Man With Penguin Jokes

A man was driving and saw a truck stalled on the side of the highway that had ten penguins standing next to it. The man pulled over and asked the truck driver if he needed any help. The truck driver replied, "If you can take these penguins to the zoo while I wait for AAA that will be great!" The man agreed and the penguins hopped into the back of his car. Two hours later, the trucker was back on the road again and decided to check on the penguins. He showed up at the zoo and they weren't there! He headed back into his truck and started driving around the town, looking for any sign of the penguins, the man, or his car. While driving past a movie theater, the truck driver spotted the guy walking out with the ten penguins. The truck driver yelled, "What are you doing? You were supposed to take them to the zoo!" The man replied, "I did and then I had some extra money so I took them to go see a movie."

A man in Texas is driving with twenty penguins in the bed of his pickup…

…when he is stopped by a State Trooper. The trooper approaches and tells the man that he needs to take the penguins to the zoo immediately as they are non-native and not registered to the man as pets. Right away, officer, replies the man, and off he goes.
The following day, the same man is driving on the same road with the same twenty penguins in the bed of his truck. This time, however, the penguins are all wearing sunglasses and straw hats. Sure enough, the man is stopped by the same officer. After pulling the man over, the officer approaches.
What is the meaning of this? I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday, why are they still in the bed of your truck? Did you really think these disguises would fool me?
They're not disguises, officer, you see I DID take them to the zoo yesterday—in fact, we had so much fun, we're going to the beach today.

A police officer was directing traffic.

A police officer was directing traffic. He saw a man walking along the sidewalk with a penguin following him. He says, "Sir, you have a penguin following you."
"I know, he won't quit following me." replies the man.
"You should take him to the zoo." The man nods and walks towards the zoo. A bit later the police officer sees the man with the penguin still behind him. "Excuse me sir, I thought you were taking the penguin to the zoo."
"I did" said the man, "Now we are going to the movies."

Take those penguins to the zoo!

A man was driving around with a bunch penguins in the back of his truck and a cop pulled him over.
Officer: what in the world do you think you're doing son?
Man: we're just out for a ride officer.
Officer: I'm not gonna write you any tickets but you need to take these penguins to the zoo!
The next day, the cop sees this guy again with all the penguins still in the truck. He notices that this time they're all wearing sunglasses. He pulls the man over again.
Officer: son I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!
Man: I did officer, but that was yesterday. Today we're going to the beach!

Literal Penguins

A man was driving down the road with three penguins in the back seat of his car. He's pulled over by police officer.
"Can I see your license and regi...what are you doing with three penguins in your car? You can't have these penguins! Go take them to the zoo right now, get out of here..."
The man drives off to the zoo. The next day the man is driving down the same road with the same three penguins in the back of his car. The penguins are all wearing sunglasses, have towels, and sunscreen on their beaks. The same cop see's him again and pulls him over.
"You again, and still with the penguins! I thought I told you to take them to the zoo?!?!"
The man replied, "I did take them to the zoo. Today I'm taking them to the beach."

The Penguin Joke

So a police officer is parked by the side of the road. He sees a pickup truck drive by and it's full of penguins. The officer flips his siren on and pulls the truck over.
He approaches the window and asks the man, "Sir, what are you doing with these penguins?"
"Well they're my pets, officer," the man replies.
"I'm afraid you'll have to take these animals to the zoo," the officer says, and leaves.
The next day, the police officer is parked in the same spot. He sees the same truck drive by. Now all the penguins are wearing sunglasses. He flips the siren on and pulls the truck over.
Upon reaching the window he says, "Sir, I told you to take these animals to the zoo."
"Yes officer, I did," replies the man. "And today I'm taking them to the beach."

Favorite joke from childhood.

A police officer is hanging by a speed trap and he sees a man in a convertible... with a penguin in the passenger seat! He pulls them over.
"Sir, what are you doing with a penguin?"
"I saw him wondering around the streets, so I adopted him. Isn't he cute!"
"Sir, you are to take that penguin to the zoo immediately."
"Yes officer."
Next day officer is at the same exact speed trap and sees the same exact car... with the same exact penguin!
"Sir, I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!"
"I did officer. Had a blast! Today we're going to the beach!"

The zookeeper and the penguins

A zookeeper drives to the airport to pick up a group of penguins that are coming to live at the zoo. Midway through the drive back, though, the van breaks down. The zookeeper calls AAA, who says that they'll be out to help in a couple of hours.
After a few minutes, a man passing in his car stops to ask if he can help.
"Actually, yes!" says the zookeeper. "I'm going to be stuck here for a few hours while I wait for help. If you could take these penguins to the zoo for me, I'd be so grateful."
The man agrees, and the two of them bundle the penguins into his car.
"Thank you so much!" says the zookeeper, and hands the man a $20 for his trouble. The man drives off, and the zookeeper sits down to wait. Two hours later, he's surprised to see the man return, still with all the penguins in the car.
"What happened?" he asks. "I thought you were going to take them to the zoo!"
"I did!" says the man. "And they had a terrific time. But now they want to go to the movies, and I need some more money."

A man goes to a cathouse with only $5 to his name.

"What can $5 get me?" he asked the lady inside.
"Let's see.. well, I can give you a penguin job," she replied.
The call girl unzips the man's pants and leaves them around his ankles, and goes to work with her mouth.
"Oh wow, this is fantastic, you sure know what you're doing!" The man was really enjoying his $5 penguin job.
It was only a short while before the climactic finish was approaching, and he made no delay with vocalizing this.
"I'm going to come, I'm going to come!"
The courtesan quickly stopped, got to her feet, and walked out the door of the room they were in.
"Wait baby, wait, wait! Where are you going?!" The man, pants still down around his ankles, waddled after the woman as fast as he could.
"That's a penguin job, and that'll be $5," she said, with a laugh.

A penguin takes a road trip

A penguin decided to take a road trip. Halfway through, his car breaks down and he gets it towed to the nearest mechanic. The mechanic tells him it will take about 20 minutes to diagnose the problem, so the penguin decides to walk around a bit and check out the small town. It's hot out, and being a penguin, he's used to cooler weather, so he stops and buys himself a huge ice cream cone. He's eating the ice cream as fast as he can as he's walking around, but it's hot out, and a lot of it melted all over his hands and face. 20 minutes go by, and he heads back to the mechanic. When he gets there, the mechanic says "Well, it looks like you blew a seal", and the penguin says "Nah, man, that's just some ice cream"

A man is walking down the street holding a penguin under his arm...

When he meets a friend going the other way.
'What are you doing with that penguin?' his friend says.
'Well I just found it outside my house, I don't know what to do with it!'
'Why don't you take it to the zoo?' she says.
'Brilliant! I hadn't thought of that.' And they go their separate ways.
The next day the man is walking along the same street with the penguin under his arm again, and he sees his friend coming the other way.
'I thought you were going to take it to the zoo?' she asks.
'I did' replies the man. 'It loved it. We're going to the cinema this afternoon!'

A stranger and two penguins.

A man was walking down the street with two penguins following behind him. A police man sees this, thinks it's a bit strange, pulls over and says to the guy.
Cop 'hey, where did you get those two penguins from'?
Guy 'they aren't mine, they have just been following me all day'.
Cop 'those are exotic animals. Do me a favour take them both up to the zoo'.
The man agrees he will. The next day the cop is driving down the same street and he sees the same guy, still with two penguins following behind him. He pulls over again and says.
Cop 'hey! I thought I told you yesterday to take those two penguins to the zoo'!
Guy 'I did. I'm taking them to the cinema today'.

A man is walking down the street with a penguin...

He starts to draw considerable attention, until a police officer comes up to him and says:
"Excuse me sir, what are you doing with that penguin?"
"Nothing, we're just takin' a walk"
"Well, take it back to the zoo"
"I already took it to the zoo"
"And what happened?"
"Well nothing. Now it wants to go to the movies"

A truck filled with 127 penguins breaks down on the highway...

The truck driver flags down a passing car and asks the driver if he'll take the penguins to the zoo. The driver agrees, and the penguins pile into the car.
A couple hours later, the truck is fixed, and the truck driver goes to the zoo to make sure the 127 penguins arrived, but they're nowhere to be found. Frantically, he jumps in his truck and starts looking all over town for them.
Finally, he spots the man and the 127 penguins walking down the street. "Hey! I thought I asked you to take the 127 penguins to the zoo!" he yells. "I did", replies the driver, "I had a little money left over, so I thought I'd take them to a movie too."

So a guy is walking in New York City when he sees a penguin in the street...

The man takes the penguin and goes to ask a woman police officer he sees down the road what to do.
He explains to her, "Ma'am I've found this penguin wandering around just a block up the road and I was curious as what to do with it."
The cop then replies, "Well, I would consider taking it to the zoo."
The man says, "Ah yes, of course!" He thanks her and is on his way.
The next day, the police officer sees the man and penguin walking next to each other. Puzzled as to why, she approaches the man and asks, "Hey! What are you doing with that penguin? I thought I told you to take it to the zoo!"
The man answers back, "I did! Now I'm taking him to the movies!"

A police officer sees a truck drive by with a back full of penguins.

The police officer pulls over the truck and confronts the man driving it. He asks, "Sir, why is your truck full of penguins?"
"I don't know what to do with them", the man in the truck replied.
"Take them to the zoo!" The officer asserted.
The man agrees and drives off. The next day, the police officer is in the same spot and sees the same truck drive by full of penguins, but this time the penguins are wearing sunglasses. The officer pulls the truck over and says to the driver "I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!"
"I did", the man replied. "Today we're going to the beach!"

A penguin's car breaks down

So he takes it to the mechanic. The mechanic tells him that its going to be a couple of hours until he can get to it. "Oh man," the penguin replies. "It's too hot here for me, I'm a penguin after all." The mechanic tells him there is a grocery store across the street, maybe he can wait there. So the penguin goes to the grocery store, and crawls into the freezer. "This is great!" The penguin exclaims, "so nice and chilly." He then proceeds to relax, eat some ice cream and take a nap. After a few hours he returns to the mechanic.
"Did you figure out what was wrong with my car?"
"It looks like you blew a seal."
"Oh no, this is just ice cream."

Two Leprechauns Knock on the Door of a Convent.

The Mother Superior answers.

"Em, 'scuse me, Mother Superior," the first leprechaun says, "but you aren't after having any midget nuns in this convent?"
"Why, no little man" says she, "we have no midget nuns in this convent."
"Sure there aren't any midget nuns in the south of Ireland?"
"No, little man"
"Sure there aren't any midget nuns in the north of Ireland?"
"No, little man."
"So, yer tellin' us, Mother Superior, that in all of Ireland, there are no midget nuns?"
"Yes, as far as I know in all of Ireland, there are no midget nuns." The line of questioning becoming tiresome, the Mother Superior closes the door and goes away.
One leprechaun turns to the other and says, "Ah, well ye see, Seamus, I told you it was a penguin we fooked."

An officer, a gentleman and a penguin.

One day a man is walking down a London street when he comes across a penguin. Not sure what to do, he picks up the penguin and continues his journey. A police patrol spots the man,
"What are you doing with that penguin!?" the officer asks
"I don't know...I just found it standing in the middle of the road..." replies the man, still confused by the ordeal.
"Then take it to the zoo!" the officer exclaims
The next day the same officer spots the same man walking around with the same penguin!
"Oi, I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!"
"I did" replied the man, "we thoroughly enjoyed it, now we're off to the movies!"

A driver gets pulled over . . .

A man gets pulled over for rolling through a stop sign. While the officer is doing the routine license check, he spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
The cop tells the driver, "I'll let you off this time, but you need to take those penguins straight to the zoo." The driver was happy to get off with just a warning, so he agrees.
The next day, the officer sees the same car in another part of town, with some penguins peeking out the back windows.
He pulls over the driver again. "Hey, I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo just yesterday!"
"Your sure did," says the driver, "and what a great idea that was. We had so much fun that today I'm taking them to the beach!"

A man finds a penguin walking down the street

He grabs the penguin and puts it in his car and starts to speed away when a cop pulls him over.
The cop walks up to the car and asks the man what he's doing with the penguin.
"He was just walking down the road," the man said.
"Well, take him to the zoo and I won't give you a ticket for speeding." The man agrees and drives away.
A week later the cop sees the same man drive by and he still has the penguin in the car. He pulls over the car again and says to the man, "I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!?"
"Yes," the man says, " I did. Today we're going to the movies."

Penguin

A bartender was working late at night when suddenly a man ran bursting through the door and asked the bartender.
Man: "QUICK, HOW TALL IS A PENGUIN?"
The bartender slightly confused, he simply said.
Bartender: "about this tall"
The man started to panic and said.
Man: "Oh god i ran over a nun!"

My neighbor had a penguin on his porch

I call the neighbor
Me: hey man, you have a penguin on your porch!
Neighbor: what should I do with it?
Me: I don't know. Maybe take him to the zoo.
Neighbor: that sounds like a good idea. I'll do that.
Next day I look out across the street. The freakin penguin is still there. I call the neighbor again.
Me: Dude! The penguin is still there. I thought you took him to the zoo.
Neighbor: I did. We had a great time. We're going to the ballpark today.

A lorry driver is driving 200 penguins to London Zoo

when his lorry breaks down on the motorway. The driver gets out of the cab and is looking at the engine when a second lorry driver stops in front of him and asks if he needs help. The penguins' driver explains that he is taking the penguins to the zoo and asks if the other man would 
take the penguins there. He agrees. 
Some hours later, the 2nd lorry driver drives past the first one, who is still waiting on the motorway. The penguins are still on the lorry, and look happy. 
"I thought I asked you to take those penguins to the zoo," shouted the first driver. 
The second replied, "I did, but I had some money left, so we're going to the cinema now." 

The Man and his pet.

A man is driving down the road and a police man patrolling notices something strange and stops him. He noticed a penguin sitting in the passenger seat.
Police man: "Excuse me sir, I think you should take your friend there to the zoo."
Man: "Of course sir!"
The mans drives off.
The next day, the police man is patrolling the same road and sees the man again, noticing the penguin still in the passenger seat, he stops the car once again.
Police man: "Excuse me sir, I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo."
Man: "I did, he really enjoyed it, we're going to the beach today!"

A man was pulled over...

A man was pulled over, and the officer noticed a group of penguins in the backseat.
Officer: You need to take those penguins to the zoo.
Man: Ok, I will.
The next day the man was pulled over by the officer and he notices the same group of penguins in the backseat but they all had sunglasses on.
Officer: I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.
Man: I did. Today we're going to the beach.