Her blowjob counts as anal.
I swerved my car to avoid hitting her and ran out of gas.
Thanos had to snap twice.
.... Just like yo mama.
but then they buried yo mama.
"Twenty dollars?!" he said. "For what?"
"To buy groceries," I told him.
"When I was a boy," my grandfather said. "My mama would give me one dollar, just *one dollar*, and I'd go to the store and come home with two loaves of bread, two sacks of potatoes, a carton of eggs, three bottles of milk, a can of coffee and a box of tea."
He shrugged and paused.
"Times have changed and ya can't do that now," he told me. "Too many fuckin' security cameras."
I pictured her in my head and broke my neck.
and the Judge is asking Baby Bear who he wishes to live with. "So, is it Mama or Papa?" the Judge asks.
"Mama and Papa beat me," says Baby Bear.
"Well do you have any other relatives?" asked the Judge.
"I have an uncle in Chicago," replies Baby Bear.
"Does he beat you too?" asks the Judge.
"Naww," says Baby Bear. "The Chicago Bears don't beat anybody."
I swerved to miss her and ran out of gas
A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole. One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell maple syrup!"
The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!"
The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way. So he says, "Geez, all I can smell is . . . . .
molasses."
They run over a mama skunk and the wife insists that they go back and pick up the baby skunk.
She says to her husband, "The poor thing is freezing."
"Put him between your legs and warm him up." is the husband's reply.
"But what about the smell?" she asks.
The husband says, "Just hold his little nose and he should be fine."
...she had an heart attack while running an app.
Me: "Say Daddy!"
Baby: "Mama!"
Me: "Come on... Say Daddy!"
Baby: "MAMA!"
Me: "Fuck you. Say Daddy dammit!"
Baby: Fuck you! Mama!!"
Wife: "Honey, I'm home."
Baby: "Fuck you!"
Wife: "What? Who taught you to say that!?"
Baby: "Daddy!"
Me: "Son of a bitch..."
... I told her to act her age, and she died.
..when she goes camping, the bears hide their food.
She went into a haunted house and came out with a paycheque
her carbon footprint turned to diamond.
Her face spells "ugly" in Braille
That when she sends me nudes, my phone storage gets full.
...until your mama got on it
Mama, Mama, I don't like little brother!
Shut up and eat what you're told.
Mama, Mama, I don't want to go to Hawaii!
Shut up and keep swimming.
Mama, Mama, I don't like going in circles!
Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!
Honestly, I'm scarred.
The physicists discovered Gravitational waves today
Bill Cosby needed to drug himself to fuck her
Thanos had to clap to get rid of her
Mama mole, papa mole, and baby mole all lived in a hole. One day, mama mole stuck her head out and sniffed the air.
"That's weird, I smell grape jelly."
Papa mole squeezes up beside her, sniffs around, and says, "That's funny, because i smell strawberry jam."
Baby mole wanted to sniff the air too, but was stuck behind mama and papa mole, so he said "That's strange, all I smell is molasses!"
She went into a haunted house and came out with a paycheck.
when she walked in front of the TV, I missed 3 seasons of Breaking Bad
Your dad was attracted to her by the force of gravity.
Like your mom.
Teacher: Can anyone use the word "fascinate" in a sentence?
Billy: I was fascinated by the sunrise.
Teacher: Good, but "fascinated" is past tense. Can anyone else try?
Suzie: It was fascinating to see the flowers grow.
Teacher: Good, Suzie, but you added an "ing" at the end of the word and made it an adjective. I just want to hear the verb "fascinate".
Ernie: Yo mama got a blouse with 12 buttons on it...but she so fat, she can only fascinate!
A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole.
One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says,"Yum! I smell maple syrup!"
The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!"
The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way so he says, "Geez, all I can smell is MOLASSES!"
pickup lines don't work on her.
When she was buried, the flat earthers announced the earth is not flat anymore.
A guy goes to prison for the first time. After he's processed, he gets sent to his cell, where he meets his cell mate.
Cell mate: "Alright, this can go one of two ways. Either you can be the Mama Bear, or you can be the Papa Bear.
New guy: "Really? Well, if I have a choice in the matter, I'll be the Papa Bear!"
Cell mate: "Okay then, Papa Bear. Why don't you come over here and suck Mama Bear's dick?"
Papa mole first pokes his head out of the hole and sniffs. He then says "I smell some good pancakes and syrup." Next mama mole pokes her head out of the hole and says "all I smell is fruits and honey." Then baby mole tries to poke his head out of the hole and says " I can't smell anything except molasses."
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Mama? Well, here are the best Mama dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Mama pick up lines to share with friends.