The Best 49 Males Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Males jokes. There are some males facials jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these males dumb male blonde puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Males Jokes and Puns

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist...

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She asked if there was something which she could help the gentleman with.
The man said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.

The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.

The man agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it?"

The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."

When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3000 a month living expenses.

A woman walks into the kitchen...

And sees her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"Killing flies?" She asked.

"Yep, two males and three females," he responded.

"How can you tell?"

"Easy, the boys were on the beer and the girls were on the phone!"

How to Tell the Sex of a Fly

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting Flies," he responded.

"Oh. Killing any?" she asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell them apart?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

Males joke, How to Tell the Sex of a Fly

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband...

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?", she asked.

"Hunting Flies" he responded.

"Oh, Killing any?" she asked.

"Yup. 3 males. 2 females" He responded.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on the beer can, and 2 were on the phone"

*Incredible*

What do dwarves and hipsters have in common? (just made this joke up, help me if I can word it better)

They're underground, and it's hard to tell males from females.

or something like that =)


There are 3 keys that unite all males on the planet

Cntrl, shift, and N

A man walks into a pharmacy

A man walks in to a pharmacy &, after several minutes, walks up to the woman behind the counter.
She asked, "How can I help you?"
The man replied, "I need to speak to a male pharmacist."
The woman responded with, "I'm sorry. My sister & I run this pharmacy. There are no males employed here. Sir, how can I help you? I am a pharmacist & I will be professional."
The man pondered over this & then said, "Well. OK. Every day, I have an erection that lasts for 3 hours. I don't take any pills. It's just a natural occurrence. What can you give me for it?"
The pharmacist thought about it for a moment, then said, "Let me call my sister. Wait right here." She came back a few minutes later & said, "Here's what we can offer you: 1/3 ownership of the store, a company truck, a king size waterbed, & $3000/month living expenses."

Males joke, A man walks into a pharmacy

Permanent erection

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.

The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She then asked if there was something she could help the gentleman with.

The man said, "This is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent erection which causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?"

The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."

When she returned, she said, "The best we can do is one third ownership in the store and 3000 Dollars a month in living expenses."

A mans monkey was very sick...

...so he took it to the vet.

Doctor: "Bobo will need a new brain"

Man: "How much will it cost?"

Doctor: "$5000 for a males brain, $3000 for a females"

Man: "Why the price difference?"

Doctor: "The female brain is used"

Why do 95% of black males like sex in the shower?

The other 5% aren't in jail.

The introduction of Yoga Pants have been found to be the cause of a 0.65 drop in the GPA of Males.

I dont have significant data to back this up, But i have some notes from college that show causation.

You can explore males sexes reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean males gender dad jokes. There are also males puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I stopped at a friend's house the other day and found him stalking around with a fly-swatter. When I asked if he was getting any flies, he answered:

'Yeah, three males and two females.' Curious, I asked how he could tell the difference. He said: 'Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone.'

How many cis-gender white males does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. And it would be his privilege to help out.

Sheila walked into the kitchen to find Bruce stalking around with a fly swatter...

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

After World War 2, birth rates and the libido among Japanese males was at an all-time low. Why?

They lost their tojo.

Queen Bee

The queen honey bee has sex with up to 40 males per day.

Just like your mom.

Males joke, Queen Bee

Doctor and Lady

Doctor: You are looking so weak and exhausted! Are you properly taking 3 meals a day as I had advised?

Lady: Oh my god! I heard 3 males a day.

You always hear about alpha males and beta males, but I'd prefer to be a gamma male

They have a higher rate of penetration...

How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco?

Both of them.


What is a pirates favourite letter

It is clearly double D as they are mostly males who can't stand a sunken chest and no booty.

(New original take on old joke)

They say cow manure come from males.

But that's bullshit.

What do women and Tony Stark have in common?

They are both Fe Males.

New study confirms white males are the most oppressed people in America

sike.

What do you call a bear that's into both males and females?

Bipolar

I enjoy jokes, but jokes about giving facials to gay or bisexual males?

Come on guys

An English professor wrote these words...

a woman without her man is nothing

On the board and asked his students to punctuate correctly.

All of the males in the class wrote a woman, without her man, is nothing.

However, all of the women wrote, a woman: without her, man is nothing.

Why are Jewish males circumcised?

Because they know Jewish females can't resist anything that's 10% off

Why do Jedis make bad marriage counsellors?

Their only advice to males is "use the force".

Husband talking to wife

Wife - What are you doing?

Husband - Killing flys.

Wife - How many did you kill?

Husband - Total 7, 3 females and 4 males.

Wife - How do you know their gender?

Husband - 3 near mirror and 4 near beer :)

2 males kissing ain't gay

It's homiesexual

I asked a German doctor about the anatomical differences between males and females...

I don't think he knows, cause he answered "Vas deferens?".

Son: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?



Me: I don't know; how many?

Son: Ten tickles.

Me: Yeah, but only the male octopus is ticklish.

Son: Huh?

Me: Yeah, the females are not ticklish at all; just the males. You know how you can tell if an octopus is a male octopus?

Son: No; how?

Me: Test tickles.

Son: ...

Son: ...that's inappropriate.

My wife asked what I was up to in the kitchen with the fly swatter.,

I said, killing flies

she replies, killed any?

Yes , I said, 3 males & 2 females

Intrigued she asks, how do you know the sex?

Well, easy, 3 were on a beer can and 2 were on the phone

All those transgender "males" offended by my quotations....

Really need to grow a pair.

The US government are now forcing all under 25 year old fit and healthy American males to work for the Bank of America immediately or face criminal detention.

They've decided to become a BoA Conscripter.

My Biology teacher told me ants are female

The males are called uncles

At Oxford's men only English language competition, 200 males were participating

The challenge was to express Peacefulness, Happiness and Calmness in a single sentence.

The person who won the competition wrote....

"My wife is sleeping."







He also received standing ovation from the audience.

Between biological males and biological females...

...there's quite a vas deferens.

Scientists have proven that females can express their emotions better than males.

As a man, that information makes me feel...something...

Why are pandas so bad at procreating?

Because the males eat shoots and leaves

So i told my russian friend

Your parents must be the novichok killers
1. Because he's russian
2.because theyre both males so it means he's adopted
DOUBLE CUSS

Fly Swatter

A woman arrives in the kitchen and sees her husband with a fly swatter and says "What are you doing?"

He replies: "I'm chasing the flies..."
She asks "Did you kill them?"

He says "As a matter of fact, yes, 3 males and 2 females

Intrigued, she asks him: "How do you make the difference between females and males?"

He answers: "3 were on the beer can, 2 on the phone."

Aparently 30% of males go on a diet before going on holiday. I cheated

And just took a fat girlfriend to the beach

They say the first human to make it mars will most likely be a woman

This way when the males get there dinner will be ready

Does every Tickle-Me-Elmo have to have test-tickles before they leave the factory?

No, Not every one, only the males

3 generations of males went to an old-fashioned store...

The young man asked for a pound of raisins from the pretty lady behind the counter. She had to climb a ladder to fill the order, revealing her naked flesh under her short skirt. Then, she asked his dad what he wanted.

Wanting to see a panty-less beauty climb the stairs again, he too asked for a pound of raisins. This time she caught on while grabbing the raisins, looking down on the men getting their carnal delights.

She then asked the grandpa, "I suppose yours is raisin' too?" "No," the old fella said, "but it is twitchin' a bit."

I was in the kitchen with a fly swatter...

... when my wife walked in.

"What are you doing?"

"Swatting flies."

"Get any?"

"Three males, 2 females."

"How can you tell the males from the females?"

"Three on a beer can. Two on the phone."

What do you call a group of males from Germany?

Germen

An elementary school teacher was handing out samples of deer jerky to anyone who wanted to try it.

It was part of the lesson about pioneer days and she hadn't yet told them what kind of meat it was.


She was giving clues to help the students. "I'm sure all of you have seen one as there are a lot of them around here". No response.

"The males often clash to prove who is toughest". Still no response.

Finally she says "You have probably heard your mother call your father this."

Suddenly one of the students hacks and then yells "Spit it out! Spit it out! It's an asshole!"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the males privilege jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working males female piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes