Making Tea Jokes

104 making tea jokes and hilarious making tea puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about making tea that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Making Tea Short Jokes

Short making tea jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The making tea humour may include short brew tea jokes also.

  1. My wife left me because I'm too insecure. No wait, she's back.
    She just went to make a cup of tea.
  2. Magician: I can make anything disappear! Tom: (holding up a cup) Really? Make my tea disappear.
    Magician: (waves hand) Done!

    om: (looks in cup) It didn't work.
  3. What kind of tea is easiest to make? A simplici-tea.
    What kind of tea is most calming?
    A sereni-tea.
    And what kind od tea is most bitter?
    A reali-tea.
  4. I was out having tea with my mother and I told her I wanted to make a car out of spaghetti; she laughed at my idea!! You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
  5. My wife left me because I was too paranoid Never mind, she's back. She just went to make a cup of tea.
  6. What kind of tea does water make? Humiditea.
  7. As an Aussie; 10am is when I make a cuppa Twinings English Breakfast for the local marsupials it's a really koala tea time
  8. How does the rabbi make his tea? He-brews it
  9. A very British joke: I went to a class to learn how to make the perfect cup of tea
    It was a steep learning curve
  10. Why wouldn't the Marxist ever make a decent cup of tea? Because he'd read that all proper tea is theft.

Share These Making Tea Jokes With Friends

Making Tea One Liners

Which making tea one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with making tea? I can suggest the ones about tea leaves and kitchen tea.

  1. How does moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
    I'm serious! That Israeli how he does it!
  2. Last night I paused the film to make a cup of tea. I've now lost my job at the cinema.
  3. Why do tampons have strings? So vampires don't burn their fingers while making tea.
  4. How does Moses make tea? Hewbrews it.
  5. How does Jesus make his tea? Hebrews it
  6. It's actually quite hard to learn how to make tea... There's a *steep* learning curve.
  7. What tea makes you live forever? Immortali-tea.
  8. [Nerd Joke Warning] What Tea makes you original? Novel-tea
  9. How does Moses make his tea? He brews it.
  10. How do Americans make tea? By throwing it in the harbour.
  11. What kind of tea do cops make? Police brew tali tea.
  12. How does a Rabbi make tea? Hebrews it.
  13. How do you describe a Jew making Tea? He-brew
  14. How does Moses make tea? He brews
  15. How does a Jewish man make tea? Hebrews it

Making Tea Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about making tea you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cup of tea jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make making tea pranks.

A Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on my door yesterday, so I answered it and asked if he wanted to come in he said, "Yeah, okay."
I said I'm just making a cup of tea do you want one? He said, "Yeah, sure."
I said I've just made some toast do you want a slice? He said, "Yeah, why not."
I then he sat down and I asked him, "So what now?" He said, "I don't know I've never got this far before!"

One night, there was a knock on my door...
i open it and no one was there every night I would get the same knock and still no one was there...
Untill the morning I was just making myself some tea as a person knocks on my door it was a black man he walk in and stole my tea ....
i said to myself did he just mug me ....
I still didn't know who was knocking on the doors at night
Untill one night I opened my door and there was a floating mug I was still confused.

Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever's bugging you.

Doctor's advice

A man has been ill for some time, has had tests and is now at the doctor's for the results.
"I'm afraid I have some very bad news for you. You only have a few months to live"
"Doctor, isn't there anything I can do?"
"You can avoid all fatty and spicy food. Don't touch alcohol. Give up tea and coffee and drink only water. Avoid chocolate and anything with sugar in. Go to bed at 10.00 each night and don't do anything that gets you in the least bit excited."
"Will that make me live longer?"
"No, but it will seem longer"

Three vampires walk into a bar...

The bartender asks the first vampire what he wants to drink. He replies, through a thick Transylvanian accent, "Warm blood." The bartender pulls a live rat out from under the bar, cleaves its head off, and drains the blood into a glass.
He asks the second vampire what he wants to drink, and he replies "Cold blood." The bartender pulls out another rat, chops off its head, and throws several ice cubes into the glass with the blood.
The bartender asks the third vampire what he wants to drink, and the vampire says "Water." The bartender is puzzled. "Don't you want blood?" he asks. The vampire says, "Oh, no, I'm making tea," and pulled a used t**... out of his jacket.

Three vampires walk into a vampiric bar...

... they all sit down at the bar and the first vampire says, " I'll take a shot of O-", the bartender gives him his shot
"I'll take a cup of AB+ please" says the second vampire, the bartender gives him his blood and turns to the third vampire
"what do ya want?" asks the bartender
"can I get a cup of hot water?" says the third vampire. The bartender gives him a confused look but gets him his hot water and sets it infront of him
"what are ya gonna do with the water" asks the bartender.
The third vampire pulls out a used t**... and says, "I'm making tea"

A Vampire walks into a bar....

And orders a cup of hot water from the bartender. Upon hearing this request the bartender asks "Why just water?" To which the Vampire, pulls out a used t**... and replies "I'm making tea."

An Elderly Couple

An elderly couple visit the doctors one day complaining that they are both forgetting things. The doctor advises them to write down the things they need to remember.
Several days after the doctors appointment, the elderly couple are sat down watching television when the man asks, 'Margaret, would you mind making me a cup of tea?'
'Of course not', she replies.
'Don't forget to write it down, Margaret' the old man says 'You wouldn't want to forget it!'
'Don't be ridiculous! I won't forget a simple cup of tea!' she mutters, hobbling into the kitchen.
25 minutes later the elderly woman emerges from the kitchen carrying a full English breakfast.
'Here you go, Dear' the woman says, putting the meal on the mans lap.
'I knew you should have written it down!' the man chuckled 'You forgot the beans!'

Three vampires walk into a bar...

...and sit down.
The bartender comes over and ask them what they want to drink.
1st vampire: "Give me a shot of blood."
2nd vampire: "I want a double shot."
3rd vampire: "All I want is a cup of hot water."
The bartender goes and gets the drinks and comes back. He hands them the drinks, but looks kind of confused. The bartender asked the 3rd vampire, "Why didn't you order any blood?"
The vampire pulls out a t**... and replies "I'm making tea."

Giving up golf

Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf everyday since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it," he tells his wife, "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn't see where it went." His wife sympathises with him and makes a cup of tea.
As they sit down, she says, "Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try?"
"That's no good," sighs Arthur, "your brother is 103, he can't help."
"He may be 103, but his eyesight is perfect." says the wife.
So the next day Arthur heads of to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway.
He turns to the brother-in-law and says, "Did you see the ball?"
"Of course I did, " replied the brother-in-law, "I have perfect eyesight."
"Where did it go?" asked Arthur.
His brother-in-law looks at him for a full minute and says, "I can't remember!"

Vampires love tea...

A vampire goes into a pub and asks for boiling water. The barman says "I thought you only drink blood?"
The vampire pulls out a used t**... and says, "I'm making tea"!

A vampire walks into a bar

This vampire walks into a bar. Says ooOOOooOOOooo boogity boogity. Bar tender says "Alright, well what'll you have?" Vampire sits down and says can I get a big glass of hot water?" Bartender goes, gets a giant cup of boiling water and says "Here. I thought you guys needed blood or something like that though, why hot water?" Vampire reaches into his coat pocket, pulls out this giant t**... and says "I'm making tea."

Another vampire joke.

3 vampires walk into a blood bar.
The 1st vampire looks at the bartender and says "I'll have your finest cup of blood, type O negative please." The bartender happily obliges.
The 2nd vampire then places his order. "One mug of AB positive, with extra plasma please!" The bartender once again happily obliges.
The 3rd vampire asks for a cup of boiling water. The bartender, perplexed, asks what he'll be needing a cup of hot water for. The 3rd vampire then pulls out a used t**... and says "I'm making tea."

I enjoyed your vampire joke and remembered this one, check it out.

There was this bar for vampires only. It was crowded with famous and rich vampires like Dracula, Nosferatu, Edward, Selene, Victor...
Dracula himself was enjoying a cup of 18 y/o O negative, delicious.
And this skinny looking vampire enters the bar and asks for a cup of hot water. No blood. The bartender is a bit skeptical - "what are you doing with a cup of hot water?!"
"just found a used t**..., gonna make myself some tea"

I overcooked some pasta earlier - it got all soggy and mushy. Making the best of a bad situation, I put it in a mug and tried to down it.

I soon gave up though - it was an act of *Fusilli Tea*.

What do you call it when someone makes a beverage by pouring water on dried herbs while n**...?


Three vampires walk into a bar...

The first vampire walks up to the bar and the bar man asks what he can get him.
Vampire 1 responds "A nice warm cup of blood"
Bartender says "coming right up"
Vampire 2 pipes up and says "make mine cold!"
After the bartender hands the second vampire his drink he turns to the third vampire.
The bartender asks " let me guess, you want a cup of blood as well?"
Vampire 3 sits down and says "actually may I get a glass of hot water?"
Bartender is in shock and asks "hot water? But why?"
Vampire 3 takes a used t**... out of his coat pocket and responds
"I'm having tea"

Would burning tea release the smell into the air?

That would make scents.

How did Moses make his tea?

Count Dracula walks into a bar...

and asks the bar man for a cup of boiling water. The bar man quickly returns with the water as requested, and puts it on the bar in front of Dracula. Curious, the bar man says to Dracula "Forgive me, but I thought you vampires only drank blood, what do you want the hot water for?" Dracula takes a used t**... from his cloak pocket. "For making tea, of course" replies Dracula.

How does h**... make his tea?

Hebrews it.

Three vampires walk into a bar...

The first two order a pint of blood each, the third asks for a jug of boiling water, confused the barman asks "why?". The vampire pulls out a used t**... and says "I'm making tea"

What does a pirate do when he has a cold?

Arrr make tea

A guy interviews an elderly couple

During the interview, the old man asks his wife "Sweetheart, could you make me some tea?" The old woman promptly gets up and walks to the kitchen.
The interviewer asks "Wow, after 40 years you still call her sweetheart, that's amazing"
The old man then said "Yea well, don't tell my wife I forgot her name"

A British vampire walks inside a bar...

The bartender offers him a glass of fresh blood but he refused. Instead, the vampire just asked for a cup of warm water. The bartender asked him why to which the vampire replied, "Well, I found some used tampons earlier. I'm just going to make some tea."

A vampire walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a mug of hot water.

The bartender looks confused and asks 'Don't you drink blood?'
The vampire holds up a used t**... and says. 'I'm making tea.'

You make tea of every spices..

Here is some salttea.

Tea makes everything great,even m**....

Cos without T,m**... is just meh.

3 vampires walk into a bar...

A vampire walks into a bar and orders a shot of hot blood.
15 minutes later, a second vampire walks in and does the same.
Not soon after, a third vampire walks in and orders a hot cup of water.
"Why the cup of water?" the other two asked.
He then pulled out a used t**... and said, "I'm making tea."

Why is iced tea selling lemonade good at golf?

It makes him Arnold Palmer.

How do Americans make their tea?

They throw 'em into the harbor

Vampires at the bar

Rich Vampire: I want a fresh blood from a healthy human!
Ordinary Vampire: Ordinary blood please!
Poor Vampire: Excuse me! Can you give me a hot water? I'll make tea instead. (pulls out t**...)

How does a vampire make his tea ? {n**...}

With hot water and a freshly removed used t**....

There's a steep learning curve

To learning how to make a good cup of tea

A vampire walks into a bar and asks for for a cup of boiling water

The bartender says to the vampire dont vampiers drink blood? the vampire pulls out a used t**... and say yes im making tea!

A vampire walks into a bar..

He approaches the barman. The barman asks, "what will it be?" The vampire asks for a mug of hot water. The barman confused asks "don't you folk drink blood?" The vampire pulls out a used t**... and says "I'm making tea"

You shouldn't make your tea angry...

It would be upset-tea-ng.

A genie offered a man 1 wish. All the genie asked in return was for the man to boil some water and make him a tea. But the man refused.

The man decided the price was to steep.

How does Moses make his tea?

By adding hot water into his cup with tea leaves.
Yup, that's it.

A worried blond woman asks her mum a question

A worried blond woman asks her mum a question:
> Mum, I know you went to France. Didn't you?
Yes, dear. How did you find out?
> And dad? Did he go to France?
No dear. You know you're dad as a proud Englishman hates France. You can be sure he never went to France.
Still I want to know how you found out that I went to France.

> Mum, I know you cheated on dead!
Holy burning tea! DEAR, I never would cheat on your dad! What in the world makes you come to that conclusion?

With tears in her eyes the blond replies:
> Mum. If dad never went to France, how come that on my brand new UK passport it's written in white on blue that I was Made in France

THREE vampires walk into a restaurant one casual night.

The host welcomed them in and showed them their seats.
While they were seated, a waiter comes by to ask for their orders:
Vampire 1: "I'm hungry and have saved a lot of money for such an occasion. I'll have a glass of your finest human blood"
Vampire 2: "I'm kinda saving up for stuff, so I'll just have a cup of raw pig blood."
Vampire 3: "I don't have a lot of money with me today, so I'll just have a cup of hot water."
The two vampires and the waiter look at him with contempt
Vampire 3: "What're you looking at me for? I picked this pantyliner from the street so I'm just gonna make tea."

A marsupial fixed me an aromatic beverage, by pouring hot water over cured leaves and it was absolutely delightful! I asked how it was possible to make something so awesome at this level and he responded...

"It's koala tea."

How did Mosses make his tea?

Hebrews it.

I went to make a cup of tea and I realised there was no milk.

Worst 9/11 ever!

A kindly old man is walking by the seaside when he sees three lovely young ladies crying their eyes out.

So he says, "Dear me, you poor things, so miserable on such a lovely day as this! Come and have a cup of tea and let's see if we can't make you feel better."
Won over by his twinkly-eyed charm, the three young ladies manage to dry their eyes and they follow him to a chintzy little seaside cafe where he orders a slice of Victoria sponge cake all round and a p**... of tea for four.
When the tea and cake arrives, he smiles sweetly and says, "Now, who's going to be mother?"
And all three young ladies burst into tears again.

What's the difference between offering someone s**... and offering someone a cup of tea?

It would be completely insane and make no sense to try and force someone to drink a cup of tea

Mixing lemon tea with black tea makes an ideal 'tea shandy' for tea totallers.

How does Jesus make tea?

He brews it.

What do vampires use to make tea?

Used tampons

Oh no my wife left me because I'm too insecure! How can I go on without her!

No wait, she's back. She just went to make a cup of tea.
(I know its an oldie but its a goodie.)

I was making tea...

...and after pouring in some milk my friend asked if I wanted tea with my milk, I said nah, I'm having a lattea.

Muslim, Jewish and Christian man

A Christian, a Muslim and a jew are sitting in an apartment chatting. They then decide they want to make tea. The Christian and The Muslim are arguing over who should make it. After a while of going back and forth they look over to the Jew and say:
'Hey, why doesn't he brew'

Magician: I can make anything disappear!

Tomi: (holding up a cup) Really? Make my tea disappear.
Magician: (waves hand) Done!
Omi: (looks in cup) It didn't work. Hey why am I Indian??

A vampire walks into a pub...

... and asks the barman for a cup of boiling water.
"I thought you lot only drank blood" says the barman.
The vampire reaches into his pocket and pulls out a used t**...;
"I'm making a cup of tea."

This is an old joke but my husband told me to never tell it again!

3 vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a b**... Mary. The second orders a b**... Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks a b**... Mary?
The vampire shakes his head. Hot water for me
Hot water?
I found a t**... out back and want to make tea

Three generations were having brunch together

The grandson looks over at his newlywed wife and asks her, "Will you pass the honey, honey?" She giggles and passes the honey.
The father, not to be outdone, looks over to his wife and asks, "Will you pass the sugar, sugar?" She laughs, "You old charmer," and passes the sugar.
The Grandfather looks up, makes eye contact with his wife of 55 years and asks, "Will you pass the tea... bag?"

A French and British vampire walk into a bar

The French orders for a glass of champagne then mixes blood into it.
The British orders a cup of hot water, which makes the French surprised:
\- No tea?
\- Quite the contrary, my friend - The British replies - then pulls out a used t**... from his jacket

Three vampires walk into a bar

They all take a seat and the bartender comes up to serve them.
'I'll have a glass of blood', the first vampire says. The bartender hands it to him and looks over to the next vampire.
'I'll have a glass of blood too', the second vampire says. The bartender does the same before walking up to the third.
'I'll have a cup of boiling water please', the third vampire requests. The bartender looks at him, puzzled.
'Not having a glass of blood like your friends?', the bartender asks.
'Not today.' the final vampire said, taking out a used t**... from his pocket. 'I'm making tea.'

Real happiness

A Russian, a Frenchman and an Englishman were discussing the meaning of real happiness
The English said "real happiness is reading a good book on a rainy night with a hot cup of tea by your side"
The Frenchman said : "non mon ami, real happiness is to meet a beautiful girl make love to her, then you go your separate ways never meeting again"
The Russian : "no you are both wrong, real happiness is when secret police come to your house in middle of night and tell you: Ivan Ivanovich you arrested for conspiracing against the state and you tell them : sorry Ivan Ivanovich lives next door."