The Best 80 Mall Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Mall jokes. There are some mall shoplifter jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these mall mall cop puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Mall Jokes and Puns

An Amish family visits a mall...

...the mother strolls along an aisle and experience modern life. The dad and the son, however, encounters an elevator.
"What is that, father?", the son asked.
"I don't know either, my son", replied the father, "Let's see what they use it for".
They then see an ugly, fat woman trudge into the elevator. The door shuts, and after a few minutes, a pretty lady walks out alone.
The father then said: "Go get your mother".

Frodo collected the keys to Macy's, JCPenney, McDonald's, etc. and put them on a single key ring

It was one ring to rule the mall.

So heres one.

So a teenager walks into a store in the mall to buy a hat. He asks for what size he should get. The store manager tells him most of the hats are one size fits all. Just then a screaming toddler walks in followed by a young girl. The boy looks at them, turns to the store manager and says "that's what they said about the condom."

Mall joke, So heres one.

If you've seen one shopping centre…

You've seen a mall.

Three blondes were on an escalator at the shopping mall when the power suddenly went out.

The were stranded for two hours.


So, a blonde and a brunette are at the mall...

and they see this really good looking guy. Being very outgoing girls they strike up a conversation. After they part ways, the blonde noticed that he had really bad dandruff.
"Yeah, we should give him Head & Shoulders." To which the blonde replies, "How do you give shoulders?"

Mall Santa

A Mall Santa is asking kids what they want for Christmas.

A little girl says, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."

Santa replies, "Doesn't Barbie come with Ken?"

"No silly. Barbie comes with G.I. Joe. She's only faking it with Ken."

Mall joke, Mall Santa

A multimillionaire goes to a psychologist

So, the multimillionaire is lying there on the couch, and he says, "I have this problem where I buy things. Big things, little things. It doesn't matter if it's a good deal or not. It doesn't matter whether or not I need it. It's the thrill of the purchase. In fact, yesterday I pulled out my wallet, and I bought an entire mall."

So the psychologist thinks for a little while, and finally says, "Then it sounds like you have a shopping complex."

A redneck family was visiting the city...

...and they were in a mall for the first time in their life. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "Paw, What's 'at?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen nuthin'like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a large old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Boy, go git yo Momma."

More of a riddle, actually.

I happen once a year, but twice a week.
You can easily find me in a store, but you won't see me in a mall.

What am I?

Where does the Empire buy their robes?

The Darth Mall!

You can explore mall bookstore reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean mall escalator dad jokes. There are also mall puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A man comes home to his wife with two black eyes

The wife freaks out but calms down enough to ask what happened. The man says well i was in the mall today on the escalator and there was this cute girl in front of me and she had her skirt tucked into her but. I pulled it out for her and she turned around and punched me in the eye. The wife says yeah i approve of that but how did you get the second one? The man says well i figured she liked it that way and pushed it back in.

New clothing store seen at local Mall named 'Off Topic'.

Apparently it's aimed at edgy teens with ADHD.

What do you call a mall Santa in July?

A pedophile. You call him a pedophile.

A Jewish kid wants to go to the mall...

and asks his dad for forty dollars.

"Thirty dollars?" he replies. "What do you need twenty dollars for?"

When I was 15 I got fired from my babysitting job when I lost my retarded neighbor at the mall...

I guess you could say I've been looking for that special someone ever since.

Mall joke, When I was 15 I got fired from my babysitting job when I lost my retarded neighbor at the mall...

Where do Siths do their shopping?

At the Darth Mall

I took my grandfather to the mall the other day

While circling the lot trying to find a place to park, he said out of nowhere "These spots are like the women my age"
I looked at him blankly.
"They're all taken or handicapped!"

The Perfect Husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$65,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he smiles and asks: **"Anyone know whose phone this is?"**


My friend speaks Spanish fluently and he is great with numbers

so we were looking for cheap books when we came to the table that advertised, 5 books for the price of 3. I found the books we needed on another table and surprised when I saw the same offer.

"Oh Look, 5 for 3 too Juan."

Gay guys know everything...

A gay guy and a straight guy are in a car and stuck at a stoplight for a very long time. The gay guy looks at the straight guy and says

"I'm going to go, it's going to turn green anyways."

the gay guy goes and it turns green. The straight guy says,

"how'd you do that."

"Gay guys know everything." said the gay guy.

Then the two go to the mall and while they're in the parking lot the gay guy stops the straight guy and says.

"I bet you in about 4 seconds 5 hot girls come around that corner over there."

About 4 seconds later 5 hot girls walk around the corner. The straight guy says,

"how'd you do that?"

the gay guy says yet again.

"Gay guys know everything."

*At this point in the joke you say to the person "Then the two guys go up these things that are a lot like stairs but they move?" Struggle to think about what they are called and hopefully the person you're telling the joke to says "escalator." Then you say*

"Gay guys know everything..."

The Wisdom of an Older Man

An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
''Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?''
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, ''Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?''
''I have no idea, but every time I talk to a pretty woman, she seems to appear out of nowhere.''

Spanish Dad Joke

A mexican father and son were at the mall and the son finally convinced his dad to try Chinese food.
"But it's so dry!" said the father.
"No it's not, they put lots of stuff on their plates," replied the son.
"Like what?" the father asked.
"Soy Sauce" he answered.
The father stared for a minute and then said, "Hola Sauce... *soy Dad*"

Once you've seen one shopping center...

you've seen the mall

A man comes to the infodesk in a mall

And says: "Sorry, I seem to have lost my son in the mall, can I make an announcement on your PA system?"
"Oh, sure"
The man leans towards the mike: "I'm vegan"

I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me.

She told me she was at the mall with her friend Carrie. Thing is, Carrie was sleeping right next to me!

They say if you've seen one connected group of stores

You've seen a mall

Trump: "Let's get that Muslim band going"

"Band? We thought you said ban"

Trump: "No way, that's harsh. Also, how's the Mexican mall going?"

I'm bored

Think I will go to the mall, find a great parking spot and sit in my car with my reverse lights on.

Arnold Schwarzenegger opens his own shopping mall. A customer left her purse on the counter after a purchase. Seeing the customer is nearing the exit of the mall, Arnold handed the purse to the nearest cashier.

"GET TO THE SHOPPER, NOW!"

Someone was handing out certificates for a free Karate Lesson at the mall yesterday

He told me I could only Taek Won Do

I could tell my girlfriend was cheating on me when she said she was at the mall with her BFF Jill

...when Jill was lying beside me this whole time. Smh

I GOT A FREE FOUNTAIN DRINK AT THE MALL TODAY!!

But all the pennies in the water gave it a bad taste.

Why is it called "the mall"?

Because instead of going to one store, you're going to them all.

So, it turns out my girlfriend is cheating on me

I asked her what she was doing, she said she was in the mall with Becky.
I know that's a lie, because I'm lying right next to Becky in her bed

A suicide bomber enters a mall, trigger in hand, threatening to blow up the building.

I swiftly chop off his hand, disarming him.

Where does Darth Vader go shopping?

At the Darth Mall.

My girlfriend was cheating on me

I called her and she said she was at the mall with her friend Angela. But Angela was laying right next to me.

Ban?????

"How did things go organizing a muslim travelling band?"

"Band? Sir, i'm sorry we thought you said ban."

"Ban! That's a bit harsh isn't it? Nevermind, how are things progressing with our new Mexican mall?"

How do people lose their kids at the mall?

Seriously, any tips would be greatly appreciated...

A large car with chauffeur

A boyfriend is watching TV when his girlfriend walks into the room

Gf: "I want to go to the mall to go shopping, wanna bring me?"

Boyfriend sighs

Bf: "How would you like it if you went in a large car with a chauffeur?"

Gf: "That sounds great!"

Bf: "Well, the bus leaves in 5 minutes."

(Blonde joke I just remembered) A blonde and a brunette...

A blonde and a brunette are walking in a shopping mall and spot a man with really bad dandruff. He has a look of visible anger on his face as he passes the two girls. The brunette says "Wow, that guy could use some Head & Shoulders." The blonde says back "How do you give Shoulders?"

As i walk in the local shopping mall, a woman comes walking towards me

She asks me: "sir, do you have a moment for animal abuse?" As the good man I am, I say: "of course, madam." So i walked to the nearest dog and kicked it like a football. Apparently that was not what she meant...

A feminist has taken legal action against a shopping mall Santa.

She claims he called her a hoe three times.

The real reason Roy Moore wanted to be in D.C.

He hasn't been banned from the National Mall

Roy Moore still hasn't conceded, which actually makes sense.

How could anyone banned from mall food courts know anything about concessions?

A kid sees Santa at a mall

and says: give me a brother

Santa: give me your mother!

Where does a Sith Lord buy their clothes?

At the Darth Mall.

An Amish family went to the city for the first time ever.

They went to a mall. The Amish man saw an old woman get into an elevator. He observed with curiosity as he had never seen anything like it before. Two minutes later, a young beautiful woman came out of the same elevator.
The Amish man turned to his son and said
"go get your mother!"

If you be been to one giant shopping center from the 90s

you've been to the mall

A man walks up to the information desk at a mall and says, I seem to have lost my kids. Can I make an announcement on the PA system?

Mall guy: Oh sure.

Man, grabbing the mike: I'm vegan.

What's the biggest challenge saudi teenagers face?

Losing their mom in the mall.

You're at the mall when a security guard comes up to you.

He (falsely) suspects you of attempted shoplifting.

You try to explain to him that you're not, but he thinks you're getting aggressive and trying to resist arrest.

He pulls out his taser.

What happens next may shock you...

I entered a contest where the grand prize was a shopping center, but I lost

Can't win the mall

Two mallards walk into a bar

The other one ducks

*Ba dum tsss*

Did you here about the fight on the stairs at the shopping mall?

Apparently it escalated quickly.

Today my son threw a quarter in the well at the mall and said "I wish my dad was dead." And because of his attitide we went home without buying anything.

When we got to our house we saw an ambulance and the coroner at Jim's house, apparently he had a freak heart attack about thirty minutes before hand, it was odd because he was a personal trainer and in great shape, my wife seemed real upset by his passing. Though it was strange because I've never even seen them speak to eachother.

My wife appears to have had her identity stolen.

Some woman at the mall just parked really badly and had a go at me like it was my fault.

They say calling people crazy is like being racist now.

All those people I bit at the mall ought to be ashamed of themselves.

A man was looking for a space to park his car in the parking lot of a mall...

After a lot of effort of going round and round he couldn't find an empty space so he started praying, please God help me find a parking space, I will go to church everyday for the rest of my life and would even give half of my life savings to charity..

Suddenly he sees a car pulling out of a spot..

Man : OKAY, Nevermind I found one..!!

Trying to make up for bad behavior, I went to the shopping mall to buy my wife a gift.

I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife, I say eyeing the attractive sales girl, but I don't know her size.
Will this help? she asked sweetly, placing her hands in the gloves.
Oh, yes, I answered. Her hands are just slightly smaller than yours.
Will there be anything else? the sales girl inquired, as she wrapped the gloves. Now that you mention it, I replied, she also needs a bra and panties.

Name your kid Allah Akbar

Then lose him in the mall

A man and his wife are walking in a mall, and the man realizes that his wife has disappeared...

The man walks to a woman outside the nearest store and says, I need to talk to you, I can't find my wife . The woman responds, I'll help you, but how is talking to me going to solve anything? . The man replies, my wife usually comes back when she sees me talking to strange women .

I saw two guys walking together with matching outfits at the mall, so I asked them if they were gay.

They arrested me.

Once you've seen one establishment with multiple stores in it

You've seen the mall

A penguin is driving to the mall...

All of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. Luckily, there's an auto repair shop right next to the mall, so he pulls in there. The mechanic says he'll be glad to take a look, but he won't be able to get to it for a couple hours. The penguin says fine, and walks across the street to the mall.

He kills time walking around the mall, does some window shopping, buys an ice cream cone, etc. Finally the two hours are up and he goes back to the mechanic.

The penguin says, "Have you had time to look at my engine?"

The mechanic says, "Yeah, it looks like you blew a seal."

The penguin says, "No, that's just ice cream."

I found a girl crying outside the mall today

When I asked her what was wrong, she told me she had just lost a whole $200. Out of the kindness of my heart, I gave her $40 out of the $200 I picked up at the entrance. When God blesses you, you pay it forward. :)

I punched the mall Santa Clause in the face

He called my daughter a 'ho'. 3 times!

Where do Sith shop?

The Darth Mall

I saw my girlfriend with another guy at the mall, I was about to confront them and kick the guys' ass.

But it wouldn't be a good example to set in front of my wife and kids.

An atheist comes into a mall

And there is no parking spot, so he says "God, if you give me parking spot, I will convert myself and become Christian".

Two minutes later he says "Nevermind I found one"

Where do the Sith hang out after school?

The Darth Mall.

What do you call a shopping center for Sith lords?

A Darth mall.

An Amish family goes to a mall for the first time

And of course they are overwhelmed. The man stands in front of an elevator, puzzled what this contraption may be. He watches a very heavyset woman enter it, the doors close and the elevator goes up, and as it returns, a young, beautiful woman emerges.

"What is that, Pa?", little Joshua wants to know.

"Never mind, son, but go get your mom here, quick!"

The old man and the elevator.

An old man from the country takes his family to town for the first time. They're at the mall and the mall has an elevator. Him and his son are watching this thing in amazement as they never saw one before and was not sure what it was. An older lady at least 80 with Gray hair in rollers and a walking cane walks into the elevator. A few minutes later a beautiful 25 year old blonde with huge tits walks out. The old man says to his son "Quick go get your mama".

An old man set out on his first trip to the mall

At the food court he was people watching and noticed a young man dressed in wild clothes with a multi-color mohawk.

The young man notices the old man staring so he walks over and rudely asks him if he has a problem.

The old man stared at him a moment longer and said, "Not really, just thinking about a time around 20 years ago when I got really drunk and screwed a peacock, I was just wondering if you might be my son".

Please put on your mask. It saves lives.

Yesterday a friend of mine went out with his girlfriend and on the way to the mall he passed by his wife and she did not recognize him. The mask really saved his life.

I think I might need new glasses

I saw a cute girl at the mall far away from me so I went to her to ask for her number.

When I got close, he was uglier than I expected.

Once you have seen.....

Once you have seen one shopping centre

you have seen the mall

If you've seen one large collection of stores and restaurants...

...you've seen the mall

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the mall mart jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working mall retail piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes