Male Jokes

This article explores the different kinds of male jokes and why they are important. It examines the topics of alpha male, beta male, sigma male, wow human male, happy birthday male, 40th birthday male, blonde male, female and companionship. Additionally, it looks at ways that male jokes can provide laughter, as well as a deeper understanding of prostidude. Learn why male jokes are essential for healthy social dynamics.

Hilarious Male Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends

A man goes to his male doctor after several tests and tells him, "Give it to me straight doc!"

The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male." They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS"

When I was young, I always felt like a male trapped in a females body

Then I was born

Iron Man is a very confusing character.

I know he's a guy but he could've been Fe Male.

Today in sex ed our teacher asked what's the difference between a male reproductive system and the female reproductive system.

Apparently there's a vas deferens

jokes about male

A whale tale

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."

A guy goes in an Adult Store in Western Sydney and asks for an inflatable doll.

A guy goes in an Adult Store in Western Sydney and asks for an inflatable doll.

The guy behind the counter says, Male or female ?

The customer says, Female.

The counter guy asks, Black or white?

The customer says, White.

The counter guy asks, Christian or Muslim?

The customer says, What does religion have to do with it?

The counter guy says, The Muslim one blows itself up.

The morticians wife.

The mortician gets a call to come pick up Schultz, who dies unexpectedly. While getting him ready for the funeral, he can't help but notice Schultz has a freakishly huge male member. So he cuts it off, puts it in a bag, and brings it home to show his wife this amazing specimen.

He gets home and says, " Honey come look at the amazing thing I found at work today!" She comes over, takes a look in the bag and shrieks loudly, "Oh my God! Schultz is dead!"

Male joke, The morticians wife.

2 parrots

A woman tells her priest, Father, I have a problem. My two female parrots only say, 'Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?'
Don't worry, says the priest. I have two male parrots who only pray and read the Bible. We'll put them in the same cageβ€”your parrots are sure to stop saying that horrid phrase.
The next day, the woman takes her parrots to the priest's home. The male parrots are inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. When the woman places the female parrots in the cage, they cry out, Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?
One male says to the other, Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!

What's the technical term for a female to male sex change?

A strapadictome

A man walks into a pharmacy

A man walks in to a pharmacy &, after several minutes, walks up to the woman behind the counter.
She asked, "How can I help you?"
The man replied, "I need to speak to a male pharmacist."
The woman responded with, "I'm sorry. My sister & I run this pharmacy. There are no males employed here. Sir, how can I help you? I am a pharmacist & I will be professional."
The man pondered over this & then said, "Well. OK. Every day, I have an erection that lasts for 3 hours. I don't take any pills. It's just a natural occurrence. What can you give me for it?"
The pharmacist thought about it for a moment, then said, "Let me call my sister. Wait right here." She came back a few minutes later & said, "Here's what we can offer you: 1/3 ownership of the store, a company truck, a king size waterbed, & $3000/month living expenses."

They say male lions will often turn to cannibalism when they're desperate for food.

They just have to swallow their pride.

You can explore male prostidude reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean male handlers dad jokes. There are also male puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

So a college teacher is talking to his male students...

"Access to the women's dorms is strictly prohibited. If someone is caught there for the first time, they will suffer a fine of 100 dollars. The second offence will involve a 300 dollar fine. Getting caught there for the third time will cost you a hefty fine of 500 dollars."

Suddenly, a student in the back raises his hand and asks:

"How much for a semester pass?"

A man feels sick, so he goes to his doctor...

...and has some tests run. He is told to come back a few days later. A few days pass and he returns. When the male doctor invites him into the back room, the man says, "Give it to me straight, doctor." The doctor replies, "Why, that would be impossible, we're both men!" The man cracks a smile. The doctor then states, "Besides, I don't want to catch HIV."

My Grandfather's Favorite Joke [word play]

A male prisoner promised a female guard that he would marry her if she helped him escape. This is an example of someone using a proposition to end a sentence with.

On average, a single male has sex 89 times a year.

Tomorrow is going to be really awesome for me!

Al Sharpton goes to Best Buy

Al Sharpton heads into best buy and is browsing the appliance section. He calls over a young white male employee.

Al: Hey young man, I'd like to register a complaint.
Best Buy Guy: What seems to be the issue sir?
Al: Well you see son, all of these washers are white! This is outrageous!
Best Buy Guy: (opens the lid and points inside the machine) Well if you look inside sir, you'll see that all the agitators are black.

Male joke, Al Sharpton goes to Best Buy

How do you tell male flies from female flies?

After dinner a wife comes into the kitchen and sees her husband sitting at the dinner table with a fly swatter and asks what he is doing.

Husband: I'm killing flies. I already got two male flies and three females.

Wife: How do you know whether they are male or female.

Husband: Well, I got two on my beer and three on my wallet.

Blow-up dolls

I went to my local sex shop last night to get a new blow-up doll. As I was looking at them the clerk came up to me and asked if I needed help?Β 

I said yes and he asked if I wanted a male or female?Β 

I said a female and he asked blonde or brunette?Β 

I said blonde. Then he asked Muslim or Christian?

I asked what's the difference?Β 

He said the Muslim blows itself up.

I'm Friends with a Really Poor Guy

He's been down on his luck lately, so he told me that he had to become a male prostitute to make ends meet. One day, he walked up to me and said that he made a really good amount of money the night before.

Me: How much did you make?

Him: I made $250.05.

Me: Who on earth gave you 5 cents?

Him: Everyone.

A male prison guard asks a woman on death row what she would like for her last meal.

She replies, "I don't know, what do you want to eat?"

A woman is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The male cashier says: "You must be single."

He got fired.

What is the gender of Iron Man?

Fe Male

You always hear about alpha males and beta males, but I'd prefer to be a gamma male

They have a higher rate of penetration...

At university, students had to come up with a sentence in which the words "love" and "sex" both appeared

A female student's composition:

'When two people deeply and passionately love each other, and both reach a high level of mutual respect, then society morally and spiritually encourages that these two people should unite in the ecstasy of physical sex.'

A male student's composition:

'I love sex.'

How do you tell the difference between Male and Female ghosts?

One has boooooobs.
The other gets full pay at their jobs.

Which Marvel superhero is transgender?

Ironman, he's a Fe male.

Male joke, Which Marvel superhero is transgender?

Newton's third law of Emotion.

For every male action, there is a female overreaction.

A Guy Walks Into A Sex Shop....

He asks for a blow up doll.

And the owner asks male or female?

He says male please.

The owner then asks white or black?

He says white please.

The owner finally asks American or Muslim?

The guy asks what's the difference??

The owner replies, the Muslim blows itself up.

Tried to explain my sexuality to my dad..

Me: Okay, so I would identify as bisexual.

Dad: And that means you would have a male partner.

Me: Yep

Dad: or a female partner.

Me: Yep

Dad: And that means you're bi.

Me: Yep

Dad: So that means if you don't find a partner you're on standbi?

Me:

Me:

Me:

Me: Did you just...

What do you call 50 female pigs and 50 male deer?

A hundred sows and bucks.

What's the difference between 9gag and a Russian sauna?

One is full of male steam, the other is full of stale memes.

There's a way of telling if an orange is male or female…

If it squirts you in your eye without warning, it's a male.

If it's bitter for no apparent reason, it's a female.

I don't know why men go to bars to meet women...

They should be going to Target. The female to male ratio is 10 to 1 and they're already looking for things they don't need.

What's the difference between Swiss cheese and a black male?

Swiss cheese matures before being filled with holes

What's the worlds manliest job?

A male man

is google male or female?

female: because it refuses to let me finish a sentence before making suggestions

Male Sex Drive Through The Ages

Between 16 and 32: Tri-weekly

Between 33 and 52: Try weekly

52 and up: Try weakly

I'm going to make an all male massage parlor.

I'll call it The Massagynist

Son: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?



Me: I don't know; how many?

Son: Ten tickles.

Me: Yeah, but only the male octopus is ticklish.

Son: Huh?

Me: Yeah, the females are not ticklish at all; just the males. You know how you can tell if an octopus is a male octopus?

Son: No; how?

Me: Test tickles.

Son: ...

Son: ...that's inappropriate.

My daughter asked me today:"Dad, What is sex?"

I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared.
So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different sexual orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe sex.
When I finished she looked at me shocked and confused:
"So... which box should I check on this form? Male or Female?"

My friend is a male stripper. He hates his job and wants to quit, but the pay is too good.

So he decided to stick it out for a little longer.

I was on a safari in Africa when I saw two male lions having sex with each other in the open.

I thought to myself, Have they got no pride?

A woman comes home late in the night and goes quietly in the bedroom.

To her surprise, she sees male and female feet peeking out from under the blanket. Shocked and raging, she gets her baseball bat and beats and beats until all movement stops. After that she goes into the living room and sees her husband laying on the sofa. He turns to her half asleep: "Oh, you're home, darling. I'm afraid we have to sleep here tonight, My parents came for a surprise visit."

I now understand the 52 genders

Male, female, and 50 shades of gay

What's the male version of a Karen called?

I don't know but a group of them is called a Senate.

Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.

The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?

The woman replies: It's Frank, the midget.

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students...

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing

out some of the rules:

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and

the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking

this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this

rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will

cost you $180. Are there any questions?"

How much for a season pass?

How does a male farmer win the heart of a female farmer?

Attract her.

ME: I trained this chicken to talk.

HER: Let's hear then.

ME: What's a male deer called?

CHICKEN: Buck

ME: How much is 200 pennies worth?

CHICKEN: Buck Buck

HER: This is dumb.

CHICKEN: It gets way better, Susan.

I started a new gay club called "The Post Office"

You can get your male there.

Why do guys go to bars to meet women?

Go to target instead. The female to male ratio is 10-1 and they're already looking for things they don't need.

A woman placed an ad in a news paper. 'I am looking for a male partner who needs to meet these three requirements.

1. He shouldn't beat me.
2. He shouldn't leave me.

Third and most important.

3. He should be great in bed.

One week later, her door bell rang, and she opened the door to find a man.

The man said, "Hi, I'm Peter. I don't have hands, so I can't beat you. I don't have legs so I can't leave you. I think I'm the guy."

The lady in an angry voice asked him back, "How the hell are you supposed to be great in bed then? Didn't you read the third requirement?"

I think You're mistaken my lady.

Peter replied, "I rang the doorbell. Didn't I?"

A male snake charmer married a female undertaker..

Their bath towels read "Hiss" and "Hearse"

So, I trained a chicken to talk

WIFE: Well, let's see

ME: What's a male deer?

CHICKEN: Buck

ME: How much is 200 pennies?

CHICKEN: Buck Buck

WIFE: This is stupid. Chickens just make that sound

ME: Oh believe me it gets better

CHICKEN: Yeah, just be patient Susan

This hideous woman came stumbling up to me in a club with whiskey breath. She leaned into my ear.

"Sex?" she asked.

"Male," I replied.

A man is home and sees a gorilla hanging on his backyard tree.

So he naturally picks up the yellow pages and calls the Gorilla Removal services. The professional arrives in less than ten minutes, and gets off his van with a pole, a ladder, a dog, a shotgun and handcuffs. He says "I see it's a male gorilla, so I'm taking the ladder up the tree and poke him with this pole. He's gonna fall, and my dog is trained to bite the crouch, so when the gorilla protects his groins, I handcuff him and bring him back to the wild. Hold this gun, please". The man asks "what do I do with it?", and the guy "If I fall from the tree, shoot the dog".

Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine

He inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.

The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?

The woman replies: It's Frank, the midget.

A male bee dies after sex

I guess you could call that a honey nut cheerio

Male bees die after mating.

-And that's why they call it a honey nut cheerio

What are a male donkey's pronouns?

He / haw

The police were called to a female gym...

The female manager ran out to greet the two male officers as they exited their vehicle.

Please, come quickly. She said in horror, We've found a peep hole drilled into the changing room. Some pervert has been watching us!

Don't worry, the policeman said reassuringly, We'll track down the suspect right away. Please tell all the ladies to go back to their exercising. There's nothing to worry about anymore.

The gym manager nodded, relieved, And what about the hole in the wall?

Rest assured The other police officer said, We'll be looking into it

How can you tell the difference between a male door and a female door?

One has a ding-dong and the other has knockers.

I was born male and I identify as male, yet...

... according to Tesco's Finest Sticky Toffee Pudding, I'm a family of four!

Why are Male Prostitutes' more expensive than Female Prostitutes'?

The Price of wood is so damn high.....

very old jokes, but I haven't seen them here before

A male bovine has unfortunately just swallowed a ticking time bomb. How would you describe this situation in one word?

Abominable.

Five minutes later the bomb has detonated leaving little beyond a small hole in the ground. What one word describes the new situation?

Noble.

Anybody caught breaking rule will be fined....

The first day of university and Dean addressing the students, pointing out some of the rules: The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.

He continued, Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: How much for a season ticket?

Male bees die after mating. That's basically their entire lives.

Honey. Nut. Cheerio.

The male bees were unhappy with their lot ...

So they decided to stop fertilizing the Queen. They had the usual demands: larger honey rations, shorter hours, etc. The worker bees tried to negotiate, but it was too late, and the hive never recovered. Thus it became the first beehive destroyed in a drone strike.

A new law

Two guys walk into a bar and order lunch. "What brings you guys in today?" the bartender asks. "I guess you haven't heard yet. The mayor passed a law yesterday to try to help out local restaurants during Covid-19. All adult males are required to go and eat lunch out with their best male friends at least once a week," one of the guys answers the bartender. "Well it's not a law really," the other guy corrects him. "It's more of a mandate."

How to determine the gender of your cat ?

pour some milk in a bowl and place it next to the cat, if she drinks it, your cat is a female, but if he drinks it, the cat is a male

What do you call someone who only hires male masseurs?

A massage-onist.


(OC)

I have a male to female trans friend who just finished her gender reassignment surgery.

I asked how she felt afterwards and she said...

"I feel hole inside!"

(This joke is not meant to be transphobic, it exists purely for the pun. Trans rights!)

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.

He says, "The female dormitory would be prohibited for all male students, and the male dormitory would be prohibited for the female students."

Continuing further, he says, "Anyone caught breaking this rule would be fined $50 the first time."
"Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time would be fined $100."
"Being caught the third time, would incur a hefty fine of $200."
"Are there any questions?"

At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"

My favorite burn I've gotten for being trans

I was born female and transitioned to male. Early on in my transition, my gf and I were playing a video game, and I called her a noob when she died.

Her: Yeah okay Pinocchio.

Me: Pinocchio?

Her: You know... "I want to be a real boy!"

Why are genies always male?

Well, there are female genies, but the men who find their lamps never know how to rub it just right.

I too was a male trapped in a female's body

until the doctors pulled me out of the womb.

I'm no longer a 27 year old male virgin!

I'm 28 today!

What is the only male specific job title that is welcome on feminist subreddits?

Garbage Man.

How to determine sex of aquarium fish?

Easy. Give it some food. If he eats it, then it's a male, if she eats it, then it's a female.

i was in Jerusalem for a holiday

Needing my cuppa of java i wandered into a cafe and was served by a male barista. I found it odd that there were no female Baristas so i made it a point to keep a lookout for them across the holy land.

From Starbucks to coffee club, from hipster cafes to neighborhood coffeehouses, not a female barista could be found.

Perplexed by this, i finally asked the Jewish barista at the starbucks at the airport when i was about to leave. He thought about it for a moment, shrugged his shoulders and said simply:

Hebrews.

I was born male, I identify as male, but according to Sainsbury's Deluxe Sticky Toffee Pudding....

I'm a family of four.

Two frogs are about to have sex ...

The female frog says "I think we should use a condom." The male frog replies "No problem, there is a convenience store a couple of houses down the road. I'll go buy some. Any preferences?" She replies "Ribb it"!

What was Iron Man's rejected hero name?

Fe Male

Grindr

I was riding in an Uber with a gay male friend when his Grindr tone went off and our female driver said, hey, I know that game tone…my husband plays it all the time.

My friend claims there's no word for excrement produced by male cattle.

I think that's bullshit.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the male blonde male puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working male beta male piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes