Man Purse Jokes
34 man purse jokes and hilarious man purse puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about man purse that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Man Purse Short Jokes
Short man purse jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The man purse humour may include short mens purse jokes also.
- An elderly woman had her purse stolen by a man in a wheelchair... And as he wheeled away she yelled "You can hide, but you can't run!"
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Man Purse One Liners
Which man purse one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with man purse? I can suggest the ones about man bag and purse.
- Q: What three words will emasculate any man? A: Hold my purse.
Witty Man Purse Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about man purse you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean handbag jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make man purse pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There once was a man from Alabama . . .
He was a nice fellow. An unsophisticated h**... type but amicable to be around nonetheless. He was known as Catfish Jeb around the bayou because of that one time a catfish bit him in the . . .
Well, where the catfish bit him isn't important, now is it?
One day, very tragically, Catfish Jeb's wife and sister died. A terrible hunting accident where he was mistaken and thought he was shooting at a deer. Beyond distraught, Catfish Jeb hurried home to his cabin and called up his church's preacher, Bill.
Bill answered his phone right away, greeting happily in that churchy way. Despite the cheeriness, Catfish Jeb was in tears as he told the preacher what happened. "Ma wife and sis'ta are ded, Billy," he blubbered.
Bill was a little miffed; he hated being called Billy. But with the light of God always shining down upon him, he forgave Catfish Jeb the instant the misname left his lips. "I am terrible sorry to hear that, Jeb," the preacher consoled.
On the phone, Bill and Catfish Jeb arranged a f**... for the bumpkin's wife and sister to be held at the church. It was to take place that Sunday, right before the bake sale. They planned the flowers, the music. Bill agreed to have someone make pamphlets on the grieving r**...'s behalf.
"One last thing, Joe," Bill said, pen poised in hand.
Catfish Jeb wiped at his eyes. "Yessa, preacher-man sir?" he simpered.
The preacher man pursed his lips. "Will you be needing one coffin, of two?"
So this blonde cop pulls over this lady...
So one day this blonde chick is driving down the interstate when a cop pulls her over. The man walks towards the driver door, as the blonde girl rolls down the window. She says, "Hello officer, what can I help you with today?" The cop looks at her and says, "Ma'am I'm going to need to see your driver's license." The woman looks at him and says, "What is a driver's license?" He says, "It's the little rectangle thing that has your picture on it." So she looks around the car in a hurried rush, searching and searching. Until finally, she found a mirror in her purse. She then hands him the mirror. The cop looks shocked and says to her, "I'm so sorry ma'am but if I would've known you were a cop I wouldn't have pulled you over."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub...
She says, "Show me it's true what they say about black men." ;)
So he stabs her & steals her purse.
So a black man walks into a bar on a Friday night...
...and a woman approaches him and the two hit it off very well. After hours of flirting and dancing together they head back to the woman's apartment. The woman begins to undress and says, "Show me that it's true what they say about black men." So the black man stabs her, steals her purse and leaves.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for arsenic.
The pharmacist then asks what she needs it for, to which she replies: "I want to use it to poison my husband. The pharmacist says "Ma'am, I can not give you arsenic for that reason." The woman then pulls a photograph from her purse and hands it to him. It was a picture of two people having s**...; the man in the photo was her husband and the woman was the pharmacist's wife. He then says, "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize you had a prescription."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Dutch connection
Two people are in a restaurant in Amsterdam sitting at the bar. Both are drinking and both look depressed. After a while the man turns to the woman and says:
"Excuse me, I'm looking across and you're a very beautiful woman, you look incredible, but you look so depressed, why?"
"Well, you see the problem is my husband, he's left me, he says I'm too k**... in bed."
"My god, that's incredible, my girlfriend left me, she says I'm too k**... in bed."
After a while the woman turns to the guy and says: "Hang on, I've got a fantashtic idea, let's go back to my place for some fantashtic k**... s**...."
"I like where you're coming from, let's go.
So they get back to her place and are making out in the hallway, she puts a finger to his lips and says: "Hang on, let me go and change into something a little more **uncomfortable**."
She goes to her bedroom and comes back 10 minutes later in a full on PVC gimpsuit, gimp mask and gimp ball in her mouth, 12" strap-on, whip in the right hand, tapioca pudding in the left, but he's getting his coat on ready to leave.
She takes the gimp ball out of her mouth and says in surprise: "Hang on, I thought you wanted some fantashtic k**... s**...?"
He says "Yeah, I shagged your dog and s**... in your purse, I'm done."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman goes into Discount Fishing Supplies to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday....
She doesn't know which one to get, so she just picks one and goes over to the counter.
The salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades.
She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter,
I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb..Test line. It's a good all around combination, and it's actually on sale this week for $44."
She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that, just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"
As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Oh, that sounds like a Visa card," he says.
As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts..
At first she's really embarrassed, but then realises there is no way
the blind salesman would tell exactly who had f**....
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $58.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks,
"Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $44. How did you get $58.50?"
"The Duck Caller is $11, and the Fish Bait is $3.50."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old Lady in a nursing home...
An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car.
As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says,
'Excuse me, ma'am, but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?'
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper and hands it to him.
He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.
Up and down the halls she goes again.
Then the same old man jumps out of a room and says,
'Excuse me, ma'am, but I saw you cross over the center line back there. Can I see your registration please?'
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him.
He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.
She zooms off again, up and down the halls, weaving all over.
As she comes to the old man's room again he jumps out.
He's stark n**... and has an e**....
The old lady in the wheelchair looks up and says,
'oh no, not the breathalyzer again!
The Blind Clerk
A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.
The clerk was standing behind the counter wearing dark shades.
She says to him, "Excuse me, sir.. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway......
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all-around combination, and it's on sale this week for only $20.00."
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts.
At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes......there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was her who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around?
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"
He replies, "Yes, ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00, and the Catfish Bait is $3.50."
A large, powerfully-built guy...
....meets a woman at a bar.
After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.
After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, See that, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite! She begins to drool.
The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite! She is aching for action at this point.
Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.
He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, Why are you in such a hurry to go?
She replies, With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!
A woman in her twenties sees a large black man walking by and decides to flirt with him. So is it true what they say about black guys?
He responds, Sure is. Then he punched her in the face and stole her purse.
A lady walks into the drug store
and asks the druggist
for some arsenic.
The druggist ask's "Ma'am, what do you want with
arsenic?" The lady say's, "To kill my husband."
"I can't sell you any for that reason" says the druggist.
The lady then reaches into her purse and pulls out a
photo of a man and a women in a compromising position, the
man is her husband and the lady is the druggist's wife, and
shows it to the druggist.
He looks at the photo and says" Oh I didn't know you
had a prescription!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Black Stereotype
A black man meets a pretty white girl at a bar. They hit it off through the night get a little drunk and decide to take a cab home together. When the white girl arrived at her stop she asked the black man to come inside. He does and the fun continues.
The white girl is sitting on her couch next to black man running her fingers along his pants and says in a s**... voice "so is it true what they about black men? I want you to prove it to me." the black man says "okay baby you sure your ready for this?" she says yeah excitedly.
He then stabs her and steals her purse.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Rocking s**...
Two elderly residents, one male and one female, were sitting alone in the lobby of their nursing home one evening.
The old man looked over and said to the old lady, "I know just what you're wanting, and for hundred bucks I'll have s**... with you right over there in that rocking chair."
The old lady looked surprised, but didn't say a word.
The old man continued, "For 300 bucks I'll do it with you on that nice soft sofa over there, but for 500 bucks I'll take you back to my room, light some candles, and give you the most romantic evening you've ever had in your life."
The old lady still says nothing, but after a couple minutes, starts digging down in her purse. She pulls out a wrinkled 500 note and holds it up.
"So you want the nice romantic evening in my room," says the old man.
"Get serious," she replies. "I want it five times in the rocking chair!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Gambling on the news
A man and a ***blonde*** woman are sitting next to each other at a bar. The news plays out on one of the TVs nearby. Both of them turn their attention to it when a story comes on about a man threatening to commit s**... by jumping off a bridge.
The man turns to the woman and says "I'll bet you five dollars that he jumps"
"He won't jump. You're on." She replies.
They continue to watch until eventually the man jumps.
The woman reaches for her purse to retrieve five dollars, but the man stops her.
"I can't take your money, I saw the same segment an hour earlier. I knew he was gonna jump."
"Oh, I saw it earlier too. But I didn't think he'd do it twice!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do you think this joke is funny?
A white woman and a black man are dancing at a club, and after a while things start to get hot and heavy. After some heavy kissing and petting, the woman makes the suggestion that they return to her apartment for the night.
When the couple arrives at the woman's apartment, they begin passionately kissing and u**... each other, preparing to have frenzied and unrepentant s**... with each other.
However, the white woman, curious as she was, asked the black guy as he was taking off his pants, "before you take them off....is it true what they say about black guys?"
With a suave yet sinister look, he looked into her eyes and said "baby, of course." He then proceeded to stab her and ran out with her purse.
**Do you think this joke is funny or not? Why**
FYI- I am black and I think this joke is hilarious.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Lady & The Druggist.
A lady walks into the drug store and asks the druggist for some arsenic.
The druggist asks "Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?".
The lady replies "I want to kill my husband."
"I can't sell you any for that reason" says the druggist.
The lady then reaches into her purse and pulls out a photo of a man and a women in a compromising position - the man is her husband and the lady is the druggist's wife - and shows it to the druggist.
He looks at the photo and says... "Oh I didn't know you had a prescription!"
A blind man walks into a lesbian biker bar...
Canes his way up to the bar, sits down and asks the bartender if she wants to hear a blonde joke.
The bartender says, "Well, before ya do I should warn ya. I'm blonde and I've got a knife in my purse... that server behind you is blonde and she's got a gun in her purse... the bouncer is an MMA fighter, she's blonde. Our cook just got outta jail for killing a man and -she's- blonde. Finally, the owner of this place is the meanest of us all and she's blonde too. Ya still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second and says, "Well....not now. I'll have to explain it 5 times."
The man with a giant orange head
A man is walking down his usual route to work when he sees an old friend walking out of his house. The friend looks in great shape but there's something different about him... He has a giant orange head.
The man stops his old friend and they exchange the usual formalities:
"Hey man, its been ages! I've gotta ask though... What happened to your head."
The friend pauses and begins to tell you his story:
"So I found this lamp and I rubbed it and a genie came out and said I have 3 wishes. I asked for all the money I could fathom."
he shows you his tailored 3 piece suit and the gigantic brown house a block down and says: "that's my house, and then I asked for a beautiful wife."
He points to the house again as the most beautiful woman walks down the steps and says: "that's my wife."
Then he paused and pursed his lips a little.
"Here's where I think I went wrong..." he said, "I asked for a giant orange head"
a blonde and a redhead are in a bar
When they see a man on the news threatening to jump off of a building. The redhead says "bet you 50 bucks he jumps" to which the blonde replies "you're on!". Sure enough, the man jumps and kills himself. The blonde goes to grab the $50 from her purse but the redhead stops her and says " I can't take your money. This is a repeat of an earlier story. I've seen this already." The blonde grabs the $50, puts it on the bar and says "so did I. I just didn't think he'd do it twice!"
A gender studies major gets mugged
A gender studies major is walking through Central Park on her way back to campus, when a mugger jumps her. He takes her wallet and purse, but lets her keep her cellphone.
She immediately calls the police. "Was it a man or a woman?" the cop asks once he got there.
"I don't know," she says. "I didn't get to ask."
White girl goes on a date with a black man
They have lots of fun, she takes him home, they have coffee, go up to her bedroom and she says, "Show me it's true what they say about black guys"
So he stabbed her and nicked her purse.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A black man meets a white girl in a club.
They go back to the girls house and start making out. The girl says seductively "show me that its true what they say about Black Guys". The man then precedes to stab the girl take her purse and run off faster then the wind.
Winning Blonde !!!
A beautiful blonde walks into a casino and over to a soda machine and arrives there just before a business man who's come to quench his thirst. She opens her purse and puts in 50 cents , studies the machine , presses the Diet Coke selection , and out comes a Diet coke , which she places on a counter by the machine. Then she reaches in her purse again and pulls out a dollar and inserts it in the machine.Studying the machine carefully, she presses the button for coca cola classic and out came a coke classic and 50 cents change.She takes the 50 cents and puts it in the machine , studies for a moment , and presses the sprite button.Out comes a sprite. As she is reaching into her purse again , the business man who has been waiting patiently for several minutes,speaks up"Excuse me miss , but are you done yet?" She looks at him and indignantly replies,"Well, Duh! I'm like , still winning!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men are staring at a pole.
After a while a blonde woman walks up to them and asks them what they are looking at.
One of them says, " We are trying to determine the height of the pole."
So the blonde quickly opens her purse, removes a spanner, unscrews the bolts and lays the pole flat on the ground. She then pulls out a measuring tape, measures the distance between the two ends, tells it to the two men and walks away.
After hearing this one man tells the other, "What an idiot! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
A blonde and a redhead are sitting in a bar
and on TV is news footage of a guy threatening to jump off of a building. The redhead says "Hundred bucks says he jumps." The blonde says "You're on!" and they precede to watch. After about 2 or 3 minutes of crying, the man jumps off of the building. The blonde reaches into her purse and grabs the money but the redhead shakes her head and says "I can't take your money. This is from earlier today, I've already seen this." "So did I." Said the blonde "I just didn't think he'd do it twice!"
A man is scouring through his house
He's looking under his couch. He couldn't find it. He looks in his bedroom draws and under his bed. Still couldn't find it. He checks his car, front and back. He looks under the seats and no matter how hard he tries but he still can't find it. He looks through the bathroom and even in his wife's purse and still no luck finding it. His wife wakes up due to all of the noise. She says, "Honey, what are you looking for?" He responds "The punchline to this joke!"
2 twins changing their name.
There are a pair of twins called Ving and Ling. Ving decided to go to the town hall to change his name. Ling decided to give him a lift there. When they arrived Ling reminded Ving that he would disgrace their family if he changed his name to Lee. Ving takes a form and quickly fills it out to change his name. He sends off the form, but immediately starts to regret it. He is told that to revoke his form he must pay a small fee. Ling takes out her purse and is about to hand over the money when suddenly... A man, their father, bursts through the door and embraces Ving and tells them, "Don't stop, be Lee, Ving", "Hold on to that fee, ling."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old ladies
Two old ladies were sitting outside a pharmacy smoke a cigarette when it starts to rain. One old lady reaches into her purse and pulls out a c**..., snips the tip off, slides it over her cigarette and continues smoking. The other old lady looks shocked and says, "I'm gonna have to try that."
So she proceeds to go into the pharmacy and talk to the young man behind the counter. "Give me a pack of condoms." The clerk blushes and asks "what size do you need ma'am?" The old lady tells him, " oh, whatever will fit on a Camel." The clerk promptly faints.
A man points a gun at a brunette.
He's going to count to 3 and shoot her unless she gives him her purse. He starts counting, "1...2...3". Then she suddenly yells, "Cops!!!". The man looks the other way and she runs away. The man then points the gun at a redhead and says the same thing. He starts counting, "1...2...3". Then she suddenly yells, "Bear!!!". The man looks the other way and she runs away. The man then points the gun at a blonde and says the same thing. He starts counting, "1...2...3". Then she suddenly yells, "Fire!!!".
Uber driver came to return woman's lost purse
Woman : Thanks but..it is so weird because I remember it containing only a single 100$ note, but now there are ten 10$ notes inside it. How's that possible?
Man: Yeah because everytime I had gone to return someone's wallet or purse, they said they don't have any change to reward me.
