Man Jokes

Funniest Man Short Jokes

Short man jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The man humour may include short fella jokes also.

1. A man in an interrogation room says I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present. Cop: You are the lawyer.
   Lawyer: Exactly, so where's my present?
2. I saw a girl crying, so I asked her Where are your parents? and she started crying even more. Man, I love working at the orphanage.
3. My granddad always used to say, As one door closes another one opens. Lovely man.
   Terrible cabinet maker.
4. Give a man a shirt, and he'll wear it once Tell a man he looks good in it, and he'll wear it for a lifetime
5. Give a Man a Fish and You Will Feed Him for a Day. Teach a man to fish and he will spend a fortune on gear he will only use twice a year.
6. My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, "You weren't even listening just now, were you?!" I thought, "Man, what a weird way to start a conversation."
7. A man filed a report to the police that his bag was stolen. Upon leaving the man's apartment, the officer found the man's bag at the bottom of the stairwell.
   It was a brief case.
8. The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife... Thank you for everything, Mom.
   Happy Mothers' Day!
9. Man: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen.
10. A man is on trial for cannibalism A man is on trial for cannibalism.
    He says to the judge,
    "Well, your honor, if you truly are what you eat, then I am an innocent man."

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Man One Liners

Which man one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with man? I can suggest the ones about nods and spider man.

1. As a child, I always thought of my dad as a superhero The Invisible Man
2. Give a man a gun and he'll rob a bank, Give a man a bank and he'll rob the world.
3. Iron Man is a very confusing character. I know he's a guy but he could've been Fe Male.
4. One man's trash is another Man's treasure Is not the way to tell your son he is adopted.
5. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.
6. Why does Spider-Man's calendar only have 11 months? He lost May
7. An atom loses an electron... It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
8. What do you call a man with 6,022 x 10^23 dollars? A Moleionaire
9. A japanese man once tried to fake his own death. His family didn't bereave him.
10. A man tried to sell me a coffin today... I told him, that's the last thing I need.
11. How do find the blind man at the nudist colony? It's not hard.
12. A man walks into a bar ... and stays there my entire childhood.
13. A man walks into the bar... The bartender: "Hi Dave!"
    The boss faints.
14. Man 1: I have a half sister. Man 2: Different father? Man 1: No, shark attack.
15. How many shots can an Irish man handle? about 10 rounds.

Man Wife Jokes

Here is a list of funny man wife jokes and even better man wife puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• At breakfast, a man asked his wife What would you do I if won the lottery? She replied, I'd take half, and then leave you. Great, he said I won $12 yesterday. Here's $6. Stay in touch.
• The creator of Mad Libs died this week. His friends described him as a warm and pulpy man who loved his wife and pelicans. He will be deeply pooped.
• A man walks into his bedroom carrying a sheep. His wife looks horrified... "See? See what I have to bang when you're not in the mood?"
  The sheep says "Myyyyyyyy god. You weren't lying..."
• My buddy said to me yesterday, "If I shagged your wife, would that make us related"? I said "No man, that would just make us even."
• A man tells his wife before he goes to bed, "I'm gonna go get your aspirin" The wife says, "Aspirin? I don't have a headache."
  "Ah, HAH!!" The man exclaimed
• The last time my wife and I had a fight it ended up with her literally crawling to me on her hands and knees. She said "Get out from under that bed and fight like a man!"
• A married's man prayer Dear God, you gave me childhood and you took it away.
  You gave me youth and you took it away.
  You gave me a wife.......... Its been years now, just reminding you.
• A man placed an advertisement, "Wife wanted". The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: You can have mine
• American man to wife: "pass the honey... Honey" Welsh man to wife: "pass the sugar... Sugar"
  Scottish man to wife: "pass the milk... ya cow"
• Two married man talking.. 1st man: Im so lucky, my wife is an angel.
  2nd man: Good for you! Mine's still alive.

Man And Wife Jokes

Here is a list of funny man and wife jokes and even better man and wife puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• A man is watching tv and starts yelling "No! No! DONT GO IN THE CHURCH!!!" The wife from another room asks: "honey what are you watching?"
  Husband: our wedding video
• A police man knocked on my door the other morning and said 'it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck' I said 'I know'
• Wife comes home from work. Wife: I left my job today, I couldn't work for that man after what he said to me.
  Husband: So what did he say.?
  Wife: "Katy, you are fired."
• Man "I hate the world and everyone in it. I have no patience for it. It's starting to make me sick". Wife: "what do you think about me?" Man: "oh you mean the world to me, darling".
• In honor of 3/14... TIL the man who discovered Pi had his wife, Edith, leave him over his obsession with math. Which just goes to show you, you can't have your Pi and Edith too.
• Two drunk friends were talking in a bar. Men 1: Yesterday my wife ran away with my best friend Mike.
  Man 2: Since when was Mike your best friend?
  Man 1: Since yesterday.
• My wife has told me she wants a divorce because there's another man. I hate to lose her… …but I just love him more…
• My wife was shocked when she found out I was homosexual But imagine my shock when just prior I found out she wasn't a man.
• A man, his sister and his wife walk into the voting booth to vote for Donald Trump. They've both given it a lot of thought.
• A man stumbles to his front steps late one Tuesday night... He clumsily opens the door to be met by his furious wife.
  "Drunk again?!" she asks.
  He chuckles and says "Hey, me too."

Man And Woman Jokes

Here is a list of funny man and woman jokes and even better man and woman puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Why did God make man before He made woman? Because he didn't want any advice on how to do it.
• It is unfair how for every $1 a man makes, a woman makes $0.78... Because then the man is left with only $0.22...
• A man meets an attractive woman in a bar and tells her, You know, I'm a lawyer. Honest? the woman asks.
  No, no. Just the regular kind, he replied.
• Can a woman make a man a millionaire? Only if he's a billionaire.
  Credits to Kevin Hart
• A man and a woman are lying in bed late night... ...and the woman asks her man: "Honey, do you prefer smart or pretty women?" and the man responds calmly: "Neither, baby, I prefer you."
• What do a pregnant woman, a burnt pizza and frozen beer have in common? A man who didn't take it out in time.
• A man and a woman meet in a programming class. Suddenly man touches the women's breast. Women: Hey! they are private. Man: But we are in the same class.
• Can't believe trump tested positive for covid-19 when all he had to do was to not get tested.
  >!Man. Woman. TV. Coronavirus.!<
• What's the difference between iron-man and iron woman? one is a superhero and the other is a command.
  
• Give me a compliment. A woman looks into the mirror and says to her husband: "I feel fat, old and ugly, give me a compliment". The man replies: "Your eyes are still working great".

What I Want In A Man Jokes

Here is a list of funny what i want in a man jokes and even better what i want in a man puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together again. MAN, I sure am LUCKY!
  I mean, first I win the lottery and now THIS!!!
• A 40 year old man asked the Trainer in the Gym, 'I want to Impress Beautiful Girls, which Machine should I use?' The Trainer replied, 'Outside the Gym, there is an ATM. Try that'
• Why did the stingray have a chat with the scuba diver? He wanted to have a manta-man talk
  (I'm so sorry)
• My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.
• What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? A key!
  This is one of the oldest jokes ever recorded. It was found in a 10th century book of Anglo Saxon poetry.
• However, he can't, because the punch line is out of order. A man at a party wants to grab some punch, so he walks to the punch line.
• My girlfriend makes me want to be a better man... so that I can get a better girlfriend.
• My father taught me the first rule of theatre "Always leave them wanting more"
  A great man. Terrible anaesthetist.
• A flight attendant asks a man: -Sir, do you want something to drink?
  -What are my options?
  -Yes and No
• I am a man who loves to give women breakfast in bed. All I want to receive in return is a simple "Thank you!"... ...not "Who are you?", "How did you get in here?", and "I'll call the police!"

Old Man Jokes

Here is a list of funny old man jokes and even better old man puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• So there was a stork carrying an old man.. ..and the old man turns to it and says:
  "Would you at last admit it that we are lost?"
• Q: What word begins with M and ends in arriage and is a mans favourite thing? A: Miscarriage
  This joke never gets old, just like the baby.
• A man walks into a bar... ...and loses the international limbo championship.
  (I feel like this is probably really old, but I hadn't heard it before.)
• Never hit a man with eyeglasses Use your fist instead.
  >Enthusiastically told by my 6 year old brother, I thought it was worth sharing.
• A pun loving old man forgot to order his tombstone before he passed away This was a grave mistake
• Went to the hardware store today... I picked up a can of insecticide and asked the guy behind the counter if this was good for ants.
  Old man says "nope, it'll kill em"
• A 75 year old rich man marries a 20-yo beautiful woman... And a friend of his comes to ask how did he manage to pull that off.
  "I told her I was 90".
• Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, Teach a man to phish and he'll empty an old woman's savings account.
• What do you call a 70 year old man trapped in the emotional state of a 14 year old girl? Mr. President.
• I was watching an old man feeding birds at the park when I thought to myself... "i wonder how long he's been dead for..?"

Comedy Man Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle

What funny jokes about man you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lad jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make man pranks.