Man And Wife Jokes
10 man and wife jokes and hilarious man and wife puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about man and wife that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Share Hilarious Man And Wife Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What is a good man and wife joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Man goes to a wizard
A man goes to see a wizard and says:
"Can you lift a curse that a priest put on me years ago?"
"Maybe," says the wizard, "Can you remember the exact words of the curse?"
The man replies, "I pronounce you man and wife."
A man and wife see a drunk guy
Ah, look at Patrick. says the wife.
Who's Patrick? says the husband.
The drunk guy, you know, we were a couple 10 years ago and he proposed to me back then. But I rejected him.
Good to see he's still celebrating.
in the beginning God created Man and said "I have created the perfect woman and wife for you, and put her in all four corners of the globe"
then he made the world round and LAUGHED.
A man and wife are in bed, when...
...when the man slides his hand slowly across her shoulders, across her waist, under her neck, under her back, & suddenly stops...
Wife: " ( In a romantic voice) Why did u stop?"
Man: "(Whispering) I found the remote. You can go back to sleep"
A man and wife went to a new dance club...
The first song was "The Twist," so they did the twist.
The second song was "The Monster Mash," so they did the monster mash.
The third song was "Come on, Eileen." They were thrown out.
Vicar: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T man and wife V W X Y Z
Groom: Why did you say that?
Vicar: Because I now pronounce u 'man and wife'
A woman visits a witch.
She asks the witch if she has something to help her break a curse that was cast against her about 8 years ago.
The witch asks, What sort of a curse was it, then?
The woman said, It went like 'I now pronounce you man and wife'."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man and wife were 'fixing the cat flap' and started arguing about whether they should switch to d**... or c**...
It was a bone of contention.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Man and wife visit the super bull farm.
They are shown round the prize bulls. The manager shows them a great strapping beast.. this one is our gold medal bull he mates without fail every three days. The wife is impressed and nudges hubby.. nodding approvingly.
They move on and next the manager shows them the double gold medal bull. He is a beast! This one, the manager explains proudly can do the business every other day without fail.
Wow.. Says the wife, with sideways look at her husband .. I'm very impressed.
Then the manager shows them Rocky, the triple gold medal bull. Rocky here, he says patting the muscular r**... of a steaming hot stomping beast, is a every single day boy.. 365 copulations a year.
The wife looks at her sulking husband. Now that's what I call a super stud!
Yes.. he says, scratching his chin,
but I bet Rocky here doesn't have to sleep with the same old cow every night.
A man and wife are in bed one night
when suddenly there's a knock at the door. Bleary eyed, the man staggers down the stairs mumbling profanities and opens the front door to see an old man.
"Im sorry to have woken you up but i was wondering if you can help me by giving me a bit of a push?"
"what??" Replied the man, "you woke me ip at two in the morning for that? Get lost. I have work in the morning"
He slams the door and marches back upstairs. As he gets into bed his wife enquires as to who was at the door.
"Oh, some old fella wanting a push. At this time of night" he snapped.
"And you didn't help him?" His wife asked, "What if it were me and our car broke down. Do you think you'd be happy knowing someone couldn't be bothered to help me? I think you should go out there and help him right now"
"Oh alright" he muttered. He put on his housecoat and the nearest pair of shoes and went back downstairs to see if the man was still there.
Upon getting outside, he couldn't see the man or his car anywhere.
"Hello!? Are you still there?" He shouted.
"Im over here" a voice called out. "on the swings"
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