Male Jokes
170 male jokes and hilarious male puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about male that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article explores the different kinds of male jokes and why they are important. It examines the topics of alpha male, beta male, sigma male, wow human male, happy birthday male, 40th birthday male, blonde male, female and companionship. Additionally, it looks at ways that male jokes can provide laughter, as well as a deeper understanding of prostidude. Learn why male jokes are essential for healthy social dynamics.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Male Short Jokes
Short male jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The male humour may include short gender jokes also.
- How to determine the gender of your cat ? pour some milk in a bowl and place it next to the cat, if she drinks it, your cat is a female, but if he drinks it, the cat is a male
- I was born male and I identify as male, yet... ... according to Tesco's Finest Sticky Toffee Pudding, I'm a family of four!
- is google male or female? female: because it refuses to let me finish a sentence before making suggestions
- Three feminists walk into a bar. They look at one another and say, "Hooray! We've taken over a male-dominated joke format!"
- TIL that Saudi Arabia has over 130 males for every 100 females in the country It must be awesome to be a woman in Saudi Arabia!
- A woman is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The male cashier says: "You must be single." He got fired.
- Why are genies always male? Well, there are female genies, but the men who find their lamp never know how to rub it just right.
- A male snake charmer married a female undertaker.. Their bath towel read "Hiss" and "Hearse"
- How do you tell the difference between Male and Female ghosts? One has boooooobs.
The other gets full pay at their jobs. - Wound you be rich if you had 50 female pigs and 50 male deer? Of course you would, you'd have 100 sows and bucks
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Male One Liners
Which male one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with male? I can suggest the ones about women men and masculine.
- When I was young, I always felt like a male trapped in a females body Then I was born
- Iron Man is a very confusing character. I know he's a guy but he could've been Fe Male.
- What are a male donkey's pronouns? He / haw
- Male bees die after mating. That's basically their entire lives. Honey. nut. Cheerio.
- all ants are female because if they were male, they would be called uncles
- What's the worlds manliest job? A male man
- What is the gender of Iron Man? Fe Male
- I'm going to make an all male massage parlor. I'll call it The Massagynist
- Newton's third law of Emotion. For every male action, there is a female overreaction.
- How does a male farmer win the heart of a female farmer? Attract her.
- Which Marvel superhero is transgender? Ironman, he's a Fe male.
- Most people don't realize that Iron Man.. Is a Fe-male.
- I started a new gay club called "The Post Office" You can get your male there.
- What do you call Iron Man's transgender cousin? Fe-male
- What do you call someone who only hires male masseurs? A massage-onist.
(OC)
Male Female Jokes
Here is a list of funny male female jokes and even better male female puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call 50 female pigs and 50 male deer? A hundred sows and bucks.
- How many moths does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, a male and a female
- -Mom, is God black or white? \-Both, mother answers
\-Is he male of female?
\-Both
\-Mom, is Michael Jackson God? - How do you tell the difference between a male and female chromosome? You pull down it's genes!
- Me: You know, the female black widow spider kills the male spider after mating. I don't understand why? Wife: I'm pretty sure it's to stop the male from snoring before it starts
- How can you tell female ants from male ants? They're all females, otherwise they'd be called uncles
- How big of a difference is there between the male and female reproductive system? There's a vas deferens.
- What's the difference between a male paragraph and a female paragraph? The male one has no periods.
- Captain Marvel wasn't the first standalone female superhero... Iron man was, because he's Fe-Male
- I asked a German doctor about the anatomical differences between males and females... I don't think he knows, cause he answered "Vas deferens?".
Male And Female Jokes
Here is a list of funny male and female jokes and even better male and female puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Grindr I was riding in an Uber with a gay male friend when his Grindr tone went off and our female driver said, hey, I know that game tone…my husband plays it all the time.
- Why did Iron Man become a trans woman? Because she realized she was Fe-male!
- What do you name the male and female twin monkeys? Abe and Anna
- How do you tell a male chromosome from a female chromosome? You pull down its genes.
- When it comes to distinguishing male genitalia from female genitalia... There's a Vas Deferens.
- I found out today my brother's bi-polar. Apparently he likes male and female polar bears.
- What did the male alpaca say to the female alpaca? Como te llama
- What do you call a female goose who feels they should've been born male Transgander
- How does a male potato chip mate with a female potato chip? He Lay's on her.
- Math Question A couple is on a date and they're asking each other math questions.
Male: What's 5x plus 5x?
Female: 10x.
Male: What's 5q plus 5q?
Female: 10q.
Male: You're welcome.
Male Nurse Jokes
Here is a list of funny male nurse jokes and even better male nurse puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the hardest part about being a vegetable? The male nurse.
- What do you call a medic who deals with male bladder problems? A Pee Nurse
- What do you call a Nurse that specializes in male genitalia? A Pi-nurse.
Alpha Male Jokes
Here is a list of funny alpha male jokes and even better alpha male puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- People keep asking me if I'm an alpha male or a beta male... My name is Charlie ffs.
- What do you call the dominant male in a school of fish? The *Alpha* Beta...
- What's the difference between the midget and the alpha male? The girl didn't see the midget coming.
- Why do they call the alpha male "Mr. Blue Ray"? Because he's superior in every way to Betamax
- There are 3 types of males. Alpha, Beta and Hulk
- Alpha male An alpha male walks into a pharmacy and asks for Beta blockers.
Beta Male Jokes
Here is a list of funny beta male jokes and even better beta male puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call 2 beta males fighting? Soy beef
Hilarious Male Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about male you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mate jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make male pranks.
A man goes to his male doctor after several tests and tells him, "Give it to me straight doc!"
The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male." They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today in s**... ed our teacher asked what's the difference between a male reproductive system and the female reproductive system.
Apparently there's a vas deferens
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist...
A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She asked if there was something which she could help the gentleman with.
The man said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The man agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent e**.... It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3000 a month living expenses.
Lover's Lane
A cop comes upon a car parked late one night on Lover's Lane. Upon further investigation he finds a male subject reading a book in the front seat and a female subject filing her nails in the back seat.
The cop asks the guy, "What are you doing up here?"
"I'm reading a book sir."
"Uh-huh. And what's she doing?" the cop inquires, motioning toward the back seat.
"Well clearly, sir, she is filing her nails."
With a puzzled look on his face, the cop says, "In the 13 years I've been a cop I've never seen anything like this on Lover's Lane. How old are you son?"
"I'm 20."
"And how old is she?"
The guy looks at his watch and says, "Well in about 15 minutes she'll be 18."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A whale tale
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the b**..., but I absolutely refuse to s**... the s**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Interviewing Arab for US visa
Interviewing an arab for a visa
Consul : What is your name?
Arab: Abdul Aziz
Consul: s**...?
Arab : Six to ten times a week
Consul: I mean, male or female?
Arab : Both male and female and sometimes even camels.
Consul: Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!
Consul: Man,........isn't it hostile?
Arab : Horse style, d**..., any style
Consul: Oh..........dear!
Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast
A guy goes in an Adult Store in Western Sydney and asks for an inflatable doll.
A guy goes in an Adult Store in Western Sydney and asks for an inflatable doll.
The guy behind the counter says, Male or female ?
The customer says, Female.
The counter guy asks, Black or white?
The customer says, White.
The counter guy asks, Christian or Muslim?
The customer says, What does religion have to do with it?
The counter guy says, The Muslim one blows itself up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a man rides his camel through New York...
and leaves it to go to a diner. When he comes back, his camel is missing, so he goes to the police.
The police ask a few questions. "Was the camel male or female?"
The man replies, "I'm not entirely sure- Wait! I remember! It's male it has to be!
"How do you know?"
"Well, when I was riding through town people kept pointing and saying "Look at the shmuck on that camel!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The morticians wife.
The mortician gets a call to come pick up Schultz, who dies unexpectedly. While getting him ready for the f**..., he can't help but notice Schultz has a freakishly huge male member. So he cuts it off, puts it in a bag, and brings it home to show his wife this amazing specimen.
He gets home and says, " Honey come look at the amazing thing I found at work today!" She comes over, takes a look in the bag and shrieks loudly, "Oh my God! Schultz is dead!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Czech and a Mexican
A Czechoslovakian and a Mexican go camping, while they were in the woods the Czech gets eaten by a bear. So the Mexican runs to find the park ranger and says "park ranger a bear ate my friend"
The park ranger and the Mexican find two bears, a male and a female. The park ranger asked the Mexican which ate his friend he points to the male and the ranger kills him and guts him there are no remains of the Czech man in the bear. Moral of the story never trust a Mexican when he says the Check is in the male
2 parrots
A woman tells her priest, Father, I have a problem. My two female parrots only say, 'Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?'
Don't worry, says the priest. I have two male parrots who only pray and read the Bible. We'll put them in the same cage—your parrots are sure to stop saying that horrid phrase.
The next day, the woman takes her parrots to the priest's home. The male parrots are inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. When the woman places the female parrots in the cage, they cry out, Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?
One male says to the other, Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the technical term for a female to male s**... change?
A strapadictome
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Late Night Phone Call To The Vet
A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat', agreed to look after her neighbor`s male dog
while the neighbors were on vacation.
She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.
However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds,
rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage,
as so frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet,
who answered in a very grumpy voice.
Having explained the problem to him, the vet said,
"Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs.
I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his e**...
and he will be able to withdraw."
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"Just worked on me," he replied.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Gorilla Encounter
Two gay guys are at the Zoo. They come across a gorilla and notice that the male gorilla has a massive e**.... The gay men are fascinated by this.
One of the men just can't bear it any longer, and he reaches into the cage to touch it. The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and mates with him for two hours non-stop, while the zoo attendants helplessly stand by. When he's done, the gorilla throws the man out of the cage.
An ambulance is called and the man is taken away to the hospital.
A few days later, his friend visits him in the hospital and asks, "Are you hurt?"
"AM I HURT?" he shouts. "Wouldn't you be? He hasn't called! He hasn't written!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a pharmacy
A man walks in to a pharmacy &, after several minutes, walks up to the woman behind the counter.
She asked, "How can I help you?"
The man replied, "I need to speak to a male pharmacist."
The woman responded with, "I'm sorry. My sister & I run this pharmacy. There are no males employed here. Sir, how can I help you? I am a pharmacist & I will be professional."
The man pondered over this & then said, "Well. OK. Every day, I have an e**... that lasts for 3 hours. I don't take any pills. It's just a natural occurrence. What can you give me for it?"
The pharmacist thought about it for a moment, then said, "Let me call my sister. Wait right here." She came back a few minutes later & said, "Here's what we can offer you: 1/3 ownership of the store, a company truck, a king size waterbed, & $3000/month living expenses."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Permanent e**...
A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She then asked if there was something she could help the gentleman with.
The man said, "This is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent e**... which causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "The best we can do is one third ownership in the store and 3000 Dollars a month in living expenses."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hair Fragrance
Every day at the office, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to file a s**... harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, "So what's s**... threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They say male lions will often turn to cannibalism when they're desperate for food.
They just have to s**... their pride.
So a college teacher is talking to his male students...
"Access to the women's dorms is strictly prohibited. If someone is caught there for the first time, they will suffer a fine of 100 dollars. The second offence will involve a 300 dollar fine. Getting caught there for the third time will cost you a hefty fine of 500 dollars."
Suddenly, a student in the back raises his hand and asks:
"How much for a semester pass?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny and two p**....
Little Johnny went to school and the teacher was teaching human anatomy. She pointed to the private part of a male and asked her class if anyone knew what it was.
Little Johnny raised his hand: "I do, I do! and my daddy has two of them!" Teacher was puzzled.
"My daddy has a small one to pee with and a long one to brush my mom's teeth with!"
My Grandfather's Favorite Joke [word play]
A male prisoner promised a female guard that he would marry her if she helped him escape. This is an example of someone using a proposition to end a sentence with.
A boy asks his father what a female chicken is called.
His dad answers "A hen, son."
"And a male chicken?" asks the boy. "They're called a rooster."
"How about a baby chicken?" to which his dad answers "A chick."
"So dad, what's a chicken?"
The baker at my local donut shop was bragging about how the male enhancement pills he'd started taking actually worked.
And that was fine until I noticed the holes in the donuts were a little larger than usual.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple of whales.
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the same side of the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.The male was enraged that they were going to get away and said to the female, "Lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, the male whale realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him."What's the matter, Darling?"
"Look, Love," she said, "I went along with the b**..., but I absolutely refuse to s**... the s**...".
Al Sharpton goes to Best Buy
Al Sharpton heads into best buy and is browsing the appliance section. He calls over a young white male employee.
Al: Hey young man, I'd like to register a complaint.
Best Buy Guy: What seems to be the issue sir?
Al: Well you see son, all of these washers are white! This is outrageous!
Best Buy Guy: (opens the lid and points inside the machine) Well if you look inside sir, you'll see that all the agitators are black.
How do you tell male flies from female flies?
After dinner a wife comes into the kitchen and sees her husband sitting at the dinner table with a fly swatter and asks what he is doing.
Husband: I'm killing flies. I already got two male flies and three females.
Wife: How do you know whether they are male or female.
Husband: Well, I got two on my beer and three on my wallet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm Friends with a Really Poor Guy
He's been down on his luck lately, so he told me that he had to become a male p**... to make ends meet. One day, he walked up to me and said that he made a really good amount of money the night before.
Me: How much did you make?
Him: I made $250.05.
Me: Who on earth gave you 5 cents?
Him: Everyone.
How do you know tickle me Elmo is male?
Because before he leaves the factory they give him two test tickles.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A zookeeper notices his prize gorilla was getting aggressive..
She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't sleep. And she constantly kept trying to attack the zookeeper. So, he did some research and found out female gorillas can become depressed and aggressive when deprived from s**....
The zookeeper then looked around for another male gorilla for her to engage in i**..., but unfortunately the zoo couldn't afford to import a male gorilla just for her to have s**....
Giving his funding situation, he goes up to the janitor and asks him "Hey, for $500, would you have s**... with this gorilla?"
The janitor thought about it for a minute, and then replied "Sure, on three conditions. First condition, I don't want to kiss her."
"Okay sure! I wouldn't expect you to!"
The janitor then stated "Second condition. I don't want anyone knowing about this ordeal."
"Sure, fine! Not a problem! What's your third condition?"
Janitor said "Give me at least 2 weeks to come up with the $500"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So this doctor walks into a bar and he orders a beer...
**Feminist:** Why isn't the doctor a woman? Does it have to be a man? You know women can be doctors too!
**Me:** Okay, this FEMALE doctor orders a beer-
**Feminist:** Why is she drinking a beer in a bar? She's obviously an intelligent woman for being a doctor, why would she subject herself to such a male environment?
**Me:** Okay, she's not in a bar, she's um, at a… baseball game, and she orders a beer from one of the stands-
**Feminist:** Why would a strong independent intelligent woman doctor be supporting a male dominated sport?!!!!!! That's so oppressive! The men will look at her so demeaningly with no respect for what she has achieved!
**Me:** … Okay fine, I just won't tell the joke then.
**Feminist:** If you seriously can't tell a joke without being sexist then you're not actually funny at all. I bet the original male doctor was White too, you racist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Is Google male or female?
Female, because it knows everything, and secretly tracks your activity.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You always hear about alpha males and beta males, but I'd prefer to be a gamma male
They have a higher rate of p**......
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At university, students had to come up with a sentence in which the words "love" and "s**..." both appeared
A female student's composition:
'When two people deeply and passionately love each other, and both reach a high level of mutual respect, then society morally and spiritually encourages that these two people should unite in the ecstasy of physical s**....'
A male student's composition:
'I love s**....'
What's the difference between a man and an octopus?
Octopus: eight tentacles, each its own neural structure that offloads work from the brain
Human Male: one tentacle which controls brain
Tried to explain my sexuality to my dad..
Me: Okay, so I would identify as bisexual.
Dad: And that means you would have a male partner.
Me: Yep
Dad: or a female partner.
Me: Yep
Dad: And that means you're bi.
Me: Yep
Dad: So that means if you don't find a partner you're on standbi?
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: Did you just...
Finally got funding approved for the gay club I'm opening in Prague.
The Czech's in the Male
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the prolific male deer m**...?
He felt like a million bucks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At an ISIS recruitment centre...
Interviewer: Name?
Recruit: Saaed Bin Hasrat.
Interviewer: s**...?
Recruit: Often twice a day.
Interviewer: No, no. Male or female?
Recruit: Male, female, sometimes camel, mostly sheep.
If I had a dollar for every time someone called me a feminist...
I would have 77 cents
Source: Male
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A girl gets home from school and is greetrd by her mother
Mom: "What'd you do in school today?"
Daughter: "We learned all about the male reproductive organs"
Mom: "Oh, and what else?"
Daughter: "Well then we watched as the police came and took Mr. Brown away"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A reporter goes to the Middle East for an interview.
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "s**...?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, d**..., any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A very common male fantasy, is to have two women at the same time...
one to cook, one to clean
What do you call a male ladybug?
confused.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wife asked me what am I doing
Me: Killing Mosquitos
Wife: How many have you killed?
Me: Total 5. 2 Female and 3 Male
Wife: How did you know their gender?
Me: Three were near my beer bottle and two near my wallet
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you speak english?
- Yes
- Name?
- Abdul bal-Rhasib
- s**...?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no... I mean male or female?
- Yes, male, female, sometimes camel.
- Holy cow!
- Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
- But isn't it hostile?
- Horse style, d**..., any style!
- Oh dear!
- No, no! Deer runs too fast.
What do you call a male cow that keeps falling asleep?
A bulldozer.
I just made this up. I apologize for my self and my entire ancestory that led to this.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Male s**... Drive Through The Ages
Between 16 and 32: Tri-weekly
Between 33 and 52: Try weekly
52 and up: Try weakly
City officials required all their male employees to socialize with male coworkers after work once a week.
They issued a government mandate.
I feel bad for my mail man and hope he finds a boyfriend soon
He doesn't seem too picky or anything, he's just looking for any outgoing male.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... life cycle of a human male
tri-weekly
try weekly
try weakly
Son: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Me: I don't know; how many?
Son: Ten tickles.
Me: Yeah, but only the male octopus is ticklish.
Son: Huh?
Me: Yeah, the females are not ticklish at all; just the males. You know how you can tell if an octopus is a male octopus?
Son: No; how?
Me: Test tickles.
Son: ...
Son: ...that's inappropriate.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My daughter asked me today:"Dad, What is s**...?"
I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared.
So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different s**... orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe s**....
When I finished she looked at me shocked and confused:
"So... which box should I check on this form? Male or Female?"
Hear about the male fly who dressed up in a white tux?
He was pretty white for a fly guy.
My friend is a male stripper. He hates his job and wants to quit, but the pay is too good.
So he decided to stick it out for a little longer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was on a safari in Africa when I saw two male lions having s**... with each other in the open.
I thought to myself, Have they got no pride?
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I now understand the 52 genders
Male, female, and 50 shades of gay
Male or Female Shipping
So I was purchasing something online and I asked the wife if we should get Male or Female Shipping.
She was like what does that mean?
I said, do you want it to come quick or slow and maybe not at all.
I think I just made this up.
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What's the male version of a Karen called?
I don't know but a group of them is called a Senate.
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Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a s**... harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?
The woman replies: It's Frank, the midget.
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students...
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing
out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and
the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking
this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this
rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will
cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
How much for a season pass?
ME: I trained this chicken to talk.
HER: Let's hear then.
ME: What's a male deer called?
CHICKEN: Buck
ME: How much is 200 pennies worth?
CHICKEN: Buck Buck
HER: This is dumb.
CHICKEN: It gets way better, Susan.
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Why do guys go to bars to meet women?
Go to target instead. The female to male ratio is 10-1 and they're already looking for things they don't need.
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What did the male magnet say to the female magnet?
Seeing you from the back, I thought you were repulsive. But seeing you from the front, I find you rather attractive.
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A woman placed an ad in a news paper. 'I am looking for a male partner who needs to meet these three requirements.
1. He shouldn't beat me.
2. He shouldn't leave me.
Third and most important.
3. He should be great in bed.
One week later, her door bell rang, and she opened the door to find a man.
The man said, "Hi, I'm Peter. I don't have hands, so I can't beat you. I don't have legs so I can't leave you. I think I'm the guy."
The lady in an angry voice asked him back, "How the h**... are you supposed to be great in bed then? Didn't you read the third requirement?"
I think You're mistaken my lady.
Peter replied, "I rang the doorbell. Didn't I?"
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How do you know if a dog is male or female?
s**... its head.
If he wags his tail, it's male.
If she wags her tail, it's female.
