Man At Register Jokes
30 man at register jokes and hilarious man at register puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about man at register that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Man At Register Short Jokes
Short man at register jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The man at register humour may include short cash register jokes also.
- A man went to the register with only a box of condoms. The cashier asked 'Sir, do you want a bag?'
He replied 'No thanks, she's not that ugly' - Here's another godawful joke. Downvote away. Why was the man banned from the jazz club?
Because he was a registered sax offender. - So a Christian man walks into a Jewish bakery and he looks at all the fantastic breads. He walks up to the cash register and he asks: How much does your challah cost?
Cashier responds: 6 million - A police officer stopped a man "Sir, please stop s**... offending that man."
"Don't worry, I'm a registered s**... offender."
"My mistake, sir, you may continue." - Did you hear about the man that s**... assaulted a Wal-Mart cashier? He is a register 6 offender.
- My dad has suggested that I register to be an o**... donor.... I guess he is a man after my own heart.
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Man At Register One Liners
Which man at register one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with man at register? I can suggest the ones about grocery store cashier and cashier and customer.
- My dad suggested I register for a donor card He's a man after my own heart
- A black man comes at the cash register to pay his groceries.
Humorous Man At Register Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about man at register you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean store clerk jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make man at register pranks.
Password reset
A man was was unable to log into his online banking account and he pulled up the online chat support.
"I put in my password and I cannot access my account"
"Sorry that password has expired- you must register a new one."
"Did anyone discover that password and hack my computer?"
"No, but your password has expired- you must get a new one."
"Why then do I need a new one as that one seems to be working pretty well?"
"Well, you must get a new one as they automatically expire every 90 days."
"Can I use the old one and just re-register it?"
"No, you must get a new one."
"I don't want a new one as that is one more thing for me to remember."
"Sorry, you must get a new one."
"OK, roses."
"Sorry you must use more letters."
"OK, pretty roses"
"No good, you must use at least one numerical character."
"OK, 1 pretty rose"
"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."
"OK, 1prettyrose"
"Sorry, you must use additional characters."
"OK, 1fuckingprettyrose"
"Sorry, you must use at least one capital letter."
"OK,1FUCKINGprettyrose"
"Sorry, you cannot use more than one capital letter in a row."
"OK, 1Fuckingprettyrose"
"Sorry, you cannot use that password as you must use additional letters."
"OK, 1Fuckingprettyroseshovedupyourassifyoudon'tgivemeaccessrightfuckingnow"
"Sorry, you cannot use that password as it is already being used"
A woman hears a knock a her door...
She answers and a man is standing on her front porch.
"Hello" he says, "I'm your new neighbor. I'm obligated to inform you that I am a registered s**... offender."
"This is totally unacceptable," she proclaims, "I'm calling my congressman!" And she slams the door.
A few seconds later there is another knock at the door. She opens the door and the same man is standing there.
"Hello, I'm your congressman."
A guy rushes into a pharmacy run by prudes...
Goes straight to the register and says in a loud voice "Gimme one c**...."
The cashier lady is outraged. "Young man! You mind that tongue of yours!"
"Right. Gimme two condoms, then."
A man in Texas is driving with twenty penguins in the bed of his pickup…
…when he is stopped by a State Trooper. The trooper approaches and tells the man that he needs to take the penguins to the zoo immediately as they are non-native and not registered to the man as pets. Right away, officer, replies the man, and off he goes.
The following day, the same man is driving on the same road with the same twenty penguins in the bed of his truck. This time, however, the penguins are all wearing sunglasses and straw hats. Sure enough, the man is stopped by the same officer. After pulling the man over, the officer approaches.
What is the meaning of this? I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday, why are they still in the bed of your truck? Did you really think these disguises would fool me?
They're not disguises, officer, you see I DID take them to the zoo yesterday—in fact, we had so much fun, we're going to the beach today.
Al Sharpton goes to Best Buy
Al Sharpton heads into best buy and is browsing the appliance section. He calls over a young white male employee.
Al: Hey young man, I'd like to register a complaint.
Best Buy Guy: What seems to be the issue sir?
Al: Well you see son, all of these washers are white! This is outrageous!
Best Buy Guy: (opens the lid and points inside the machine) Well if you look inside sir, you'll see that all the agitators are black.
A man walks into a grocery store
After getting all his food he brings it to the cash register to ring it up. The cashier says "that'll be $49.95", The man hands him a $100 bill and the cashier asks "do you have anything smaller? We've been having a rash of counterfeit bills lately"; the man reaches in his pockets and hands him a $55 bill
A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.'
He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound' and another sign that says 'Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.'
So he asks the man behind the cash register, how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00?
The man replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?
So a man walks in to a CVS..
and he goes to the female cashier and asks how he can know what size c**... he should wear. She tells him to step behind the counter, she unzips his pants, gives him a few tugs and says "Medium". He buys his condoms and tells his buddy "Hey, there's this girl at the CVS who can guess your c**... size just by looking!". His buddy, being a 'skeptic' goes and checks it out. She follows the same routine and says "large". He calls his friend when he gets home and is ecstatic. His 14 year old brother overheard the conversation and decided to 'try it out' for himself. So he goes to the CVS and asks the cashier what size c**... he is, she asks him behind the counter, gives him a few tugs and says "Clean up on register 5!".
**tl;dr - h**....**
It's a Saturday evening...
It's a Saturday evening. A man goes up to the register in a supermarket, bearing a six pack of beer, a bag of chips, some dip, a pint of ice cream, and toilet paper. The cashier says, "Single, huh?"
The man laughs and says, "Yeah, how can you tell?"
The cashier says, "Because you're ugly."
George's son
George goes to the Birth Registration Office to register his newborn son.
The man behind the counter asks the name he wants to give to
the boy, and the father replies: "Euro."
The man says that such a name is not acceptable, because it's a currency.
Says George: "What? There weren't any objections when I called my first two sons Mark and Frank."
Drunk a grocery store
Drunk guy standing in line at a grocery store looks at the woman in front of him then down at her items at the register.
He says "You must be single"
The woman kinda annoyed but amazed says " OK I'll bite, how did you know that?"
Drunk man looks at her and slurs " Cause you're ugly"
A man was arrested for public intoxication at the wine store
A man was arrested for public intoxication at the wine store.
At court he explains to the Judge that it was a case of a simple misunderstanding.
Judge: I don't see how this can be a misunderstanding. You were arrested for drinking straight out of the wine bottle at the register!
Man: I can explain that. I was exhausted that day after working 11 hours at the warehouse. I was zoning out and in hindsight, I should have known what the cashier meant when she said I could "start loading up now"...
Waiting in line
A woman is checking out at the grocery store. She buys a dozen eggs, two boxes of pasta, waffles, a bag of onions, lunch meat, oatmeal, sparkling water and throws on a pack of gum at the register.
The man behind her says "you must be single"
"Why yes I am! Did you figure this out by noticing all the stuff I bought?"
"Nope, it's because you are ugly!"
Man Periods
I'd hate to meet the girl of my dreams right now, because I, am on my man-period! No, let me explain: a woman would HATE to meet a s**... guy while on her period, because she knows it would mess up the part of her act where she pretends NOT to be berserk.
A man-period, is that special 2 to 3 days a month, when your unstoppable Juggernaut farts register on a seismograph. My last f**... sounded like a tornado went through a bassoon factory. I passed so much gas – Exxon called me up with an extraction lease, and the Department of Defense charted up a contingency plan.
There were only two people in line ahead of me at the electronics store, yet the wait was dragging on forever.
Finally, the customer behind me muttered, "Mr. Hare must be on vacation."
Only then did I notice the name tag on the man at the register. It read: "Mr. Turtle, sales associate."
A man is driving with his wife and small child
A militia man pulls them over and makes the man take a breathalyzer test. "See," the militia man says, "you're drunk."
The man protests that the breathalyzer must be broken and invites the cop to test his wife. She also registers as drunk.
Exasperated, the man invites the cop to test his child.
When the child registers drunk as well, the cop shrugs, says, "Yes, perhaps it is broken, and sends them on their way.
Out of earshot the man tells his wife, "See, I told you it wouldn't hurt to give the kid a shot of v**....
A man was shopping for a new bird
He had decided on buying a cockatoo, and the woman at the register asked him if he was sure it was the bird he wanted to buy.
Cockatoos are very needy, and they require a lot of attention and care. They can be very fussy and they can screech likes there's no tomorrow if you don't give them what they want.
Really, that's all? I'm already used to that on a daily basis. The man responded simply with a smile.
Oh? The woman asked, confused.
I have a wife.
A Russian family gets pulled over...
A man is driving with his wife and small child. A militiaman pulls them over and makes the man take a breathalyzer test. See, the militiaman says, you're drunk. The man protests that the breathalyzer must be broken and invites the cop to test his wife. She also registers as drunk. Exasperated, the man invites the cop to test his child. When the child registers drunk as well, the cop shrugs and says Yes, perhaps it is broken, and sends them on their way. Out of earshot the man tells his wife, See, I told you is wouldn't hurt to give the kid five grams of v**....
A man is driving with his wife and a small child when a cop pulls them over.
A man is driving with his wife and a small child. A cop pulls them over and makes the man take a breathalyzer test. See, the cop says, you are drunk. The man protests that the breathalyzer must be broken and invites the cop to test his wife. She also registers as drunk. Exasperated, the man invites the cop to test his child. When the child registers drunk as well, the cop shrugs, says, Yes, perhaps it is broken, and sends them on their way.
As they drive off, the man turns to his wife and says, See, I told you it wouldn't hurt to give the kid a couple of shots of v**....
A man goes along to the Patent Office...
A man goes along to the Patent Office with some of his new designs.
He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention. It's a folding bottle."
"OK," says the clerk. "What do you call it?"
"A fottle, replies the inventor."
"A fottle? That's silly! Can't you think of something else?"
"I can think about it. I've got something else though. It's a folding carton."
"And what do you call that?" asks the clerk.
"A farton", replies the inventor.
"That's rude. You can't possibly call it that!"
"In that case," says the inventor, "you're really going to hate the name of my folding bucket."
A middle aged man needs to buy condoms, but he doesn't know what size he needs...
So he asks the cashier at the checkout line. She reaches over the counter, grabs his c**..., and calls out over the intercom, "Medium condoms needed at register 3!"
An older gentleman has the same problem later that day, so the woman grabs his c**... and calls out, "Large condoms needed at register 3!"
A few minutes later a 16 year old boy walks in with the same dilemma. The woman grabs his c**... and calls out, "Clean-up at register 3!"
