trip.


They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.

They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.

The two guys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only the two r**... survived the
c**....

After climbing out of the wreckage, Billy Ray asked Billy Bob, "Any idea where we
are?"

Billy Bob replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

Isn't it somewhat ironic that a woman who.

hasn't been clean for years managed to die in a bath?

Hugh Hefner

Today, famous p**... Hugh Hefner successfully managed to stop an order of monks from operating a business on his property. The police forced the friars to close down their stall, which was outside the p**... Mansion, where they had been selling flowers.
Said one friar, "Well if it was anyone else we could've gotten away with it, but unfortunately only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

I got arrested last night for m**......

I can't remember too much, I was out drinking till late. Once I left the pub I saw two young men fighting. It took some effort but I successfully managed to separate them.
The judge says they were Siamese twins conjoined at the head.

Did you know that, during the first game of the 1936 baseball season, the Boston Braves managed to win while also badly injuring six players on the opposing team?

They were truly ruthless.

I inherited some land recently and managed to buy 100 donkeys for £100...

...I planned on selling them one by one for a profit, but overnight some sick guy broke into my farm and cut all the donkeys tails off! Now I'm left with 100 donkeys with no tails, so I'm going to have to wholesale them!
(ask me why I have to wholesale them...)
Well I can't retail them can I?!

An old lady gets into a taxi

An old lady gets into a taxi (they're usually mostly Mercs here in Germany) and asks, what that star is for. The taxi driver jokingly replies
"That's a crosshair. I need it to aim for pedestrians."
A few minutes into the drive, a pedestrian ran onto the street and the taxi driver barely managed to evade him when he suddenly hears a clunk from the back. When he turns his head he sees the old lady grinning
"If I hadn't opened my door, we wouldn't have got him!"

Conversation between a 911 operator and a hunter

"911, what's your emergency?"
"My friend and I went hunting and he got attacked by a bear, I managed to scare it away, but I think my friend is dead"
"OK, stay calm. First, make sure he is dead"
*Gun shot*
"He is. Now what?"

Two homosexuals bumped into each other one day in Bondi Junction.

After their customary intimate greeting, one of them asked the other, "Fabian, have you stopped smoking?"
When Fabian replied in the affirmative, his chum asked him how he had managed to kick the habit.
Explained Fabian, "It was easy really. Everytime I felt like a cigarette, I`d just s**... on a lifesaver."
Replied his friend, "Well - lucky you live near the beach."

My friends said I couldn't give a l**... a h**...

...but I managed to pull it off!

An RAF vet is giving a talk about the war...

An RAF veteran is giving a talk to a class of school children, and was trying to explain what a typical mission would be like.
"So there I was, escorting the b**... to their target, when out of the blue we were attacked by a bunch of Fokkers. There were about 20 of these Fokkers. One took out my buddy, but I managed to shoot the Fokker down. Then one was on my tail and I coukdn't shake the Fokker, but my pal took care of him. Then I took out two more of the Fokkers..."
The teacher interupts "Children I should explain, the Fokker was a type of figher airplane used by the German Air Force to stop the RAF b**... and their escorts."
"Yes, but these Fokkers were Messerschmitts!"

A hiker stuck on a branch

A hiker slipped over the edge of a cliff, and would surely have fallen to his death except for a branch he managed to grab, just a few feet from the top. He clung there in t**... and yelled, "Help! Can anybody hear me?" A booming voice said, "I am God. Just let go of that branch and I'll catch you." There was a long silence until the hiker hollered, "Can anybody else hear me?"

Has Kim Kardashian Broken The Internet?

I'm not sure if Kim Kardashian has actually managed to 'break the internet', but she's certainly put a big crack in it!

Facebook should make a bigger deal over privacy, certainly as far as photos are concerned.

I managed to find a really attractive girl I'd seen before, and without adding her, I could see all her photos, including some in a bikini.
I mean, she's lucky it's only me w**... and not some pervert.

I wanted to see how fast I could drive my new car down Main Street. I managed to hit 60 before getting pulled over.

Most of them survived with only minor injuries.

I was playing a quiet game of Scrabble with a friend

and he's a very sore loser. He was losing so badly, that he got extremely angry, picked up the bag and started throwing words beginning with 'th' at me.
I managed to dodge this, there and then. But I did not see that coming.

The vaccine conspiracy

Linda had a heart attack and was brought to the emergency room while in clinical death. The doctors managed to revive her, but during her coma she saw a bright light and God appeared to her. She asked him:
"Tell me, God, is it true that vaccines could cause autism?"
"No, autism is a condition that develops during pregnancy"
After getting well, she met her friends and told them about her experience:
"Girls, I have awful news: the conspiracy goes way higher than we've thought"

New machine at the gym.

They installed a new machine at my gym today, I managed to do 2 hours on it.
They do all sorts. Snickers, Kit-kats, Mars bars, you name it...

The oldest man in the world is lying on his deathbed.

A reporter asks him how he managed to live to be so old.

The man replies, "I just don't argue with s**... people."
The reporter tells him, "That's ridiculous."
The old man replies with, "Yes, you're right."

Why were the Boston Marathon Bombings worse than h**...? (OFFENSIVE)

Because they actually managed to end a race.

Managed to sell a toaster with Norton Antivirus today

Told the customer it would guard against popups

I work at a pharmaceutical research lab, and we managed to kill a rat with m**... today.

To be fair, it took around 20 lbs of it and we had to drop it on him a few times.

I met a little boy today.

He was sitting on the curb, dressed in rags. He had his face in his hands and it looked like he was crying.
I felt kinda bad he was all alone, so I went and sat down beside him.
I said, "Are you an orphan, little guy?"
As he looked up, his eyes were still red and his cheeks still wet. He managed to crack a small smile.
"Yeah. What gave me away?"
I leaned in close and whispered,
"Your parents."

Last year I felt miserable and depressed, but this year I've managed to turn it around.

Now I feel depressed and miserable.

Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles?

He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.

I've decided to get help with my drug habit.

I've managed to convince some friends to give me bulk discounts.

Interviewer: Name one of your accomplishments

Applicant:Well I discovered aliens, outside my house and managed to learn their language.
Interviewer:That seems rather complicated...
Applicant:Well Spanish isn't hard to learn sir.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all on their way to heaven

One day, a blonde, brunette, and a redhead were on their way to heaven.
God told them that there were 1,000 stairs to reach heaven, and on every stair he would tell them a joke. If they laughed, or even just smiled, they would not make it into heaven.
The redhead managed to make it to the 45th step before laughing.
The brunette reached 200 and cracked a smile.
The blonde made it all the way to the 999th step and burst out in laughter before God had even told his joke.
"Why are you laughing when I haven't even told my joke yet?" God asked the Blonde.
"I just got the first one!" she answered.

Honestly, I'm just amazed he managed to pull it off.

When he first ran for president, nobody thought he could do it. When he started gaining in the polls, we all "knew" how it would end. But he showed us we were all wrong.
Congratulations to Barack Obama going eight years without being shot.

Rita found her husband hanging in his bedroom one morning with a note on his bed reading I can't take the critism anymore.

She quickly cut the rope, brought him down and managed to revive him.
As her husband lay in her arms and slowly opened his eyes, she said emotionally my dear…that's NOT how you spell criticism!

A mother and her child were hugging ...

"Mommy," says the child, "am I adopted?"
"No, sweetie," replied the mother. "We haven't managed to find someone who will take you."

One Sunday morning in church...

... as Pastor Smith is about to deliver his sermon he asks the congregation how many of them managed to read Mark Chapter 17 as he'd asked them to the previous Sunday.
Almost all hands in the church went up.
"Very well," Pastor Smith continued. "By the way, Mark only has 16 chapters, and the topic of today's sermon shall be lying."

The wife & I have just been to the cinema to see that film, Suffragette.

Two hours of a woman's struggle... full of tears, aggression, sadness, anger and frustration.
Anyway, after she finally managed to park the car in the cinema car park, we rushed in and caught the credits.

I finally managed to achieve my new years resolution

My 4K monitor turned up this morning, I'm so happy!!

Lord of the Bow

So I was telling my friend about my prowess with a bow and arrow yesterday. I said "my best round ever didn't start so well, I only scored 1 point with each of my first two arrows. Got better after that, scored 2 with the next, then 3, then 5. On my 12th and final arrow I managed to score 144."
She was quick to point out that this was impossible, so I had to confess it was a fibbin' archery sequence.

I'm really proud that I managed to finish a jigsaw puzzle in a few days.

The box said 2-4 years.

I finally managed to get rid of that n**... electrical charge I've been carrying.

I'm ex-static!

A salesman knocked on a suburban door...

...and was greeted by a nine-year-old boy puffing away on a long black cigar. Stunned for a brief moment, he managed to regain his composure and say "Good afternoon. Would your mother or father be home?" The boy took the cigar out of his mouth, flicked ashes onto the carpet, and replied "What the f*c**... do you think?"

A guy tried to give himself a s**... change operation.

It didn't look like he was going to do it, but somehow he managed to pull it off.

Say what you will about Trump's Presidency, but you can't overlook what he has accomplished in terms of healthcare specifically life expectancy...

He managed to turn one year into something that feels like an eternity.

Subway

A restaurant that managed to convince everyone that eating an entire loaf of bread is healthy.

Three cats live at the football stadium

It was lean pickings one winter but eventually they managed to catch a mouse and are discussing how they will divide it up.
The first cat says "as we live at the football stadium let's divide it by team. I support Liverpool so I will eat it's Liver
"Great idea" says the second cat "I support Hartlepool. I will eat the heart
The third cat says "I support Arsenal, I'm not that hungry thanks"

My buddy said he threw a stick five miles and his dog managed to find it and brought it back.

Seems a little far fetched.

When Kim Jong-Un met Donald Trump some questioned whether he could actually speak English

It has now been reported that Trump actually managed several sentences in almost fluent English.

My children's chess addiction is getting out of hand.

But I have managed to keep them in check so far.

I tried circumcision without the proper equipment.

It was a bit of a stretch, but I managed to pull it off.

A group of lads go out for a night and then go to a cowboy themed bar.

When they go in they see that the bar has installed a spinning bull. They all have a go and the bull spins them around and they all fall off within 30 seconds.Up steps p**... and he jumps on the bull and he stays on for 10 minutes before falling off . The rest of the lads ask how he managed to stay on for so long and he replies
"my wifes epileptic"

Napoleon was the best general the french ever had.

He managed to surrender twice.

When I was a kid, I had a 26 card deck for each letter of the alphabet.

I managed to lose every one of them, except my V card.

A bus full of cheerleaders went off a cliff

Miraculously, all twenty of them managed to grab onto the same branch sticking out of the cliffside. There were nineteen beautiful blondes and one brunette. The brunette saw the branch was starting to break, so she made a decision.
"Listen ladies," she said. "As skinny as we are, this branch can't hold all our weight. You're all so beautiful and talented, so I'm going to let go in hopes that it's enough to save your lives. Tell my family I love them."
The blondes were so moved by her selfless sacrifice that they gave her a round of applause.

I know now why Trump wants to build a wall

It's been years since he managed to e**... anything

When Thanos snaps...

Avengers: Oh no, he did it he managed to get rid of half the universe we did not stop him there is no hope. We are in Endgame now.
Karen: ThE VaCCinEs TurNEd My KIdS tO DuSt !!!!!

The receptionist got a bit shocked when a nun comes running out at full speed, with an expression that could only be described as pure horror.

Receptionist: What in gods name happened to her? The receptionist asked the doctor.
Doctor: Well, I told her she was pregnant.
Receptionist: Pregnant? A nun? Was she really?
Doctor: Of course not, but atleast I managed to cure her hiccups...

I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son's train set that I threw a blanket over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

Today I launched a book aimed at 9-12 year olds...

And I'm proud to say that I managed to hit one of the little brats!

Doctor: Your brain fell out after your accident, but we managed to put it back in.

Me: Thanks for reminding me.

They told me that I would never be able to injure myself whilst m**....

But I managed to pull it off

Saucy!?

I tried to make a 'fancy' sauce last night at dinner, I mixed v**..., gravy and nitrous oxide, sadly, all I managed was make myself an Absolut laughing stock!

I have a friend that lives just outside Chernobyl

After watching the TV Show he told me that he managed to count 14 historical inacuracies within the first 20 minutes... ...then he ran out of fingers.

Food scientists have finally managed to remove the mint flavor from gum

The ex-spearmint was a complete success

A scientist announced he managed to cool something down to absolute zero.

It was 0K.

How would you write I changed a light bulb on your resume?

Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents.

I had my driving exams today and scored 9 out of 10

The last guy managed to jump out of the way

My best friend told me he was planning on naming his son "Square Root of 2".

Luckily his wife managed to convince him that would be completely irrational.

After what happened at the U.S. Captiol

I am no longer impressed that Nicholas Cage managed to steal the Declaration of Independence.

I managed to buy some GameStop stocks at only $8/share!

It is called "GameStop Total Landscaping," right?

The resemblance was uncanny!

A newlywed man was in the garage working on his motorcycle. His new wife came out of the house and watched him work for a few minutes before saying, Now that we are married, you should probably sell that motorcycle.
The man's face went pale and he looked as if he might throw up.
Are you okay? Whats the matter? begged his wife.
He managed to get control of himself. For a minute there, you sounded like my ex-wife.
Your ex-wife? the woman exclaimed. You never told me that you were married before!
I wasn't, he said.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were taking the train one day when they passed a huge flock of sheep in a field.

As quickly as they had observed the fluffy cloud it had passed out of view.
"So many sheep!" Watson exclaimed. "I wonder how many there were?"
"Elementary, Dear Watson. There were 167 sheep." Sherlock calmly stated.
"Holmes, are you really telling me you managed to count them all in that brief moment?" Watson inquired.
"Don't be silly, Watson. I counted the legs and divided them by four."

"My wife lost both her prosthetic legs in Indonesia." "Jakarta?"

"No we managed to get her a wheelchair"

I wrote a bot script to get past website security

So far its managed to evade captcha

An old man was dying, and asked his wife for a favor...

He said, I will be dying soon, so I'd like you to put all my prized possessions in the attic, so that when I die, my spirt can grab the items as I ascend to heaven.
The wife obliged, and when her husband passed a few days later, she ran up to the attic to see if he managed to take his belongings.
The attic was still full of all the possessions she put there.
She shook her head and said, I knew I should have put all his possessions in the basement.

My favorite thing about Vladimir Putin...

... is that he has managed to take Russia's military from being the second most powerful in the world *allllllll* the way to being the second most powerful in Ukraine.

The surgeon who performed my circumcision didn't have scalpels.

I was surprised they managed to pull it off.

Gas station robbery

First off…I am ok. I was just robbed at the Shell station in Tampa. After my hands stopped shaking, I managed to call the Sheriff, they were quick to respond and calmed me down. My money is gone, the police asked me if I knew who did it. I said yes, it was pump number 5.

God and the devil chat about music

The god and the devil were chating, as they usually do when the concept of music came up.
With a bit of intrigue God asked the devil how he'd managed to get into every genre of music, from rock & rap to hip hop & metal ect .
The devil chuckled no no no , music is too special, too human for me to infect. it requires a soul to create music .
The devil leans back, now the music-industry, that's some of my finer work

Managed joke, God and the devil chat about music

jokes about managed

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these managed jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.