Mall Jokes
123 mall jokes and hilarious mall puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mall that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Dive into the world of mall jokes! From mall cops to mall crawlers, joke your way through a shopping center! Enjoy humorous takes on shop, grocery, and bookstore experiences! Enjoy and laugh away!
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Funniest Mall Short Jokes
Short mall jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mall humour may include short mill jokes also.
- Why is it called "the mall"? Because instead of going to one store, you're going to them all.
- I saw my girlfriend with another guy at the mall. I was about to confront them but I managed to calm myself down. That wouldn't be a good example to set in front of my wife and kids.
- How do people lose their kids at the mall? Seriously, any tips would be greatly appreciated...
- More of a riddle, actually. I happen once a year, but twice a week.
You can easily find me in a store, but you won't see me in a mall.
What am I? - My girlfriend was cheating on me I called her and she said she was at the mall with her friend Angela. But Angela was laying right next to me.
- I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me. She told me she was at the mall with her friend Carrie. Thing is, Carrie was sleeping right next to me!
- I'm bored Think I will go to the mall, find a great parking spot and sit in my car with my reverse lights on.
- I entered a contest where the grand prize was a shopping center, but I lost Can't win the mall
- Someone was handing out certificates for a free karate Lesson at the mall yesterday He told me I could only Taek Won Do
- Frodo collected the keys to Macy's, JCPenney, McDonald's, etc. and put them on a single key ring It was one ring to rule the mall.
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Mall One Liners
Which mall one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mall? I can suggest the ones about mare and lama.
- Where do Siths do their shopping? At the Darth Mall
- Once you've seen one shopping center... you've seen the mall
- What's the biggest challenge saudi teenagers face? Losing their mom in the mall.
- Where does the Empire buy their robes? The Darth Mall!
- Why should you never punch a mall Santa? Idk, security wouldn't tell me
- If you be been to one giant shopping center from the 90s you've been to the mall
- A kid sees Santa at a mall and says: give me a brother
Santa: give me your mother! - Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back? The mall is hiring new Santas.
- Where did Kylo Ren get his lightsaber? At the Darth Mall.
^I'm ^sorry. - What time do philosophers like to visit the shopping mall? At the Schopenhauer.
- Where do plugs like to shop? The outlet mall.
- A truly historic day. Thousands of women at a mall.. and no shoe sale.
- What contract does Mall-Santa sign? A Santa Clause
- I left my dog at the mall... Oh Shih-Tzu
- Why did the phone charger cross the road? Because there's an outlet mall on the otherside
Shopping Mall Jokes
Here is a list of funny shopping mall jokes and even better shopping mall puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- These holidays, Mike Tyson will be appearing at a shopping mall near you. So keep an ear out for him.
- I had a cousin called Marco. Tragic story. He got lost in a crowded shopping mall. My aunt called and called for him but of course she hadn't a hope of hearing him calling back.
- Did you here about the fight on the stairs at the shopping mall? Apparently it escalated quickly.
- Hand holding: You know why men hold their wife's/ girlfriend's hand in shopping malls?
Because if he doesn't , she will shop. - Did you hear about the architect who had an unhealthy obsession with designing overly intricate shopping malls? He had a complex complex complex.
- I was walking outside of the Microsoft Store at the mall tonight when my wife asked if I wanted to go in and look at anything. I told her No, I'm just Windows shopping.
- What's the difference between a woman and a tiger entering a commercial center? The woman is shopping in the mall and the tiger is mauling in the shops.
- I wasn't paying attention and almost drove my car right into the front of a store. Although it's hard not to when you're driving through a shopping mall.
- I visited a shopping complex owned by a fat psychic. It was a large medium's mall.
- Did you guys hear about the new business shopping center in Pepto County? They're calling it the Pepto Biz Mall
Mall Santa Jokes
Here is a list of funny mall santa jokes and even better mall santa puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When my parents told me Santa wasn't real, I was incredibly sad. But then I bumped into him at the mall last December and he cleared that all up for me! Nice joke, Dad!
- We're at the mall and noticed none of the kids can sit on Santa's lap. I'm not sure why, there's probably some Claus against it...
- My dad told me Santa wasn't real when I was 10 Jokes on him. Guess who I just saw at the mall.
- I came across my friend who was working as a mall santa I had to help him wipe it off before his shift started.
- Santa Claus goes to the mall to sit on Chuck Norris' lap.
- I didn't realize how creepy Santa was until... Today, when I was sitting on his lap at the mall.
Mall Cop Jokes
Here is a list of funny mall cop jokes and even better mall cop puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Is the officer from the McKinney police video... Applying for the role of Paul Blart: Mall Cop 3? That recovery off the tuck and roll was impeccable.
- I was having a really bad day Then I watched Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2
- I'm applying for a position as a mall cop.... It has good job security.
- I asked a guy what his favorite movie was earlier today. And it was not Paul Blart: Mall Cop
Outlet Mall Jokes
Here is a list of funny outlet mall jokes and even better outlet mall puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Where does Electro go shopping? At an Outlet Mall!
- Was at the mall when I saw a foot massager outlet the floor below, imagine my disappointment when it turned out to be a kid in a wheelchair.
- what did they call the infinity war themed event at the mall? The Infinity outlet.
Howlingly Hilarious Mall Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about mall you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean large jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mall pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So heres one.
So a teenager walks into a store in the mall to buy a hat. He asks for what size he should get. The store manager tells him most of the hats are one size fits all. Just then a screaming toddler walks in followed by a young girl. The boy looks at them, turns to the store manager and says "that's what they said about the c**...."
A multimillionaire goes to a psychologist
So, the multimillionaire is lying there on the couch, and he says, "I have this problem where I buy things. Big things, little things. It doesn't matter if it's a good deal or not. It doesn't matter whether or not I need it. It's the thrill of the purchase. In fact, yesterday I pulled out my wallet, and I bought an entire mall."
So the psychologist thinks for a little while, and finally says, "Then it sounds like you have a shopping complex."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A r**... family was visiting the city...
...and they were in a mall for the first time in their life. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "Paw, What's 'at?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen nuthin'like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a large old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Boy, go git yo Momma."
A man comes home to his wife with two black eyes
The wife freaks out but calms down enough to ask what happened. The man says well i was in the mall today on the escalator and there was this cute girl in front of me and she had her skirt tucked into her but. I pulled it out for her and she turned around and punched me in the eye. The wife says yeah i approve of that but how did you get the second one? The man says well i figured she liked it that way and pushed it back in.
New clothing store seen at local Mall named 'Off Topic'.
Apparently it's aimed at edgy teens with ADHD.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I was 15 I got fired from my babysitting job when I lost my r**... neighbor at the mall...
I guess you could say I've been looking for that special someone ever since.
I took my grandfather to the mall the other day
While circling the lot trying to find a place to park, he said out of nowhere "These spots are like the women my age"
I looked at him blankly.
"They're all taken or handicapped!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the difference between a Paul Blart Mall Cop Movie and a mosquito?
If you slap the mosquito it will stop s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Perfect Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks: **"Anyone know whose phone this is?"**
My friend speaks Spanish fluently and he is great with numbers
so we were looking for cheap books when we came to the table that advertised, 5 books for the price of 3. I found the books we needed on another table and surprised when I saw the same offer.
"Oh Look, 5 for 3 too Juan."
Gay guys know everything...
A gay guy and a straight guy are in a car and stuck at a stoplight for a very long time. The gay guy looks at the straight guy and says
"I'm going to go, it's going to turn green anyways."
the gay guy goes and it turns green. The straight guy says,
"how'd you do that."
"Gay guys know everything." said the gay guy.
Then the two go to the mall and while they're in the parking lot the gay guy stops the straight guy and says.
"I bet you in about 4 seconds 5 hot girls come around that corner over there."
About 4 seconds later 5 hot girls walk around the corner. The straight guy says,
"how'd you do that?"
the gay guy says yet again.
"Gay guys know everything."
*At this point in the joke you say to the person "Then the two guys go up these things that are a lot like stairs but they move?" Struggle to think about what they are called and hopefully the person you're telling the joke to says "escalator." Then you say*
"Gay guys know everything..."
While at the mall with my infant son, I was glad to see the men's room had a baby changing station...
…so I took the kid right in there and strapped him into it.
Imagine my disappointment when we left the restroom and he was still the same foul-tempered, demanding and inarticulate little brat I walked in there with.
[Edited for clarity]
The Wisdom of an Older Man
An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
''Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?''
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, ''Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?''
''I have no idea, but every time I talk to a pretty woman, she seems to appear out of nowhere.''
Spanish Dad Joke
A mexican father and son were at the mall and the son finally convinced his dad to try Chinese food.
"But it's so dry!" said the father.
"No it's not, they put lots of stuff on their plates," replied the son.
"Like what?" the father asked.
"Soy Sauce" he answered.
The father stared for a minute and then said, "Hola Sauce... *soy Dad*"
Imagine a place where you can buy everything related to the Sith and the Dark Side
It would be called the Darth Mall...
...and everything would be half off
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy is lost in the mall and start shouting for his wife.
Alice! Alice!, suddenly he hears another voice shouting the same name Alice!! Alice!, he turns and looks at him and shouts HEY! is your wife named Alice too? No but I guess since shes b**... a guy like you I got a shot. Alice!
After Ash Ketchum catches them all
in Kanto region, they were really happy for him! So when they wanted to reward him for his mighty success, they decided to build a mall for him. They called it
Ketchum Mall.
So a pirate wants to get his ears pierced...
He goes to the mall where he finds an ear piercing kiosk and asks the girl how much it would cost. The girl turns and says, "Oh hi! It's a buccaneer!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Just punched an old bearded fat guy at the mall..
I passed infront of him and he happily looked at me and called me a "h**..." 3 times.
So rude!
Snow and Ice
A blonde was driving behind a snowplow, she followed him for over an hour. finally the snowplow driver pulls over and asks her what she was doing, she said that her husband had told her that if the roads were covered in snow or ice to find a snowplow and follow it.
He Said" That's very good advice, but I'm done with the Wal-mart parking lot now.do you want to follow me to the mall?"
Arnold Schwarzenegger opens his own shopping mall. A customer left her purse on the counter after a purchase. Seeing the customer is nearing the exit of the mall, Arnold handed the purse to the nearest cashier.
"GET TO THE SHOPPER, NOW!"
I could tell my girlfriend was cheating on me when she said she was at the mall with her BFF Jill
...when Jill was lying beside me this whole time. Smh
I GOT A FREE FOUNTAIN DRINK AT THE MALL TODAY!!
But all the pennies in the water gave it a bad taste.
So, it turns out my girlfriend is cheating on me
I asked her what she was doing, she said she was in the mall with Becky.
I know that's a lie, because I'm lying right next to Becky in her bed
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A s**... bomber enters a mall, trigger in hand, threatening to blow up the building.
I swiftly chop off his hand, disarming him.
Ban?????
"How did things go organizing a muslim travelling band?"
"Band? Sir, i'm sorry we thought you said ban."
"Ban! That's a bit harsh isn't it? Nevermind, how are things progressing with our new Mexican mall?"
A large car with chauffeur
A boyfriend is watching TV when his girlfriend walks into the room
Gf: "I want to go to the mall to go shopping, wanna bring me?"
Boyfriend sighs
Bf: "How would you like it if you went in a large car with a chauffeur?"
Gf: "That sounds great!"
Bf: "Well, the bus leaves in 5 minutes."
(Blonde joke I just remembered) A blonde and a brunette...
A blonde and a brunette are walking in a shopping mall and spot a man with really bad dandruff. He has a look of visible anger on his face as he passes the two girls. The brunette says "Wow, that guy could use some Head & Shoulders." The blonde says back "How do you give Shoulders?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As i walk in the local shopping mall, a woman comes walking towards me
She asks me: "sir, do you have a moment for animal a**...?" As the good man I am, I say: "of course, madam." So i walked to the nearest dog and kicked it like a football. Apparently that was not what she meant...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A feminist has taken legal action against a shopping mall Santa.
She claims he called her a h**... three times.
The real reason Roy Moore wanted to be in D.C.
He hasn't been banned from the National Mall
Roy Moore still hasn't conceded, which actually makes sense.
How could anyone banned from mall food courts know anything about concessions?
A man walked into the best department store he's ever seen and suddenly collapsed, spasming
The doctor diagnosed it as a grand mall seizure.
A man walks up to the information desk at a mall and says, I seem to have lost my kids. Can I make an announcement on the PA system?
Mall guy: Oh sure.
Man, grabbing the mike: I'm vegan.
You're at the mall when a security guard comes up to you.
He (falsely) suspects you of attempted shoplifting.
You try to explain to him that you're not, but he thinks you're getting aggressive and trying to resist arrest.
He pulls out his taser.
What happens next may shock you...
At the mall today I saw a toddler gnawing on a small rubber duck.
I asked him if it tasted like quackers.
A thief stole a leaky tin of paint and is well hidden in the mall...
The police found him by following the blueprints.
Two mallards walk into a bar
The other one ducks
*Ba dum tsss*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Washing your own car is like w**....
I'd rather do it myself than have a guy do it in the car park of a mall.
Today my son threw a quarter in the well at the mall and said "I wish my dad was dead." And because of his attitide we went home without buying anything.
When we got to our house we saw an ambulance and the coroner at Jim's house, apparently he had a freak heart attack about thirty minutes before hand, it was odd because he was a personal trainer and in great shape, my wife seemed real upset by his passing. Though it was strange because I've never even seen them speak to eachother.
My wife appears to have had her identity stolen.
Some woman at the mall just parked really badly and had a go at me like it was my fault.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They say calling people crazy is like being racist now.
All those people I bit at the mall ought to be ashamed of themselves.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Trying to make up for bad behavior, I went to the shopping mall to buy my wife a gift.
I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife, I say eyeing the attractive sales girl, but I don't know her size.
Will this help? she asked sweetly, placing her hands in the gloves.
Oh, yes, I answered. Her hands are just slightly smaller than yours.
Will there be anything else? the sales girl inquired, as she wrapped the gloves. Now that you mention it, I replied, she also needs a bra and p**....
Mary's boyfriend called Mary on her birthday...
Mary - m boyfriend - b
b: hey honey
m: hey
b:do you remember that mall we went to last month?
m : yes?
b : and you saw a jewelry shop there?
m : yes?
b : and you really wanted that ring?
m (starting to get a bit exited) : yes?
b : but we didn't get it cause we couldn't afford it back then?
m (getting really exited) : yes?
b : well, there's a MacDonald's in front of it, you want some nuggets?
A man and his wife are walking in a mall, and the man realizes that his wife has disappeared...
The man walks to a woman outside the nearest store and says, I need to talk to you, I can't find my wife . The woman responds, I'll help you, but how is talking to me going to solve anything? . The man replies, my wife usually comes back when she sees me talking to strange women .
I saw two guys walking together with matching outfits at the mall, so I asked them if they were gay.
They arrested me.
A penguin is driving to the mall...
All of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. Luckily, there's an auto repair shop right next to the mall, so he pulls in there. The mechanic says he'll be glad to take a look, but he won't be able to get to it for a couple hours. The penguin says fine, and walks across the street to the mall.
He kills time walking around the mall, does some window shopping, buys an ice cream cone, etc. Finally the two hours are up and he goes back to the mechanic.
The penguin says, "Have you had time to look at my engine?"
The mechanic says, "Yeah, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "No, that's just ice cream."
I found a girl crying outside the mall today
When I asked her what was wrong, she told me she had just lost a whole $200. Out of the kindness of my heart, I gave her $40 out of the $200 I picked up at the entrance. When God blesses you, you pay it forward. :)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I punched the mall Santa Clause in the face
He called my daughter a h**...'. 3 times!
An atheist comes into a mall
And there is no parking spot, so he says "God, if you give me parking spot, I will convert myself and become Christian".
Two minutes later he says "Nevermind I found one"
Why did the Mallard fail as a comic?
His humor was too fowl.
Please put on your mask. It saves lives.
Yesterday a friend of mine went out with his girlfriend and on the way to the mall he passed by his wife and she did not recognize him. The mask really saved his life.
I think I might need new glasses
I saw a cute girl at the mall far away from me so I went to her to ask for her number.
When I got close, he was uglier than I expected.
An Amish man and his son are at a mall.
They're taken aback as they look around. The son points to an elevator and asks his father, "What is that?" The man says, "I don't know, son, but let's watch." An old, fat woman gets on and the metal doors slide shut. A few moments later the doors slide open and a gorgeous young blonde gets off. The man turns to his son and says, "Go get your mother."
What's the definition of patience?
Your mom saying goodbye at family parties and/or finding a friend at the mall
Amish man and his son go to a big shopping mall for the first time
They're staring in wonder at all of the shiny big buildings and the massive panes of glass when the two come across two big shiny metal doors.
"What is it, dad?" asked the son.
"I have no idea." replied the father. I have never seen anything like this in all my life.
They watched in wonder as an old lady walked up to the doors, pressed a button, and stepped inside the now-open doors. The doors closed once again and a while later, a 20-year-old blonde strolled out of the doors.
The father told his son, "Go get your mother!"
My thoughts on zodiac signs
Like I don't mind them in general, but I hate it when people bring them up all the time.
So this one time I called my friend and asked him if he wanted to go to the mall with me.
He said, No dude, I can't, I have cancer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is walking through his local mall
and notices a Mexican book store. He decides to go in because he has never seen a Mexican book store before. He browses through the store and finally asks the clerk, "Do you have the book on Donald Trump's foreign policies with Mexico?"
The clerk replies, "F*c**... you, get out, stay out!" The man replies, "Yeah, that's the one!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've been called a pervert. I've been banned from the mall. I've even gotten a few restraining orders, but I won't let that stop me.
Come h**... or high water, I'm gonna figure out Victoria's Secret.
