Man Speech Jokes
68 man speech jokes and hilarious man speech puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about man speech that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Man Speech Short Jokes
Short man speech jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The man speech humour may include short man language jokes also.
- A man giving a long-winded speech finally says,…. "I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home."
A voice from the crowd says, "There's a calendar behind you." - "I don't understand what this statue of a man talking is supposed to mean" "It's confusing, but I think it's a figure of speech."
- I listened to a speech from Trump this morning apologizing for his wrongdoings and taking responsibility... That was the weirdest dream ever, man.
- I'm gonna make a movie about a man with a speech impediment during world War 2 I'm gonna call it Schindler's Lisp
- There are 12 things, people do when they haven't prepared a speech. They lie, tell stories and exaggerate.
- Sure, I may not be in a relationship, but I am three people's plan B and someone's maybe if we're ever the last two people on Earth.
- It's not often that one gets the opportunity to speak about someone intelligent, respected and admired. Unfortunately tonight I have to talk about (NAME).
- What do you call a man with no arms, no legs, and who has a speech impediment? His name.
And you should probably be ashamed of yourself. - Army Movie Intro Speech... His name was Jack Parts.
He joined the army just like his old man.
He was now known as Private Parts. - Best Man speech joke help Hi Everyone,
Mu buddy is getting married on Indepedence Day and need some help for a good joke for the speech. I am the best man.
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Man Speech One Liners
Which man speech one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with man speech? I can suggest the ones about starting speech and speech.
- What did the man with a speech impediment name his boat The S.S. Stutter
- Life is good you know. So I suggest you get one.
- Never underestimate a woman's ability to make anything your fault.
- Sorry, I'm late. I got here as soon as I felt like it.
- The Best way to get back on your feet is to miss a couple of car payments!
- Don't underestimate me, that's my mother's job.
- You can't get on the same page with someone who has a different book.
- The best time to open a gift is the present.
- Dance like your microwave isn't watching.
- Books are just TV for smart people.
- If you had friends like mine, you'd be the luckiest guy in the world!
- It's better to have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
- Leading up to the wedding (NAME) has been on a whiskey diet. His lost three days already.
- I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long.
- Remember when "It's complicated" was a relationship status, not a gender?
Best Man Speech Jokes
Here is a list of funny best man speech jokes and even better best man speech puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- All the dinosaurs were wiped out by an asteroid hitting the earth 66 million years ago... I'm sorry, but they shouldn't all have been standing in the same place.
- What did the jester say to the criminal at the guillotine? "Stay calm, and do not lose your head."
- If You weigh 200 pounds on the Earth it is only 76 pounds on the Mars, and it means You are not fat but you are just on the wrong planet.
- Clinging on to past and living is like driving forward while watching the rear view mirror...
- Here's a step by step guide to walking up the stairs, step 1) Right foot, step 2) Left foot, step 3) Right foot...
- I only drink on days beginning with "T". Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow.
- 5-year plan? I haven't even planned this sentence volcano.
- "I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon".
- The trick to really enjoying someone's company is to not spend a lot of time with them.
- There is no dance without the dancers.
Delightful Fun Man Speech Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about man speech you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean men suits jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make man speech pranks.
A old man was sitting in the front row at a town meeting, heckling the mayor as he delivered a long speech.
Finally the mayor could stand it no longer, so he pointed to the heckler and said, "will that gentleman please stand up and tell the audience what he has ever done for the good of the city."
"Well Mr. Mayor," the man said in a firm voice. "I voted against you in the last election."
It's the freaking weekend, find a sleepy seaside town with a horrifying backstory and a m**.
.. to solve.
RIP Neil Armstrong
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "o**... s**...? o**... s**... you want? You'll get o**... s**... when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
A man is asked to give a speech on r**......
He stands up and says "Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure..."
Then sat down.
Since we seem to be doing talking dog jokes today...
A man walks into a talent agency, carrying a small, scruffy looking dog. He sets the dog on the agent's desk and begins his speech:
"Sir, I have for you the most amazing act. This dog can speak. And not only can he speak, he's one of the most intelligent dogs you'll ever meet. Allow me to demonstrate: Dog, what is on the top of a house?"
"Roof!" Says the dog.
"Amazing! Dog: what is the opposite of smooth?"
"Roof!" the dog replies.
"Incredible! Dog: who was the greatest ballplayer of all time?"
Again, the dog says "Roof!"
"Remarkable! So what do you think?"
The agent leans back in his chair and says "Get lost. I can't sell that carny act."
Outside the agent's office, the dog looks up at the man and says "Maybe I should have said DiMaggio?"
"Did you know Yemen is the most mentioned country in everyday speech?"
Person 2: "Really?"
Me: "Yeah, man."
A man walks into a barber shop for a shave.
While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.
"And what if I s**... it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
[Offensive] One from the pub again: an old Jewish man wins the lottery...
It's a big old lottery, and he has to go up on stage to accept it.
His speech? He thanks his mum, his dad, his family, and then h**....
Everyone's all riled up. They ask: why h**...?
He rolls up his sleeve, flips his arm over, and tells the crowd: "Well, he gave me the numbers."
I wrote a book about a t**... with a speech impediment
It's called Man or Myth
What do you call a man with no arms, no legs, with a speech impediment living under the sink?
Dwayne.
A stairway builder was retiring
On his last day the manager held a speech for him in the lunch-room.
"This man has worked here for over 40 years! Just imagine the number of stairs built by you alone! I reckon, on the day you die, you could stack them on top of eachother and reach heaven!"
The retiring builder, a bit red from embaresment, responded quietly:
"Oh, thank you for your kind words, but I have mostly been building basement-stairs..."
Stalin is delivering a speech to the Party
Suddenly someone sneezes.
- Who's just sneezed?
No answer.
- Execute the first row. Who's sneezed, I ask you?
No answer.
- Execute the second row. So who of you has just sneezed?
Finally a shaking man raises and utters feebly:
- It's me, Comrade Stalin.
- Bless you! Now, back to the topic...
A man goes to a f**... ...
After the regular round of eulogies and speeches and well wishers, he leans over the pew and asks the widow:
"Mind if I say a word?"
No, of course not , she says. "Please do."
The man stands up, clears his t**... and says:
"Abacus"
Then promptly sits down.
The widow leans back and says: "Thanks, it's the little things that count .
Just finished a great book about a t**... who has a speech impediment.
The title is "Man or Myth."
A man on a stage giving speech 'all men who are afraid of their wives come here"
All the men except for one person went to the stage. He said to the only man sitting in his seat "wow, so you aren't afraid of your wife, respect".
The man said "my wife told me not to move from this seat till she comes back"
An environmentalist was giving a speech and told his audience that if we continue on our present course all life on earth will be gone in 50 years
A member of the audience jumped to his feet and cried out in panic, "What? What did you say?!"
The environmentalist solemnly repeated, "I said if we continue the way we are that every man, woman, and child on earth will be gone in fifty years."
The man sat down in relief and said, "Oh, thank God. I thought you said *fifteen* years."
Stalin is giving a speech, and someone sneezes.
Stalin looks up from his notes and says, "Who sneezed?" No-one says anything.
Stalin has the first row taken away by KGB to be shot. "Who sneezed?" he asks again. No-one says anything. He has the second row of the audience taken away by the KGB to be shot.
"Comrade Stalin, I sneezed!" Says a man in the third row.
Stalin looks at the man and says; "Bless you."
A racist man called me a t**... for having long hair, a long beard, and being Middle Eastern.
Later I saw him at church giving a speech about how everyone needs a Middle Eastern guy with long hair and a beard in their lives.
A doctor found a cure for muteness
Dr. Smith, a medical professional studying human vocals, found a cure to muteness.
He found out after dealing with a patient and an unlikely scenario happened.
He receives an award for medicine, and is invited to give a speech. He speaks about his life, inspiration, and discovery. He brings the man that has been cured to the microphone.
The cured man clears his t**... for the first time in ages, and states:
"Thank you all. I don't know what to say."
At the barbershop
A man enters a barbershop for a shave.
While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problem he has getting a close shave around his cheeks.
\- "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer.
\- "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced.
After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech
\- "And what if I s**... it?"
\- "No problem" says the barber.
\- "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does!"
